Summary: Set directly after the events of Same Time, Same Place. Buffy realizes that she's probably left Spike in the basement for too long and hauls him out. Her attempts to get the First to stop tormenting him don't go quite as planned, however. Then again, when do spells on the Hellmouth ever work right?
Author's Notes: I may be a minority, but I thought the First was about the lamest villain ever. How do you fight something like that? It's impossible. And besides, it's philosophically and logically insupportable that you'd have the First Evil and not a First Good of some kind. I'd give you the logical argument, but that's not the point. The point is that I'm treating the First as the S3 episode Amends treated the First—like some ghost that could be chased away by some fast talk and the light of day. I'm ignoring the rest of S7 canon pretty much. Oh, and the title is taken from a Christina Rossetti poem I thought was appropriate.
Rating: PG-13
"You must know that I do not love and that I love you ,/ because everything alive has its two sides;/a word is one wing of the silence,/fire has its cold half./I love you in order to begin to love you,/to start infinity again/and never to stop loving you:/that's why I do not love you yet..." Pablo Neruda, Sonnet XLIV
"This is getting us nowhere."
Xander wasn't saying anything she didn't already know. The Slayer had been all over town looking for the location of the First. She needed Giles or Willow . Buffy was beginning to think that maybe she'd rushed out too quickly. Last time she'd found the First by accident. It didn't look like it was going to be that easy this time around.
"What do you suggest, Xander?" Buffy asked. "There's no way I'm just going to sit around waiting for the First to do whatever it wants to with William."
Xander gave her a sour look. "That's not what I was suggesting, Buffy. I just think we should probably come up with a different plan."
"I know, Xander. I'm sorry for snapping." Buffy kicked at a clump of grass. "I'm just so tired of this."
"What? Fighting the bad guys? It's what we do, Buf."
Xander's broad grin called an answering smile from her. "It would be nice to have Christmas off, though," Buffy replied. "Besides, we were doing just fine. Stupid First."
"I'm assuming 'we' is in reference to you and William," Xander said, his tone intentionally bland.
She shrugged. "Who else? What about you and Anya?"
"We've talked a few times," Xander replied, recognizing her subject change for what it was. "I don't think it's ever going to be like it was."
Buffy gave him an encouraging smile. "That's not always a bad thing, Xan. Maybe it could be even better."
Xander shrugged. "Anya did say she'd spend Christmas with me. Neither of us have anywhere else to go."
"That sounds like a step in the right direction," Buffy replied. They had returned to the Summers ' residence at this point, and they were met at the door by a worried Willow .
"Have you seen William or Dawn?" the witch asked, sounding slightly panicked.
Buffy frowned. "No, I thought you were staying with him."
"I had to go work on a paper. He was supposed to call if he needed me." Guilt colored her words. "When I came down to check on him a few minutes ago, William was gone, and Dawn's backpack was just laying there."
"Crap," Buffy said succinctly. "I'm going to kill both of them."
"Now, Buffy, we don't know what happened. Maybe William just went for a walk," Xander suggested. When Buffy gave him her death-glare, he quickly back-pedaled. "Okay, that's unlikely."
"I'm really, really sorry, Buffy," Willow said. "I really didn't leave him alone for that long."
Buffy shook her head. "It's not your fault, Wills. He's a big boy, and he should have known better than to leave like that."
"So what are we going to do?" Willow asked.
"Can you do a locator spell on William or Dawn?" Buffy asked. "It would be safer, right?"
Willow hesitated and then nodded resolutely. "Even if it wasn't, I'm not sure we could risk not doing it. Who knows what the First wants?"
"Good." Buffy set her jaw. "Let's find him, then."
~~~~~
Dawn stumbled and then righted herself again. "You shouldn't be here."
It was the fourth time William had said it, but Dawn wasn't going anywhere. Plus, she knew very well that he didn't want to take the time to see her home. If he swerved from his present course, it would be all too easy for him to lose his nerve. "You shouldn't face this thing on your own."
The girl's retort had him turning. "What can you do, Dawn?"
"I can tell Buffy where to find your dust when this thing kills you," she shot back.
William's eyes burned with a familiar fire. "It cannot kill me. It is not corporeal."
"Then how are you going to fight it?" she demanded.
He faltered slightly. "I don't know. I'll think of something."
Dawn hurried after him. William was setting a quick pace. "You don't even know where to find it. Admit it, William, we're on a wild goose chase."
