Love As Strong As Death by Enigmaticblue

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Chapters 22 & 23

Chapter 22: November 2014

Since that first Thanksgiving that Spike, Nika and Wesley had spent together, it had become something of a tradition to get together. Unlike most typical Thanksgiving day celebrations, they didn't always have turkey, and it seemed that every year the crowd got larger. This year was no exception, although Gunn and Fred had elected to spend the holiday with Fred's parents.

At this point, dinner had been moved to the Hyperion, as it afforded more space and a larger kitchen than any other available venue. The twins and Meg loved going to the old hotel, as there were plenty of places to explore. They usually managed to con Spike into playing hide and seek with them.

Hannah watched the twins beg him to play with wide eyes. Connor joined in immediately, betting Spike that he could stay hidden for longer than the vampire could. Then Connor looked over at her. "Come on, Hannah."

She shook her head, and Spike and Connor looked at each other. "No getting out of this one, Slayer," Spike teased. "Besides, it'll help hone your vamp-trackin' skills. Connor isn't quite as good, but—"

"Put your money where your mouth is, Spike," Connor challenged. "I'll bet you a ten that Hannah finds you before she finds me."

"Why not make it a twenty?" Angel suggested. There was a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. His hair was finally starting to grow back in, and he was feeling rather relaxed. It was a good day when the hotel was full of life again. "I'll join."

Hannah wasn't sure she liked this plan at all. "I don't know—"

"Go have fun, Hannah," Wesley said from behind her. He was standing with Giles, who had come into town for official Council business. "You have the day off."

She was still hesitating when Spike spoke again. "Trust me, pet. This is an essential part of your training. Every Slayer has to learn how to relax now and again."

Giving in with a shrug of her shoulders, Hannah asked, "So what am I counting to?"

"A hundred," Will insisted .

"Slowly," Davey put in. "You gotta give us time too."

Meg, having forgotten her attempts at being grown up now that her father and Connor were playing, nodded firmly. "The round couch is always home base," she added. "You have to tag us before we get back there. You have played hide and seek before haven't you?" she added in a superior tone.

Hannah actually hadn't, but there was no way she was going to admit that in front of all these people. Instead, she just buried her face in the cushions of the round lobby couch and started counting.

~~~~~

"Did they manage to rope Hannah into playing?" Nika asked as Dawn entered the kitchen.

Dawn grinned. "Not only Hannah, but Angel too. He has a bet on with Spike and Connor as to who's going to get caught first. Spike told Hannah it was part of her training to get her to join in."

Cordelia's eyebrows went up. "She got Angel to play? Good. That'll get him out of our hair for a while."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Wish my training could have been more play and less work."

"She needs to act the child," Enid opined. "She is serious all the time. Always thinking about what she is doing, how she is acting."

"That's what the Slayer does," Buffy argued. "You have to."

"Oh, come on, Buffy," Dawn cajoled. "You know you weren't all work and no play. I seem to remember a certain amount of Bronzing in your past."

Buffy made a discontented sound, but she didn't argue her point further. Hannah irritated her. What caused her even more discomfort was the knowledge that her irritation was irrational and unfair. "Well, I hope Spike is careful. That wound—"

"Is completely healed," Enid said, patting her on the shoulder. " Relax, cariad . Spike is quite well, and he is very much recovered. Meg needs to see her father play to set her own fears to rest."

Buffy relaxed slightly with Enid 's reassurance. The older woman never lied, nor did she sugarcoat the truth. It was easy to believe her. "Yeah, he's better."

"And your nightmares?"

The question was asked in a low tone, so that none of the other women heard. They were discussing how long the roasts needed to be in the oven. Buffy met Enid 's eyes, startled. "How—"

"You are not the only one who worries," Enid replied, her tone amused. "He asked me if I might give you something."

Buffy shook her head. "No. If they're Slayer dreams, it's better that I have them. If they're trying to warn me or something—"

"These are not prophetic dreams, I think," Enid interrupted gently. "These are memories, and they are your deepest fears, are they not?"

Buffy flushed. "Something like that. I just keep seeing—" She broke off. "It's not something you can just forget."

"No one is asking you to forget," Enid replied. "Remember, Buffy—memories can easily tear us down, or they can be used to build something stronger. Do not let yours undermine what you have spent so many years building."

Enid bustled off to stir the gravy, leaving Buffy to stare down at the vegetables she was supposed to be chopping. Enid was right, of course. She knew she'd been brittle these last weeks—brittle with fear that sapped her strength.

Buffy just didn't know how to let it go.

