Summary: Set in an alternate Angel S5, wherein Andrew tells Buffy that Spike's alive after Damage and she does something about it, upsetting the power structure while she's at it.
Author's Notes: This story takes place after Bring Out Your Dead, and may make a little more sense if you read that one first. The thing to notice is that Lindsey does not enter into this story. I didn't want to deal with the boy since I'm mostly ignoring canon. Just so you aren't terribly surprised.
Rating: PG-13
"The darkest part of every night/is just before the dawn/the sun begins to rise/when we admit that we were wrong/So here I stumble home to you/to find the words to use/it seems the voices in my head/I seldom get to choose ./ So it seems/life is just a troubled sea/that we sail for free/Don't let me drown." ~Over the Rhine, "Fairpoint Diary"
One minute Angel was in his suite inside Wolfram & Hart. The next, he was standing in a familiar stone-walled chamber, watching Connor remove his shirt and shoes.
"No," he said, rushing forward. "Connor, you can't—" The room disappeared as he found himself in a different antechamber, waiting for Jeeves. "You can't let him do this," Angel said as soon as Jeeves appeared.
"That isn't your choice to make," Jeeves replied with infuriating calm. "Connor is the one who must make that determination."
Angel might have tried to force Jeeves to return him to the room where Connor was facing the trials, but he suddenly found himself chained to the wall. "I'm sorry, sir," Jeeves said when Angel protested. "The state of your soul is in question at the moment. I would hate to see you lose it."
He struggled against the chains that held him. "Show me!"
Jeeves regarded him steadily. "As you wish." He tapped Angel on the forehead, and the vampire suddenly saw the scene unfold in his mind's eye.
He couldn't believe that the others would allow Connor to take this kind of risk—couldn't believe that Cordelia wouldn't have prevented his son from taking his life in his hands. Angel wanted to tell him that it wasn't necessary, that he was satisfied at Wolfram & Hart, just as long as he knew his boy was safe.
The first trial unfolded much as his own had, although Connor managed to take the demon out much faster. He was poetry in motion, his young muscles rippling under taut skin. Angel couldn't quite believe that Connor was his .
"Use the hooks," he muttered helplessly when Connor turned his back on the demon he'd hewn in half.
In the next minute, Connor had separated the two halves, hanging them up in separate corners of the room. "Good boy," Angel murmured. He wasn't worried for himself at the moment—Connor had to complete the trials or forfeit his life.
Angel held his non-required breath as he waited for the next phase to begin.
~~~~~
Buffy cleaned off the ax for the fifth time. "How much longer do you think it'll take?"
"No idea," Spike replied, trying to hide his own impatience. It wasn't that he liked Angel, but the brooding git was family, just as Connor was. Whatever else could be said for him, Spike was loyal to his family.
The Slayer gave up on the ax and came to sit next to him. "Giles called me today."
"When?"
"This afternoon," she replied. "You were still sleeping."
"And what did the great Watcher have to say?"
Buffy didn't bother trying to chide him for his sarcasm. There was no love lost between Giles and Spike; she highly doubted that they'd ever be more than just civil to one another. Too much had happened, too many harsh words had been spoken for that. "He wants me to start training Slayers," Buffy replied.
Spike looked over at her in surprise. "He what?"
"Wants me to start training Slayers," Buffy repeated patiently. "He's got Faith and Robin in Cleveland . He wants someone on the west coast too, and I'm here and looking to stay."
Spike shifted uncomfortably. "What did you tell him?"
"I told him I'd have to discuss it with you, and if he was hiring me, he'd probably better at least be open to the idea of hiring you too." Buffy smiled. "I have every intention of recruiting you, by the way."
He snorted. "I'll bet that went over real well."
"Giles said he was open to the idea," Buffy continued triumphantly, as though Spike hadn't spoken. "He said he thought the agency would be a good training ground. We'll have to discuss it with Wesley and the others, of course, but the Council would be paying us."
Spike frowned. "Hotel has lots of space," he allowed.
