Et Lux In Tenebris Lucet (And the Light Shineth in the Darkness) by Enigmaticblue

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Chapter 20: The End of It All

Spike sat on the couch, watching as the last of them left. He still hadn't heard from Xander or Willow. Or Buffy for that matter. He hadn't had time to call the hospital until just now, what with the police and the paramedics and everyone else who had paraded in and out over the last few hours.

What he wanted was to get to the hospital, to find out for himself what had happened to the Slayer, but he couldn't lie to himself. It would be near impossible to get to the sewers on crutches before bursting into flames; just as difficult to make his way over there. He simply wasn't mobile enough. What's more, Dawn would be home in a little while, and someone needed to be there, to explain-

'What was there to explain?' he wondered. Over a century of existance, and he still couldn't explain why someone like Tara would be the one to die. A stupid stray shot from a stupid nerd. And if Spike even thought it possible, he would be out there hunting Warren down himself.

Forcing himself out of his thoughts, he went to the phone and dialed the hospital, asking for information on Buffy Summers. "Are you family?" the voice asked.

Spike silently begged Buffy's apology as he answered. "I'm her boyfriend. 'm waitin' for her sister to get home from school."

"Miss Summers was in surgery until just a little while ago," the woman said.

"Then she's alright?" Spike asked, relief flooding through him.

The woman harrumphed. "A little more than alright, I'd say. She got up off the table and walked away. Without having a doctor look at her."

Spike blinked twice, and managed to thank her before hanging up. Not that he wasn't thrilled Buffy was going to be completely okay, but he had a feeling her miraculous recovery had a lot to do with Willow. He had an even stronger feeling that things were going to get very ugly.

~~~~~

Dawn swung the door open and peered around the hallway. "Hello? Buffy? Is anyone at home?"

"In here, Bit." Spike's voice was even rougher than usual, and when Dawn saw him she knew immediately that something was very wrong.

"What happened?" she asked flatly, coming over to stand in front of him as he sat on the couch.

He shook his head. "Sit down, Niblet." When she didn't move, he patted the couch next to him and rephrased. "Please, Dawn. Sit."

Dawn felt the bottom of her stomach fall. He never used her name, never. She sat. "Spike, please, what happened?"

He wouldn't look at her, wouldn't meet her eyes. "Luv. There was a shooting-"

"Buffy!" Dawn froze, torn between running and staying.

"Not Buffy," he said stiltedly. "Your sister's fine, Bit. She got hit, but she's fine. It was Tara. There was a stray shot, and-" He broke off, unable to actually say it. Tara had been his friend; he'd liked her. She'd sat with him as he cried.

Dawn shook her head. "No, Spike. No. You're lying. You have to be lying. Not-not Tara."

"I'm so sorry, Dawn," he whispered, pulling her into his arms out of instinct. Somehow knowing she needed to feel someone as much as he did at that moment. "I'm sorry."

It was that last apology that did Dawn in. He sounded broken, and Spike was never broken. Bent maybe, or depressed even. But not broken, not grieving so hard she could hear the tears in his voice. If Spike cried, then it was really real. "No," she repeated, but this time it was not a denial of the fact, it was a denial of the sense of it. But she let him hold her as she sobbed, never realizing that he was crying his own silent tears.

~~~~~

When Buffy came back to the house, it was dark outside, and she was more tired than she ever remembered being. In some ways, this was much worse than when her mother died. Joyce's death had been horrible, yes, even senseless. But Tara's death was that much more insane, and Willow's sudden falling off the wagon, even if it was understandable, meant that she might be facing one of her best friends as the Slayer. That's what made this worse.

"Buffy!" Dawn flew out of the living room into her sister's arms and clung tightly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She looked past Dawn to see Spike struggling to his feet. He looked as worn as she felt, his face paler than normal, dark shadows ringing his eyes. And he'd been crying. "Are you guys okay?"

Dawn nodded. "I guess."

"Spike?"

He shrugged. "Called an ambulance. They-they came an' got Tara not long after they left with you. Thought you might show up here soon, so the Bit and I stayed put."

She almost smiled, thinking that he'd put a wealth of information into those few words. He'd taken care of things, taken care of her sister. Again. "Thanks." And then came the fun of briefing the two of them on Willow and what had happened and getting cleaned up.

Dawn was fiercely glad that Willow was going after Warren, and even Xander didn't seem to have a problem with it. But Buffy understood that if she killed someone she would step over a line that shouldn't be crossed. To her surprise, it was Spike that backed her up. "If it were up to me, I'd hunt the bastard down and rip his throat out," he said bluntly. "An' I could, 'cause I'm an evil vampire. But the witch is human, and there are rules about things like this." He paused. "She steps over that line, there'll be hell to pay, and the Slayer's goin' to be the one doin' a lot of the judgin'. Know it doesn't seem fair, luv, but that's the way it is." He looked at Dawn as he said it.

