Summary: Set in an alternate Angel S5, wherein Andrew tells Buffy that Spike's alive after Damage and she does something about it, upsetting the power structure while she's at it.
Author's Notes: This story takes place after Bring Out Your Dead, and may make a little more sense if you read that one first. The thing to notice is that Lindsey does not enter into this story. I didn't want to deal with the boy since I'm mostly ignoring canon. Just so you aren't terribly surprised.
Rating: PG-13
Chapter 7: Hunger
"...You're the hunger/on my bones/all the nights/I sleep alone/Sweet intoxication/when your words/wash over me./Whether or not/your lips move/you speak to me./Like an ocean/ without waves/you're the movement/that I crave./And in that motion/I long to drown/and be lost not to be found./You're my water/you're my wine/you're my whiskey/from time to time." ~Over the Rhine, "Drunkard's Prayer"
Wesley couldn't contain his delight when he saw Cordelia standing by the window of her hospital room. The bed that had held her for so many months was empty, and she was fully clothed.
Angel had met Wesley outside the room, informing him that Cordelia didn't want to stay inside Wolfram and Hart for one more moment, and that she had asked for him. Then, with a disgruntled look Wesley didn't quite understand, given that one of his best friends had miraculously recovered from a mystical coma, the vampire swept off down the hall.
Well, Wesley was beginning to see where Spike got his drama-prince tendencies. It seemed as though it ran in the family.
Fred had retreated diplomatically, claiming that she needed some files from the lab, leaving Wesley to meet Cordelia on his own. Fred remembered how close Wesley and Cordelia had been, and she sensed that the shortness of Angel's phone call did not bode well.
"Cordelia?"
She turned, and her face lit up. "Wes!"
Wesley was a little surprised when she flung her arms around him, but he didn't mind all that much. They had been close before—
The memory once again slipped away, but the ex-Watcher was too caught up in the moment to notice. "You're looking wonderful," he commented.
"So are you," she replied, stepping back to admire him. Wesley looked better than he had in months, she thought. With all memories of his betrayal wiped from his mind, the shadow in his eyes wasn't quite so deep.
It was, however, still there, which told Cordelia that it wasn't just the debacle with Connor and Holtz that had marked him. She wondered what had happened while she'd been gone to make him both more and less like the Wesley she'd known.
Wesley, for his part, searched her face, looking for the girl he'd once fancied and for the woman whom he'd loved. He smiled as he realized that this was the real Cordy. "Angel said you wanted to get out of here."
"I really do," Cordelia replied. She hesitated, knowing that Angel would be furious at what she was about to do, but it was necessary. Out of everyone, Cordy believed that Wesley would understand. "Can we talk?"
Wesley hesitated. He didn't want to shut her down, but he and Fred had been having a wonderful evening. He didn't much want that to end either. "Would you mind if Fred came along? She was with me when Angel called."
Cordelia caught the change in tone that told her everything she needed to know about the current state of Wes and Fred's relationship. "It's about darn time," she said, teasingly.
"I suppose it is," Wesley replied. "Would you prefer staying with me or Fred? I'm afraid neither of us has much space."
She hesitated, unsure which option would be the best. "Would you mind if I stayed with you?"
Wesley looked surprised, and then gratified. "No, of course not. Thankfully, it seems that Spike has vacated my couch."
Cordy's eyebrows went up. "Spike?"
"Yes, he's staying with Buffy," Wesley replied, belatedly realizing that Cordelia had no idea why Spike would be there. "It's a long story."
"I can imagine," Cordelia muttered. "There's a lot of that going around."
Wesley put a solicitous hand under her elbow. "Are you alright?"
"Just tired," she replied quietly. "And I really, really want to get out of here. This place is giving me bad vibes."
"Let's get you out of here, then," Wesley said. "We can talk at my apartment."
~~~~~
When Spike woke, it was to the sound of running water. He sat up slowly, rubbing his hands over his face and looking around. His jeans and t-shirt were laying over a chair, clean and dry. Buffy must have left to retrieve their clothing before she got into the shower.
He couldn't help the slight feeling of apprehension at waking up only to find her gone. Not that Spike thought she was going to change her mind, but it felt all too reminiscent of a hundred other times when she'd done the same thing.
Buffy came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. "You're awake."
"Yeah, just," Spike agreed, climbing out of bed to pull on his clothing.
"I hope you don't mind," she said, beginning to comb out her hair. "I woke up hungry and thought I'd get our clothes while I was out."
Spike watched her as he pulled on his boots. This was new. There was a completely different vibe here, and he wasn't sure what to do about it. "No , 's fine. Thanks for washin' my stuff."