~~~~~

Giles swirled the scotch in his glass and then savored the taste. Outside Angel's office were the distant sounds of play and the even more distant sounds from the kitchen. It was rare for him to make two trips back to California within such a short timespan, but he'd deemed it necessary. He'd wanted to look in on Spike and Buffy, as well as see how Wesley was getting on with Hannah.

He also needed to discuss what was to be done about the Cleveland Hellmouth.

"I am fairly certain you aren't here just to eat Thanksgiving dinner with us, Rupert," Wesley commented, sipping at his own drink.

Giles smiled slightly. "No. Is it that obvious?"

"It's tradition at this point," Wesley replied. "You always show up for the apocalypses."

Giles winced. "Yes, well, there's no apocalypse this time, thank goodness."

"But there's something."

"It's about the Hellmouth."

"I assume you're not referring to the one in Sunnydale," Wesley said with a quiet sigh. " Cleveland , then?"

Giles nodded. "After this last incident, the coven has been hard-pressed to keep a lid on things. We believe that the area would benefit from the presence of a Slayer."

Wesley was shaking his head before the words were even out of Giles' mouth. "I'm sorry, Rupert, but I don't see how I can relocate. I have a family to consider—not just the boys, but Nika and—"

"That's what I thought you would say," Giles interrupted smoothly. "I had to ask, though, you see. There's another option."

Wesley frowned, realizing suddenly who Giles was referring to. "You're talking about Connor and Dawn."

"They do work for the Council," Giles responded. "And Connor is more than a match for a Slayer. I think it is our best option."

"Then why would you even suggest I move?" Wesley asked, a touch of anger in his voice. "You won't make me feel guilty about this, Rupert. You'll recall that when I told you I'd come back to work for the Council, I made it clear that I wouldn't travel."

"You did," Giles said, unruffled. "Still, the tradition is for the Slayer to go where she is needed. I was told to ask you if you'd be willing to go to Cleveland . I also told the Council that I would back your decision, whatever it happened to be."

Wesley gave him a sour look. "You already knew."

"They didn't." Giles shrugged. He'd grown mellow in his old age. There wasn't much that bothered him anymore. The older Watcher had known Wesley wouldn't agree to move; the Council had insisted he ask. They had paid for his flight back to the States, which meant he would still be able to make it back for Christmas. Giles thought he might be getting the best part of the deal.

Wesley chuckled, realizing that Giles had timed his visit well. "I see. I honestly don't know if Connor and Dawn would be willing go," he commented. "They might refuse as well."

Giles shook his head. "No, I don't think they will. It may take them some time to make the transition—time that I am willing to give them. They are both young, however, and do not have the ties that you and Spike do here in L.A. "

"You're right about that much." Wesley considered that idea for a moment, recognizing the truth in Giles' words, knowing that Connor and Dawn might like to start again in a new city , might relish the chance to begin their own life away from family.

Giles took another drink, emptying his glass. "I'll speak with them later. I wanted to talk to you away from the others, though. You and I understand one another. Your wife might not be so forgiving if she thought I was trying to get you to relocate to Cleveland ."

"Nika might surprise you," Wesley returned, but his smile told Giles that he'd been right in his assessment. Giles didn't want to be on Nika's bad side. She was a formidable woman.

"How is Hannah doing?" Giles asked, neatly changing the subject. "Are the two of you getting along alright?"

"We're still in a period of adjustment, of course," Wesley hedged. Giles' raised eyebrow told Wes that he wasn't buying it. "There have been a few difficulties, but nothing major. Nothing we haven't been able to handle."

"And Hannah? How is she coming along in her training?"

"She loves it," Wesley replied frankly. "It has both Nika and me worried. Training is all she wants to do. Hannah doesn't even argue with us about doing her homework."

"You're painting a picture of the perfect Slayer."

"Too perfect, perhaps," Wesley replied. "She's afraid that she'll make a mistake and get thrown out on her ear, I believe. While she's enthusiastic, I think that her desire for perfection is having a negative effect on her fighting ability. She's too stiff. Spike thinks that she isn't flexible enough."

Giles sighed. "Something like that will take time to work through. I imagine that at about the time she feels comfortable enough to act like a normal teenager, you'll wish she didn't."

