Summary: Set after the end of Cast Me Not Away and its follow up stories. This sequel is longer and darker than the intervening short stories. It deals with family, children, immortality, life and death, and making amends. We will also be jumping around in time a bit, so look sharp.
Author's Notes: I debated for a long time before writing this one, although the idea was there before I even finished CMNA. Some of you will believe that I have ruined the previous stories, which is fine. All I ask is that if you're unhappy with where this goes that you'll go back, re-read Cast Me Not Away through Silver Bells, and then you can flame me if you'd like. I'll calmly pull out the fire-extinguisher and ignore you, but that's alright. The themes have been there; I just hadn't quite managed to elaborate on them yet. (Oh, and before anyone screams Nika, Wesley, Spike and Buffy will survive. More than that I won't promise.)
Rating: PG-13
Chapter 4: January 2017
"We don't have to do this," Wesley said softly. "We can turn back now."
Spike shook his head, staring out the window. It was a simple fiction to tell the airplane crew that he had a horrible sun allergy, and it made flying easier. The questions were fewer. "I'm committed."
"We haven't left L.A. yet," Wesley pointed out.
Spike shook his head again. "Can't," he said hoarsely. "Been thinkin' about this for a long time, mate."
They had known each other for over a decade, and Spike hadn't aged a day in all that time. Wesley knew that he had more laugh lines, more gray hair—more creaking bones. These days he left much of the field work to the younger crowd or the vampires, as they healed faster. It was a rare mission that sent him out with Spike again.
It was just like old times.
Wesley had known this day was coming, actually. He had seen the tension build, had begun to sense it before Meg's birth actually. While Angel always seemed to disregard his being a vampire—or perhaps to take it completely for granted—Spike interacted with the world around him. He built connections with people who would age and eventually die.
Immortality was bound to rest heavy on his shoulders.
"How did Buffy take it?"
"Think she'll be fine." Spike was quiet for a moment. "Know I don't need to ask, but—"
Wesley's sharp tone cut him off. "You will be coming back in one piece, Spike, but no. You don't need to ask. I'll be happy to take care of both of them."
"I promised I'd return," Spike reflected. "Promised both of them."
"Then you have to," Wesley replied. It had been watching Spike that had taught Wesley the value of keeping promises, especially to his children. "You're alright with stopping in England ?"
Spike shrugged. "S'pose we have to, yeah? Rupert's gonna want to talk with the both of us. Only makes sense we give the annual report before I head off to my doom."
Wesley didn't try to debate Spike's comment. In many ways, the vampire was going off to his doom. Even if he survived, he would not be the same. It was a gamble that he would even be the same person and not someone completely different.
The whole thing was unprecedented.
"I daresay that Giles will want to ask a million questions," Wesley ventured.
Spike snorted. "More than that, most likely. Rupert's used to me bein' an odd one by now, though. Reckon it won't come as a huge surprise."
"No, possibly not," Wesley replied. "He's going to be losing one of his finest warriors, though."
"Not goin' anywhere," Spike said quietly. "It'll be different, but I'll still be there."
They both knew it was wishful thinking.
~~~~~
Buffy was cleaning, her movements quick and purposeful. It had only been one night and already she missed him. There was a hole where he had been, and it was only going to get worse. Sleep had been elusive without his still form next to hers, and the Slayer knew she was going to be extra-cranky if she didn't get some sleep before Spike returned.
Meg was at school, and Buffy frowned, remembering her daughter's subdued mood before she left to catch the bus. She and Spike were so very close. If anything happened to the vampire, Meg would be devastated.
Meg wouldn't be the only one.
The doorbell rang, and Buffy wiped her hands on a towel, hurrying to answer it. Nika smiled at her. "I thought you could use some company."
Buffy smiled at her. "You can say that again." She smiled at Carwen. "And how are you?"
Carwen grinned at her, a gap-toothed smile that lit up her face. She had her mother's gray eyes. "Aunt Buffy!"
Buffy held out her arms and the little girl launched herself. She remembered when Meg was this little. She'd loved it when Spike tossed her up in the air. The ache inside her heart threatened to overwhelm her. "Why don't I make us some tea?" Nika suggested softly.
They drank their tea and watched as Carwen scooted around on the floor, dumping out the pieces of a wooden puzzle and putting it back together again. "How are you?" Nika asked gently.