"Well, I don't mind if you're not wearing anything, but we've got stuff to do today." Buffy turned to give him a quick grin. "I'm going shopping."
Spike eyed her suspiciously. He didn't trust that gleam in her eyes. "Not with me, you're not."
"No, Fred and I are going together," Buffy replied. "I can pick up a few things for you while I'm at it."
Spike felt a trickle of fear. "I can get my own things," he protested.
She scoffed. "How long have you been back?" she asked. "You still haven't gotten anything else, and you can't keep wearing the same clothes all the time."
"Yeah, but—" Spike sighed, recognizing a losing battle when faced with one. "I don't s'pose it would do any good to tell you to stick to black, would it?"
Buffy smiled at him sweetly. "Nope. Not one bit of good."
"Fine," Spike said wearily. "But solids only, luv. I mean it. Won't have you treatin' me like your Ken doll."
Buffy cupped his chin in her hand. "Sweetie, trust me. You look good in anything—or nothing," she quickly added with a twinkle in her eye. "But you look much better in color."
Spike didn't see any way out, and he didn't particularly want to go shopping. "I guess I don't have any choice in the matter."
"No, you really don't," the Slayer responded. Seeing his glum look, she kissed him thoroughly. "I promise not to get anything you would hate."
He wasn't sure if he trusted her or not. "Right. I guess I'll look Wesley up an' let him know what happened last night."
"Just the demon part, I hope," Buffy replied, a trace of acid in her tone.
Spike smirked. "Just the demon part," he assured her. "Never was one to kiss and tell, Buffy."
"No, you really weren't." Her eyes were soft. She touched his cheek once more in a tender gesure, then went back to getting ready, oblivious to Spike's hungry gaze.
His tone wheedling, Spike said, "We wouldn't have to leave just yet, pet."
"If I get back in that bed, we won't get out of it today."
"Is that so bad?"
"Only when you consider that we've got about a hundred things to do," Buffy said. "There's shopping to do, and figuring out where we're going to be staying, and possibly more demon fighting. Knowing Wesley, I'm sure he'll come up with something for us."
She glanced back over her shoulder, and noticing his disgruntled expression, smiled. "Of course, I plan on taking complete advantage of you tonight."
A slow grin broke out over Spike's features. He liked the sound of that.
~~~~~
Very little had actually been said. Both Wesley and Fred had been exhausted, and Cordelia had suggested that what she had to say could wait for a day or two.
Wesley had ended up dropping Fred off at her apartment. "Are you going in tomorrow?"
Fred nodded. "I'm supposed to meet Buffy there and give her the tour. What about you?"
"I'm not sure," he replied. "I suppose that will depend on what Cordelia wants to do, and what she has to say to me. If I'm not there by the time Spike arrives, will you send him to my place?"
"Sure." If Fred hadn't been in the back seat of the car, she would have risked kissing him. Instead, she merely smiled and darted out.
The ride to his place was silent; neither of them spoke until Wesley ushered Cordelia inside. "I'm afraid I haven't had much time to clean recently."
"It looks fine, Wes," she assured him.
He smiled self-consciously. "Well, I'll let you have the bed, and I can take the couch."
"I'm not that tired," she replied. "I'll just watch TV or something."
Wesley peered at her in concern. "Cordelia, are you certain you're quite alright?"
To his surprise, she hugged him again. "I'm sorry."
"Whatever for?" Wesley asked, puzzled.
Cordy shook her head. "I'll explain tomorrow," she promised.
"If you're sure." Wesley hesitated. As exhausted as he was, he wasn't quite sure he wanted to allow Cordelia out of his sight. It seemed to good to be true having her back, whole and safe. Still, he wasn't sure he could keep his eyes open for much longer. "Good night then."
"Night, Wes."
Cordelia watched him go, thinking that it was only fair to let him have one more night free of the nightmares her story was sure to bring.
It was partially due to Cordelia's guilty conscience that Wesley awoke to find that she had already gone out to get coffee and donuts. "I got jellies."
Wesley smiled. "Thank you, but it was hardly necessary."
"I thought it might be." She watched as he took the cup of coffee she held out to him. "You're probably going to need some sustenance for what I've got to tell you."
The ex-Watcher felt the first stirrings of fear. "What are you talking about?"
"I know why Angel agreed to take over Wolfram and Hart."
That was enough to get his attention. "Fred and I had wondered."
"Did you sign a contract?" Cordy asked quickly. She wanted to know just how deeply committed they were.
Wesley shook his head. "No, actually, neither Fred nor I signed anything. I'm not certain about Angel or Gunn."
