Summary: Once, William Pratt was a quiet poet, madly in love with his wife, Drusilla. Now, Spike is a loner, hunting in the night for the monster who took her away. He is focused on vengeance, making no room for anything else in his life – until his plan to get his revenge takes a turn he never could have predicted.
Author's Notes: Parts of this fic get very dark. There’s angst, there’s violence,
there’s stuff that’s not altogether happy. It’s not all angst, but
there is a good bit, especially in certain parts. If at any point it
gets to be two much for you, you can do one of two things: stop
reading, hold your breath and hope it gets better, or email me and ask
me to answer any question you have about what’s coming up to see if
it’s something you still want to read. (I’ll always answer those
questions in private emails sent to addie_logan@yahoo.com. I will not
answer them in a public forum like my livejournal or a review page. I
don’t want to spoil the story for people who don’t want to know.)
However, what I ask you not to do is complain to me about things
being too dark or tell me it’s too much for you. I have some readers
who have problems with angst and some who don’t. I’m not going to
shortchange the ones who do, or myself for that matter, because some
people can’t take it. That’s not fair to anyone. So if you don’t like
what I’m writing, then that’s your personal preference, and you’re free
to read something else. I understand that, and I’m fine with it. I’m
not fine with flame wars, nor am I fine with people harassing me,
writing me threatening emails, or trash talking me around the internet.
(And just so you know, I’m not paranoid – this has happened.)
So, to sum up – there is angst. If you like it, that’s cool,
keep reading. If you don’t, that’s cool, too, you can quit reading. Or
read with one eye covered. Or something. Just don’t flame me.
Rating: NC-17
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Buffy didn’t want to be nervous. She knew her fear wouldn’t benefit
either of them, but the thought of going back into that house after
what had happened the last time…
If Spike didn’t make it out, Buffy knew she’d lose it completely. She’d
been too broken, brought to the point where she depended on him wholly.
If she didn’t have him, she’d no longer have anything.
He was her tormenter and her savior, and she needed him.
“There’s no way I can talk you out of this?”
Spike turned towards her at the question, his eyes warm though determined. “We have to, sweetheart.”
“Just don’t leave me. Please, Spike. I know it sounds corny, but I’d
dust without you. I wouldn’t have a reason to go on anymore.” She
looked down at her hands, her eyes focusing on the last of the quickly
fading burns. “I’ve already lost too much.”
Spike crossed the room to her and took her hands in his, his thumbs
rubbing over the almost-healed skin. “We’re both going to make it
through this, kitten. I promise you.”
“You said that last time, too,” Buffy pointed out.
“Yeah, and we did.”
Buffy looked up him sharply, her eyes wide. “But you’re…”
“I am,” Spike acknowledged, cutting her off before she had to say the
words. “But we’re both still here, and we’re together. That’s the
important part, Buffy, and it’s not going to change. Ever.”
“We should be running, Spike. We should be getting far away from here and from him.”
“Can’t do that,” Spike said, shaking his head. “I don’t run. Not like that.”
“You don’t know what he’s capable of.”
Spike remembered watching Drusilla fall apart, remembered the moment he’d found her body, and met Buffy in the eye. “Yes, I do.”
“I…” Buffy pulled away and turned her back on him. “Can’t we give it another night?”
Spike wrapped his arms around her and brought her to him again. “No.
The sooner the better, luv. It’s already been days, and the more time
that passes, the more of a chance Angelus has to build up his forces.
We need to strike now while there’s still a chance he hasn’t been able
to replace all the minions we offed.”
Buffy knew he was right, and she knew she was only trying to stall the
inevitable. As much as she hated to admit it, they did need to truly
put Angelus behind them – though realizing that didn’t ease her fear
that they wouldn’t succeed if they tried. “Don’t think I won’t give you
a huge ‘I told you so’ if you get dusted,” she said, though Spike could
hear the fear beneath her jest.
“And then I’d completely deserve it, but it’s not going to be necessary.”
