Need by Addie Logan

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Chapters 23-24

Chapter 23

William's mother hadn't come to wake him up that morning and he assumed she'd cancelled his lessons for the day. Not that he really cared. He was too miserable to concentrate anyway.

Time wasn't easing his pain. It was only making it worse since the longer he was away from Buffy the more he hurt. He was empty without her, and there was nothing to fill the void she left behind.

He didn't leave the bed all morning, not caring how pathetic that made him. All he had the energy to do was sulk anyway. His mother had come once to try to get him to agree to eat something, but he'd declined. His stomach was too tied up in knots for food.

It was later in the afternoon before his mother came back, this time walking into his room and sitting on the edge of the bed. "William, we need to talk."

"I'll get out of bed tomorrow," he replied, though his voice held little conviction.

"It's not about that. I have something to ask you about Cecily Underwood."

William sat up and looked at his mother. "What about her?"

"Do you still have feelings for Cecily?"

"Bloody hell, no!" William exclaimed. He blushed when he remembered who he was talking to. "Sorry, Mother. I didn't mean to curse."

"It's all right, dear. I'm actually a bit relieved by your enthusiasm. Thought it does make what I heard today somewhat more confusing."

William frowned. "Oh? What's that?"

"Buffy seems to be under the impression that you kissed Cecily at a party last Friday. She claims she saw you."

"What? I wouldn't…" William's eyes widened. "Oh bollocks. Cecily kissed me . I pushed her away, made it right clear that I'm not interested. Buffy saw that? Or the kissing part at least…" William realized that that did make Buffy's behavior a lot clearer. It made sense that she would say she never wanted to see him again if she thought he'd recently been snogging Cecily.

One thing, however, did not make sense. "How did you know that—about Buffy seeing me with Cecily?" William asked his mother.

"That's not important. What is is that you fix this right away. Go over to her house and speak to the girl. Only I do suggest you tidy up a bit first. You might frighten the poor dear the way you look at the moment."

"Gee, thanks, Mum."

"It's only a bit of advice, sweetheart," she replied, patting his leg. "Women tend to like their men a little more—clean. Now you get up and go get your girl back before you turn into one of those lonely middle-aged men obsessed with their mothers, okay?"

William cocked an eyebrow. "What, are you trying to marry me off already?"

"Just looking out for your best interests," his mother answered with a wry smile. "Now up. Stop wasting time."

"What if she won't listen to me?" William asked, feeling his fear returning. "Or what if she's realized over the past few days that she's happier without me."

"William, honestly," his mother said with a heavy sigh. "You're making up excuses and they're not at all helpful. I saw a change in you when you were with this woman. She made you happy, pulled you out of your shell. I'd rather not think about how she accomplished this exactly, but as your mother I can't begrudge the good she did for you. It was obvious the two of you had something strong between you, even watching from the side as I did, and if you're going to let that go because of a misunderstanding, well, I'm going to have to stop telling people how smart my son is."

"I just…she was so upset, and I don't know if…"

"William, get in the bloody shower and then go talk to your girlfriend. Now ."

William froze for only a moment before scrambling to get out of the bed and head towards the bathroom. There was no arguing with his mother—not when she had that look on her face.

Anne smiled to herself as she got to her feet and walked from her son's room. Now all she had to do was call Rupert and make sure he let William in, and she knew those two kids would work everything out.

*** *** ***

Buffy sat on her bed trying to concentrate on her homework. She'd been in a good mood for most of the day, Cecily's expulsion brightening what would've otherwise been dark. But now when she was alone, she was unable to keep the thoughts of William at bay.

This was precisely why she hadn't wanted to fall in love again. She'd gone through this before and the aftermath from it had almost destroyed her life. She couldn't let that happen again. She knew she shouldn't have allowed herself to fall for William in the first place, but she had, and the best she could do now was take it as a lesson. No matter how good a man seemed, he would still end up only breaking your heart.

Buffy heard a knock on her door and called out an automatic "Come in" without looking up from her textbook, assuming it to be Giles.

"Hello, Buffy."

Buffy froze, her heart jumping. She'd know that voice anywhere, and it certainly wasn't Giles… She looked up, taking in her first good look of him in days and feeling her body temperature rise. With a shake of her head, she reminded herself that she couldn't want him anymore. "Get out of my room, William."

"Not until we've talked."

