Changing Lives by Mabel Marsters

1 :: 2 :: 3 :: 4 :: 5 :: 6 :: 7 :: 8 :: 9 :: 10 :: 11 :: 12 :: 13 :: 14 :: 15 :: 16 :: 17 :: 18 :: 19 :: 20 :: 21 :: 22 :: 23 :: 24 :: 25 :: 26 :: 27 :: 28 :: 29 :: 30 :: 31 :: 32 :: 33 :: 34 :: 35 :: 36 :: 37 :: 38 :: 39 :: 40 :: 41 :: 42 :: 43 :: 44 :: 45 :: 46 :: 47 :: 48 :: 49 :: 50 :: 51 :: 52 :: 53 :: 54 :: 55 :: 56 :: 57 :: 58 :: 59 :: 60 ::

Chapter 56

Author's Notes: Thanks to Carol for betaing this and for all the amazing reviews you guys have left!!! :)

Chapter Fifty-Six

Spike ran until he could no longer catch his breath. He stopped and leant against a wall, putting his hands on his knees.

“Wot ‘ave I done? Oh soddin’ hell, I’ve totally fucked it up.”

He was distraught; his worst fear had come true. He’d lost Buffy. She hated him and he couldn’t blame her.

“Why didn’t I just die in the crash?”

He dried his eyes and walked on. He was standing outside a store wondering what he could do when he spotted Phil, Joey’s older brother.

“Hey, Phil, how yer doin’?” asked Spike, forcing himself to sound bright.

“Hi Spike. You guys were great at New Year’s.”

“Wot?” It seemed so long ago now that Spike could hardly remember it. “Oh yeah, it was fun. Look, can yer do me a favour?”

Ooooooo

Luckily it was Oz who opened the door to his house and not his mom or dad. Spike was standing, or rather swaying, on the porch.

“Spike!” exclaimed Oz. He looked like he was going to pass out. “God, what’s wrong?”

“Oz,” slurred Spike, only it sounded more like Oszsh, “I’m totally screwed.”

He took out the bottle of vodka that he’d gotten Phil to buy for him from the pocket of his duster and took a long pull at it.

“Christ! You’re totally wasted, more like,” said Oz, grabbing him and pulling him inside.

Spike tripped on the step and would have fallen but for the fact that Oz still had hold of him and kept him on his feet. Oz dragged him upstairs to his room. Spike slumped on the bed and took another slug of the liquor before Oz snatched it away from him.

“No. No, I need that,” begged Spike, reaching out for it with his left hand.

“You really don’t, Spike. Trust me on this,” replied Oz.

“I do, Oz. If I drink enough it’ll stop hurting, won’t it?”

“Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong? What’s got you so upset that you’re looking for the answer in a bottle?”

“Buffy,” said Spike, burying his head in his hands.

“I kind of guessed that,” replied Oz, “I suppose she’s found out that you’re William?” he added matter of factly.

Spike whipped his head up. “Wot?”

Oz put the bottle on the bookcase and then sat on the chair to his desk opposite Spike.

“Why don’t you just tell me?” said Oz calmly.

“But ‘ow do yer know?” asked Spike, bewildered. Then a thought struck him, “Did you tell Buffy? Is that it?”

He leapt to his feet glaring at Oz. His threatening attitude fell a bit flat as he swayed dramatically and went white.

“You’re not gonna…” started Oz.

“I think I might,” finished Spike.

Oz grabbed him and hurried him to the bathroom. He stood outside as he heard Spike throwing up violently. He re-emerged several minutes later, even paler than before, if that was possible.

“Um…sorry,” he mumbled.

“Come on, let’s get you sitting down before you fall down,” said Oz, helping a very wobbly Spike back to his bedroom.

“Oh Christ, Oz, I wish I was dead,” wailed Spike, “She hates me, she really soddin’ hates me, and I love her so much.” He broke down into tears.

“Hey, don’t say that. It can’t be as bad as you think it is.”

“It’s worse. She won’t talk to me…she slapped me…and then kicked me out,” said Spike between sobs.

“So how did she find out about you?” asked Oz.

“I dunno.” He looked up, remembering what Oz had said before. “How did you know?” He hung his head, avoiding his eyes, terrified that Oz would reject him, too.

“Rich told me before he went home,” replied Oz, “He was worried what would happen to you if it came out.”

Spike stood up once more, walked a couple of paces and took down the vodka. “I’ll go.”

Oz stepped around him so he barred the way to the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He snatched the bottle from Spike for the second time. “For God’s sake, sit back down.”

Before Spike could move his cell phone started to ring. He got it out of his pocket, his heart racing. Could it be Buffy? He looked at the caller ID. His heart sank again.

“It’s Rupert,” he said, his words still slightly slurred. He stared at it stupidly.

Oz took the phone from him and held a hand up to Spike to keep him quiet.

“Hi Mr. Giles, it’s Oz.”

“Hello, Oz. I was just wondering where Spike is. So I take it he’s with you?”

“Yeah, he came over and we’re on the Playstation, it’s his turn now, that’s why I picked it up. I was going to call you to ask if he could stay over tonight. Please? I haven’t seen that much of him with Rich being here.”

“Yes. Of course he can. Tell him I’ll see him in the morning sometime. Have fun.”

“Thanks, we will.”

Oz severed the connection and passed the cell back to Spike.

“Why did yer say that?” asked Spike weakly, sitting on the bed again.

“Because if he saw you like this he’d freak out.”

“But…”

“Look, Spike, I’m your friend. Friends help each other out, right?”

Spike felt tears brimming in his eyes again and swallowed a couple of times.

“So yer still want to be friends with me even though you know I’m a liar and a coward?” asked Spike quietly.

“Oh man, Rich told me about how you’d been identified as James and how your death had been announced over here before you realised who you were. I’m not saying you were right to do it but I can see why you might have felt you had to,” replied Oz, feeling sorry for the pain his friend was in, “Rich was afraid that something like this would happen. It does explain one thing, though.”

Spike risked a glance up, “Wot?”

“Why you went so crazy at Angel that day,” he said with a smile.

“Oh shit, Oz, everybody’s gonna know. I can’t face it. I can’t.”

“Just take it one step at a time, okay? If Buffy confides in anybody it’ll be Willow so it’ll probably just be us four to start with that know.”

“I wanted to have left Sunnydale High before I told anyone. God, I should have told Buffy but I was so scared. If I’d’ve known she liked me I wouldn’t have carried on as James but when she didn’t call when I was in London I just reckoned that Davey had been telling the truth - that she had just done it as a bet. That sounds so bleedin’ lame – no wonder she hates me. When I realised she’d really liked me, how could I say who I was then? It was too late.”

He buried his head in his hands again. Oz didn’t know what to say. Buffy did tend to see things in black and white and he knew she’d be feeling betrayed right now.

“You’ll have to talk to her but perhaps leave it a few days first. I’ll go and get us some coffee. Are you okay if I leave you alone for a bit?”

Spike nodded, his eyes straying towards the liquor. Oz stood up and took the bottle from the shelf.

“You won’t be needing this,” he said and went to tell his mom that Spike was staying over and to get the drinks.

Spike lay back on the bed, feet still on the floor.

“Christ Spike, could you have made a bigger mess of your life?” he groaned and closed his eyes.

To be continued…..

Submit a Review!