“You better make sure it isn’t,” Buffy replied, trying to smile at him though she wiped her eyes.
Spike pressed a lingering kiss against her forehead. “I already promised you forever, baby, and I’m not breaking my word.”
Hoping it wouldn’t be the last time, Buffy tangled her fingers in his hair and brought his mouth to hers.
The closer they got to the mansion, the more afraid Buffy grew. She’d never been so scared of anything – not even her own death.
She had no fear at the thought of facing Angelus. There was nothing he could do to her that he hadn’t already.
But if she lost Spike…
Buffy wasn’t going to let that happen.
She’d seen it on the way out the door and a plan had formed quickly in
her mind. It was crazy, she knew, and Spike was going to be royally
pissed off at her afterwards, but at least he wouldn’t be dust.
She’d kept it tucked in her jeans since they’d left the apartment, and
she’d spent the entire drive worried he’d see it and her plan would be
ruined. But he was parking the car now, and Buffy knew soon, it would
be over.
Spike would be safe…
He twisted the key in the ignition, cutting off the car, and Buffy
reached out and touched his face, guiding him closer to her. He didn’t
hesitate in moving nearer, in letting his guard down to kiss her.
She’d feel a bit guilty if it weren’t for his own good…
Buffy moved quickly, pressing the taser to Spike’s side before he had a
chance to see what she was doing. She winced as he convulsed against
her until he slumped unconscious in the seat.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” Buffy whispered, dropping the taser. She took a
deep breath to clear her head then moved quickly, knowing she was
working on a time schedule now. She got out of the car and went around
to the driver’s side, taking Spike out and then dragging him into the
back, laying him out on the seats, hoping it would call less attention
to him that way.
She whispered another apology with a brush of a kiss against his
forehead, then grabbed two stakes, tucked them into her waistband, and
left Spike and the DeSoto behind.
Buffy pushed her fear to the back of her mind as she walked towards the
mansion. She had no reason to be afraid anymore. Spike was safe.
She just needed to finish this before he woke up and came after her…
Buffy went in through the sewers again, moving silently through the
tunnels until she reached the underground entrance to the mansion. She
slipped inside easily, ready to fight whomever was posted as guards
tonight.
Only there was no one.
Buffy gripped one of the stakes in her hand as she moved into the main part of the mansion, ready for a fight.
Again, she found nothing but quiet.
Eerie quiet…
She would’ve thought the building had been abandoned had her senses not
been screaming at her that her sire was close. The hairs on the back of
her neck stood up and she gripped her stake tighter.
Buffy knew Angelus well enough to know when she was being toyed with,
but she didn’t care. One way or another, her history with him was
ending that night.
“Scared to show your face, Angelus?” Buffy yelled, her voice echoing in
the empty room. “Why don’t you pretend to be a man for once and come
out and face me?”
Angelus’s answering laugh sounded from somewhere in the shadows, and
Buffy fought against her own anxiety. Part of her longed to have Spike
by her side now, though she knew it was for the best to keep him where
he was out of harm’s way.
“You’re not amusing, you know!” Buffy shouted back. “All you ever do is
hide in the shadows and play your little mind games. You never have the
guts to face anyone like a man. You’re pathetic, Angelus. I can’t
believe I wasted so many years with you.”
Angelus tsked as he stepped out into the moonlight streaming in from
the windows. “Buffy, Buffy, Buffy. Look at you, pretending to be tough.
You and I both know what you are, baby. You’re just a stupid little
girl who isn’t any use unless her legs are in the air.”
“And what, that’s supposed to hurt my feelings?” Buffy snapped. “I’m
not yours anymore, Angelus. There’s nothing you can say or do to hurt
me anymore.”
His grin was cruel as it spread across his face. “That so, sweetheart? I think I can hurt you. I think I can hurt you a lot.”
“No, you can’t,” Buffy said with a shake of her head.
He took a step closer, and Buffy could see the coldness in his dark
eyes. “Wanna make a bet? Drusilla, darling, why don’t you bring our
other guest in here?”
