Time After Time by Addie Logan

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Chapter 4

Spike lay awake in his bed, staring up at the darkness above him. He and Buffy had agreed not to see each other until the weekend since she wanted to spend time with her step-father, and while he had understood that, the decision was killing him now. Having to sleep in such a large bed by himself seemed like cruel torture, and he wanted nothing more than to have her sleeping at his side.

The memory of her mouth still burned his cock, and he was more desperate to be inside of her than he had ever been with another woman. His need for her seemed to consume his every thought, threatening to drive him completely out of his mind. She’d also managed to succeed in something that no other woman ever had, even ones who had taken residence in his bed – she’d made him stop thinking about Drusilla.

Since his wife had left him, the specter of her had continued to haunt him as his emotions ran the gamut between longing and hatred. She had been what had driven away the only woman he’d developed any feelings for after Dru left, his inability to let go completely where his wife was concerned causing the majority of their arguments.

But now… Even if Dru were to walk through the door right now, he’d turn her away. His desire for Buffy was all-consuming, and while he didn’t know what it was that caused him to feel this way for a woman he barely knew, he didn’t care. He’d rather simply go with it than bother analyzing it.

The sound of his mobile phone cut through the silence of the bedroom, and Spike turned as he sat up to get it from the side table. He frowned when he saw Rupert’s name on the caller ID, wondering why he would be calling him at this hour, until he realized it wouldn’t be Rupert calling at all.

He opened the phone. “Hey, luv.”

“Hey yourself,” came the reply from the other end of the line. “You sound all husky. Did I wake you up?”

“No. Couldn’t sleep. What are you doing up so late?”

“Couldn’t sleep either. My body thinks it’s eight hours earlier, and no matter how many times I tell it it’s almost two in the morning, it won’t listen. Feel like talking for a bit?”

“Yeah, sure,” Spike replied, sitting up and resting against the headboard. “Anything in particular you want to talk about?”

“Not really. I just felt like hearing your voice. You could probably make my math textbook sound interesting.”

“So is that what you want to talk about then? Maybe the quadratic equation?”

Buffy snorted. “No.”

“Thank god, because about the only thing I remember from all of that is that there was something called the quadratic equation.”

“Dork,” Buffy said with a giggle. She cleared her throat, a moment of silence on the line before she said softly, “William?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

“There…there is one thing I kind of wanted to ask you.”

“What’s that?”

“I…um…your wife? She’s…she’s not going to like suddenly come back or something, right? I mean, you’re really not together? I don’t want to… I don’t want to be making a move on someone else’s husband.”

Spike closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face. That hadn’t been the question he’d been expecting from her, and it wasn’t really one he wanted to talk about either. Despite feeling more attracted to her than he had any other woman since his wife, Dru leaving… It still hurt…

Still, he knew Buffy deserved an answer, especially since he’d been stupid enough to bring Drusilla up in the first place. If he hadn’t tried to use his absent wife as an excuse to keep himself from falling from an all-too-alluring eighteen year old, then he wouldn’t be having this conversation with her now at all.

Hell, he probably should’ve shagged her that night instead – he’d be a lot more comfortable now overall.

“She’s not coming back, Buffy.”

“Where did she go?” Buffy asked.

Spike sighed. “I don’t really want to talk about her.”

“I know, but…” Buffy paused for a moment, and Spike could here her breathing softly before she said, “I just want to know what I’m getting myself into here, okay?”

Spike thought about her request and decided that if he was going to ask her to share his bed, the least he could do was grant her that. She did have a right to know where she stood in this.

“Drusilla’s completely out of the picture. Even when she was around, she cheated on me constantly, and then, about five years ago, she took off with some bloke and I never heard from her again. Honestly, I don’t even know if she’s still alive.”

“Oh. Then…then why are you still married to her? I mean, if she left like that, can’t you get a divorce on the grounds of abandonment? Do they have that in England?”

“Yeah, I guess I could. It’s just…” Spike sighed, almost telling her he didn’t want to talk about it again, but found instead that he sort of wanted to open up to her about this, even if the wounds were still raw after all these years. Maybe it was the late hour or the fact he could say it without looking her in the face, but it seemed easier now.

“A mix of reasons, I guess. She hurt me real bad when she left, you know? And for a while, I used her as a shield to keep myself from getting hurt again. Like I did with you back in California, only more so. Couldn’t get too close to someone if I was already married… But then even after that started fading, I was afraid to actually make the move. If I started the proceedings, it would be like digging everything up again, and I wasn’t sure I’d like what I found. I could learn things about her I didn’t want to hear, or it might entice her to come back around, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that either. So I just…left things like they were.”

“But what if you wanted to, you know, marry someone else?” Buffy asked.

“Why, you proposing?” Spike teased, wanting to prod Buffy back out of unfamiliar territory.

Buffy snorted. “You wish, buddy.”

“Oi now!”

