Et Lux In Tenebris Lucet (And the Light Shineth in the Darkness) by Enigmaticblue

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Chapter 12: Money Woes

Buffy was avoiding him, and Spike was letting her. He was well aware that she was uncomfortable in the extreme with his accusations. He was also aware that at least part of her discomfort stemmed from the fact that what he said was at least partially true. Spike knew he'd been more harsh than he'd intended, but her invasion of his privacy had cut him more deeply than even he expected.

Dawn noticed, of course, sensitive as she was to those around her. Of course, most of her sensitivity had to do with the fact that the entire world revolved around her, but she still noticed. Which was why when she came to visit him in the basement, bringing a fresh, new notebook, she felt as though she should probably fill him in on a few details. "Buffy got a job."

He glanced up, feigning disinterest. "Oh, yeah? Where and doin' what?"

"At the Double Meat Palace, which answers both questions at once, I guess," she replied. "We visited her this afternoon." She eyed him speculatively. "Don't tell me you seriously didn't know she was working."

He shrugged. "I figured she got a different job at the school or something." A light came on in Spike's brain, and he frowned at Dawn as she sat next to him on his cot. "Wait a minute. She's flippin' burgers? Have you seen the people that work there? They look like zombies."

Dawn leaned back against the wall comfortably. "Buffy said the school wasn't giving her enough money or enough hours, and she's taking fewer classes this semester, so she has more time to work. I think she's worried about the money thing."

Spike sighed. He could get her the money, but he wasn't sure she would take it. Xander had finally taken him to the Bronze, and he'd managed to prove that he still had what it took. In fact, the last night alone he'd netted more than $70, which he'd promptly given to Tara for groceries. Another couple weeks, and he'd have enough to get into that poker game again, which would give Buffy enough to live on for a while. Assuming she actually took it. The way things stood between the two of them, he wasn't sure. "Wish I had a magic wand to wave to make all the bad things go away, Bit," he replied.

"Me too." She looked him in the eye. "I did like you said and took all the stuff back to the Magic Box." She gave him a half-grin. "Unstealing it was way more fun. Anya kept getting this look on her face like, 'How could I misplace something that was worth money?' It was great."

Spike smirked at her perfect imitation of the ex-demon. "Well, just as long as she doesn't ever catch on, you might keep all your entrails intact. Thanks for the notebook."

She hesitated. "Look, Spike, I know Buffy totally invaded your privacy. And if she'd taken a look in my diary I wouldn't speak to her for the rest of my life, but what are you writing?"

"Things, Bit, that's all. Stuff that's happened to me, things I've done. It's not precisely G-rated, so you can just forget about looking."

"I so know that," she answered with a roll of the eyes. "Besides, I heard your story about the girl in the coalbin. I know you were evil."

"Am evil," he corrected, more out of force of habit than anything else.

"Whatever. Anyway, maybe you could let her off the hook, because she's been really mopey lately," Dawn said.

He sighed and looked off into the distance. "Your sister's been going through a bit of a rough patch lately, pet. Best just to let things be sometimes."

~~~~~

But Spike never followed anyone's advice, even his own. And that evening found him standing just outside the doors of the Double Meat Palace. He was on his way to the Bronze to hustle a few more unsuspecting gits at the pool table, but he thought he'd just stop in, say hello, maybe tell her to run for the hills while she still had a chance. It was a thought anyway.

She was talking to one of her co-workers when he came in, an older woman who looked as though she was stoned. What scared Spike was that he knew she wasn't on anything. It was as he had suspected. Grease killed brain cells. "So, what's in the Double Meat nuggets?" he asked, shooting for a bit of humor as she walked over to him.

She eyed him for a moment and then sighed. "God only knows, and that's pretty much the truth. What are you doing here, Spike?"

He shrugged. "Was on my way to shoot some pool and I thought I'd drop in. Bit told me you got a job here."

"Yeah, well, I kind of need the cash." Buffy unbent just a little. "Look, Spike, I've already taken my break. You should probably go. I don't get off for a while yet."

He leaned forward on his crutches, looking her straight in the eye. "You'll drive yourself crazy, luv. You're not happy here."

"Story of my life," she replied, then looked away. "Don't make this any harder. Please."

His voice took on an intensity she rarely heard from him. "You're better than this, Buffy. This isn't where you belong."

"I told you I need the money."

"I can get money," he replied, dropping his voice. "Enough to tide you over till you find something better if you don't want to take it from me." For a minute, he thought she might take him up on his offer, but she shook her head.

"I need to go help Gary with the fries."

He wanted to shake her out of her stubbornness, to throw her over his shoulder and march out of there, but there was nothing he could do if she didn't want his help. "This place will do stuff to you, Buffy," he warned, shooting a surreptitious look at the other woman. And as she walked away without replying, he called out after her, "This place will kill you!"

