Victims of Fate by ya_lublyu_tebya

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Chapter 31: Cowardice

She didn’t know where she was going – and it didn’t really matter: she just needed to be out of the house and away from the awkwardness that had just almost ruined her relationship with one of her closest friends. Of course he wasn’t interested in her like that. He was, like, hundreds of years old - what exactly did she have that made her special? That he hadn’t seen before? Nothing. And he was still getting over Drusilla leaving. She was sure the getting-over period for a century-long relationship had to be pretty long. And, she reminded herself, you’re still getting over Angel.

So why on earth had she just been kissing Spike fifteen minutes ago? Apart from the fact that he was, as she had expected, an amazing kisser. She was sure Willow was a good kisser – didn’t mean she was going to be testing that theory. He had kind of kissed her, but he was a guy and even a hundred-year-old vampire had to have the usual reaction, right? Kiss first, think later. Although, Spike didn’t really seem like the kind of guy who’d go round kissing people with no emotion attached. He was the emotional type and, despite outward appearances, not promiscuous in the slightest.

So it was all her fault. She’d kissed him and he hadn’t wanted her to feel bad – worse – so he’d played along. That theory hurt more than she wanted to admit and with a groan, she shook her head, speeding up her steps, as if she could escape from her thoughts if she just walked quick enough.



She soon found herself outside Giles’s house and with a sigh that might have been relief, she bounded across the courtyard. Giles was sure to distract her. Several hours later, she wasn’t sure she appreciated the distraction: Giles had decided today was the perfect day to teach her about every kind of demon and she had reluctantly agreed.

It did not prove to be much of a distraction though as she would just sit there staring at the book, her mind elsewhere – namely back at home with the blonde vampire. It was crazy, the craziest thing that had happened to her in a long time and even though she knew kissing Spike was of the major weirdness, she couldn’t help feeling annoyed that he hadn’t seemed to enjoyed it at all. Maybe she really was as useless as Angelus had hinted. She sighed, eyes closing for a moment as she tried to banish these stupid repetitive thoughts from her brain.

“Buffy?”

She quickly looked up at Giles and forced a cheerful smile.

“I suggest a break,” he said softly and with a sigh of relief, she dropped the book she was holding onto the table, giving him a sheepish smile in answer to his surprised look. He disappeared into the kitchen and reappeared a few minutes later with drinks and, to her surprise, cookies.

“Cookies?” she asked perkily.

“Well, after all the reading you’ve done… I realise it is not your favourite activity.”

She smiled widely and reached out to take a few cookies, shoving one into her mouth as Giles settled on a chair near her.

“So, how are things?”

She nodded, chewing the cookie quickly and swallowing.

“Yeah, good. It’s summer so it’s quiet…but I kinda like it.”

He nodded and took a sip of his drink, regarding her over the top of his glasses.

“And how’s Spike?”



She knew her reaction was far too deer-in-the-headlights and quickly averted her eyes from her Watcher’s. After all, he had that same mind-reading ability that her mother seemed to possess.

“Yeah, he’s okay.”

“He’s coping with the soul?”

“Yeah. Patrolling, fighting the bad and all that.”

“And there have been no problems?”

She paused for a moment, thinking of his near-breakdown, but then she shook her head.

“No, it’s all good.” Except for that bit where you kissed him and made everything weird.

Giles nodded and sat back to enjoy his drink, giving her a soft smile. She nibbled away at her cookie, lost in thought, a frown crossing her face. She really had to fix this thing with Spike, but she couldn’t even think about facing him now. She was still far too embarrassed and he was far too grown-up and sensible about the whole thing.

The quiet of the room went uninterrupted for several minutes, until suddenly the door burst open, announcing the arrival of her friends.

“Ohh, cookies!” Xander called out and she saw Giles smile around his cup, eyes shining with amusement as they met hers.

“Yes, it’s really quite amazing how you appear whenever I have biscuits out,” Giles commented to the boy, smiling affectionately as the gang settled around them.



“Are you researching something?” Willow asked, looking at the books scattered over the table.

“Just reading,” Buffy explained with a slight grimace.

“Buffy was reading up on demons,” Giles added.

“Fun,” Xander remarked around a mouthful of cookie and Buffy smiled at her friends. Now here was a good distraction. Xander smiled back at her and then looked around in confusion.