"I think I made it pretty damn clear that I didn't want to talk to you anymore," Buffy snapped. "Now get the fuck out."

William's jaw ticked, but he stood his ground, neither moving closer to her or retreating. "No. We need to talk. I think there's a few things that you've gotten wrong."

"The only thing I've gotten wrong was thinking you were worth my time," Buffy replied. She slammed her book shut. "And if you won't leave, then I am, because I can't stand to even look at you."

Buffy got off her bed and started towards the door. Just as she was passing William, his hand shot out, grabbing her by the arm. Buffy looked up at him angrily, trying to break his grasp. "Let me go."

"Buffy, listen to me. You're being ridiculous!"

"Ridiculous! After the way you've treated me?"

"Yes!" William yelled. "Bloody hell, I haven't even done what you think I did, Buffy! All you're doing is thinking the worst of me, never giving me a sodding chance."

"I don't have to give you a chance! You're all the same. Every man I've ever trusted has broken my heart. Why should you be any different?"

"Because I am!" William replied. "I've never done anything to hurt you, Buffy."

"You kissed Cecily!" Buffy screamed. "And don't even try to deny it, William, because I saw you."

"What you saw was Cecily kissing me," William said. "I pushed her away! I'm not interested in her, Buffy, especially after what she did to you—to us. She's nothing to me. You're everything."

Buffy paused a little at that, blinking. "What?"

"I didn't kiss Cecily. She threw herself at me and I turned her down. Told her she'd never be the woman you are."

Buffy gaped, unsure of what to say. Could William be telling the truth? It seemed rather convenient, him claiming that he had indeed pushed Cecily away, only it had been right after Buffy had left. That sort of stuff only happened in fiction, never in real life. "I can't believe you," Buffy said.

"It's the truth," William told her. He turned her so she was facing him, wrapping his free hand around her other arm. "Look at me, Buffy. I'm not with Cecily. I will never be with Cecily. You are the only woman in this world that I want to be with. I need you, Buffy, need you like I need the blood in my veins. I'm dying without you, kitten. Can't sodding stand a day of my life that you're not in."

Buffy felt hot tears pricking her eyes. "I can't, William," she said, shaking her head from side to side. "I can't get hurt again. I can't…"

"You won't. Buffy, I promise you that the last thing I will ever do is hurt you. I'd die before I'd let that happen. You've worked your way into my heart until all that's there is you."

"I can't," Buffy repeated.

In desperation, William pulled her to him, crushing her mouth with his. Buffy's eyes widened, her body staying stiff for a moment before she gave in and melted against, unable to resist any longer. Feeling her grow pliant, William released his grip on her to wrap his arms around her and pull her close.

It didn't take long at all for their kiss to become desperate, their bodies rubbing up against each other as they sought what they'd been denied for these cold, lonely nights. William knew that nothing had really been resolved and that what they should be doing right then was talking, but he couldn't quite get himself to care. Feeling her in his arms made his brain take an immediate backseat.

He broke away from her mouth, panting for air. "I want you, Buffy. God , I want you."

"I want you, too, William," she replied. "I've missed you so much…"

That was all the go-ahead William needed. Talking could come later. He glanced to his side at the few feet separating them from the bed and decided it was too far, pulling Buffy down with him to the floor instead. Their hands tore at each other's clothes until there was nothing left to separate them. "Buffy, can't…" William panted. "I have to be inside now…"

Buffy knew what he was trying to say and agreed. Now was not the time for teasing and foreplay. That could come later when they'd taken the edge off of the raging desperation caused by their separation. She wrapped her legs around his hips, showing him that she welcomed him inside. "I know. I need you, too."

William wasted no more time in sliding in to the hilt, filling Buffy with one long stroke. They both froze at the feeling of being joined again, their eyes locking. He felt his feelings for Buffy rising to the surface, and William knew he couldn't hold them back anymore. He rested his weight on one hand, stroking her cheek with the other.

"I love you, Buffy."

Buffy gasped at his words, seeing them reflected in his crystal blue eyes. It was almost too much, the moment so intense she felt as if she could shatter. Any words she might have said got caught in her throat, and she thrust her hips, desperate to relieve both the pressure in her body and her heart.

William began to move then, his eyes still looking deeply into hers. Buffy found herself almost fighting for breath, both her emotions and his weighing on her. She held on to his arms hard enough to mark him, feeling as if she let go, she'd slip away.

