Et Lux In Tenebris Lucet (And the Light Shineth in the Darkness) by Enigmaticblue

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Chapter 15: Kindred Spirits

Buffy entered the house slowly, weariness dogging every step. Her feet hurt, her head hurt, everything seemed to ache. "Buffy?" Spike lay on the couch in the living room, the TV on and a book in hand. "You hungry, luv?"

She sighed. "Starving. Please tell me there's something to eat."

"Lasagna," he replied with a small smile, levering himself up with his crutches that had been propped up next to his head. "Not homemade, but not too bad according to the Bit and Glinda. We saved you a plate."

Buffy followed him back to the kitchen and gave a sigh of relief as she sat down, letting him wait on her. Nights like this it was easy to let him help her, to let him pull the plate out of the fridge and stick it in the microwave. "Where's Dawn and Tara?"

"The witch had a study group on campus. Said she'd be back late. Niblet went to the Bronze with Red, said she'd be back by 11." He looked at her as he set the plate down. "She said you'd be welcome to join them when you got home."

Buffy shook her head, picking up her fork listlessly. She was almost too tired to eat. "No, I need to get some laundry done. And I need to take care of the trash too."

"Trash is on the curb. Glinda got the Bit to take it out before she left tonight."

She smiled. "One less thing to do then, I guess. But I still have the laundry. I think it's a stay-in night for Buffy." She gave him a curious look. "How come you're here?"

He shrugged. "Had a lucky streak the last couple nights," he explained. "Thought I'd take the night off. Wanted to see you." This last was said almost shyly, and Buffy found herself smiling. Hard to say no to a face like that, really.

"Well, if you want to watch me do laundry, you can. That's about all that's going on tonight though."

It was perfectly okay with Spike. An hour later, they sat side by side on his cot, listening to the sounds of the washer and dryer, Buffy leaning her head against his shoulder. It was a position that was comfortable for both of them. They sat like that in silence for a while until Buffy looked over at him with a small smile. "So the first girl you fell in love with turned out to be a vengeance demon, huh?"

He glanced down at her, and a self-deprecating smirk graced his features. "Guess so. Didn't know it till the other day though. You read it."

She knew exactly what he was referring to. "Yeah, I did. You were right. There was a lot of stuff in there that didn't make me happy."

A pained look crossed his face. "I've never hidden who I am, Buffy, what I am."

"I know." She hesitated. "You've changed."

"S'pose I have," he agreed. "Still evil though."

"That remains to be seen."

Neither one of them moved from their positions. Part of Buffy kept screaming at her, "Evil vampire!" but she was learning to ignore that voice. Evil vampires didn't help you do laundry. "You ever think about the fact that our love lives are depressingly similar?" she asked.

Spike looked as though he was going to argue for a minute, and then shut his mouth. "When you put it that way, luv, can't argue with you."

They shared a look and then Buffy started to giggle. "I mean, me with the vampire, and the government demon hunter, and that prick Parker. And you with a vengeance demon, and Drusilla, and Harmony. Not to mention the Slayer."

He grinned. "We don't have the best track record between us, do we?"

"Nope. Just a couple of losers here." She stared at him. He was looking at her with an expression of utter adoration in his blue eyes. "Why do they always leave, Spike?"

"Because they're all wankers, luv," he replied softly. And then, gently, he kissed her. She kissed him back, hungrily, everything else falling away. With Spike there was no past, no future, only now. And now he was with her, and he wasn't leaving, and she could forget.

~~~~~

Buffy was busy ringing up a check when she looked up to see the last person she'd ever expected. "Riley."

"Buffy," he said. "Look, I know this is probably a bad time, but I need you."

She frowned. There were another two hours to go in her shift, and she couldn't just leave, not and expect to keep her job. The job that she needed. "You're right. It's not the best time."

"I need the best, Buffy. That means you."

Deep in her heart she knew Riley wouldn't have come to her unless he really did need her help. She bit her bottom lip. "Give me a minute." She went and grabbed one of the other waitresses. "Natalie, I need a huge favor."

Natalie looked at her and then over at Riley in his commando gear. "What's wrong, Buffy?"

"I've got a family emergency. If you'll cover my tables for the rest of my shift, I'll owe you big."

The other girl hesitated, then asked, "I get your tips?"

Buffy smiled thinly. She needed those tips. Riley was going to cost her big time. "Yeah. In fact, I just rang up the ticket for the corner booth. Tips are all yours." She clocked out and grabbed her coat. "All right, Riley. What's the deal?"

She listened as he told her about their problem, and she understood that it was big, but she wasn't all that happy to see him. She finally felt like her life was on track. She had a decent job, her classes at school were going well, she and Dawn were getting along better. She and Spike were-something. What she didn't need were added complications from a former boyfriend.