Buffy shrugged. "Fine, I guess. It's just—I miss him already."
Nika made a face. "I know just what you mean."
The silence stretched out, although it was not uncomfortable. They had gone through a lot together over the years—over a decade of raising children and being married and mourning various losses. It had been Buffy's shoulder that Nika had cried on after her last miscarriage, so certain was she that she'd never be able to have another child.
Buffy had wept with her, as much for Nika's pain as for her own.
Time and children and marriage had bonded them even closer than Buffy was to Willow . Although the witch was still her best friend, she and Nika shared more ties these days.
"Did you know about this?" Buffy asked.
Nika nodded. "It's been rather obvious over the last few years, Buffy. Spike's been longing for something more."
"I never even saw it," the Slayer murmured, although that wasn't completely true. She had known that Spike was unhappy, that he hated staying the same while everything around him changed. It was the one thing to which he couldn't adapt. The first time he'd broached the subject of trying to find a cure for his immortality, Buffy had reacted so violently that he hadn't brought it up again.
Instead, he had taken the discussion to Wesley and the Watcher's house.
In some ways, that was what hurt the most. A chasm had opened up between them in the last months, and Buffy had done nothing to bridge it. She had known how important this was to him, but she had ignored his pain, thinking Spike would get over it, and it would go away.
Now he was the one who was gone.
"I just keep wondering if there wasn't something I should have done," Buffy admitted unhappily. "If I could have changed his mind."
Nika shook her head. "That's not what this was about, Buffy. Spike—Spike needed this for himself. He was scared to death of losing you and Meg, of being left behind. What else could he have done?"
Nothing. Buffy knew the answer by heart, but that didn't mean she was happy with it. It was as much about the Spike that would come back to her as it was about her fear of losing him. What if he wasn't the same? What if he didn't love her anymore?
What if he was so changed that he wasn't the man she loved?
"I just wonder what he's going to be like," Buffy said quietly. "What if—"
"Spike is Spike, Buffy," Nika said soothingly. "Some things never change about a person.
She shook her head. "You never saw Angel without a soul."
"Wasn't the soul an improvement, then?" Nika asked.
Buffy shook her head. "On Angel, maybe, but I like Spike exactly the way he is."
~~~~~
"It's so not fair," Davey said, kicking at a rock that came into his path.
Hannah tried to suppress a smile. "What's not fair, Davey-boy?"
"That Dad and Uncle Spike get to go to England ," Will said matter-of-factly. "Davey's mad they went without him."
Hannah frowned. "We're all going next summer." She would be 18 then, and would go through the new tests that the Council had rigged up. Giles had done away with the Cruciamentum about a year after she'd been Called , and Hannah was definitely grateful. While it was still possible for her to fail the exams, at least it wouldn't mean her death.
Just utter humiliation.
"Yeah, but this is different!" Davey exclaimed. "This is an adventure! Didn't you hear Uncle Spike the other night? They're prob'ly gonna go to Africa ."
"I heard him, but you were supposed to be in bed," Hannah replied severely. "If Nika finds out you were eavesdropping—"
"We weren't eavesdropping," Will said quickly. "It was just that we were thirsty, and we got up and overheard. We didn't mean to listen."
Hannah gave both of them a skeptical look. "Uh huh. Well, you guys aren't old enough for adventures yet."
Davey frowned, greatly offended. "Are too! We aren't little anymore."
She very nearly laughed, but knew that to do so would hurt both boys' feelings. "No, you guys aren't little, but you still aren't old enough. I was sixteen before Wesley let me go hunting by myself, so you guys have to wait at least that long."
Davey kicked at another rock. "It's still not fair," he muttered rebelliously.
Will was willing to take things a little more in stride. After all, he and Davey were the men of the house while their dad was gone. "When do you think they'll be back?"
"I don't know," Hannah replied. "Neither of them could say." They were only about a block from the grade school at this point. Hannah usually walked the twins home on her way from the high school. The schools weren't too far apart, and she enjoyed the exercise. It helped her think.
Hannah, at 17, had matured into a truly lovely young woman. She was also something of a loner, both her background and her reserved personality causing friendships to be few and far between. Even though there had been a couple boys who had asked her out, Hannah didn't date. After all, when she compared the boys she knew to Wesley, Spike or Connor, they all fell short.