William ducked his head down, his mouth against her ear. She could hear him whispering something repeatedly until it finally pierced her fogged brain. Love you…love you… over and over again. Buffy gasped, bucking beneath him, tears streaming down her cheeks, though she was unaware of them. He made her feel so much.

Buffy screamed when her orgasm hit her, her nails scoring William's pale skin. He followed her over soon afterwards and Buffy continued to cling to him, needing to keep him close, to keep the connection.

Finally, they collapsed in a heap, their ragged breaths seeming almost synchronized as they pushed against the silence in the room. Buffy's heart was beating so rapidly it frightened her as her thoughts whirled through her mind.

William loved her…he'd said the words. Oh god, William loved her, too!

She wasn't sure if that filled her with happiness or dread. He'd said the words…did he mean them? Could she trust him with her heart after it had taken so long to patch it up the last time it had broken? Would she be able to handle it if she accepted his love now and he took it away from her later? She opened her mouth to speak, though she stopped as she caught something out of the corner of her eye.

"William?"

"Yeah?"

"We forgot to close the door."

He glanced up, a chuckle rumbling though his chest as he saw that it indeed was open. "Yeah, we did. Sorry, got a little…distracted."

"It's okay. I think Giles is down in his study anyway."

"Actually, he was headed out when I came in," William said. "Didn't say where he was going."

"Oh."

William dropped a kiss to her forehead before standing up, going over to the door and shutting it. He walked back to Buffy then, picking her up and cradling her in his arms as he carried her over to the bed. Buffy let him, welcoming his embrace as he slid under the blankets with her, holding her close. Her school books slid to the floor, but she ignored them, turning to bury her face against William's chest, breathing his scent in deeply.

Words were still left unsaid on both sides, and they knew it. But for the moment, neither one cared. For the first time in days, they felt complete.

Chapter 24

Buffy and William lay together in silence for a long while, neither of them quite ready to give voice to the thoughts running through their minds. Silence was enough for the moment.

William had not missed that Buffy hadn't returned his declaration of love. He hadn't really expected her to, and while part of him was simply relieved that she hadn't reacted negatively to it, he was also disappointed to find that she really didn't love him back. Part of him had hoped for it even as he'd told himself it wouldn't happen.

He was back with her now, but William wondered how long it would last. She didn't love him, and eventually she'd want to be with someone whom she did love. She'd break his heart all over again, and this time it would be for good. He tightened his arms around her, pulling her closer to him.

Buffy felt William's embrace strengthen. She couldn't stop thinking about those three words he'd let slip earlier and whether or not he'd actually meant them. It certainly wasn't the first time a man had claimed to love her during sex, though it was the first time the words came as something other than a shout of orgasmic bliss. Did that give more credence to his words?

What if William only thought he loved her? She knew this was his first relationship and that the feelings of desire were strong on both sides—that much was obvious. Was he confusing lust for love? And what happened when the passion cooled, as Buffy knew it had a habit of doing? Would the love he claimed to feel for her dry up with it?

She couldn't shake that thought, no matter how hard she tried. It was a very real possibility, and one that Buffy found herself leaning towards. He thought he loved her now, but soon enough he'd realize it had been just lust.

Buffy couldn't stand that thought. It cut her deeply, and she reached up to put her hand against his cheek, stroking it gently for a moment before tugging him down for a hard kiss.

William kissed her back hungrily, feeling his erection returning already. It took but a touch from Buffy and his desire was nearly uncontrollable. She pressed herself against him, rubbing her wet pussy against his thigh, and William knew he had to have her again. He'd gone too long without her and his body felt starved. The quick tumble he'd had with her by the door had merely whet his appetite. He pulled Buffy up, rolling her over so she was straddling his waist.

Buffy immediately slid down, taking him inside. Her whole body trembled as he filled her and she leaned forward slightly, bracing herself against his chest. William's hands slid along her thighs and hips, sending shockwaves in their wake.

"Need you to move, kitten," William said, pushing his hips up to urge her on.

Buffy groaned at the desperation in his voice as she started her rhythm, slowly rocking her hips against him. Every nerve in her body was on alert and even this was almost too much for her. The intensity of their coupling was shaking her to her very core, hitting her hard after so many days without him.