Buffy nodded. "Spike's right. If Willow kills someone, I'm going to have to deal with her, and that's the last thing I want. Xander and I can go to the Magic Box and see if we can't do some kind of locater spell, something like that." She looked at her sister. "Dawn, I want you to stay here with Spike. You guys aren't to go anywhere. I won't be able to focus on what I need to do if I'm worrying about either one of you."

Dawn looked like she was going to protest, but Spike shook his head. "We'll stay put, Slayer. You think the witch'll come here?"

Buffy hesitated and then shook her head. "No, I don't. She's going to be too focused on Warren, but you never know. If she does show up, just be careful. I don't think she'd go after us, but-" She broke off, unwilling to admit that she thought Willow might be far enough gone to stop caring at this point. "We should go."

Xander nodded, heading for the door. He'd been uncharacteristically quiet, and Buffy knew he was having a hard time dealing with what had happened. Spike stood up to see them off, and she found herself turning at the door to look back at him. "I'll take care of things, Slayer," he said.

"I know," she replied, wanting to go back and kiss him. For luck, or just because it was the end of the world again, she didn't know. But she simply smiled and left, because that's the way it worked with them.

~~~~~

They had turned the TV on in the living room, though neither of them was watching it. Dawn kept looking out the front window every few seconds, while Spike watched her and the telly in turn. The girl finally lost patience. "Why do we have to stay here, Spike?" Dawn asked angrily. "We could have helped."

Spike sighed. Dawn was beginning to go into her whiny voice, but he couldn't blame her. He felt a little like whining himself, especially when they had no way of getting any kind of information as to what exactly was going on. "Buffy asked me to look after you, and she told the both of us to stay. So we're stayin'."

"Why?" she demanded. "You never listened to her before."

"Sure I did," he replied. "I listen to her every time the world's comin' to an end because she's the one that has to save it an' all."

Dawn didn't know how to respond to that one, since he was pretty much right. Even if he didn't listen to Buffy at any other time, when it came to the real life-and-death battles, he had a tendency to pay attention. She sat next to him and heaved a sigh. She hated being relegated to staying behind like a child, but the real reason she wanted to be out with her sister saving the world was because she had a theory she wouldn't be thinking nearly so much about Tara if she were busy.

"I miss her already," Dawn said suddenly.

Spike didn't have to ask her who she was referring to. "I know, Bit. I do too." They might have said more, but the front door blew open, and Spike felt a bolt of fear flow through him as he saw Willow enter. She'd fallen off the wagon, all right, but that wasn't all that had happened. He could smell the power on her, and the blood, and he knew she'd killed tonight. He also knew that she had a taste for it right now.

"Well, isn't this cozy?" she asked politely. "I just stopped by to pick up a few things, and I have a welcome party waiting for me."

"Willow-" Dawn began, but Spike placed himself in between the Wicca and the girl before she could get any closer.

He smiled at her thinly. "You've been havin' some fun tonight, Red."

She laughed. "Actually, I have. You have no idea how freeing it is just to let your hair down. Metaphorically speaking, of course."

"Willow, don't do this," Dawn begged. "I'm sorry about Tara, but you can't just go back to the magic. It's not right."

"Dawnie, Dawnie," Willow smiled evilly. "What would you know about right and wrong? Huh? I seem to remember you breaking more than a few rules. In fact, I remember you were making life pretty tough for Buffy and everybody else. Whiny little Dawnie."

"Willow, stop." Dawn was almost in tears; she couldn't believe what she was hearing. Spike kept his silence but stood a little straighter. If he had to go for the witch, he needed to be ready.

"Willow, stop," she mimicked. "You know, I seem to remember that you weren't always Buffy's kid sister. Once upon a time you were a green ball of energy. I'll bet that would be an improvement."

"That's enough." Spike's voice grated out through clenched teeth. Willow was high enough on the magic to do something stupid at this point, like try to kill Buffy's little sister. A murdering nerd was one thing; an innocent girl something else altogether.

Willow turned her wrath on him. "Or what? You'll growl at me? Somehow I don't find that real frightening at this point." She smiled suddenly, and Spike grew very still and very cold. "You used to be scary though, didn't you, Spike? Don't you want to be scary again? Get that pesky little chip out of your head?"

"Think I'll pass," he said evenly, proud of himself for his steady voice.

Her smile grew wider. "Is that right? You know, I think it might be the right time to put you back together, Spike. I'm feeling real magnanimous right now. Besides, I'm sure you could find some nerds to snack on." He didn't even have time to brace himself. One second she was talking, and the next second it felt like someone's hand was in his head, scrambling his brains. He realized that she would probably kill him, and he hoped that Dawn had the sense to run while Willow was otherwise occupied.