Really short.
She was just grateful for people like Wesley and Nika, who were willing to not only give her a place to sleep but a purpose in life. Because when you got right down to it, Hannah loved being the Slayer. She could honestly say that getting Called was the best thing to ever happen to her.
"Hey, Hannah!"
She sighed, knowing that voice. "What do you want, Sam?"
The young man skidded to a halt next to her. " These your little brothers?"
Davey and Will exchanged identical grins that did not bode well for Hannah's future. "Sam and Hannah sitting in a tree," Davey said under his breath.
Hannah gave him a light tap on the back of the head. "Yeah. This is Will, and Davey." She rarely bothered explaining her living situation. While she didn't call Nika and Wesley, "Mom and Dad," that's basically what they had been over the last three years. Trying to define her life was like trying to pin down water.
"So can I walk you home?" Sam asked, trying to sound cool and failing miserably.
Sam was one of those guys who had been perpetually picked on until his growth spurt the previous summer. He had also found a sense of style, and was marginally more popular. Still, if you knew what to look for, there was a deep insecurity that hid behind his hazel eyes.
Hannah was ready to shoot him down—as she had at least twice before—but found it impossible. She could see the fear of rejection that lurked, and she felt sorry for him.
Besides, Sam was pretty cute these days.
"I guess," she replied, making sure she sounded grudging. Hannah didn't want to give him any ideas, after all. "Although, you'll have to meet Enid ."
"Who's Enid ?" he asked, falling in beside her.
Davey and Will gave him a skeptical look, not sure what they thought of this tall stranger who was so interested in Hannah. In their father's absence, it was their job to look out for their sisters—which included the Slayer. "Our nain ," they replied in unison, and then immediately began chattering back and forth in Welsh.
Hannah rolled her eyes. "Ignore them, Sam. They're just being little show-offs." Davey said something rude in Welsh. "Repeat that," Hannah said sternly. "I would love to see Enid wash your mouth out with soap."
They ran off ahead. "What language is that?" Sam asked, mystified.
"Welsh."
"And you understand it?"
Hannah nodded. "Sure. I had to. Both Nika and Enid speak it, and the boys do too."
"Nika?" Sam asked.
Hannah sighed, realizing that she was now committed to giving him an abbreviated version of her life at least. "If you spread this around school, I will kick your ass," she warned.
"Okay," he replied with a goofy smile.
"I mean it," she said scowling. "Don't think I can't."
Sam grinned at her. "I believe you. I watched you save my hide last year, remember?"
Hannah had forgotten. She'd prevented one of the varsity football players from stuffing him in a locker. "Oh." She stared at him, seeing the admiration in his eyes. "Okay, then."
Sam's grin broadened as he realized Hannah was going to tell him something that no one else knew. At this rate, he might actually get her to go to the prom with him.
~~~~~
"Are you sure?" Connor asked, staring at her.
Dawn rolled her eyes. "As sure as I can be." She moved so that she could lay her head on his shoulder—her strong warrior. They made the perfect team. She did the talking, he did the fighting.
Every once in a while they switched it up, just for for fun.
"What are you thinking?" Dawn asked after a long silence.
His arms moved to slide around her. "I'm thinking that it's going to be a big change, but I think we're ready. And I'm thinking that my dad is going to flip his lid."
"Right after Spike does," Dawn joked. "He'll finally have proof that we're sleeping together." Her voice faltered at the last when she thought about the fact that Spike not return from his quest. He might not ever know that she was pregnant.
Connor tightened his grip. "They'll be back, Dawn."
"I know." She sighed. "I talked to Buffy today. She doesn't sound all that great."
"Maybe you should go see her," Connor suggested.
Dawn shook her head. "Not right away. Soon, though. It would probably be better if you told Angel in person."
"Probably," Connor acknowledged. The Cleveland Hellmouth would be secure enough without them for a while. It wasn't like he and Dawn didn't travel for the Council occasionally, and they hadn't had a vacation in a year or more. "Next month, maybe. Spike should be back by then."
"He should be," Dawn said softly. "What do you think about it?"