William's entire body strained for more. He felt as if he was drowning in her even as he reached to her for something to hold on to. He pushed his hips up harder with every thrust, needing more than the gentle rocking sensation she was creating. He needed all the passion, all the heat. He needed everything.

Soon, he was slamming into her, making Buffy buck upwards with every hard thrust. She cried out over and over, her body shaking uncontrollably. She clung to William's shoulders, not trusting herself to stay upright without support. She could feel her approaching orgasm gathering strength inside of her, tightening her body until she exploded with a scream.

Buffy slumped forward against William's chest, her only movements those of the involuntary aftershocks making her spasm. William flipped them over, hooking her legs over his arms so he could drive into her. Buffy grunted with every thrust, her mind having practically shut down from it all. Finally, William called out, pinning her hips to the mattress with his as he came hard inside of her.

William rolled off of Buffy, lying on his back and panting heavily as he stared up at the ceiling. He'd already had sex with Buffy so many times that he'd lost count, but that… He could barely move now, his body feeling almost completely drained. He was fighting to get his breathing to return to normal, and his heart was pounding in his chest so loudly that he wondered if Buffy could hear it.

Finally, he felt his strength return enough that he could roll over, gathering Buffy in his arms. He pulled her close and looked down at her, only to find her crying. "Buffy?" William asked softly, worry creasing his face. "What's wrong, luv?"

"Not wrong," Buffy replied, her voice weak. "Just so much… You were gone, and now you're here, and that was… God, William, I don't know what that was exactly, but it felt…"

"Intense?"

"Yeah."

William pushed her hair back from her face before brushing away her tears. She looked so beautiful there, even with her hair mussed and her make-up long since gone. "I love you," he said softly.

Buffy tensed in his arms. "William, I…" She looked away. "Don't."

Her response broke his heart, especially after what they'd just shared. "Buffy, please… I'm not asking for anything return, luv, just please don't turn away from me like that."

She looked up slightly, though she wouldn't meet his eyes. "You don't love me, William."

That wasn't at all the response William had expected. "What?"

"You don't love me. You only think you do."

William stiffened. He'd expected Buffy to tell him she didn't love him, not the other way around. "You don't know what I'm feeling, Buffy."

"Yes, I do."

William felt himself growing angry. How could she presume to know his feelings better than he did? "Oh, well then, by all means, enlighten me on what I'm feeling. Do tell."

"It's just the way things have been between us, William—so passionate and intense. And since you've never been in a relationship before, you're…"

William didn't let her finish. He got out of the bed, storming over to his clothes and snatching them from the floor. Buffy sat up, pulling the sheet over her chest. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"Home. I can't be around you right now."

"William, I'm sorry," Buffy said as she watched him dress. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just don't want you to be confused about what you're feeling."

"I'm not!" William yelled, making Buffy shrink back. "Bloody hell, I know what I feel for you, and it's love. Although I wish it wasn't, considering what a right bitch you've been to me this week. Be a sight easier if I could just bloody hate you."

"How can you say that?" Buffy asked. "You say you love me and then turn around and say that ? That should prove my point right there!"

"It's doesn't prove a damn thing except that you're driving me out of my sodding mind! There's nothing I've wanted in this relationship except to be here for you—to love you—and you just throw it back in my face. You don't trust me. You think the worst of me every chance you get." William held out his hand, ticking things off on his fingers as he listed them. "You've accused me of thinking you're a whore and not wanting you because of my class standing. You've accused me of screwing around with a woman I wouldn't touch for anything in the world, and instead of just asking me about it personally in the first place, you jumped to conclusions after catching two bloody seconds of the scene—and followed that up by yelling that you never wanted to see me again. And now you have the audacity to sit there and tell me I don't love you." He threw his hands up. "Bloody fucking hell… Either I do love you or I'm incredibly masochistic to put up with this shite."

Buffy gaped for a moment. "William, I…"

"No. Just don't. I'm tired of this, Buffy. I thought after I found out what had you so upset that I could just explain to you the truth and we could go back to the way things were, but apparently I was wrong. I guess that's because of my completely lack of relationship knowledge, too. How stupid of me." William turned around before halting, facing her again.  "You know, I may not have the experience of the men you've known in the past, but no one will ever love you like I do. Ever." He stormed out then, slamming the door hard enough to shake the room.