"That's what I thought." Buffy grinned. "We could run two businesses at once."
He ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't know, Buffy. If Giles—"
"Giles doesn't have a say over my life anymore," Buffy said firmly, taking his hand in hers. "Spike, when I came to L.A. , I told Giles why, and I told him that if things turned out the way I hoped, you would be with me. Wherever that ended up being. I'm through listening to people tell me who I can be with or who I can love."
Spike took a deep breath. "Giles is the head of the Council, pet. He still has a lot of pull with you, an' if he's payin' us—I'm just sayin'."
"I know what you're saying, and I won't tell you that your concerns aren't valid, but if we do this, we do it our way, Spike." Buffy looked him straight in the eye. "I lost you once. I refuse to do it again. I've had enough of living without you."
Spike brought her hand to his mouth, kissing her knuckles reverently. "You're bloody amazin', luv."
"So are you," she replied. "So are you."
~~~~~
The first trial hadn't been bad. If there was one thing Connor did well, it was kill demons. They hadn't called him the Destroyer for nothing, after all.
He wished now that he'd asked Angel more about Darla. His father had endured these trials in order to save her life while she'd been human, after Wolfram & Hart had brought her back. As he'd told Dawn, there was so much he didn't know about his father, about his mother.
Well, he knew what Holtz had taught him, but Connor was beginning to realize that it was barely half the story.
Connor had no idea what to expect for the second trial, but he couldn't say he was terribly surprised to see a corridor with blazing walls and hot coals for the floor. There was a basin in the middle and a door on the other side.
His experience with the demon suggested that the basin wasn't there for decoration; Connor figured it was probably holding something he needed to get out.
Hey, he hadn't scored in the top ten percent on his SAT's for nothing.
Connor remembered watching a video in his sociology class. They had been talking about religious fervor, and the subject of walking on coals came up. The teacher had insisted that it was all about mind over matter; if a person walked quickly enough, they wouldn't be burned.
Of course, that also assumed that he was walking on normal coals.
He could feel the heat on the soles of his feet. It was just on the other side of unbearable, but he could tell that he wasn't getting burned. What was going to be bad was dealing with the stone basin. If there was something inside of it that he needed, Connor knew that in the time it took for him to pull it out, he could easily get burned.
No, he would be burned.
In that moment, all the lessons that Holtz had taught him came into play. How to withstand pain, how to suppress fear, how to fight through the urge to turn and run. Connor doubted that his foster father would appreciate the fact that his teachings were now helping him to save the very vampire he'd trained Connor to hate.
Connor saw the key as he came up on the basin, and he clenched his teeth as he plunged his hand to the bottom. The acid burned his skin on contact, even as the heat from the coals began to burn his feet.
Once he had the key in hand, Connor ran—limped—towards the door, hurriedly unlocking it and falling through. His stomach clenched with the pain, and he took deep breaths, willing it away. There was one more trial to pass—he had to be strong.
You do anything to protect your family. His father had taught him that.
~~~~~
It was a quiet night, which was rare for the agency. Gunn was spending the evening with Anne, although he'd asked Wesley to call once they knew the outcome. Lorne had planned on heading over to his newly-purchased nightclub after he dropped Connor off to see how much progress the renovators had made.
So it was just Buffy and Spike somewhere in the hotel, and Wesley and Fred in the room they occasionally shared.
Cordelia, of course, was waiting for Connor and Angel to emerge from the trials.
Fred was stretched out next to Wesley on the bed, her head pillowed on his shoulder as he ran his fingers though her hair. "Mom and Dad were asking when we were coming to visit," she said softly.
"When would you like to go?" he asked, tacitly letting her know that he was willing to go along with whatever plans she made.
"I don't know." She fiddled with one of the buttons on his shirt. "It's been a long time since I've been home."
"Perhaps this summer, then," he suggested. Wesley somehow didn't mind the thought of spending some time with Fred's parents, not like he would have minded a visit with his own. Their approval had been so obvious—and so warm—when they'd passed through L.A. a few weeks ago, he thought that a week with them might be a nice vacation.