~~~~~

Buffy burst through the front door of the house, looking around for Willow. "Dawn! Spike!"

"Buffy, in here." Spike lay unconscious on the floor, Dawn sitting in a miserable heap next to him. "She hurt him really bad."

"What happened, Dawnie?" Buffy asked as patiently as she could. She'd found Rack's place, and his body, and some sixth sense had led her back to the house, worried for Spike and Dawn. When she and Xander had seen her, Willow had seemed to get a lot of pleasure coming after her friends. Buffy couldn't help but wonder if she'd go after the more helpless of them.

"Willow came. She was talking about turning me back, and then Spike stepped in front of me. She asked if he wanted the chip out, and then-" Dawn broke off. "I think she might have done it, Buffy. He was screaming really loud."

Spike chose that moment to come back around, moaning as the pain penetrated the thick fog surrounding him. "Bit, you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine, I'm right here," she reassured him.

Buffy looked anxiously at her sister. "Why did Willow leave then?"

Dawn's chin came up and her eyes hardened. "She left because I shot her with a crossbow and I told her I'd hit her between the eyes if she didn't. You just missed her."

Spike struggled to sit. "Good job, Niblet, but I was hoping you'd run. Bloody hell, my head hurts."

"Spike, did she take out the chip?" Buffy's voice entered the pain-fog, and he flinched, suddenly remembering her threat. In that instant he knew she'd done it. He wasn't sure how he knew, since he hadn't tried to hit anyone yet, but he knew. He put his face in his hands as he realized what that meant, as he remembered what the deal between he and Buffy had been. There were rules in this game, and one of them had just gotten broken through no fault of his own.

Buffy looked at his face and she knew too, feeling her stomach sink to her feet. The Slayer in her knew what she had to do: she needed to take Dawn and get out of there, tell Spike to be gone by the time she got back, but she found it impossible. The woman in her had other ideas. "Spike, will you look after Dawn? Willow might decide to come back."

He gave her an incredulous look. "Slayer, I-"

"Will you look after Dawn?"

Slowly, he nodded, a new light in his eyes. "Till the end of the world."

"Good. You should take her someplace safe, where Willow wouldn't think to look. She might not go by your crypt, but I don't know."

He shook his head. "No, crypt's no good. She knows about that too well. I'll take her to the mansion. Red wouldn't think of looking for us there."

