Summary: The Scoobies are sent on a cross country road trip by the
Watcher’s Council to retrieve seven portal keys that access Abaddon’s
abyss. Comedy. Ensemble
Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are
owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not
meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.
Author's Notes: Disclaimer: The characters are owned by Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Never mine. A/N: This is a comedy/ very light drama road picture, an homage to Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour, idols from my childhood. The locations, other than state names are completely of my own invention or changed to suit the story. As always, thanks to my lovely beta EnigmaticBlues.
Rating: PG
The bearded devil
is forced to dwell
in the only place
where they don’t sell
Burma-Shave
Buffy pulled away for a much needed breath. “I’d have to say the spell is broken, wouldn’t you?”
Spike pulled her back against him. “I think we need to make absolutely sure.”
“That’s a good idea. You never know when that pesky spell might start over.”
Their lips crashed together again.
****
The more Dawn surreptitiously watched the others while they watched the
movie, the more she could see the spell work its effects on each of her
friends. Anya had refused to watch the movie at all and was still
deeply involved in on line shopping, her fingers moving furiously
across the computer keyboard. Occasionally Dawn would hear her either
cackle with glee or groan. It all depended, she supposed,on whether
Anya got whatever she was trying to buy.
The teen cautiously watched Willow play with Buffy’s serrated training
knife, flipping it end over end. During every slow portion of the movie
she would throw the knife at the wall, retrieve it and then toss it
again.
Tara had come out of her room and was nervously watching Willow. Not
only did she watch her girlfriend with undisguised disgust, but she
twitched, jumping at every loud noise in the movie. Tapping her fingers
loudly on the coffee table, her eyes constantly shifted from one side
to the other. Anya’s comment about Zoloft kept crossing Dawn’s mind.
The blonde witch definitely needed something to calm her down; she was
a hyper paranoid mess.
Xander had turned green and hurriedly waved it away when Dawn tried to
pass the popcorn bowl to him and then almost threw up when someone
passed a canned drink by him. Dawn wondered how long it had been since
he’d last eaten or drank anything.
These guys are completely out of control. I’m glad Buffy and Spike
are talking about what we’re going to be doing tomorrow night to fix
this mess.
***
“When did you know that you wanted to kiss me?” Buffy looked at the
vampire cuddled next to her on the bed. The spell had broken during the
first round of kissing. Buffy figured they were up to round number ten
or twelve by now. She’d totally lost count.
Spike shifted so he could see her face. “Hmm, I’m not sure, but at least since that mission to clean out the Draynoc nest.”
“Wow, that long? That’s been at least a month ago.”
“I remember watching you take on the male Draynoc and wondering what it
would be like to kiss you.” He smiled softly at the woman cuddled into
his side. “What about you?”
“I can’t pinpoint an exact time, but remember the other morning when I
went to your room?” She waited until he nodded. “I had to run out
because I couldn’t handle seeing you without your shirt on.” She
blushed. “You have a seriously gorgeous body.”
He ran a finger down her cheek. “So do you, pet.”
“This is way better than I imagined it would be.”
The vampire nodded. “Definitely.” He laced his fingers with hers. Buffy looked at their interlocked hands and smiled.
Sighing, her face became serious.“Spike, what are we going to do about
the gang? If we don’t hook those keys together, everyone will stay like
they are and there’s just so much wrong with that thought, I wouldn’t
even know where to start.”
“Well, as much as I like the idea of never having Harris bothering me
again, I think you’re going to have to blow off the Council. There
isn’t any other choice.”
Buffy thought out loud. “The real reason the Council wanted the keys
was so the demons couldn’t have them. If we hook them together and then
hand them over to the Keeper, then the mission is still a success.”
Buffy bit her lip. “I think I’ll see if I can talk Willow into
researching whether that Keeper guy is who he says he is. If he is,
then we’ll hand them over. No harm, no foul.”
“Sounds like a plan to me.” He pulled her closer. “Come on, luv, it’s
really late and I think we could use some sleep. Tomorrow’s another day
as they say.”
“Who’s the “they” that actually says that?”
“I have no earthly idea, it’s just an expression, pet.”
“Oh, ‘cause I’ve never heard anyone actually say it, until now. I
figured it must be a vamp thing. Only I guess not, ‘cause they would
probably say tomorrow’s another night.”
“Sweet dreams, Buffy.”
“Good night Spike.”
*****
“It took the entire morning and you don’t even want to know where I got
this, but I was finally able to locate your information.” Willow pushed
her chair back to let Buffy move closer. “Can I go now? I absolutely
hate research.”
Buffy, her attention focused on the page, nodded. “Yeah, I promised.” She looked up briefly. “Willow? Try not to hit anybody.”
The red haired witch nodded. “No problemo, I’m actually starting to get
the hang of this fighting stuff.” She pantomimed a ninja stance.
“Uh huh. Just be careful.”
Buffy motioned Spike and Dawn closer. “Look at this picture of the Keeper’s right hand man.”
Dawn became excited. “It’s definitely the same guy that we talked with, right down to the weird purple clothes.”
“Throughout recorded history, the Keeper has been responsible for
the portal keys and the abyss.” Buffy continued to read out loud. “It
says that the portal, Abaddon’s abyss, is actually a hell dimension
that can only be found and opened using the portal keys we’ve been
collecting. It also says that once the keys are activated by attaching
them, the portal is open for four days. After that time the portal
closes and the keys split apart and disappear for another four hundred
years.”
She looked quizzically at the other two. “So why would the Council
be worried about this so much? This is so a one time limited offer,
like a grocery store coupon.”
Spike, who had been reading along with the Slayer, pointed to the
screen. “There’s more here, pet. It also says that the portal works
both ways. I bet the demons want to let something out, more than they would want to get stuck inside themselves.”
Dawn shifted. “If we attach the keys together to break the spell on everybody, something is going to come through the portal?”
Buffy shook her head. “Only if we request the portal to open. Otherwise
the balls are hooked together but we’re not really using it to gain
entry, sort of like putting a door key in the lock, but not turning it.”
“Yeah, that’s how I’m readin’ it, too.” Spike grimaced. “That’s the
dangerous bit. Once they’re together anyone who gains control of the
keys can easily open the portal. We need to make sure that as soon as
we break the spell; we immediately give the keys to the Keeper.”
Dawn stared at the figure on horseback pictured on the screen. “So we’re definitely giving it to the Keeper?”
Buffy bit her lip. “I don’t see another way. The Council was definitely
right about one thing. They’re going to be way more trouble once
they’re put together.”
Dawn pointed at a line of text. “This says the Keeper is the only one
that can control the portal keys once they’ve been strung together. He
can keep whatever is on the other side from coming through
accidentally.”
Buffy stood up and stretched. “We need to get everyone packed and ready
to go. The manifestation is in a few hours.” She glanced over at the
errant Scoobies. “This is gonna be a lot like herding cats.”
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