Changing Lives by Mabel Marsters

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Chapter 18

After lunch Spike made his way to his English class. He got there early hoping to slip in pretty well unnoticed. There was only one student in the class so he just went and chose a desk at the back hoping no one would ask him to move. He pulled out his notebook and started doodling; keeping his head down, then he heard it. It was Buffy’s voice; she was walking into the classroom with Willow.

“…so I’ve got to work at the gallery again on Saturday but the good thing is Mom’s okay about me going to The Bronze on Friday, so what time shall we get there?”

“Cool,” replied Willow “Shall we say eight? Shame the Dingoes aren’t playing but Devon and Oz keep falling out.”

Spike was frozen; he couldn’t move, his heart was pounding.

“Um, excuse me, I know you’re new but…er…I usually sit there.” A timid voice said in his ear.

“Wot?” He glanced briefly at the voice’s owner but was still focussing on Buffy and Willow.

The timid boy took in the scar on his face, his bleached hair and the rumour going round the school that he’d stood up to Angel and decided discretion was the better part of valour and backed away.

“Oh, nothing, you’re okay,” he said, taking a seat nearer to the front.

Spike barely registered the guy at all but Buffy scowled as she saw Jerry back away from him and sit at the front. She looked across at Spike but he had his head down. She could see the crescent-shaped scar around his left eye and felt a pang of pain in her heart knowing that the scar marked the day William had died.

To Spike’s relief Buffy and Willow sat a row in front of him and to his left. He watched her surreptitiously for the whole class; he remembered the feel of her body leaning back against his in The Bronze that night. Why hadn’t she called him? He didn’t participate in the class at all, not putting his hand up to answer questions even thought he knew them. He was aware of nothing but Buffy. When the bell rang he was the first on his feet. He pulled on his duster and strode out of the classroom. He had a fraction of a limp on his left leg but not enough to slow him down. The coat billowed out behind him.

Buffy and Willow watched him go with curiosity.

“Must be tough having to move out here after losing your parents and all,” said Willow.

“Yeah, but did you see how poor Jerry backed away from him and let him keep his seat? He looked scared,” said Buffy, “No need for him to be like that with him.”

Ooooooo

Spike went to find Rupert in the library; he pushed the door open to see him half hidden by a huge pile of books on the table in the centre of the room.

“How did your first day go?” he asked when he saw Spike.

“Okay, I suppose. Wot are yer doin’?”

“Oh, they had all these books in the wrong categories. No wonder no one could find anything, it’ll take me weeks to sort this out. It’s a total mess,” said Rupert, “I’d like to do another hour or so before I go home. Want to help?”

“Er,” said Spike, “Okay.”

“Really?” said Rupert.

“Yeah, I don’t mind,” he replied. It wasn’t like he had anything else to do.

The two worked diligently for an hour and a half in the end, clearing the table of books.

“That’s a great help, thank you,” said Rupert when they were leaving, “I can get the next section started tomorrow.”

Ooooooo

The next few days at school passed uneventfully. Spike was silent in all his classes and took his lunch outside to eat alone. He didn’t try to talk to anyone and the students didn’t make any effort to talk to him, partly because they didn’t know what to say given the tragic circumstances and partly that he didn’t look very receptive to being approached.

Now it was Friday afternoon and the thing he’d been dreading the whole week. The time had come for the promised memorial service for William Pratt. He’d argued with Rupert that morning about how he didn’t want to attend. Rupert had stood firm and told him he had to and that it would be insensitive not to. So here he was making his way to the hall. He couldn’t walk any slower otherwise he’d be stationary. Rupert appeared in the corridor in front of him.

“There you are!” he exclaimed, “Come along, hurry up.”

Spike upped his pace a little and the pair entered the hall. He balked when Rupert led him to the stage at the front.

“Wot? No way,” said Spike, “I’m not going up on there.”

“Yes, you are,” said Rupert firmly, “Principal Snyder expects you to be up on there with me and it’s disrespectful to William’s memory if you don’t.”

“Oh, Christ!” thought Spike as he walked up the steps and took a seat.

The hall slowly filled with students. Spike resolutely looked at his feet throughout Snyder waxing lyrical about William, judging him only by his academic achievement, and not knowing the bullying he endured or anything about him as a person at all.

When Rupert went to the front and started to speak, Spike could endure it no longer. He leapt up, knocking his chair over, and jumped down the six steps off the stage in one bound, wincing as his left ankle protested at the jar it received when he landed. Then he ran from the hall as if the hounds of hell were on his heels, his feet loud on the wooden floor, duster billowing out behind him. Every head turned and watched him leave.

He ran until he reached the front of the school. He sat down on the steps and put his head in his hands and groaned. He didn’t know how long he’d sat there before he heard footsteps approach, they stopped in front of him.

“Hey, man, are you okay?”

Spike looked up; he hadn’t mistaken the voice, it was Oz.

“No, mate, I’m not, I’m really not,” he said honestly.

Oz sat down next to him.

“Not surprising.”

“Suppose not.”

“It’ll get easier,” replied Oz, a big speech for him. He sat there for a while longer then stood up. “I liked William.” He put his hand on Spike’s shoulder for a moment before he walked away.

Ooooooo

Rupert and Spike travelled home in silence. Spike went to his room as soon as they got in; it wasn’t until they sat down to eat dinner that Rupert spoke.

“That was quite an exit you made. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Sorry if I embarrassed you,” said Spike, sounding anything but.

“You didn’t embarrass me; that’s not what I meant. It’s just you haven’t really talked to me about the loss you’ve suffered, not even went we went to the memorial gardens where their ashes were placed. I’m worried about you.”

“Wot can I say? That I wish it hadn’t happened? Won’t change anythin’ will it? Would’ve been easier if I’d died too,” he replied flatly.

“No, it would not!” said Rupert adamantly, “Don’t say that, James!”

Spike flinched and closed his eyes.

“Don’t call me that,” he said, “please.”

“How are you getting along with the other students?” asked Rupert, changing the subject quickly.

“Uh, okay I guess,” not wanting to say he’d barely spoken to any of them. “Um, was wondering if it’d be okay for me to go out tonight? There’s this place called The Bronze, everybody’s goin’.”

“Yes, of course you can, it’ll be good for you to go out and socialise a little,” said Rupert, “Do you want a ride to it?”

“No,” said Spike, “I know the way, I…er…got directions, thanks.”

“Okay, give me a ring if you want a ride home,” said Rupert, pleased that Spike wanted to go out, especially after what he said earlier.

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