Wesley chuckled ruefully. He had a feeling that Giles was right.

~~~~~

In many ways, the game of hide and seek was somewhat unfair. The Slayer was more than capable of finding all the children, in spite of her unfamiliarity with the hotel. She also had no desire to see Spike or Connor lose. That meant that Hannah was more inclined to let the younger children slip past her as she hunted the great Angelus.

Wesley had explained about Angel and Spike. Angelus was one of the most evil vampires to ever live, and it was only the soul that prevented him from killing everyone. Hannah wasn't sure what she thought about that.

She did know that while Angel was a decent guy to have at your back on patrol, Connor and Spike were a whole lot more fun to be around. Although, Angel did try really hard.

Hannah's favorite night so far had been the night that Connor and Angel had taken her with them on one of their cases. They'd made her wait in the car, but watching them had been like watching poetry in motion.

Still, of the three men, she'd much rather see Angel lose. He would pout, and that would be funny.

Hannah took a deep breath and honed her perceptions as Wesley had been teaching her to do. She could feel the two vampires if she thought about it hard enough. Now all she needed to do was to figure out which was which.

Hannah caught Davey before he could reach the couch, but she allowed Will to slip by, knowing that it would boost his self-esteem. She managed to catch Meg too, because the little girl kept acting oh-so-superior.

After that, Hannah was fairly certain which vampiric signature was Angel's, and she headed up to the top floor of the hotel. Stepping softly, watching out for creaky floorboards, she tried to still her breathing as much as possible.

She heard a rustle of sound behind her, and with a burst of speed, tackled Angel around the knees, taking him down.

The big vampire gave an " oof" of surprise, raising an eyebrow when Hannah perched on his chest. "Gotcha."

"Yeah, you sure did. Am I the last one?" Angel asked.

Hannah smirked. "Nope. I haven't found Spike or Connor yet."

Angel hid his own smile, letting out a frustrated sigh. He'd never tell her, but he had allowed Hannah to find him. Wesley had been talking about boosting her confidence. From the glow of pride on her face, this had been almost exactly what she'd needed. "Darn," he muttered. "Spike is going to be insufferable for the rest of the day."

Hannah clambered off the floor and offered him a hand up. Angel took it even though he wasn't sure how much help she'd actually be. "Do you want to help me find them?" Hannah asked, thinking it might help Angel feel better.

"Tell you what," he offered. "Why don't you hunt Spike, and I'll see if I can find that son of mine?"

Hannah thought for a second and then grinned at him—a child's grin. "Betcha I find Spike first."

She was gone a moment later, leaving Angel smiling. It was progress. Her willingness to engage in some good-natured fun with him was definitely progress.

Chapter 23: March 2017

Davey and Will lagged slightly behind Hannah. She was walking them home as she always did, Sam acting as her shadow. They were talking and laughing, Hannah allowing Sam to carry her backpack as well as his. She was finding out how nice it was to have someone else take care of her on occasion.

They were wrapped up in their own world, leaving Will to attempt to console his twin. "Maybe it'll be okay?"

"How is it supposed to be okay?" Davey asked glumly. "There's no way they're going to let me play Little League this summer. I'll probably be stuck doing lessons all the time." A note of panic crept into his voice. "And England ! We're s'posed to go visit this summer. What if they leave me behind?"

"They're not going to leave you behind," Will said, sounding very much like his father. "'Sides, Mum knows now about Mrs. Howard."

Davey scowled. "Yeah, and you heard her. She said I had to stick it out this year. Dad's going to kill me."

"He's not going to kill you."

"Yes, he is," Davey argued. "You're always getting high marks, and I just—"

"I'll tell them," Will said . "It's not your fault."

"It's not fair."

Will didn't have a response to that. It wasn't entirely the teacher's fault that Davey was failing. His twin had always struggled more with school, and when the pressure was on like this, Davey tended to freeze up. Put him in a similar situation on the baseball diamond or football field, and it was the exact opposite, though.

Will understood that. Davey was essentially his other half, after all.

"Dawn and Connor are coming," he said, trying to find something that would cheer Davey up. "Mum and Dad will be in a good mood."

Davey kicked at a rock in the path. "Not after they see that note."

Will sighed. "Yeah. You're probably right."

~~~~~

Wesley looked up at the knock on the door. The downside of owning a business was the paper work, and he had to admit that it was his least favorite part. He and Spike had retained a reputable accountant a number of years before, but that didn't get him completely off the hook. He'd hoped to be finished before Dawn and Connor arrived for dinner, but he kept getting interrupted.

"Come in," he called, watching as Davey pushed the door open, remaining in the doorway. "What is it, Dafydd?"

There was more impatience in his voice than he'd meant to convey, and Wesley winced when his son did. "Come inside, son."

Wesley wasn't sure what had brought his son in to visit. Will could often be found sitting on the couch, reading silently as he did his work. Davey was more likely to be outside, especially when the weather was nice.

Even if the rarity of Davey's visits wasn't an indication, the expression on the boy's face would have been enough to tip Wesley off that he wasn't going to like what Davey had to say. He'd been a father long enough to know guilt when he saw it.

