Love and Death Embrace by Addie Logan

Summary: Once, William Pratt was a quiet poet, madly in love with his wife, Drusilla. Now, Spike is a loner, hunting in the night for the monster who took her away. He is focused on vengeance, making no room for anything else in his life – until his plan to get his revenge takes a turn he never could have predicted.

Author's Notes: Parts of this fic get very dark. There’s angst, there’s violence, there’s stuff that’s not altogether happy. It’s not all angst, but there is a good bit, especially in certain parts. If at any point it gets to be two much for you, you can do one of two things: stop reading, hold your breath and hope it gets better, or email me and ask me to answer any question you have about what’s coming up to see if it’s something you still want to read. (I’ll always answer those questions in private emails sent to addie_logan@yahoo.com. I will not answer them in a public forum like my livejournal or a review page. I don’t want to spoil the story for people who don’t want to know.)

However, what I ask you not to do is complain to me about things being too dark or tell me it’s too much for you. I have some readers who have problems with angst and some who don’t. I’m not going to shortchange the ones who do, or myself for that matter, because some people can’t take it. That’s not fair to anyone. So if you don’t like what I’m writing, then that’s your personal preference, and you’re free to read something else. I understand that, and I’m fine with it. I’m not fine with flame wars, nor am I fine with people harassing me, writing me threatening emails, or trash talking me around the internet. (And just so you know, I’m not paranoid – this has happened.)

So, to sum up – there is angst. If you like it, that’s cool, keep reading. If you don’t, that’s cool, too, you can quit reading. Or read with one eye covered. Or something. Just don’t flame me.

Chapter 16

“Park over there,” Buffy said, pointing out the window. “There’s a sewer entrance right by it that leads into Angelus’s mansion. We’ll have a better chance getting in that way. Fewer guards.”

They were the first words either of them had spoken since they’d left the apartment, and Spike didn’t respond verbally. Instead, he simply pulled the car over to the spot she’d indicated and turned off the engine.

Buffy sat in the silent car, breathing even though she didn’t need to. Finally, when she couldn’t take it anymore, she turned towards him. “Spike, I…”

“Save it, Buffy.”

She felt her eyes fill up with tears at his sharp tone, but she knew she couldn’t cry now. Not when she had to focus on making sure he came out of this alive.

But she couldn’t let him go without saying anything either. What she’d told him in the hotel room… It couldn’t end like that.

And she knew this had to be good bye…

“But I have to…”

“No, you don’t.” Spike moved before she could say anything else, cupping her face as he brought her closer for a kiss. In the second before their lips touched, she’d expected anger, but instead he gave her tenderness and passion.

“I know, Buffy,” he whispered as they broke apart. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“I didn’t mean it.”

“I know.” He pressed his forehead to hers, inhaling deeply as if he wanted to breathe her in.

Then, reluctantly, Spike let her go, leaning over her and punching open the glove compartment. A stake rolled into his hand, and for a moment, Buffy felt a wave of panic, before she realized he was simply giving her a weapon. “Have you ever fought other vampires before?”

“A few times, yeah. Angelus has a habit of seriously pissing people off.”

“Well, can’t say I find that surprising. So you’ll be all right then? Able to handle yourself?”

“Yes. Probably better than you, seeing as you’ve got no super strength or anything.”

Spike smirked. “I can hold my own. After all, I kicked your ass.”

“That wasn’t fair,” Buffy said, pointing a finger at him. “You tasered me, you cheat.”

“All’s fair in love and vampire slaying.”

She gave him a slow smile. “But you don’t really wanna slay me…”

“Slay, no. But lose the ‘s’ and you’ve got it right.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Pig.”

Spike shook his head. “No. Big bad wolf. Wanna eat you up.” He pulled Buffy across the bench seat and into his lap, kissing her again, this time harder, more desperate. “God, Buffy,” he groaned. “Want you.”

Buffy didn’t know exactly how they’d gone from not speaking to snogging. Her emotions seemed all over the place with him, from hate to love and back again. She broke away from his lips, panting. “We have to go kill Angelus, remember?”

“Right. Angelus.” Spike stroked her hair. “We’ll pick this back up afterwards.”

“Spike, I’m…”

Spike put his finger against her lips. “No, Buffy, you’re not.”

“But I…”

“No. You try to run, and I’ll find you. I’m not letting you go.” He pulled her against his chest. “I’m never letting you go.”

“We can’t…”

“Buffy, listen to me,” Spike said, cupping her face. “I’m not saying this is going to be easy. But I think we’re worth fighting for.”