"What else could he do?" Connor asked. "He's different than Dad. Dad thinks it's a part of his grand destiny to suffer. He's still holding out for the Shanshu, and probably will forever. Spike doesn't have that option."
"You think he did the right thing then," Dawn said flatly.
"Don't you?"
"I don't know, Connor," Dawn replied, shifting again so she could see him. "What if he's not the same when he comes back?"
Connor smiled reassuringly. "He's still going to be Spike, Dawn. He won't change that much."
"What if he does?"
"Then we deal with it." Connor reached up and stroked her hair away from her face. "Haven't we taken care of pretty much everything that fate has thrown at us?"
"I suppose," Dawn replied reluctantly, then caught his mouth in a kiss. "Promise me you're not dying to make a major change."
Connor smiled. "Why would I want to change anything when I've got all I want right here?"
Chapter 5: January 2017
Giles hadn't wanted to entrust anyone with picking Spike and Wesley up at Heathrow. With careful planning, even vampires could fly. It just had to be timed right. Still, he was their contact with the Council, now that he was head of all field personnel.
There was also the issue of Spike's request. Giles hated to think that he might lose the vampire, since Spike's abilities were nearly legendary. He understood why Spike was doing this. He had to admit that it made sense.
The crowds drifted apart just enough so that he could see them coming. Neither Wesley nor Spike had brought anything more than a carry-on, used to traveling lightly by now. This trip was also not supposed to be a long one. If all went according to plan, both men would be on their way home in a week or less.
"Giles," Wesley said, greeting his superior with a firm handshake. "You're looking well."
"As are you," he replied with a smile. "Spike."
The vampire's lips twisted into a half-smile. "'s good to see you again, Rupert."
The strange thing was that it was nothing but the truth, and the feeling was mutual. If it wasn't for the sunlight issue—as well as the need to have blood on hand—Giles could forget that Spike was a vampire. He just seemed so human these days. "You too. How was the flight?"
"Borin' as ever," Spike replied. Sitting still for hours on end had never been his favorite activity. "An' the in-flight movie sucked."
"It was a chick-flick," Wesley explained briefly. "No violence and no nudity."
Giles smiled. "I'm sorry to hear that."
Spike rolled his eyes. "You try listenin' to that garbage for hours on end. Can't even shut it off these days."
"You could have brought a book," Wesley pointed out.
Spike frowned. "Didn't think I'd need to. Besides, 'm not plannin' on doin' much reading, where we're going."
"Then you're set on your destination?" Giles asked. "You know, Spike, if Willow couldn't do the glamour, you could have the coven try. That would have taken care of the problem."
Spike shook his head. "Red offered, an' I declined. It only takes care of a part of the problem. Best to do it this way."
"Don't try," Wesley advised when Giles opened his mouth. "You know how stubborn Spike can be."
"An' it's served me well," Spike said, not bothered by Wesley's statement. "It'll get me through this mess too."
Giles wasn't so sure about that, but he wasn't willing to argue the point either. "So you leave tomorrow?"
Spike nodded. "Catch a flight from here to Morocco , an' then on to Uganda . Shouldn't be too hard to find the place."
"Maybe you should wait," Giles suggested. "The coven—"
Spike shook his head. "Can't do much. We've talked about this, Rupert."
"It's why I'm going as well," Wesley said quietly. "If both of us go..." Wesley trailed off, leaving his thoughts unspoken. If he went with Spike, and something went wrong, someone would know about it.
And if things went right, Spike would have company on the way home.
Giles sighed and nodded. "I suppose you're right. So you'll go through the trials, and then what?"
"I make a wish," Spike said. "It's as easy as that."
Giles raised an eyebrow. "A wish? Is that wise? Wishes are notoriously difficult."
"All I want is to be mortal," Spike replied. "An' that's exactly what I'm goin' to wish for."
When Giles opened his mouth to protest, Wesley's hand stopped him. He and Spike had already been over this, more than once. This was what Spike wanted—to gain his mortality, and he wanted to earn it.
Spike always did like to do things the hard way.
"I thought we might have dinner at my place," Giles suggested, neatly changing the subject. "If you're hungry, that is."
"I'm famished," Wesley replied. "And I know Spike hasn't eaten since we left L.A. "
"I could stand to eat," Spike replied. "You think we could get a curry though? Nika's is good, but 'm dyin' for something spicy."