"Angel signed a contract, but I don't know about Gunn," Cordelia replied.
With a sinking feeling, Wesley took a seat on the couch. "How bad is it, Cordelia?"
She tried for a smile, and couldn't quite make it. "You're really not going to like it."
Wesley set his coffee down and reached for her hands. Cordelia was reminded of why she and Gunn had chosen him to be their leader in the first place. "Whatever it is, we'll figure it out, Cordy. I'm just glad to have you back."
Cordelia just hoped he felt that way after he heard what she had to tell him.
~~~~~
Fred smiled brightly when she saw Spike and Buffy wandering into the lab. "Hey, guys! I'm glad you could make it."
"Just makin' sure the Slayer found you alright, ducks," Spike said easily. " You seen Wesley today?"
She shook her head. "He said to tell you if he wasn't here when you arrived to meet him at his apartment." Realizing that neither knew about Cordelia coming out of her coma, she said, "Cordy woke up last night. They were going to talk this morning."
"Cheerleader woke up?" Spike asked, looking at her sharply. "You said that wasn't likely."
Fred shrugged. "It wasn't, but then again, I would have said it was pretty unlikely that you'd come back from the dead."
Spike raised his eyebrows and then shrugged, acknowledging her point. "Guess I'll go find the Watcher then. You ladies have a nice time today." He was about to leave, but Buffy grabbed him, wanting her goodbye kiss. Spike was still unused to the public displays of affection, but he didn't mind a bit.
"Love you," Buffy murmured against his lips.
Spike couldn't help the rather silly grin that formed on his face. "Same goes, luv."
He walked out, the swagger in his steps obvious. Buffy couldn't help but watch him as he left, thanking her lucky stars that his coat was still too badly damaged to wear. There were lots more visuals for her to see when he didn't have that duster on.
"What happened to his coat?" Fred asked. "I don't think I've ever seen him without it."
Buffy smiled smugly. "Demon goo."
Fred nodded wisely. "So, do you want the tour first, or do you want to go shopping?"
Buffy looked around, unable to disguise her unease. "Actually, do you mind if we get out of here? This place gives me the wiggins."
Fred shrugged. "Sure. I'm hungry anyway."
"Lunch first, and then shopping," Buffy decided. She hesitated. "Cordelia waking up—that's a good thing, right?"
Fred looked uncertain. "I don't know, Buffy. I hope so. I really hope so."
"...Listening/you're always listening/I don't know what to say/Why don't you turn and run at break-neck speed/just to get away ./ And when you catch your breath/pray I said every word I meant...Broken down/we're all so broken down/bandages on our wings/I know I don't have to tell you/only broken hearts can sing./I'm hoping for a sign./Pray that I'm anything but fine." ~Over the Rhine, "Professional Daydreamer"
Gunn strode into Angel's office, looking confused when he found no one there except for the vampire. "Where's everybody else?"
"Fred's out with Buffy," Angel replied, hesitating before he added, "and Wesley is with Cordelia."
Gunn frowned. "Did something change with Cordy?"
"You could say that," Angel murmured. He turned to face his friend. "Cordelia woke up yesterday."
Eyes growing wide, he demanded, "Why didn't somebody call me?"
"Cordy wanted to talk to Wes," Angel said. "And she didn't want to stay here any longer."
Gunn smelled trouble. "You explained to her that we aren't evil, right?"
"I explained," Angel said wryly. "I just don't think Cordelia was buying it. If you want to go see her, she's at Wes' place today."
He wanted to see her, but there were files and contracts piled high on his desk. "I'll have to give Wes a call later," Gunn said. "What about you?"
Angel shook his head, not wanting to explain that seeing Cordelia was too painful at the moment. She never had pulled her punches, and the vampire wasn't sure he could handle her brand of honesty at the moment. Angel was still hanging onto the idea that he had done the right thing with everything in him. The thought that Cordy might be right, that he might have made a mistake, turned his stomach.
"What have you got for me?" Angel asked, neatly changing the subject.
Gunn stared at him, realizing with sudden clarity how much things had changed. When had they become so scattered, so caught up in inconsequentials? A year ago, Angel would have been at Cordelia's side, refusing to leave. Wolfram & Hart was changing them, and it might not be for the better.
Of course, if Gunn acknowledged that much, he would also have to concede that he'd somehow sold out. He wasn't quite ready to go there yet.
"Just a few things," he replied, squelching the twinge of anxiety. "There are a couple of meetings you probably ought to be aware of, too."
~~~~~
Wesley ran a hand over his face, rising from the couch. He'd sat quietly through most of Cordelia's story, but now he was feeling restless. It was unthinkable, and yet it explained so much. Now that he knew someone had altered his memories, he could recognize the holes for what they were.