Davey said nothing, just came up to the desk and handed him an envelope. It was unopened, and Wesley frowned, wondering why he hadn't shown it to Nika first. Typically, she was the one the boys brought their school notes to, since she was usually the first to greet them.

His frown deepened as he read the teacher's words.

David is doing poorly in three out of five of the major subjects. I would suggest keeping him back a year. He lacks the maturity and focus needed to be successful.

Wesley raised an eyebrow. "Does Mrs. Howard know your full name?"

"She doesn't ever spell it right," Davey replied, knowing what his father was referring to. So far, Wesley hadn't shouted, or even appeared to be all that upset. He relaxed slightly.

One of the reasons that Wesley preferred to let Nika deal with this sort of thing first was that he feared reacting as his father had. He did not want to demand perfection from his sons, knowing first hand how damaging those unreachable expectations could be. Wesley wasn't sure why Davey had come to him first, but he didn't want to hurt the boy's feelings.

After all, he had very vivid memories of standing before his father in just this way with a similar note. Not that he'd been failing, but he hadn't managed perfection. He hadn't been good enough.

Remembering that scene, and his father's harsh words, gave Wesley the ability to take a deep breath and ask, "Would you like to tell me what happened?"

Davey looked at him, startled, and then stared at the floor. His expression was a mix of sullenness and dread. "I'm not that smart."

"I don't believe that for a minute." Wesley moved around the desk so he could meet Davey's eyes. "I know you've been doing your homework. Your mother and I have been checking it over. Unless you haven't been bringing it all home—"

"No!" Davey said, stung that Wesley could think he'd been lying for the last few months. "I haven't been hiding anything!"

Wesley nodded. "I believe you. You've always been honest with me in the past. So what's been happening? Because you are certainly not stupid."

"It's the tests," Davey confessed, his face turning a dull red. "It's just—I can't do them. My brain freezes up."

Wesley shook his head. "Failing a few tests shouldn't be enough to hurt your scores that much, Davey. Surely—"

"You can ask Will," Davey shot back. "She gives them out every week. Quizzes and then tests too. Mum said I had to stick it out and get my grades up. Now I won't be able to go on, and everybody's going to think—"

Wesley hushed him with a look and a rough hug. "You're not staying back," was his firm answer . "If I have to tutor you myself this summer, you will go on to the next grade. Besides, you're not going back to that school, so it shouldn't matter what this woman has to say." The way his dad said "this woman" made Davey grin. "She can't even spell your name right."

"Then I can still come to England with you?"

Wesley stared at him. "Why on earth would you think we'd leave you behind?"

Shrugging uncomfortably, Davey said, "If I have to be in summer school..."

"You aren't going to summer school," Wesley said. "As I said, I'll tutor you myself, and I'm sure your mum will help. Although, I imagine you'll end up wishing you were in summer school."

Davey gave a huge sigh of relief. "Then I can still play baseball?"

"Yes, you can play baseball," Wesley replied. "Now, go find your mother and ask her to come see me, please. And do your homework!" he called as Davey ran out the door, heaving a sigh of relief. That hadn't gone too badly, although it seemed they needed to have another conference with the teacher. Wesley was sure that she had Davey's best interests at heart, but she didn't know his son as he did.