Giles sighed and shook his head, reflecting on Spike's oddities once again. He would never understand. "Wesley?"
"Curry is fine," Wesley replied, not bothering to say that he'd go along with pretty much whatever Spike wanted. To refuse his request would be like refusing a condemned man his last meal.
Besides, he liked a good curry as much as the next bloke.
~~~~~
Buffy picked up the phone on the first ring, instinctively knowing that it would be Spike. He had promised to call from Giles' place, before he left for parts unknown. "Hello?"
"Hey, pet."
His voice was cool, almost distant, and Buffy cursed herself for not making certain they parted on good terms. She knew he expected her to be angry, and she hated that he was expecting her to give him grief. "How was the trip?"
"Boring," he replied. There was a pause. "How are you?"
"I miss you, but other than that I'm good."
"Buffy—"
His voice held a note of warning, and she continued, cutting him off. "I know you have to do this, Spike. I'm not angry."
He was quiet, obviously not knowing what to say. Neither of them was very good at talking to each other on the phone. It would have been better if they could have made contact.
Or maybe it wouldn't have been. Contact had been sporadic and painful these last few months.
"How's Meg?" Spike finally asked, sticking to a safe subject.
Buffy bit back a sigh. "She misses you too, but she's fine. She wanted me to let you know that she got an A on that paper."
"Good." Pride warmed his voice. "Knew she could do it."
Buffy hesitated, then asked, "What time are you leaving tomorrow?"
"Just after sunset," Spike said. "Don't know when I'll be able to call."
"I know. That's fine. Just—when you can."
"Of course." There was another awkward pause. "I should go. Don't want to leave Rupert with a huge phone bill."
There was a time when he wouldn't have cared, Buffy knew. There was a time when he would have talked to her for hours, just to hear her voice. "Be careful," she said.
"I will. Careful as I can be," he replied quietly. "See you soon, luv."
"I love you," Buffy said a little desperately.
"Love you too."
And he was gone.
~~~~~
Enid smiled as Davey and Will came hurtling through the door, chattering on in Welsh. "What's gotten into you two rascals now?" she asked.
"That would be me," Hannah said wryly, with a fascinated Sam in tow behind her. "They've decided to try and annoy me to death."
The older woman grinned. "And is it working, cariad ?"
"Oh, they're getting there. If you guys don't knock it off, I'm going to hurt you!" Hannah called after the twins, who were now singing "Sam and Hannah sitting in a tree..." at full volume, in Welsh. "This, by the way, is Sam. Sam, this is Enid, also known as Nain ."
"Nice to meet you," he said, looking around. Hannah's story fascinated him, not least because he loved the idea of having so many people around all the time. Sam only had one younger brother, and the rest of his family was depressingly normal.
Enid smiled at him. "Would you like to stay for dinner, Sam?"
"That would be great!" he said enthusiastically.
Hannah bit back a sigh. It looked like she wasn't going to be getting rid of him anytime soon. "Do you want to see my room?" she asked. "I've got some homework, so—"
"That's cool," Sam replied quickly. "I've got some calc problems to work on."
Hannah looked hopeful. "Did you understand this last chapter? Because I really don't. Math is so not my thing."
"Yeah," he said. "It's no problem. We can work through it together, if you like."
Enid smiled as she watched them head off to Hannah's room, glad that the girl was finally starting to make a friend. Sam was the first person she'd brought home with her, and Enid thought it was a good sign. The girl was as dear to her as any of the other children, and Enid worried about her tendency to keep to herself.
She closed her eyes and said a prayer for the others so close to her heart that were so far away.
~~~~~
Meg concentrated on the picture she was drawing, the charcoal clutched in her left hand. Her dad always said that lefties had the advantage because most people were right-handed. When you got into a fight, no one expected a left hook.
Of course, her mom had been furious that Spike had even mentioned fighting, which Meg thought was ridiculous. Hannah had taught her that a girl needed to be able to look after herself.
She missed him already. The house seemed emptier with Spike gone, and Buffy was obviously miserable. Spike was the one that brightened everything up, who made life exciting. Meg was scared to death that he wasn't coming back. She knew how dangerous his job was.