“You really are a dork,” Buffy told him with a giggle. “But anyway, I don’t know why you’d let that fester for so long. I mean, maybe the reason you still do things like blurt out ‘I’m married’ when you could be macking on a total hottie is because you’ve let the wound stay open instead of getting closure.”

“Getting…” Spike stopped short, then asked, “Buffy, what’s your major?”

“Psychology.”

“Bloody figures,” Spike thought. “Luv, you think maybe you could not psychoanalyze me?”

“But you’d be a fascinating case study.”

Spike could hear the amusement in her voice. “Ha bloody ha. You’re just still irked at me for leaving you in the coffee shop.”

“Only I wouldn’t say ‘irked,’” Buffy replied. “You’re lucky you’re such a fine looking man, or I totally wouldn’t have given you the time of day at that party after that one.”

“Wouldn’t have given me the time of day or head?”

“You’re not funny.”

“Yeah, well, neither are you.”

“I’m freaking hilarious,” Buffy replied. “And pretty. And smart. And awesome in the sack.”

“Well, aren’t I a lucky bloke then?” Spike said, smiling. He’d just opened himself up to her, and yet he still felt completely relaxed, as if they were talking about something a lot less difficult for him. This woman still hadn’t stopped amazing him.

“You’ll be luckier this weekend.”

Spike trembled just thinking about it. He was tempted to try to entice her into a little play right then, but then he remembered how small Rupert’s place was and didn’t think that was the best of ideas. Instead, he decided to try to turn the tables on her. “So what about you then?”

“What about me?”

“You made me admit some painful relationship history. I think it’s only fair you do, too.”

“I don’t think it works that way.”

“Oh, I think it does.”

Buffy sighed. “Fine. My high school sweetheart dumped me on graduation day.”

“That’s all you’ve got?” Spike asked.

“Hey! That was like…six months ago. And I was in love with him, so yeah, it hurt. A lot.”

Spike grimaced at that. “Sorry, luv. I forgot you were in high school...” He coughed before he finished with, “Six months ago.”

“We’d been together for two years, and he told me we were going to go to the same college and everything. And then completely out of the blue, he told me that he was actually going somewhere else, and to not even bother trying to call him because he’d hooked up with someone else already.”

“What a sodding git!” Spike exclaimed, though he knew it was really an understatement. What sort of man would be enough of an idiot to toss a woman like Buffy to the side so callously?

“He said I hadn’t been ‘there’ enough for him recently.” Her voice got smaller on the other end of the line and her next words were almost too soft for him to hear. “It was two months after my mom died.”

“Oh, kitten. I’m sorry…”

“Well, if he hadn’t done that, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now,” Buffy pointed out.

“Yeah, I guess not.”

“And…I like this conversation.”

Spike smiled to himself. “Yeah, me, too.”

What surprised him most was that it was the truth.

Buffy stepped into the kitchen, rubbing her tired eyes. Giles watched her from the stove with a small smile and shook his head. “Good afternoon, Buffy.”

Buffy frowned. “Afternoon? Really?”

“Yes. Still adjusting to the time difference?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Buffy replied with a yawn.

“Or it could be that you were up all night on the phone,” Giles said, barely repressing his smirk.

“Did I keep you up?” Buffy asked, her eyes wide. “I’m so sorry, Giles. I tried to be quiet, I…”

“No, you didn’t keep me up, dear,” Giles told her. “I simply went looking for the phone this morning and found it in your outstretched hand on the bed.”

“Oops,” Buffy said, blushing.

“I assume it was Spike.”

“Yeah. Is…is that okay?”

“Is there a reason why it wouldn’t be?”

“I don’t know. It’s just…well, I’m like your daughter, and he’s your friend. I keep worrying that you’re really more squicked about this than you’re letting on.”

Giles turned for a moment from the pot on the stove and put his hand on Buffy’s shoulder. “You’re both adults, Buffy. What you chose to do in your personal life is really none of my business. I don’t particularly wish to give a lot of thought to it, but I’m not going to bothered simply by the fact you seem to have started something either. William is a good man, and he’s obviously quite taken with you – as you are with him. It’s all right. You don’t have to worry about my disapproval.” He took his hand from her shoulders and adjusted his glasses. “I was actually going to ask you if you wanted to ask him to spend the holiday with us.”

“Really? You…you wouldn’t mind?”

“Not at all. From what I gathered, he was planning on spending the day by himself. I’m sure he’d much rather spend it with you.”

“Thank you, Giles,” Buffy said, her bright smile beaming. “I’ll talk to him about it this weekend.”

“Good.” Giles nodded towards the pot. “Soup?”

“No thanks,” Buffy replied shaking her head. “My belly still thinks it’s morning. I’m going to make some toast.”

“Do you need any help?”

Buffy put her hands on her hips. “You know, Giles, I may be blonde, but I think I can still manage to handle toast.”

Giles chuckled. “All right then. Just let me know if it gets to be too much for you.”

Buffy’s tongue peeked out of her mouth before she turned and walked towards the breadbox, leaving her step-father shaking his head.

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