Buffy gasped as Drusilla walked into the room, Spike – still
unconscious – slung over her shoulder. She wondered why she hadn’t felt
Spike near until she realized what Angelus had been doing with his
taunting.
He’d been keeping her distracted while Drusilla went to get Spike.
“You’ve been a naughty sister,” Drusilla said, snapping her jaws at
Buffy. “I gave you a gift and you left it outside to get dirty. I think
she needs to be punished, Daddy.”
“Oh yeah, Dru. She needs to be punished,” Angelus said with a cruel grin. “And I’m going to like being the one to punish her.”
Drusilla lowered Spike to the ground and Angelus pulled his own stake
out from his pocket. He knelt down over Spike, the stake pressing
lightly against the unconscious vampire’s heart. “So I can’t hurt you,
Buffy?” he asked smugly.
“Please,” Buffy begged, the sound of her own needy voice making her
sick. She didn’t know if she could move fast enough to stake Angelus
before he staked Spike, especially with Drusilla in the mix.
Spike was helpless to Angelus’s whims, and it was all her fault.
She’d made him vulnerable. If they actually did manage to get out of this, she wouldn’t be surprised if he never forgave her.
“My pixies whispered to me you’d be coming,” Drusilla hissed, spinning
in a circle beside Angelus. “They told me you’d come and we could play
a game.”
“This isn’t a game!” Buffy shouted. “He’s got a stake over the heart of your husband! Didn’t you love him at all?”
“Oh but the best games are played with death,” Drusilla replied with a
laugh that managed to be both childlike and sinister. “Did Daddy teach
you nothing?”
“Just drop your weapons and kick them over here, Buffy,” Angelus said tersely.
Buffy wanted to cry, but she didn’t. She wouldn’t. She
dropped both her stakes to the ground and kicked them towards Angelus.
Drusilla moved to pick them up, taking them beyond Buffy’s reach.
“Tell me I can hurt you, Buffy.”
Buffy shuddered as her eyes zeroed in on Angelus’s stake poised to take
away the man she loved. “You can hurt me,” she said softly.
“Louder, bitch.”
“You can hurt me,” Buffy said again.
“Louder!”
Her head snapped up and she looked him in the eye before shouting, “You can hurt me!”
“Tell me you belong to me.”
The words stuck in her throat like bile, and Buffy glared coldly at him.
Angelus raised the stake to strike, and Buffy screamed the words.
“I belong to you!”
“Tell me you’re my whore.”
Hot, angry tears pricked the corner of her eyes, but she would never
let them fall. “I’m your whore,” she ground out, her whole body tensing
with hatred of the words.
“That’s right, bitch. You’re my whore. You should be on your knees
begging to suck my cock, not thinking you can run off with this
worthless piece of crap fledgling.” He trailed the stake over Spike’s
chest. “He could never please you like I do, Buff.”
Buffy clenched her fists, her fingernails cutting deep red crescents into the skin of her palms.
“Tell me I’m right, Buffy. Tell me how only I can please you.”
She didn’t think she’d ever hated someone more in her life as she did
when she told Angelus what he wanted to hear. “Only you can please me.”
“Mmm. Music to my ears. All that fire and hatred in there. It’s gonna
feel so good breaking you again. It’ll be just like the old days. Think
I can still make you bleed just from fucking you?”
“I won’t let you touch me again,” Buffy said, her words a growl. “I’d dust before I let you put your hands on me.”
“No, baby, I don’t think you will. But your little boyfriend here?
Well, he’s a different story. I think the first time I take you will be
right here, on his dust. How’s that sound?”
Buffy screamed as Angelus raised his hand, the stake coming down
towards Spike’s heart. She lunged for him, even though she knew she
could never make it in time.
The stake centimeters from his heart, Spike’s eyes shot open, a roar sounding from him as they changed to feral gold.
He grabbed Angelus’s wrist and the stake clamored to the ground.
Endnotes: To be concluded in the next chapter…
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