~~~~~

Spike was more than a little concerned about the Slayer. He had seen the look on her face the other night, knew how unhappy she was at her new job. His greatest fear was that she'd suddenly feel like everything was too much, that she'd give up. Not that she'd run out and kill herself, but that she'd end up getting herself killed. When she got herself a double shift the very next day, his concern grew even more.

"It sucks," Dawn agreed. She was sitting next to Spike in the kitchen, trying to do her math homework. "It's just not fair. I mean, Janice's sister is a lawyer, but Buffy is probably just stuck doing minimum wage stuff. I could be anything I want to be."

Spike looked over at her. "You're sister's not stuck, Bit. I promise you that. She's still in school, isn't she?"

"Yeah, it's just, being the Slayer is different. I mean, she's always going to be the Slayer, and that means she doesn't-"

Dawn broke off, but Spike thought he knew what she meant. Being the Slayer was everything for Buffy, but it also meant that her options got limited pretty quick. And with the death of her mother and a younger sister to look after, her options got slimmer by the day. Which was why Spike was worried. If she felt too trapped, she might not fight quite as hard. "Big sis can take care of herself, Li'l Bit," he reassured her. "And we'll see what we can do to make sure the rest gets taken care of." He reached over and gave her hair a friendly pull. "You just concentrate on your schoolwork, then you can be a big fancy doctor or lawyer or whatnot and take care of the both of us."

"Like you need to be taken care of," Dawn scoffed. "You're the professional poker player."

~~~~~

Spike left Dawn in Tara's capable hands and went to play pool as soon as the sun went down. He had every intention of making that poker game, and he needed a little more cash to get in. Almost in spite of himself he swung past Buffy's work on his way to the Bronze. It was actually a bit out of his way, but he was worried, and he wanted to reassure himself, maybe do something for her, maybe convince her to leave, though he didn't think that last was likely.

He should still be pissed at her for certain. She still hadn't apologized for reading his notebook, but he was too worried to be angry. She could walk all over him, and he'd forgive her every time, he loved her that much. He needed her that much.

Spike could see that she noticed him swinging by, and he made a quick decision to wait for her out in the alley, hoping she might decide to come outside for her break. Sure enough, she stepped outside the door with a bag of trash and tossed it into the dumpster before glancing over at him. "Spike-" she began.

He could hear both weariness and tension in her tone, see it in the set of her shoulders. She would not allow him to bear her burdens for her, so he would do what he could, give her what he could in the short span of a fifteen minute break. "Come here, Slayer," he said, a gentle command. And to his surprise she came to him, where he leaned against the wall, and he pulled her around so that her back was to him, and sought to soothe the tension with strong fingers.

Buffy moaned slightly and leaned into the pressure, letting him take out the knots brought on by idiot co-workers and a double shift and the sense that life was closing in on her. She was trapped by duty, by friends, by her sister. They were bonds that she had willingly accepted and even now would not give up, but every day the burden seemed to grow a little heavier, and she wondered if this was the way things would always be.

Minutes passed, and Buffy reluctantly pulled away. "I should get back."

"Yeah, s'pose so," he replied, his voice a husky whisper. He wanted to keep her there, to take her home with him, but he let go, watching as she turned to go back inside.

"I'm sorry," she said suddenly, surprising him. He tilted his head quizzically, not understanding. "For the other day. With your journal."

He shook his head. "Forget it, Buffy."

"No, you were right, about me not thinking. I'm sorry I invaded your privacy. And I'm sorry for what I said later." She stood facing him now, her chin tilted defiantly, daring the Powers that Be to strike her down for saying she was sorry to a vampire.

He seemed wary of her apology, not understanding it or where it was coming from. And Buffy wondered if she had been so unkind to him in the past that he would be afraid of an act of contrition. Spike had always seemed to have an easier time accepting blows and harsh words. "It's fine, luv. Nothing that wasn't true."

She hesitated, frightened that taking it further, that saying more would change their relationship irrevocably, send it careening down a path she had no intention of taking. At the same time, she wasn't sure it would be so bad. "True or not, you're a lot more than that, Spike."

Buffy left it at that, heading back into the grease-pit that was her job. But Spike was left with a bright flame glowing within called hope.

~~~~~

When he came home late, his pockets full, he found Buffy and Willow on the couch with Tara and Dawn as their rapt audience. "So I cut its head off and we threw it into the meat grinder."