~~~~~

Spike wasn't sure he wanted to be here for this. It would have been fine if the great Captain Cardboard had showed up while he was making out with the Slayer, or even when she was sleeping all cuddled up next to him as she had last night. He could have gloated then, showed the great git that he had what Finn had told him he'd never get. As it was, he was going to be meeting the other man while he was at a severe disadvantage and even more incapable of defending himself than he had been previously.

But Buffy had insisted he be there, telling him in no uncertain terms to call the rest of the gang and have them meet her at the house. She seemed to think he might have something to contribute. She'd surprised him recently with how she spoke to him, how she touched him. He hadn't been sure where the change was coming from until she told him she'd read his journal. He'd caught her looking at him speculatively, as though he was a puzzle she was having trouble solving.

Now, however, he waited in the shadows in the kitchen, watching as Buffy entered with Riley and his new bride close behind her. Xander, Willow, and Tara greeted them warmly, though Dawn showed more than a hint of coldness. His Bit didn't like it when people left. If he had thought to escape unnoticed, however, he was soon disabused of that notion. Riley's commando eyes easily picked him out of the shadows. "Spike?"

"Caught me, did you?" Spike said, all of his old snark firmly in place. He moved forward with studied casualness. As though he belonged there, as though Riley hadn't stuck a plastic stake through his chest the last time they'd seen one another.

Riley looked over at Buffy in surprise. "What's he doing here?" he demanded.

"Spike lives here," Buffy replied quietly, her face showing no discomfort with her words. She had nothing to be ashamed of, after all. "He helped against Glory and he saved Dawn's life." Buffy looked back at him, and he was careful to keep his face blank. The Slayer was beginning to come around, and he didn't want to bollocks things up.

Riley seemed to feel the same way, because he let it go, though his wife, a tall brunette, gave him a curious stare. Spike listened with a sinking feeling as they described their dilemma with the Suvolte demons and their eggs. He'd been tempted, of course, when the stranger had approached him about using his crypt as a storage facility. The money had been good, and he certainly wasn't using it. On the other hand, Buffy often checked up on his place, just to make sure everything was still intact for when he could go back. (Neither of them were willing to admit he probably would never go back at this point.) And if he wasn't around to keep an eye on her and the merchandise, there was no telling what could happen. Especially since he had extraordinarily bad luck.

So, while he had refused use of his crypt, he had provided information on a little-used section of sewer not too far away for a smaller fee. Now, of course, he needed to tell Buffy about his little deal, since he didn't want her getting hurt or running around unnecessarily, especially if she was going to be doing so with the Soldier Boy. Once they'd decided to split up, Spike eased his way over to Buffy's side. "Can I talk to you for a minute, Slayer?"

He could tell she was about to refuse, but the look on his face and something in his eyes made it impossible. "Yeah." She turned to Mrs. Finn. "Give me a sec, okay?"

They moved a few feet away to prevent anyone from overhearing them. "Listen," he said shortly. "Go to my crypt, the lower level. Take the entrance for the sewers and turn right. 'Bout a hundred yards up you'll take the left turn. It's a dead end. You'll find what you're lookin' for there."

She stared at him. He thought he saw a flash of disappointment in her eyes, but she only nodded. "Thank you. We'll talk when I get back."