“I’m not turning you. I don’t want you to be like that.”

“I know, baby. Doesn’t mean we have to throw in the towel. We’ll just have to figure something else out.”

“There isn’t anything else, Spike. We’re not made to be together. Maybe if Angelus had never turned me, maybe if we’d met some other way, but…”

Spike cut her off again. “No. Stop bloody talking like that.”

“But I’m dead, Spike!”

“So was I before I met you! Don’t you understand what we are, Buffy?”

“We’re two people who should be enemies.”

“No. We’re a miracle, Buffy.”

Buffy blinked, not sure what to make of his declaration. At a loss for words, she simply parroted it back at him. “A miracle?”

“Yeah. We defied the odds to find each other, Buffy. Even death couldn’t keep you from me. And none of the things that stand between us matter because they’re just on the outside. They aren’t who we are.”

“And who are we, Spike?”

“We’re Buffy and Spike,” he replied with a crooked grin, as if that answered everything.

She smiled back because somehow, it did.

She wanted to believe what he told her, what her heart told her. She wanted to believe that they’d simply walk in there, kill Angelus, and then walk out hand in hand and live happily ever after.

If only she hadn’t stopped believing in happily ever after a long time ago…

He must’ve seen the doubt in her eyes. “You don’t have to believe me now, pet. Just don’t run when this is over. Give me a chance to prove it to you. A chance, Buffy, that’s all I’m asking for. Can you promise me at least that much?”

She nodded, unable to deny him that. She wanted to believe. Maybe, if they were actually able to pull this off, she could.

“Good. Things are going to work out for us, lamb. Do you know why?”

“Because we’re a miracle?” Buffy asked softly.

Spike’s grin widened. “Exactly. Now you’re gettin’ it.”

“I love you, Spike.”

“I know you do, kitten.” He kissed her forehead. “Now come on. Let’s go take care of the bastard that hurt you, yeah?”

“I thought this was for Drusilla.”

Spike looked at her for a moment, startled. “It’s for both of you. He needs to get what he deserves.”

“He does,” Buffy agreed.

“Is this going to be hard for you, luv? I know he means something to you.”

“Meant,” Buffy corrected. “Angelus never loved me. I knew that the moment you touched me.” She caressed his face, smiling softly as she did. “No one’s ever touched me like you do.”

He caught her hand, kissed the tips of her fingers. “We’ll make it. I know we will. For the first time in so long, I know everything’s going to be okay.”

Buffy threw her arms around him and squeezed tightly, hoping beyond hope that it wouldn’t be the last time.

*** *** ***

“God, this place reeks.”

“It’s a sewer. Of course it reeks.”

“How are you not gagging? I thought vampires had heightened senses.”

“I’m not breathing.”

“Oh. Cheater.”

Buffy smirked. “Be quiet now. We’re getting close.”

Spike nodded before whispering, “One more for luck.”

She tried to ask him one more what, but her words came out muffled as he pressed his lips against hers and kissed her hard.

Yet almost as soon as he pulled away from her, he was all business, dropping back into the hardened demeanor he’d wore when she’d first met him. He was a hunter now, concentrating on his prey.

“What are we going to run into when we get up there?” he asked her.

“Guards,” Buffy said. “He usually has two on the sewer entrance, since it’s small and we haven’t had anyone try to use it to break in yet. We can take them out, no problem. It’s early in the evening, so Angelus is probably still in the back of the house, most likely not even out of bed yet. The minions are usually in the other wing, so we should be able to strike quickly and take him out before he can alert anyone else.”

“Sounds easy enough.”

“That’s because I just gave the best case scenario.”

“Worst case scenario?”

“It all goes to hell.”

“Right then.” Spike took a deep breath then winced, immediately wishing he hadn’t, given the odor of the sewer. “You can hold your own, right?”

“I told you I could. Don’t worry about me. Just focus on getting Angelus. I’ll be fine.” Buffy growled softly as she switched into game face. “I’m ready for this.”

“Lead the way, luv.”

Buffy stepped in front of him, walking to the metal ladder that led into the building. “Wait for my signal,” she told him before climbing quickly up the ladder, pushing up the metal grate that gave her access into the basement of the mansion.

Two guards stood at the door, just as she’d expected. She grinned, sashaying up to them, enjoying the looks of surprise on their faces. “Hello, boys,” she said, running her tongue over her fangs.

“B…Buffy,” one of them stammered. “You…you aren’t supposed to be here. An…Angelus said.”