Tara and Dawn winced visibly, and Buffy made a face as well. It would be a long time before any of them would willingly eat at the Double Meat Palace. "But it was Wig Lady the entire time," Buffy finished. "And the meat is actually vegetables, which is weird to think about."

"You're not going back there are you, Buffy?" Dawn asked.

Buffy shrugged. "I have to go back tomorrow to take the uniform in, but no. I have a feeling they aren't going to give me my job back after making a huge scene like that."

"Though the info about the meat being veggies is probably worth a lot," Willow suggested. "If you wanted, you could probably blackmail them or something." She quickly looked down at her hands. "Not that blackmail is at all a good thing, 'cause it's not."

"Spot of blackmail can be right useful, Red," Spike finally said from the doorway, his face carefully void of expression. If Buffy wanted to go back to that hell-hole, he wasn't going to be the one to stop her; she'd made that clear. "Tara, got a bit of something for you if you've got a minute."

The other three stared curiously as Tara followed him out to the kitchen and he handed her a wad of cash. "Grocery money," he explained in a soft whisper. "Should get you by for another week or two."

The witch quickly counted the bills and raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure this is just pool money, Spike? This is quite a bit."

To her surprise, he looked away guiltily. "Tip money," he mumbled. She waited patiently for him to go on, and he finally explained. "Bar tender at the Bronze was sick. Owner needed a sub, asked me to do it. Told him I would one time. They tipped well."

Tara wanted to laugh. Here he was acting guilty about earning money legitimately, whereas a high-stakes poker game was a thing of pride. "There's nothing wrong with bar-tending, Spike."

He moved his shoulders uncomfortably. "Don't want it to get out. 'Sides, one time deal, you know. Don't tell anyone."

"Your secret's safe with me," she said gently, touching him on the arm. He looked at her gratefully then. He was so strange to her; so dark and violent and at the same time so much like a boy. He could be so sweet, it made her heart ache, and at other times he showed a lack of empathy so deep it was frightening. But he was changing, she knew. Every day she saw in his aura a difference, a lightening. As though this trial was altering and changing him into something new. She caught a glimpse of it then, as he leaned over and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "Thanks, Glinda," he said softly. "You're alright." And then he retreated into the basement.

~~~~~

Buffy made her way stealthily into the basement. She had no idea of why it was important to see him, to talk to him, but it somehow was. In the end, it had been impossible for her to ask to have her job back. If she had been more desperate, she would have. But her student loans had finally come through for the semester, which covered her tuition and most of the housing expenses. It had been grocery money she'd been most concerned about, but Tara had told her that morning that they had enough to last the month out at least, courtesy of Spike. And apparently he'd been doing that for the last couple weeks, passing off his winnings to Tara.

She stared at him, lying sprawled on his back on the small cot. They were spartan surroundings, really, but he seemed content enough. Seeing him, she was struck again by the choice he had made, to stay with her. She wasn't worth it.

"Buffy?" he said sleepily, his eyes blinking open. "That you, luv?"

"Yeah." For some reason she felt compelled to go and sit on the side of his bed. "Sorry I woke you."

He rubbed his face, and she could see the curls in his hair, mussed as it was. "'S okay. Did you get your job back, then?"

"No." She hesitated. "I thought I'd take your advice and look for something better. I waitressed before, maybe I could find something like that." There was a long pause. "Tara told me about the grocery money. You bought me some time, you know, to look."

"You finally decide I'm a fount of wisdom?" he asked with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes at him. "No, actually I got scared." He quirked his eyebrow, and she explained. "Lorraine, the new manager, would probably have given my job back, but I couldn't ask. She had on this 5 Year badge, and I could just see myself getting stuck there forever. And with the double shifts and the smelling of grease, it just didn't seem to go well with the whole college student image I'm trying to pull off."

"You'll make it, Buffy," he said quietly. "Maybe you don't see it now, but you'll make it. And you'll find a better place to work than that hell-hole."

"Hope so," she replied with a small smile. "I should really let you get back to sleep though."

Spike frowned at her, his blue eyes concerned. "You look tired, pet."

She tried, and failed, to smile. "A little. I'll be fine."

"Here," he grunted, moving so that he was on his side, his back to the wall. "Have a bit of a lie down, Slayer. The others'll be gone for the rest of the day. It's dark and quiet down here."

Buffy knew she probably shouldn't, but it was too tempting. There was something about being in Spike's arms that made her feel as though somehow everything would be fine. He made her feel protected, knowing that he would do anything for her. She lay beside him, and felt herself relax as he pulled her close, one strong arm wrapped around her middle. "Sleep, Slayer," he whispered in her ear. "I've got your back." And they both slipped under together, breathing in time.

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