It also explained certain things that Angel had said, the inexplicable distance between them that had dissipated gradually over the last month or two.
It made all too much sense, even though he wished it didn't.
"I betrayed him."
"You were doing what you thought best, Wesley," Cordelia replied gently. "And I'm not sure you had a choice."
He turned to look at her. "I don't understand."
She winced at his flat tone. "I'm not sure if any of us had a choice in this," Cordelia replied. "The thing that hijacked my body had been planning on world domination for a really long time."
Wesley wasn't buying it. "I don't think I can dismiss my actions quite so easily. The fact remains that I had a choice, and I decided to kidnap Angel's son."
"To save him!" Cordelia'd had plenty of time to think about this. She was certain of Wesley's motives, and that they had been pure. She was equally certain that she didn't need him moping about something he didn't actually remember and couldn't change. "You didn't do it out of malice, Wes."
"Nevertheless, it seems that I have betrayed a friend, and that he has in turn wiped those memories." He shook his head. "It's more than a little disconcerting."
"We have to get him out of there," Cordelia insisted. "That place isn't good for any of you."
"And what about Angel's son?" Wesley asked. "If Angel has indeed signed a contract, we do not know what breaking it would do to him."
Cordelia sighed. "I don't know, Wes. I just know that I get very bad vibes from that place. There isn't anything good there."
"I agree." Wesley might have gone on, but there was a perfunctory knock on the door before Spike ambled in.
"Fred said you wanted me to meet you here," Spike said in greeting. "H'lo, Cordelia."
"Spike." She raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing here?"
He smirked. "Fighting the good fight. What else?"
"Spike has a soul now, Cordelia," Wesley explained.
Cordy didn't look convinced. "Like Angel?"
Spike nearly growled at her. "Bloody well not like Angel," he shot back. "Do you see me sittin' in some fancy office with a soddin' secretary? No, 'm out riskin' my neck to—"
Wesley decided it might be prudent to interrupt Spike's rant. "You did manage to kill the Fraickes, then?"
"Ruined my coat," Spike said, sprawling down on the couch. He looked like he was about to start pouting.
Wesley had wondered, since he'd never seen the vampire without it. "And Buffy?"
"Out shopping with Fred," the vampire replied. "Said she'd meet up with us later if you had anything good to kill. Oh, and we're supposed to see about getting me some place to stay on a more permanent basis."
Cordelia's eyebrows went up. She caught the subtext even without Wesley's explanation. "You and Buffy are a couple now?"
"What of it?" Spike asked defiantly.
Cordy pursed her lips, realizing that they were probably perfect for each other. "Nothing." She turned to Wesley. "What about the Hyperion?"
"It's still in Angel's possession, as far as I know," the ex-Watcher replied. "In fact, I had suggested that Spike use it as a base of operations."
"You were thinking about leaving the law firm?" Cordy asked, unable to disguise the relief in her voice. If Wesley was willing to leave, it would be one less person she'd have to convince.
Wesley sighed. "I was, although I hadn't planned on making any moves in that direction so soon. What you've told me changes all of that, however. I don't like the fact that Angel has altered all our memories without our knowledge or consent. What he did for Connor—that I understand, but he needn't have..."
When Wesley trailed off, Spike looked between Wesley and Cordelia with some interest. "What's the Great Poof done now?"
"It's a long story," Wesley replied. "One we can explain while we go over to the Hyperion."
~~~~~
Buffy was discovering that she really enjoyed spending time with Fred. They had giggled their way through lunch, sharing stories about the men in their lives. The Slayer was well aware that Spike probably wouldn't be too happy at some of the stories she'd shared, nor would Wesley.
But, really, she had to have something to repay Fred for some of the really embarrassing stories about Angel.
After lunch, they had gone shopping, and their conversation had turned serious. "So Spike almost got sucked into hell?" Buffy asked quietly.
"It was close." Fred's eyes were distant. "Once Pavayne was taken care of he was safe, but—Spike gave up his chance at being corporeal to save my life."
"That sounds like Spike," Buffy said with a shaky smile. "He said you guys still don't know what happened to turn him solid again."
Fred shook her head. "It probably has something to do with the law firm. Maybe they decided that they didn't really want him. After all, they gave the amulet to Angel."
"Why is Angel at Wolfram and Hart?" Buffy asked. "From what you've told me, he wouldn't have any reason for taking their offer, and he wasn't going to right up until the last minute."
Fred shrugged. "That's what Wesley and I were trying to figure out last night. Their offers to the rest of us were very up front. No one knows what Angel wanted."