Wesley hadn't received much support from either of his parents growing up, and he never wanted his own children to be able to say the same. This was a battle he had no trouble fighting on Davey's behalf.

~~~~~

"We're telling them tonight, right?" Buffy asked, watching as Spike finished buttoning his shirt.

He shrugged. "Up to you, pet. We don't have to."

"No, I want to, if you do," she replied, smiling. "Besides, I don't think Meg's going to be able to keep it a secret much longer."

Spike grinned. "She's nearly bursting, yeah?" They had sat Meg down the day after they'd done the at-home pregnancy test. With Dawn and Connor coming, it was unlikely that Buffy would be able to keep her morning sickness private, and Dawn would know exactly what was going on, since her own experiences were so recent.

Neither of them had been sure how Meg would react. It was a toss-up between thrilled to death and upset over losing her spot as an only child. They needn't have worried, however. Meg had been wanting a sibling ever since Carwen was born, and she immediately started telling her parents how big of a help she could be.

Meg really was a good kid. Buffy was deeply afraid that it wasn't going to last through her teenage years. Hadn't her mother always said "Wait until you have a child just like you someday?"

Now, of course, she wanted to tell the world, and had been persuaded to keep quiet with some difficulty. Dawn and Connor had arrived only a few hours before, and Meg had nearly dropped the news twice already.

"You're really okay with this?" Buffy asked suddenly, wanting to know that he wasn't just play-acting being happy for her sake.

Spike turned to look at her, his blue eyes serious. He'd begun to develop a tan in the last few months, and it just intesified the color. "I'm okay with it." Spike sat down next to her on the bed. "Let me ask you. Are you really okay with me? Being human, I mean. I know you didn't want me to do this, and I can't help but wonder—"

"I didn't want you to leave," Buffy corrected him gently. "I didn't want to lose you. Spike, I love you. I know you feel different, but you're the same to me. You're still the man I fell in love with. I've had so many people leave one way or another, I was scared to death of losing you. You came so close in Cleveland ..."

He pulled her to him, still not used to the fact that his skin was as warm as hers now. Spike had found a few new gray hairs that morning, a reminder that he was aging.

Right along with his wife.

"I just thought it was because you wanted me because I was a vampire," Spike said, adding sheepishly, "Figured it was because the undead got you hot."

It was such a typical comment coming from him that Buffy didn't even react except to roll her eyes and thwap him across the chest half-heartedly. "Would we be dealing with this now if you were still a vampire?"

"No, luv, but—"

"I know I've screwed up before," Buffy said. "I know that sometimes when you doubt that I love you, there's good reason."

"Buffy—"

"But I love you. I don't think I could live without you. I was so afraid that you wouldn't come back to me, or that you'd be a stranger, and I couldn't deal with that."

It wasn't often that they were so honest with each other. Actions spoke louder than words for the both of them, and she and Spike often preferred it that way. Still, Buffy had gotten better over the years at being honest, at telling Spike how she was feeling, or what she thought. During those awful months when Spike was trying to figure out what he wanted to do, and Buffy was doing her best to ignore his journey, she had not allowed herself honesty.

During the last couple of months, once he was back safe with her, Buffy felt that Spike might be too fragile to hear the words, and not ready to listen.

"I love you," Spike said softly. "Don't doubt me when I say that I'm thrilled 'bout this. You know I think of Meg as mine, but this—"

"This is different," Buffy agreed. "It would be nice if he looked like you."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "Could be a girl."

"I'm rooting for a boy," she replied. "It'd be nice."

He smiled, reverently putting a hand over her abdomen. "That it would." They sat for a long moment before Spike started speaking again. "I have a question, but don't feel like you have to say yes."

"Just ask," Buffy replied.

Spike shrugged. "You think you'd want to renew our vows?"

"What?" Surprise made her tone sharp.

He stood quickly. "Forget it. It's a stupid idea, and—"

"No, it's not stupid," Buffy quickly replied. "I just—you surprised me. Why do you want to renew our vows?" He just looked at her. "Humor me."

Spike sighed. "Because it would be nice. Because I'm not the bloke you married, even if you don't think of us any differently. You married the vampire without a soul. I'm—not him."

It was useless to try to argue, of that Buffy was sure. For one thing, she'd been trying to convince him that he was the same man since he came back. Spike just wasn't buying it, and it had only been when she'd stopped trying to tell him he was the same, and simply accepted what he was, that things had gotten easier between them.

It didn't really matter anyway. Buffy would still marry him in a heartbeat, so it wasn't like it really mattered. Or maybe it did matter, but not in the way that it would to Spike.

"Okay."

"Okay? Okay what?" Spike asked, scowling.

Buffy smiled. "Okay, I'll renew our vows, and I do get why you want to do this. Just one thing."

"What's that, luv?" Spike asked, relief evident in his tone. He hadn't wanted her to think less or him, nor had he been certain she would understand.

"We do it before the baby's born," Buffy replied. "I'm going to do it right this time . First the wedding, then the baby."

Spike couldn't help but laugh.

~~~~~

Meg heard her father laugh down the hall, and a little more of the fear seeped out of her bones.

She had a lot of friends whose parents were divorced, and she'd heard their stories. How their moms and dads had yelled at each other, or had never spoken. How one parent was never around and the other was always sad.

Ever since her dad had come home from that trip, Meg had been scared that he would leave, or that her mom would make him go. They had fought for months before he'd left, and Meg was sure that it was something bad.

By now, she knew the difference between a normal argument and a fight that would leave the house ten degrees cooler for days.

Meg's joy over getting a little brother or sister was real, but it was more than that. She figured her parents were definitely sticking together now. They wouldn't have wanted another kid otherwise.

It would be nice to have a younger sibling, though. She had wanted one since Carwen was born. Meg had envied the twins their younger sister, plus having Hannah living with them. There was always so much going on, and she wished it could be more like that at her house.

This was a good start, though.

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