Changing Lives by Mabel Marsters

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Chapter 59

Author's Notes: thanks to Carol for betaing :) Thanks to everyone for reading and especially for reviewing :)

Chapter Fifty-Nine

As Buffy heard the door close behind Spike, she curled up in the armchair and sobbed.

She was crying for what Spike had gone through, crying because she still felt so hurt, and crying because she just didn’t know what she should do. A big part of her wanted nothing more than to race after him and fling herself into his arms. But her head was spinning with it all and so she stayed where she was.

Spike walked home slowly, amazed that he was actually able to physically put one foot in front of the other. He was absolutely devastated. He didn’t know what he’d expected to happen after telling Buffy the truth but he had hoped it wouldn’t involve him basically being asked to leave like what had just happened. He tried to face up to the fact that he had lost her forever. His heart was in his boots. Spike was glad it was Saturday - at least he had another day to get through before he had to see her at school. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to face it.

Ooooooo

Willow called Buffy about an hour after Spike had left, unable to wait any longer to see how his visit had gone.

“Hi Buffy, it’s me,” she said as Buffy picked up the phone.

“Hi Willow.”

She could tell by Buffy’s voice that the joyous reunion that she and Oz had hoped for hadn’t materialised.

“So how did it go?” she prompted tentatively.

“Okay, I guess. Will, I just don’t know what to think,” replied Buffy, and she went on to tell her what Spike had said.

“What are you going to do?” Willow asked when she had finished.

“I really don’t know. I love him but can I ever trust him again? I feel like it’s all been a big lie. I got him that pendant for Christmas and when I gave it to him I told him it’d come from England just like him. It makes me feel stupid and angry that he let me say that to him.”

“I can understand that, Buffy, and I’m not trying to influence you, but I do know that he really loves you. He told Oz that he’d loved you from the first day you arrived in Sunnydale.”

“And I ignored him like everyone else for years,” said Buffy sadly.

She was starting to realise how easy it must have been for him not to believe his luck at getting the girl he’d dreamed about for so long. She knew his home life had lacked love and could only guess at the hurt he’d felt when she hadn’t called.

“Oh God, Willow, it’s such a mess,” she sighed.

Ooooooo

Spike sat on his bed; even listening to Ghost of the Robot couldn’t raise his spirits. The conversation he’d had with Buffy kept playing through his mind.

“Why didn’t I ask her anything? Why did I just blurt it all out and then leave? Why didn’t I try to touch her? Hold her hand?”

He’d turned down Oz’s offer of coming over and when Rupert saw how miserable he was he insisted on taking him out to see a movie that evening. Spike didn’t take in any of the film and Rupert was dismayed when he even refused any popcorn as he had barely eaten all day. His misery was palpable but Rupert wisely didn’t press for explanations.

Ooooooo

Sunday seemed to last forever. Spike just mooched about the apartment, listlessly doing his homework. He e-mailed Rich that morning and poured his heart out to him over the disaster he’d made of his relationship with Buffy.

Rupert was going out for the evening. He actually felt a little embarrassed about it, as it was the first ‘date’ he and Joyce were having. Both thought it ironic when they left their moping teenagers behind whilst they went out for a meal.

Since Rupert was out Spike was playing his CDs at full blast. It was only because a track had ended that he heard the knock at the door. Oz had said he might come over but Spike thought he’d persuaded him not to. Sighing, he ambled to the door, opened it and then looked up. He actually took a step back when he saw it wasn’t Oz standing there but Buffy.

“Um…hi,” he stuttered.

“Hi Spike,” replied Buffy.

He just stared at her stupidly, his heart racing.

“Can I come in, please?” she asked with a small smile.

“Shit…God…yes, of course,” Spike blustered, stepping to the side and beckoning her in with a sweep of his hand. They walked into the lounge area.

“Um…would you like a drink? Tea? Coffee? Coke?”

“A Coke would be great, thanks.”

“Okay, I won’t be a minute, just…um…sit down and …I’ll…I’ll be right back with it.”

He disappeared into the kitchen. He momentarily leant against the refrigerator before he opened it.

“Soddin’ hell, Spike, come on! At least string a coherent sentence together, for God’s sake.”

He took out two cans of Coke and, with hands trembling, made a mess of pouring them into glasses. He quickly wiped the spillage up and carried them through to Buffy, who was sitting in an armchair. He handed her the glass and sat in the other chair. Buffy took a sip and then put it down on the low coffee table in front of her.

“I’ve been doing a bit of thinking,” she said.

Spike just nodded slightly, unable to trust himself to speak. His stomach was churning.

“A lot of thinking and, well…I’ve calmed down a bit now.” She smiled at him and he held his breath. Was she going to say what he hoped she’d say? “You were right. You never did lie to me about anything really, did you?”

“I…um…” started Spike.

She shook her head, “Don’t say anything just yet, let me finish, okay?”

Another slight nod.

“I thought about what you told me yesterday. I’ve thought about nothing else. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must have been like not to know who you were. And then to discover that you were actually someone else must have been bizarre to say the least. I can see how you’d shy away from revealing it. I know what a hard life you had as ‘William’. I bet you were horrified to be told you were coming back here after your death had been announced. I think you were wrong to do it.” Spike cringed as she said it. “But with all the trauma you probably weren’t thinking that straight anyway,” continued Buffy. “I’ve got some questions I need to ask, if that’s okay?”