"Good." She nodded. "I have to go. She's going after Jonathan and Andrew right now and I have to stop her." Buffy didn't allow herself to think twice about leaving her sister with an almost surely de-chipped Spike. She knew he wouldn't hurt her, knew it with every bone in her body. But when the current crisis was over she'd have to decide if she could trust him with the rest of the human population.

~~~~~

Spike got them to the mansion in one piece, his head still throbbing. He was pleased that Dawn didn't seem any more scared of him than she normally was, which meant she thought him as frightening as a big fluffy puppy. Not that her attitude did anything for his ego, but it still pleased him.

"Let's find one of the interior rooms," he suggested as they entered. "They'll be furnished, and I won't have to worry about the sun in the morning."

Dawn nodded, not saying anything, and followed him down a hallway. Almost of their own accord, his feet took him directly to where his old bedroom used to be. As many unpleasant memories were associated with this house and this room, it was reassuring in an odd way. It had been here that he'd gotten out of that damn chair, and it had been here that he'd first stopped an apocalypse with Buffy. Maybe it was a good omen, him being here again.

They set up camp there, both of them sitting on the dusty bed. Spike unslung the crossbow he'd worn, and Dawn put down the dagger she carried. There was a long silence, neither of them knowing quite what to say after the events of the last 12 hours. It felt like 12 lifetimes for the both of them.

"Are you going to leave now?" she finally asked.

He looked over at her, and then away. "That's up to Buffy."

"Why?" she asked. "You didn't do anything wrong, you haven't done anything wrong. Why can't you stay?"

"Because if I do, and your sister ever has to stake me, it would hurt her. And I don't hurt Buffy," he said.

"But if you leave, you hurt me," Dawn said, her voice a soft protest. "Do you really want to start eating people again?"

"Not if it means losing your sister, pet," he replied. "But she may not see it that way." For the second time that day, she let him hold her.

Dawn wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "Promise me that if you have to go, you'll come back and visit, even if it's just for a little while. I wouldn't tell Buffy, I promise."

He shouldn't promise, he knew. Buffy had been very specific in not wanting him back in town ever if the chip came out, and at this point he loved her enough to respect her wishes. And yet, he was evil. He could come back and visit Dawn, not tell anyone. He could give her that much at least. "I promise, L'il Bit. You should try to get some sleep."

"I won't be able to sleep," she warned him.

"Try anyway," he replied. "Go to sleep, Bit. I'll stay up." She seemed to heed him, and he listened as her breathing evened out and decided that he would just close his eyes for a minute. Just one minute...

And, of course, when he woke up Dawn was gone. It wasn't that long after sunrise, but the bed next to him held no touch of warmth, which meant she'd been gone for a while. Chances were she'd simply waited for him to go to sleep and then had left. Not because she didn't trust him, but because she wanted to be out there in the midst of things and not cooped up in some musty old mansion.

Spike frowned. He was worried about the Bit, to be sure. But he worried about Buffy too, and the rest of them, really. He could admit it as long as he was being honest with himself. On the other hand, he had a great deal of respect for Dawn's ability to take care of herself. She didn't mind breaking a few rules to get what she needed, and he had no doubt that she'd be a hell of a woman someday. So he wasn't as worried as he might have been.

It was probably around 10 when the Slayer finally came around. She was alone and obviously tired; it had been a long 24 hours. But she actually smiled when she saw him. "Dawn told me not to blame you for her running off. She claims full responsibility and reminds me that you'd just had your brain scrambled."

He gave her a sheepish look. "Still, shouldn't've been fooled by the fake sleeping, luv. Oldest bloody trick in the book. What's the end of the story then?"

She looked at him, her smile fading. "Willow kicked my ass, Giles showed up. She went after the other nerds with a huge fireball, which I then had to stop. She kicked Giles' ass, went to end the world, and Xander talked her out of it." Buffy paused. "Apparently there was something in there about a yellow crayon, but I didn't quite catch that part."

"Harris'll be insufferable," Spike remarked with a wry twist of the lips.

"Probably for a while," Buffy agreed, giving him a brief grin. "I think Giles is going to take Willow back to England with him. He said something about there being a coven there that might be able to help her." There was a long silence. "She got the chip out."

"She did." He didn't want to look at her, to read the truth of the matter in her eyes. To read the end of it all on her face. "I can stay at my crypt till I finish healin' up. If Glinda-" he stopped, grief washing over him. "If Glinda was right, I should be back on my feet in no time, Slayer."

"No."

"No?" Buffy's face was nearly unreadable when he spared her a glance, and he felt a faint glimmer of hope.

"I promised that I'd get you back on your feet again," she explained. "It was part of the deal."

Spike's jaw clenched. He understood. He could stay until he was well enough to leave. "Of course. That and you'll want to keep an eye on me, right, Slayer?"

She flinched at the bitterness in his tone, which was completely understandable under the circumstances. They'd been moving towards a comfortable relationship, he'd been healing, he was proving himself to her. And now this. Now Willow decides to screw around with things and she loses the man she thought she might have been falling in love with, because that was the way things worked. She killed vampires unless they were souled or helpless, and Spike was neither of those anymore. And there was no way she was going to kill him; therefore he had to leave town. It was a simple equation. "Spike-"

"No, luv, it's alright, yeah? We both knew this was hopeless from the beginning. Me, vampire, you, Slayer. I'm sure it's for the best." In truth, Spike never thought he would give in this easily. And in truth, he wasn't. He just didn't want to hear her say the words. If he was noble and just left, she wouldn't have to tell him that she didn't love him, didn't trust him. He wouldn't have to hear her reject him.

"It's not fair," she whispered. "Why, Spike? Why do things always have to be this hard?"

He didn't have an answer for her and she knew it. But she wanted one. She wanted someone to finally be able to say that everything was going to be okay and mean it. And not just mean it but be able to guarantee it. He stared at her for a long time, knowing exactly what she wanted and not being able to give it to her. Finally, he said, "I love you, Buffy, and that won't ever change. And you'll do what you have to do, and you'll get through it, 'cause you're strong. Whatever you ask of me, I'll do my best for you."

"I know," she said, and didn't have to add that his best might not be enough, because sometimes it's not. "Just-stay with me for a while, Spike. I told Dawn I wouldn't come back until after dark. We have some time." And she didn't tell him that it might be the only time they ever had, because he already knew. And she didn't tell him what she really wanted, because he knew that too. And because they understood one another so well, there was nothing more to say.

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