Of course, Meg knew that Spike wasn't her real father. About a year before, there had been a story in the newspaper about a senator from New York who had an illegitimate daughter by one Buffy Summers. Both of her parents had been furious, as had the senator in question, but for very different reasons.
They had sat her down and explained that Spike wasn't her biological father, but that he'd chosen to be her dad, and that Buffy had wanted him there. Meg had been happy knowing that she didn't have to go live with strangers, and that Spike wasn't going to leave.
Meg understood why Spike had to leave better than anyone gave her credit for. She'd heard the comments that her teacher made, and she'd seen her father's face when he overheard them. The careless comment would have completely freaked her out if she hadn't already known the truth. Her teacher was wrong for sure—Spike was definitely old enough to be her father.
Actually, he was old enough to be her several times great-grandfather.
It probably should have had her completely wigging out, but it didn't. Her dad was her dad, whether he was a vampire or not. As long as he came home, Meg didn't particularly care where Spike had been, or whether he'd been trying to shed that pesky immortality.
Just as long as he came home.
~~~~~
Morocco was warm, even after the sun had gone down. Wesley had forgotten just how warm Northern Africa could be. Tomorrow they would catch a flight to Uganda , and from there—well, there was no telling what would happen after that.
He had gotten a chance to speak with Nika earlier, as well as the boys, and he recalled their conversation with longing. Nika had said that she missed him and that Hannah had brought a boy home. That didn't sit well precisely, but at least the young man in question had been breathing.
Davey had come home with a note from one of the teachers saying that he was failing social studies. Wesley sighed. He wished he could have been there to provide backup for Nika. It wasn't that she needed it, but he knew his voice sometimes carried more weight. They would have to crack down on the boy again, and Wesley couldn't help but wish that Davey was a little more like Will.
Carwen was just fine, and was as sunny as could be.
Oh, how Wesley missed them all.
Wesley watched as Spike smoked one cigarette after another as he stood out on their tiny balcony. It was barely big enough to stand on, but it allowed the vampire to have his smoke, which kept him calm. Well, calmer anyway.
He knew Spike was worried about what was coming. They had no guarantee of the outcome, that it would be what the vampire wanted. Wesley knew that Spike didn't particularly want to be human, but he did want to be mortal.
Spike wanted the certainty of change.
Wesley stepped outside, squeezing in next to his partner. They might as well have been brothers, for all their physical dissimilarities. The bond between them was that deep. "How are you?"
"Fine." Spike stared out into the night sky, the stars winking down on the both of them. "How's Nika?"
"Good," Wesley replied. "Apparently Davey's failing a class again, and Hannah's started seeing someone."
Spike raised an eyebrow. "We leave, an' it all goes to hell in a hand basket."
"It would seem that way," Wesley agreed. "Are you ready for this?"
"You ready to die?" Spike countered.
Wesley sighed. "We can still turn back, Spike. We'll call this a vacation, and then head back home."
"'m not goin' to change my mind," the vampire said stubbornly. "You know how important this is to me."
"I know." Wesley leaned back against the rail. "Are you doing this because you've decided it's the answer, or because you've made up your mind to go through with it?"
Spike's lips twisted in a sardonic smile. "You know me too well, mate. 'm pigheaded, sure, but that's not what this is. Seems like this is the only choice here."
Wesley nodded slowly. "It might be."
"Or I could go back, get Red to do the glamour, an' watch everything I love die." Spike flicked his cigarette butt out into the night. "You explain how that's the right thing to do."
"I can't," Wesley said quietly. "I think I'd do the same in your position."
"I've been thinkin' 'bout this for years, mate," Spike said quietly. "This is the only thing I could come up with that would keep everybody happy."
"Except for Buffy," Wesley said wryly.
Spike rolled his eyes. "When the bloody hell is the Slayer ever happy?" He sighed, looking out into the darkness. "You know, I may be evil an' all that, but 've never really done anythin' for me. It was always about Dru or Buffy, or someone else. For the last fifteen years, 've done everythin' anybody ever asked of me. The Big Bad changed diapers, an' took care of scraped knees, an' all that. I loved every minute of it, Wesley, but this is for me. I need this."
Wesley really couldn't argue with that, which was why he was in a hotel in Morocco , waiting to accompany a vampire in his quest to get rid of his immortality. Wesley went because Spike was his friend.
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