Not to leave out the fact that Wesley had never actually been to Texas . He rather thought he'd like to see the place Fred had grown up.
"That would be good," she replied, echoing his thoughts. "There's so much I want to show you. I mean, I know a lot of people make jokes about Texas and all, and it's a small town, but—"
"But it's home," Wesley finished. "I'd like to take you to England one of these days. We could probably skip the visit with my parents, though."
"Or just keep it short," Fred corrected. "I'm sure they'd love to see you."
Wesley chuckled, but there was no humor in the sound. "I find that highly unlikely."
Fred was quiet. They hadn't spoken much of Wesley's father, but she got the impression that the cyborg version of Roger Wyndam-Pryce was eerily accurate. In essence, he wasn't a particularly good father.
"Maybe we could just meet them for dinner." She smiled. "I've never been to Europe before, so you could tell them I'm monopolizing all your time with touristy things."
Wesley pressed a fond kiss to the top of her head. "That's not a bad idea, sweetheart."
A long silence fell, but it was not uncomfortable. They had been friends before they had become lovers, and that made a difference. It was not difficult to lie like this, spooned comfortably, talking of inconsequentials and plans for the future.
Avoiding the elephant in the room.
"It will be kind of weird to have Angel back," Fred said softly, breaking the silence.
Wesley sighed. "Yes, I believe it will, but we'll adjust. It will be fine."
They didn't mention the possibility that Connor would be unsuccessful, or that Angel would not come back.
~~~~~
The chains were a surprise, although maybe they shouldn't have been. The stakes coming towards him—not a big surprise. Connor might not be a vampire, but the wall of pointy objects would kill him just the same.
"Well done, young man," Jeeves said as he appeared off to Connor's left. "I am impressed. You completed both of those trials even faster than your father."
"That's nice," Connor said, trying to ignore the pain in his hand and the soles of his feet. "So what's next? I get to fight something while I'm chained up?"
He didn't actually believe that was how it was going to work, of course. He just wanted to get on with it.
Jeeves gave him a tight little smile. "No. This is where you die."
Connor stared at him. "What? That's it? I die so my dad can get his life back?"
"Essentially, yes," Jeeves replied. "If you choose to willingly sacrifice yourself, Angel receives his life—as a human. I believe that was your stipulation."
Connor's eyes narrowed, remembering what Wesley had told him. "And that's still okay, right? You checked before, but—"
"It's possible," Jeeves stated. "Of course, no one has ever asked for such a thing in the past, and it's actually rather rare to have a child come to save a parent. It's typically the other way around, or it's a lover wishing to save their beloved."
"This is my dad," Connor said quietly. "He sacrificed himself for me."
Jeeves tilted his head slightly. "You do realize that you're giving nothing to the world, don't you? You have the opportunity to be a true Champion, someone whose coming was foretold. Angel will be human, incapable of any real contribution to this fight."
"That's not the point," Connor said quietly.
"Then what is the point?"
"He's my father." Connor set his jaw. "He doesn't deserve to be stuck in Wolfram and Hart forever."
"You don't deserve to die," Jeeves returned.
Connor shrugged as best he could. "Sure, I do. I'm a murderer."
"Very well," Jeeves stated. "As you wish."
Connor didn't bother closing his eyes. He would rather look his death in the eye.
~~~~~
Dawn was grateful that her sister hadn't argued too much when she'd insisted on keeping Cordelia company while she waited for Connor and Angel. In some way, she wondered if she wasn't intruding, but at the same time, she found it impossible to stay at the hotel, waiting for news.
Not that it was any easier to wait above the empty pool.
She rested her chin on her knees, stealing a glance at Cordelia who had started pacing. "They're going to be fine."
"I know." Cordy looked down at the younger girl, realizing that her pacing probably wasn't helping matters any. She sat, sighing. "It's just—"
"Waiting sucks."