As soon as he was gone, Buffy's tears broke into sobs. She had never expected William to respond like that. He'd been so angry…

And the worst part was that he was right about much of what he'd said. She never had given him the benefit of the doubt, had never listened to his side. But then again, how could she have done things any differently given her past experiences? Every other time she'd faced something like this, the man had been doing exactly what she'd accused him of. How could she have assumed things to be any different with William? She had to look out for herself, after all.

But if everything William had said was true, them her behavior had been grossly unfair to him. He was right to call her a bitch. She'd been that and more. She realized now that she probably shouldn't have responded the way she did when William had told her he loved her, but she hadn't really been rejecting him like he thought. It was simply something she couldn't just let herself believe. She'd accepted a man's love in the past and he'd turned right around and cruelly taken it back, making it quite clear that he'd never really loved her to begin with. What if that happened with William? What if he realized not too long from then that he didn't really love her at all? That's all she'd been trying to prevent. She just didn't want him to say he loved her unless it was real—and it certainly couldn't be real for him now.

Or could it? Buffy knew without a doubt that she loved him. Was it really so farfetched that he'd fallen just as quickly?

But he was a guy, and they were different from women—at least in Buffy's experience. They could turn their feelings off and on, care one minute and not the next. That's just what they did and it was what she'd come to expect. Even her own father had easily stopped loving her.

But then there was Giles… He had nothing really to gain from taking her in and showing her kindness the way that he had. Furthermore, he'd asked for nothing in return. Didn't that alone fly in the face of all her beliefs about men?

So maybe Giles wasn't like the other men she knew. Maybe he could care about someone besides himself. If that were the case with him, then it was possible that she'd been wrong in her beliefs that all men her like her father and Angel. And if that were true, then it could be real love that William was feeling for her.

He'd never treated her badly. The two times she'd thought he'd done something to hurt her he claimed were misunderstandings. Why shouldn't she believe him?

Because she was afraid. Her past with Angel had done so much damage, made her terrified to trust. Angel had used her and thrown her away, only to then come back and do it all over again. Buffy had been petrified that William would do the same thing, suddenly going from one sort of man to another the way Angel had.

But it hadn't really been sudden with Angel. Buffy knew that now, even if she hadn't wanted to see it in the past. She had adored Angel and that had led her to do things and accept things that she never should have. She'd known deep down that he'd never been faithful to her, yet she'd also let herself be willingly blind in order to stay with the man she loved. The warning signs had all been there—she'd just chosen to ignore them.

They hadn't been there with William. He'd been kind and supportive, never once showing a single sign that he wanted to hurt her. What had happened with Cecily was easily put off on her, as cruel and vindictive as she tended to be towards Buffy.

And the way William looked at her… Angel had never looked at Buffy that way—not once in their whole relationship. William's eyes held so much emotion that it frightened her sometimes. It was raw and intense, pure feeling. It was…

It was love .

Buffy gasped at the realization, her heart beating faster. She'd been so worried about not being loved that she'd missed it when it was right there in front of her. She knew it now. She'd seen it every time he looked at her, felt it every time he touched her.

William loved her.

*** *** ***

William found the house quiet when he returned home, his mother having apparently already gone to bed. It was still relatively early, but it was common enough that he didn't question it. She was tired quite often.

He went straight to his room, his body tense with anger. How could she look at him and tell him he didn't love her? What right did she have to decide his feelings for him?

His frustration boiling over, William swiped an arm across his desk, knocking everything to the ground with a roar. Tears stung his eyes even as his body shook in fury, and he grabbed a glass from his side table, throwing it against the wall so it smashed.

His breaths were coming in sharp, ragged pants, and he knew he had to get a grip on himself. Hoping it would calm him down, he went into the bathroom and stripped off his clothes before turning on the shower as hot as he could stand it.

William stood in the stall, angry tears mingling with the water. He tried not to think of the time he'd spent in there with Buffy, how much she'd made him feel. He didn't care what she said, he knew it was love. Nothing else could feel like this. The lust and desire were certainly present, but that wasn't all he felt. How could she belittle his feelings that way, make it all about his body and not at all about his heart?

Finally, William had control of himself again, and he turned off the water, stepping out of the shower. He grabbed a towel from the rack, wrapping it around his hips as he walked back towards his bedroom. He was drained and needed to sleep. He could deal with things in the morning.

William opened the door, stopping short when he looked into his room.

Buffy was sitting on the end of his bed.

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