“I’m just here for a little fun,” Buffy said with a grin. “But if Angelus doesn’t want me, maybe we could play instead.” She looked between the two guards, her eyes hooded. “Would you like that?”

“We’re…we’re supposed to be guarding the sewer entrance, miss,” the guard who had up until that point been silent said. “We…can’t…Angelus wouldn’t…”

“No one ever comes through that entrance, and you know it,” Buffy said. “Wouldn’t you rather be getting laid?”

The two male vampires looked at each other. She did have a point…

Buffy gripped the crotch of the one closest to her and raised her voice slightly as she spoke. “Come on, baby. I bet you have a nice, big spike for me in there.”

The two guards were too busy drooling to notice the platinum blonde head that emerged from the sewer. Moments later, a crossbow bolt whizzed through the air, meeting its mark in the chest of one of the guards. As his dust fell, Buffy grabbed her stake from the back of her jeans and drove it into the heart of the other.

“Well, that was embarassingly easy,” she remarked as she took a step back from the dust. “Boys are dumb.”

Spike arched an eyebrow. “Gotta say, sweetheart, didn’t love your signal.”

“You didn’t love it? I had to be all flirty and feel up that totally icky minion.” She shuddered. “That was vile.”

“Still, just so you know, we’re having possessive, angry sex later.”

“No complaints from me.” She flashed him a wicked, fanged grin. “Besides, by now, you should know you’re the only spike for me.”

“See, now I think you’re just mocking me.”

Buffy chuckled. “Come on. Let’s get this over with so we can have that possessive, angry sex.”

Spike winked at her, his grin enough to make her want to say to hell with it all of it and throw him down right there on the floor. For a moment, her human features reemerged, but then she shook her head, clearing her thoughts and putting her game face back on.

With Spike behind her, they ran up the stairs into the main part of the mansion, hoping to find things as easy as they’d been in the basement.

Apparently, however, their luck had taken a turn south.

Usually at this time, the minions would’ve been just waking up, feeding from whomever was left lying around the mansion. However, something must’ve been going on, since they were mingling together in the main hall instead, a group of at least twenty standing between them and Angelus.

“Oh, balls,” Spike whispered. “Think you can seduce all of them?”

Buffy sighed softly. “I’m hot and all, but I’m not sure I’m that hot. I guess I could flash my tits.”

“That’s a no go.”

“Why not? They’re perky.”

“Not disagreeing with you there, kitten, but you do that, and I’m going to be distracted, too.”

“Oh. Right. Guess we’re just going to have to fight them all then.”

Spike pushed his crossbow back into his coat and retrieved a stake instead. “Let’s do this.”

Buffy stepped out into the room with Spike close behind her. She cleared her throat, knowing a sneak attack on a group ten times larger than your own was pointless. “Miss me?”

One of the vampires stepped forward and snarled. “Angelus said to kill you if you came back, Buffy.”

“Of course he did. God, that man is such an ass.” She rolled her eyes. “Well, I guess you better come kill me then. Wouldn’t want to upset Angelus.”

The vampire charged at her, but Spike moved faster, staking him before he had a chance to get to Buffy. The other minions froze, and Buffy heard one of them ask, “Who the hell is that guy?”

“I don’t know,” another minion replied, “but I say we kill them both.”

The entire group charged towards them, fangs bared. Buffy and Spike shared a meaningful look before they jumped into the fray, ready to do whatever it took to get to Angelus – and put the pasts he’d given them both behind them once and for all.

Buffy and Spike stood back to back, moving together as if they were meant to do this, as if they were simply two halves of the same whole. Every move one made was a mirror of the other, dust swirling around them as they managed to best every vampire that came their way. Spike breathed heavily, his heart thudding madly in his chest, though adrenaline kept him from truly feeling the exertion.

However, he turned his head, and it was then that he saw her. She stood in the entrance to a hallway, her white dress giving her an ethereal look, as if she were a ghost. Maybe she was…

She was as gorgeous as he remembered, her dark hair falling in tempting waves against pale skin. She smiled at him, crooked a finger, and he could hear her voice whispering in his mind, floating past him like a cool breeze.

Come to me, my William…

His stake clattered to the ground, every molecule of his body drawn towards her. The world seemed to fade away, and he could hear her laughter, her gentle voice as it has been when she’d been his. He remembered her touch, her warmth. He remembered how happy he’d once been…

Distantly, he heard someone screaming his name, but it faded away as he took her hand.

She smiled as she led him away, and he was helpless to do anything but follow.