“Anything,” said Spike, his voice hoarse.

“Did you ever intend to reveal who you are?”

Spike met her eyes. God, he’d missed looking into them.

“I was going to tell Rupert after I graduated. I figured I could move away to go to college and so could start anew. If Rupert kicked me out, I thought I’d be able to go anywhere away from here and get a job. I never wanted to cheat Rupert out of any inheritance or anything,” said Spike quietly.

“Okay, so what about me? Would you have told me?”

“Um…well…you never figured in my plans ‘cause when I got back here I thought you hadn’t liked me. Then I knew you didn’t when I was stupid enough to hang out with Angel,” he said with a hint of a smile, tilting his head on one side in the way that always made her melt. “The longer I put off telling you the truth, the more impossible it was to tell you at all. I’m so sorry, Buffy. I truly never meant to hurt you or anyone else.”

“I know you didn’t.”

She could see that Spike was wearing the pendant she’d given him at Christmas, correctly guessing it had never left his neck. She opened the top two buttons of her blouse and pulled it apart. Spike looked at her quizzically then spotted the necklace he’d given her - the one that he’d not seen her wearing since the day she discovered who he was. He moved his eyes from the necklace to her face and saw she was looking at him with an apprehensive smile.

“Does that mean? Er…do you…um?”

“I want to be with you, Spike,” she said, cutting off his stammering.

He froze. “Oh God, really?” he whispered.

“If you still want me?”

“I’ll always want you, Buffy!” cried Spike, leaping to his feet.

He went to her and then paused, uncertain of what to do. Buffy solved the problem by standing up and kissing him soundly. His knees felt weak. He pulled her down until they were sitting on the couch. Their lips were never apart, their hands rubbing over their bodies, drinking each other in. They never even noticed how uncomfortable the couch was.

After kissing for what seemed like an age, the logical progression was to move to the bedroom, but a glance at the clock made them realise that Rupert and Joyce would be back from their date soon and so they didn’t have time.

“Stupid Buffy, I should have come around earlier,” she moaned.

“I’m just so glad that you came round at all. I felt a piece of me had died when I lost you,” replied Spike, “Anyways, I’m kind of pleased we don’t have time.”

“Why?” asked Buffy, giving him a bit of a look, “Don’t you want to make love to me anymore?”

“’Course I do, pet, but…well…I got knocked unconscious when I walked home after the first time and after the second we split up! So I’d rather try to arrange it somehow so we can spend the night together and that way hopefully we’ll be okay in the morning,” said Spike with a grin.

“Good point,” laughed Buffy, kissing him again. She glanced at the clock, “I’d better get moving.”

Reluctantly they untangled from each other and went to the door.

“I’m walking you home,” announced Spike. He held his hand up. “No argument, okay?”

“Okay,” agreed Buffy.

They walked along hand in hand, delighted at being back together again. After a long passionate kiss near Buffy’s front door, they parted lips.

“Do you want to know what made me come over tonight?” asked Buffy.

“You said you’d thought it through,” replied Spike.

“I had. I’d already decided that I couldn’t live without being with you; it hurt too much. But what gave me the courage to come over was an e-mail that I got from Rich. He’s put the Dingoes on Youtube.”

“He has?” interrupted Spike.

“Haven’t you seen it?”

“No, haven’t been on the computer since this morning and hadn’t got any e-mails then. I was too busy being bloody miserable to go back online later,” replied Spike with a bit of a pout, which she promptly kissed.

“Okay, well, I’m not going to say what it’s like. You can check it out when you get home. I saw the way you looked at me in some of the footage and no way was that a lie.” She kissed him again. “You’d better go or Rupert will be back before you.”

Spike sighed, stole one last kiss and hurried home.

Ooooooo

He got on to the Internet as soon as he got in. Sure enough, there was an e-mail from Rich with the links to the video on Youtube and to Spike’s amazement also to the brand spanking new Dingoes Ate My Baby website.

Spike looked at Youtube first since that was what Buffy had mentioned. He blushed to begin with when he saw himself on there. It was the first time he’d heard himself sing, too. At one point in the video he turned directly to camera and winked. He remembered doing that to Buffy but bloody Rich had said that he hadn’t been filming then. That must have been the bit Buffy meant.

“I must remember to thank Rich for lying about that!”

He grinned broadly as he watched the rest of the video. Rich had made a montage of snippets of songs for the first one and then posted each of the six songs he’d used, individually in full too.

Spike scrolled down to see some of the comments.

“Christ, they really like us!”

He then went onto the website. Rich had done an incredible job with it. He’d put the band members profiles on there. Spike cringed a bit when he saw his name but thankfully Rich had only put Spike Norman, with no mention of James. He’d gotten the whole concert on, slightly edited, and also footage of the sound check.

Spike was still looking at it when Rupert arrived home.

“Hey Rupert, come and look at this.”

He walked into Spike’s room, pleased to see the boy grinning at him. It was the first time in a week that he’d seen Spike smile.

“What is it that you want me to see?”

“Look at what Rich’s done,” said Spike, turning the laptop round so he could see.

It wasn’t until he’d gone to bed that Spike remembered that he hadn’t told Rupert or Oz about making up with Buffy.

To be concluded in the next chapter…..

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