He watched her go, and he wondered if had ruined things without even meaning to. And yet, how could she be disappointed? She knew what he was, who he was. It shouldn't surprise her that he might know where the eggs were being kept. It shouldn't surprise her at all.

~~~~~

With Spike's directions, she and Sam easily found the demon eggs and managed to destroy them before they started hatching. She hated to think of what would have happened if the vampire hadn't known where to find them. Whoever stored them in the sewers didn't know enough to keep them frozen, and they hadn't been far from hatching. That would have been a rather nasty mess to clean up.

From there, they went to see Riley and Sam off near the Magic Box. Spike wasn't there, of course, but she hadn't expected him to be. "Buffy," Riley said, pulling her aside. "It was good to see you again."

She managed a genuine smile. "It was good to see you too. Sam seems really great."

"She is." He hesitated, his open face pained. "Buffy, I don't know what's between you and Spike, but-"

"You're right," she replied. "You don't know." She looked off into the distance. Riley represented a might-have-been for her. The dream of being normal, of having what every girl dreams of. They had proven that normal wasn't in the Slayer's bag of tricks. Normal guys ended up hurt or dead in her line of work, and she couldn't allow that. She had loved Riley too much. Even not-so-normal guys could get hurt. "Look, Riley, whatever Spike might be, he saved Dawn. He was the only one who promised to protect her, no matter what, and he paid the price."

Riley nodded slowly. He had known how the vampire had felt about Buffy. It didn't mean he liked Spike, or liked the fact that he was living at Buffy's house. But he had proven his devotion to the Slayer, and that counted for something. "For what it's worth, Buffy, you're still the first woman I've ever loved, and the strongest person I've ever known. Whatever you decide, I'm sure you have your reasons."

"Thanks," she replied, touched. "You know, I'm sorry about the way things ended."

"Me too," Riley said quietly, understanding. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me."

"Same here." They stared at one another for a long moment, then Buffy stuck out her hand formally. "Good luck in-"

He smiled, taking her hand. "Nepal. I'll send you a postcard."

"Good luck in Nepal, Agent Finn. Take care of your wife." She squeezed him tightly as he pulled her into a hug.

"Good bye, Buffy." And as she watched him say his farewells to the others, she knew that it was probably the last time she would see him. And while she didn't begrudge him his happiness, she did wish she could have grabbed just a little bit of the normality he'd seemed to carve out for himself. She couldn't help but wish for a little bit of that.

~~~~~

He was in his usual spot on the back porch when she came outside. "Did you see Soldier Boy off then?"

"Yes." There was a certain stiffness in her tone, and he stifled a sigh. It was no less than he had expected. "You knew where the eggs were."

"Bloke asked if he could use my crypt to store 'em. Told him no, but gave him directions to a secure place in the sewers. You found them." He didn't turn to look at her, couldn't bear to see the disappointment he knew would be in her eyes.

"Why didn't you let him use the crypt?"

"Knew you went there and I didn't know if there'd be a risk. Didn't want you hurt, y'know?" He did turn to look at her then. "I didn't know what they were, Buffy. If I had, I'd've gone straight to you about 'em. I don't want more trouble for you, luv."

She looked at him, and her disapproval melted under his sincere gaze. This was Spike they were talking about. He wasn't an international arms dealer, and he didn't intentionally make trouble for her. At least, not anymore. "I know."

He watched as she took her place next to him, studied her face, and discovered both weariness and a touch of sadness. "He was a prat, you know." Earnestness defined his voice and expression. "Mark my words, I've seen that type before. They'll be at each other's throats before the year is out. Won't last."

He got a smile out of her then. "It's okay, Spike. It worked out for the best."

"Well, I can't argue with that. I wasn't sorry to see him go, that's for sure, 'specially after he staked me. Stupid git."

Buffy looked over at him in surprise. "He staked you?"

"Plastic one."

"Oh." She frowned. "I don't think I'm gonna ask."

"Can I ask you a question?" His tone was tentative, unusual for him. He was typically all cocky boldness.

"Shoot."

"Why didn't you just tell me to stay down in the basement?" There was nothing but insecurity in his blue eyes, and it shocked her. "You could have, y'know. Captain Cardboard wouldn't have had to know about me stayin' with you."

She hesitated, unsure of what to tell him. Of how much to tell him. "Whatever has happened in the past, Spike, you've earned your place here. And it's not in the basement. Wherever we go from here, we're friends. William." Gingerly, almost shyly, she reached over and took his hand. In some ways, it was more intimate than their make-out session from the previous night.

For Spike's part, he couldn't help but stare at her, at their joined hands. It was the first time she had promised him a part of herself, a place by her side. She had promised to get him back on his feet, but that had been gratitude, nothing more. This was something else entirely. It was almost love. Maybe not what he felt for her, but it was something. It was a place to start. Unable to speak, he felt the lump in his throat and the tears burning his eyes. Stupid, really. "Bugger me," he muttered. With his free hand, he reached over and brushed her hair away from her face. "Friends." And they sat on the porch until the sun's first rays lit the sky, hand in hand.

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