Buffy sighed. "Well, I suppose I should do some digging then. Giles was really concerned when he heard that Angel was working for them, or with them, or whatever."
"Wesley and I are talking about leaving." The words were quiet, and Buffy almost missed the other woman's admission. The Slayer had the sense that it took a lot for Fred to even consider leaving Angel's side. From Fred's stories, Buffy got some sense of what the vampire had done for her.
Buffy wasn't quite sure what to say, but she wanted to be supportive. "Maybe it's for the best," she encouraged. "If it's not a good place..."
"I don't know if it is or not," she replied, her Texas drawl growing thicker under the weight of her emotions. "We thought we could do some good there."
"Maybe you did," Buffy replied. "And maybe now it's time to leave." She frowned at the shirt she was holding. "Do you think Spike would wear this?"
Fred cast a critical eye on the navy blue pullover. "Probably," she finally decided.
"Good." Buffy smiled. "I figure it's probably better to introduce color into his wardrobe gradually."
The other woman nodded. "He does like red."
Buffy's eyes brightened. "Red! That's a good idea." She glanced over at Fred, putting a sympathetic hand on her arm. "Look, I don't mean to be nosy or anything, but—if you're thinking about putting the moves on Wesley, don't wait. You never know how much time you're going to have."
Fred thought that was pretty good advice, especially coming from a woman who had already died twice.
~~~~~
Spike couldn't say he was surprised that at what Angel had done, but wiping his friends' memories was a bit low, even for him. "So what are you gonna do about it?" he asked Wesley.
"I don't know," the other man confessed. "I could confront him, but what good would that do?"
"Seems to me you need to find out the details of his contract," Spike suggested. "Might want to talk to Charlie-boy about that."
Cordelia frowned. It was a good suggestion, and coming from Spike, that surprised her. Wesley had explained about Gunn's upgrades, so that would make him the logical resource. "Can Gunn be trusted?"
Wesley grimaced at the question. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "I would say yes, but he seems to enjoy working for Wolfram and Hart quite a bit."
"He likes being special," Spike contradicted him softly. "Workin' there—he's got a set of skills you need an' nobody else has. Offer him the chance to use those in a better way, an' I think he'll come around."
"How do you know all of that?" Cordy demanded , a little disturbed at Spike's insight.
Spike lifted an eyebrow. "I spent months as a ghost, Cheerleader," he replied in a hard tone. "Couldn't do much but watch an' learn. Learned a lot more than most give me credit for."
"I'm sure neither of us have any doubt that you're a quick study, Spike," Wesley said, quick to play peacemaker. He knew Cordelia was on edge, upset about Angel's deception, and she had a tendency to be sharp when that happened. Spike had a tendency to bite back.
Wesley bit back a smile. He had a feeling that they would be more than an even match for each other.
Spike let out a low whistle as he followed Wesley and Cordelia inside the hotel. "This isn't too bad. Bit pompous, but that shouldn't surprise me with Angel."
"It was a good place to be," Cordy said softly, walking over to the front desk and running her hand along the counter. The memories were coming at her fast and furious, and she had to blink back tears. Everything had changed so much and so quickly—it felt wrong.
"Cordelia." Wesley's voice was gentle. "We'll get this sorted."
She shook her head, unwilling to talk about it. Cordy supposed it was just bad luck on her part. Fall in love with a guy and he either dies or turns evil. Or you get your body hijacked, and you turn evil. She'd never had great luck with men.
"Angel's a git, pet," Spike said quietly. "But he's not a complete idiot. If we can get through to him, figure out a way to fix this thing with his kid, he'll come around. He'd be a fool not to."
Spike's eyes were kind. When had Spike become so nice? Cordelia wondered absently. And Wesley—he was really nice too.
Spike and Wesley caught her as she collapsed. "What just happened?" Spike asked.
"I don't know," Wesley replied quickly, striving to keep the panic at bay as he felt for a pulse. Finding it strong and steady under his fingertips, he gave a sigh of relief. "I really don't know."
"Better call Fred," Spike suggested. "She'll at least know what we're goin' to do about this. You think we ought to get her to a hospital?"
Wesley shook his head. "Too many questions. It would be better just to set her up in a room upstairs. You and Buffy might as well move over here, too. If Cordelia's not well, I'd rather not leave her here alone."
Spike nodded. "Say the word, mate. You know I'll help."
Wesley smiled briefly, watching as the vampire easily caught Cordelia up in his arms. "I know, Spike. Thank you."
Wesley took a deep breath and then dialed Fred's number. Things were getting rather complicated.
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