"It is not," he shot back. Then his shoulders slumped in defeat. "Perhaps you're right," William admitted. "I don't know where I am going." He glanced around, finally sitting down on the curb.
Dawn took a seat next to him. "I think you were really brave to even try."
"I'm not brave," William contradicted her. "I would like this to be over."
She shrugged. "Just because you're scared doesn't mean you're not brave. It just means you aren't stupid."
William smiled at her. "How did you become so wise?"
"I live on the Hellmouth," Dawn replied. After a moment's pause, she asked quietly, "What did it say to you, William?"
He closed his eyes, as though he couldn't bear to remember. "It showed me all the faces of the people I had killed."
"Oh." Dawn wasn't sure how to respond to that. "Well, you were a vampire."
William frowned. "I killed people."
"Yeah, but you were evil." Dawn searched for the right words to use. "You're not evil anymore. Vampires kill people, but you don't. That's a pretty big deal."
He wasn't buying it. "I don't think—"
"You saved my life," Dawn insisted. "A lot. I think that makes you a good man."
"Vampire."
"Man."
William raised an eyebrow. "You're not going to let me get the last word, are you?"
"Why should I when I'm right?" Dawn asked smugly. "So are we going home?"
"Yes, I think—" William broke off, his head snapping around. "This way."
Dawn gamely followed. "Are you sure?"
"I am certain of it," he replied absently, hot on the trail. William couldn't have explained how he knew where the First was, but he knew.
He was going to end this.
~~~~~
Willow took a deep breath before beginning the spell. Magic had always been a novelty—more than that, it had been her passion, her joy. After having almost destroyed the world, magic held more fear than joy, though.
At the moment, however, the spell was coming together. Her words were precise, her focus acute. Willow could feel the power running through her, but it was a mere trickle in comparison to some of the other spells she had performed in the past.
Her intent was pure—all she wanted to do was to find her friend. For the first time in a long time, the magic felt good, untainted, beautiful .
It hadn't been like this since the first time she and Tara had done that spell together, when their only intention had been to save Buffy.
Tears were streaming down her face without Willow even being aware of it.
The small light over the map of Sunnydale was traveling to the northern edge of town. "Where is he going?" Xander asked. "There's nothing out there."
"There's a cemetery," Buffy said absently. "Named after the mayor. No one is ever buried there anymore, though, so it's not one I usually check." The Slayer rolled her eyes. "Which means it's a perfect place for the First to set up shop." Her eyes caught the gleam of tear tracks on Willow 's cheeks. " Willow ? Are you okay?"
Willow hesitated and then nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Really."
Their eyes met in a moment of shared understanding. Only another woman could fully understand why you might cry when you were happy.
"You up for coming with us?" Buffy asked softly.
Willow smiled. "Absolutely. Fully ready to kick some butt."
"Xander?"
"You think I'd stay behind for this one?" he asked.
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. It finally felt as though everything was back to normal. Not like it had been, but maybe it would be better.
If she could just make sure that Spike—William was okay, things would be just about perfect.
~~~~~
William wasn't sure where he was going. While he and Buffy had gone for walks and such at night quite frequently, they hadn't come to this area of town before. In fact, William was certain that Buffy had purposely avoided the areas of Sunnydale she'd known to be dangerous. Not since the first night they'd been out had he been forced to fight—or run.
Now he was walking into danger knowingly, without the Slayer by his side.
"You should go find your sister." William turned to Dawn. "We're getting close."
Dawn shook her head stubbornly. "No. I'm not leaving you."
"I'm not going to put you in danger."
She rolled her eyes. "Hello? I'm out after dark, and you're asking me to walk home by myself. I'm probably safer with you."
With a sinking feeling, William realized that she was correct. He shouldn't have let her come along at all. "Dawn—" he began.
"It'll be fine," Dawn said. "I've been in more dangerous situations, and I've survived. We're here to stop the First, right? So let's stop it."
William squared his shoulders resolutely. "Right, then. Let's go."
They both entered the woods with a sense of trepidation. Neither had thought to bring a flashlight, and the darkness pressed in around them. William stumbled over a root, and suddenly realized that he could see a little better. "Dawn? Are you alright?" he called back over his shoulder.
"Uh, yeah."
At the hesitation in her voice, he frowned. "Are you quite sure?"