"Exactly." Cordelia looked down into the empty pool, shuddering as she remembered the leap of faith that Connor had taken. It had nearly given her a heartattack.
Both of them stayed silent after that, neither knowing just what to say. It wasn't like they were the best of friends; they just hadn't wanted to wait at the Hyperion with the others.
Not when everyone else was coupled up, that was for sure.
A sound coming from behind them had them both scrambling to their feet. Angel stood there, his arm wrapped around Connor to keep the young man upright. "Angel?"
Cordelia's voice trembled slightly, and Angel met her eyes, disbelief and wonder in his own. "Cordy—it's done."
Dawn hurried over and pulled Connor's other arm over her shoulders. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine," he said. "It's just—painful."
"Let's get you to the car," Cordelia said. "Good thing we decided to drive."
"I wouldn't be walking," Connor said, trying to joke, but the pain in his voice caused the humor to fall flat.
Angel tightened his grip. "Let's get you home, son."
~~~~~
There had been a minor uproar when they arrived back at the Hyperion. Everyone had fussed over the newly-human Angel, but the concern had mostly been reserved for Connor. Although he wasn't too badly injured, it would still be days before the burns on his feet and hands were completely healed.
Angel finally chased everyone out of Connor's room, choosing to dress his burns himself. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine." Connor noticed that Angel's hands were shaking. "I should probably ask you the same thing."
Angel was silent for a moment. "You shouldn't have done it."
"Why?" Connor asked.
"Because—" He stopped, met his son's eyes. "I wanted you to be safe."
Connor stared at him. "I was never going to be safe. Even hidden away, Vail still came after me. He almost killed my—you know."
"You didn't have to go through the trials for me, Connor," Angel said. "I could have stayed at Wolfram and Hart."
Connor shook his head. "No one wanted you there. You didn't want to be there." There was a pause. "I owed you."
"Connor—"
"I owed you."
Angel had tried to respect Connor's space. He hadn't wanted to force the issue of their relationship on his son. At the moment, however, Angel couldn't stand it any longer. He pulled Connor close, holding him tightly, feeling the boy's arms come around him tentatively after a second's hesitation.
"I love you," he murmured. "I've always loved you."
"I know." There was another pause. "Dad."
~~~~~
Angel entered Cordelia's room slowly. He wasn't exactly sure where he was supposed to stay, or how he was going to get the rest of his stuff, for that matter. All of his clothing was inside the Wolfram & Hart building, and he thought it might be a good idea to stay away for a while.
Maybe he could send Wesley or one of the others inside for his things.
"Hey." Angel watched as Cordelia turned from the window. "Did you get Connor settled?"
"Yeah, I did," he replied. "He, uh, he called me dad."
She beamed at him. "That's great, Angel."
"I feel like we've got a chance."
"I think you've got a really good chance," Cordelia replied. "So are you okay with this?"
"With being human?" Angel shrugged. "From what everyone has said so far, I didn't think I had a choice."
"You didn't," she said bluntly. "That doesn't tell me how you're dealing."
Angel shook his head. "It's weird, but it's—" He stared at her. "It's been such a long time—I don't have to worry about losing my soul anymore."
"No, you don't." Cordelia crossed the room to take his hand. "I take it you're not going to run out and get yourself turned."
Angel shook his head. "This wasn't the way I thought it would happen, but now that it's here, I wouldn't give it up for anything." He cupped her cheek. "You got me out of there."
"Connor did most of the work," she replied.
"You didn't give up."
"Like you would have given up on me," Cordy shot back. "Just so you know, we're starting over. From now on, it's full speed ahead, never mind what's happened in the past, never mind the stupidity of making deals with evil lawfirms. Capische?"
"Whatever you want," Angel replied, showing that he had gotten just a little bit smarter over the last few months.
When they kissed, it was as sweet as either of them could have wished for. Two years of waiting had only heightened their desire.
It was an ending—and it was the beginning of a new life.
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