“You’ve lost your pet vampire.”

So much for the distraction.

“My pet?” she replied in amusement.

“Well, he does follow you round like one,” Xander explained with a shrug, “Where is he?”

“It being the middle of the day and all… he’s at home, sleeping. That whole sun-allergy thing, remember?” she joked.

“You’ve been joined at the hip lately, is all,” Xander said, shrugging again, “But now we’ve got you all to ourselves. Mwahaha.”

She smiled at his attempt at an evil laugh but his words did give her pause to think. She really had been spending a lot of her time with Spike and Spike alone lately, which probably hadn’t helped the whole not-crush thing. But then, spending time away from him wasn’t much of an option either, what with him living in the same house. There was no hiding from this predicament.



She was a coward. A big yellow-bellied coward who was too afraid to go home, knowing that she would have to face more awkwardness with Spike. Because, yeah, he seemed to be okay with it but no-one was okay with it that quickly. And she was definitely not okay. As the sun set, she left Giles’ house but instead of heading home, she headed for the nearest graveyard. She just couldn’t face the vampire just yet and decided maybe a few encounters with the not-so-friendly kind of vampire might help.

The cemetery was quiet, but this being in Sunnydale, not ten minutes later, she had something to fight. The fight was over far too soon though, leaving her unsatisfied and with a gash across her forehead. She finally conceded defeat and headed for home, blood trickling down her face as she helplessly tried to stop the bleeding. She stumbled through the door, slightly light-headed from the blood loss, and closed it behind her, steadying herself.

“Buffy?” her mother called out and with a sigh, she went through into the dining room.

“Oh God, I forgot about dinner!” she exclaimed as soon as she saw the table, eyes carefully averted from the vampire’s, “Sorry. I-“

“Buffy, what happened?” her mother got out worriedly, getting to her feet and rushing to her.

“Huh?!” she said and then when she saw her mother’s gaze directed at her forehead, she continued, “Oh, it’s nothing. It’s just a scratch.”

“We need to get you cleaned up.”



Before she could say anything, her mother had rushed from the room, leaving her alone with Spike. He rose and moved towards her hesitantly, eyes soft with concern.

“Something get a hit in?”

“I’m fine, really,” she reassured him, unable to hold his gaze, “Doesn’t even hurt.”

He took another few steps, stopping just inches from her, raising tentative fingers to her wound. She jerked away from his touch though and his eyes widened as she stepped back.

“I’m fine,” she repeated sharply.

“Buffy-“ he started but her mother's voice interrupted him.

“Come sit down and let me clean you up.”

Her mother appeared again, guiding her into a chair and placing the first aid kit down on the table.

“Mom, really-“

“Hush.”

She fell silent, knowing there was no use in arguing as she succumbed to her mother’s ministrations.

“It’s quite deep,” her mother exclaimed.

“It’ll heal by the morning, Mom. It’s really not that bad.”

“Honey, you’re covered in blood.”

“Well, yeah, but…”

She trailed off as Spike left the room, unable to stop herself from watching him leave.



“He’s been so quiet all evening,” her mother whispered, sparing a glance at the door, “I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

“I don’t know,” she mumbled, shrugging as her gaze dropped to her hands.

Her mother was silent, cleaning the cut gently, cradling her face in one hand.

“Buffy… has something happened between you two? Did you have a fight?”

“No,” she replied quickly – too quickly, she realised, as her mother’s eyes narrowed on hers, “No. We’re fine.”

Her mother didn’t seem to believe her but she left it for the moment, returning to her task. When she had finished, she placed a small bandage across Buffy’s forehead and sat back with a gentle smile.

“There, much better now. I can see your pretty face again.”

“Thanks,” she murmured, smiling weakly.

“Now, come and eat some dinner. I bet you haven’t eaten all day. Spike made the most wonderful spaghetti.”

She let her mother guide her into a chair nearer her own and reluctantly piled up her plate with food. Spike returned a moment later and lingered by the table, eyes flicking over her and then fixing on Joyce.

“I’m just going out for a bit.”

“Okay,” her mother answered softly, “Be careful.”

He gave a half-smile – perhaps at the insanity of someone telling a vampire to be careful – and with another quick glance at her, he was gone.

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