The polite words and tone coming from the demon's mouth had Dawn giggling at the incongruity. "I'm fine. It's just that I haven't seen the fangs for a long time."
Puzzled, William shook his head. "I don't know what you mean." In reply, Dawn took his hand and put it to his face. William's eyes widened comically. "Oh! I don't know—what—"
"It's okay," Dawn assured him. "I've seen the bumpies enough so they don't really freak me out. Besides, you can actually see better that way." She tucked her hand into his. "Lead the way, William."
He found Dawn's hand in his oddly reassuring. William knew that it was ridiculous to feel better because of a young girl's company, but he did. Perhaps it was due to Dawn's blithe confidence in him. He couldn't help but believe that they would make it through.
William followed his instincts to a clearing inside a ring of dead trees. Both he and Dawn could hear voices, but neither of them could see anyone.
"Was it really wise to bring her here, William? You don't want to lose her too, do you?"
William hurriedly put Dawn behind him. "She has nothing to do with this," he shouted. "You leave her be!"
"You brought her," the First pointed out, its figure emerging from the shadows. It looked like his dead sister this time, appearing just as she had been at age eleven. "Remember when I died, William? In your arms? I'm surprised you'd risk her life just for the company."
William shook his head. "It isn't like that," he argued. "You aren't real."
"I'm more real than you are." Its form shifted to one even less familiar to him than his sister's, although Dawn's gasp behind him indicated that she recognized him. "What's the matter, mate? Cat got your tongue?"
~~~~~
Buffy, Willow , and Xander stared into the shifting shadows of the woods in dismay. "Damn," the Slayer muttered. "I don't suppose either of you guys thought to bring a flashlight, did you?"
The branches of the trees shut out even the moonlight, and the darkness was thick and inky. Buffy's night vision was good, but not that good. Xander held up a heavy-duty flashlight with a grin. "It helps to be tool-guy sometimes."
She smiled back. "Good going, Xan."
With the help of the flashlight, they managed to pick their way through the trees without tripping and breaking something. "How close are we, Willow ?" Xander asked.
The witch grimaced. "I don't know."
"I thought that's why we did the locator spell," Buffy said.
Willow shook her head. "It is, and the spell said William was here." They looked around. "Somewhere."
"He could be anywhere!" Buffy protested, her voice squeaking with a rising sense of panic. Her little sister and her boyfriend were somewhere in the woods with the First Evil intent on screwing up her life. What if it managed to do what it had threatened a couple months back? What if William was forced to kill Dawn?
Xander's hand squeezed her shoulder in a reassuring grip. "We'll find them, Buffy. William's made of stronger stuff than that."
Buffy wasn't so sure, but she nodded anyway. There was no point in getting panicked and losing her head. "You're right."
"Of course I'm right," Xander replied, joking. "When have I ever steered you wrong?"
"Do you want a single example or a list?" Willow asked wryly.
Xander made a face at her. "That was a rhetorical question."
"Maybe you should label them, then," Willow quickly replied.
Buffy couldn't help smiling. It was definitely just like old times. Her friends quipping to relieve the tension, Dawn needing rescuing, and Spike—William in the middle of it all. Of course, if it was really like old times, there would soon be monsters leaping out of the bushes to prevent them from getting there on time.
The rustling of the branches told her she'd just jinxed them. "Uh oh."
As one, Xander and Willow retreated behind her as several vampires emerged from the darkness. "Slayer," one of them hissed. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, you know, just doing some spring cleaning," Buffy replied.
One of the other vampires, obviously not very bright, protested, "But it's not spring."
"Is that right?" Buffy asked innocently. "Well, my calendar must be completely off."
She sprang into action, and Xander and Willow stood back to watch. "We should have brought snacks," Willow lamented.
"No kidding," Xander replied. "It's nice to see that Buffy hasn't lost her edge, though."
"Definitely."
"Do you think we should help?"
Willow watched as the Slayer kicked one of the vampires in the chest, sending him flying. He dusted as he was impaled on a dead branch. "Nah. We'd just be in the way."
A few moments later, and all the vampires were dust. Buffy was tired of playing. "Let's go, guys. I need to save my boyfriend's ass."
Xander and Willow glanced at each other before falling into step behind the Slayer. "I'd hate to be in William's shoes when Buffy gets her hands on him," Xander murmured.
"You're telling me," Willow replied. "And Dawn's going to be grounded for life."
With that, they followed her deeper into the woods.
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