Changing Lives by Mabel Marsters

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Chapter 13

Author's Notes: Thanks to Carol for her beta work.

As they waited for their Chinese takeaway to be delivered Rupert told William he had some serious things he needed to tell him.

“Oh, okay,” said William.

“Well, James, I know this may seem a little hard but I have had a couple of visits with your parents’ solicitor for the reading of their wills and to finalise all the details. I am now legally your guardian; your parents were very thorough in the makings of their wills, so it’s all been very clear and simple to sort out. Basically you’ll inherit the bulk of their estate which will be held in trust for you until you’re twenty-five years old. We can go through all the details at a later date and you’ll need to visit the solicitor at some point, too.”

“Um, I need to tell you something, Rupert,” said William hesitantly. He’d have to tell Rupert now - he couldn’t take money that would most likely be Rupert’s if James were known to have died.

“Yes, James, but can you just let me finish what I have to say and then tell me?” said Rupert, not looking forward to telling James he was being uprooted to California.

“Oh, right, yeah, ‘course.” stuttered William.

“I’m afraid this may be a bit difficult for you. The thing is it was organised months ago. I have taken a job at William’s old school and I have an apartment organised. I was doing it to try to be there to support Jayne and William, to try to help them put their troubles behind them.”

William felt tears starting to sting his eyes; they’d all worked together to help him and his mom. God, it was all so unfair.

“The thing is, James, I’m still going to take the position, which means that you’ll have to move out there with me. They’ve been very supportive and will do their best to make us both very welcome. They’re going to hold a memorial service for William when we get over there, it’s all arranged.”

William looked at Rupert in horror. Back to Sunnydale High, back after it’s been announced that he’d been killed. He could already hear Angel’s sneering voice in his ear “Couldn’t even die properly, could you, Pratt?”

“I know it’ll be difficult for you, but I have to be practical, I have to work. We don’t have to go until you’re fully fit, so you’ll miss a bit at the start of school but I’ll help you as much as I can and there is a program set up to help students who are behind in their classes,” said Rupert. He could see the emotion on William’s stricken face but didn’t know the real reason. “I’m so sorry to put you through this but I honestly can’t do anything else at this point, James.”

Still William couldn’t speak, * “Christ! Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse. What the hell do I do now?” *

Thankfully at that point the front doorbell rang; the food had arrived. Rupert got up to answer the door and took the food into the kitchen.

“Come on, James, we’ll eat it in here, it’ll be easier,” called Rupert, getting a couple of plates out and some cutlery.

“I’m not hungry,” said William, going upstairs as quickly as his injuries would allow. He went into his bedroom and slammed the door.

“That went well, Rupert, you handled that perfectly,” said Rupert, suddenly losing his own appetite.

Ooooooo

William barely slept that night and when he did he was plagued with dreams, all of which centred on Angel’s bullying. He woke repeatedly from them, sometimes afraid, sometimes embarrassed and sometimes he woke as Angel threw a punch.

“No,” vowed William, “I can’t do it. I can’t go back.”

He’d slept on the camping bed, unable to take his place in James’ bed. He had been given permission by the doctors to use his contact lenses again. They’d removed the ones he’d been wearing the day of the accident but his left eye had needed to settle down before he could use them again. He glanced at the box of them near his bed. There was no name on it to indicate whose they were. He was glad he’d be able to see clearly again. Only Richard would know that James didn’t wear them.

He looked at the clock, seven AM; he didn’t get out of bed, what was the point? He wished he was dead and the real James alive, it’d be easier. It would be over. He looked back at his life, memories intact up to the day of the accident - that hadn’t come back at all, just like the doctor had predicted. His life had been crap, happy memories in the minority and now he was being thrown back into that life without even his mom there for him. He’d dreamed of staying in England with James, but like all of the dreams he’d ever had it wouldn’t happen. He started to cry for the loss of his mom and his cousin who’d been so great to him. He could almost see him sitting on the bed opposite, with his trademark grin and happy-go-lucky nature.

Rupert paused on the landing outside James’ room. He had intended on checking to see if he was okay but stopped before his knuckles made contact with the door when he heard the sound of sobs through it.

“Christ, poor kid,” he thought, turning away and going downstairs.

Ooooooo

A couple of hours later William made his way down the stairs. He was wearing James’ Kaiser Chiefs t-shirt that he’d worn the night of the karaoke. He had to put the same pair of jeans on that he’d worn home from the hospital which had been cut up the seam to allow them to slip over his plaster cast. He could smell bacon frying in the kitchen and his stomach rumbled - he was starving having missed his supper the evening before.

“Morning, James,” said Rupert brightly when he saw him.

“Mornin’,” muttered William, avoiding his eye and sliding onto a chair at the table.

“Hungry?”

“Um, yeah.”

“Bloody hell,” thought Rupert, “Everything’s so awkward, I’m not sure I can do this ‘parent’ thing, I’ve screwed it up already.”

He buttered some bread and made a pile of sandwiches, then put them in the middle of the table and sat down opposite William.

“Dig in, James. Do you want some tomato ketchup?

“No thanks, they’re okay as they are,” said William, leaning forward with his right hand and taking one.

Rupert noticed the tattoo on the top of his arm for the first time, since the shirt was sleeveless.

“Oh, I didn’t realise you had a tattoo. Julia never mentioned it and I would have thought she would have moaned about it,” said Rupert sadly, “I know she didn’t really like them.”

William twisted his arm and looked at the tattoo, wincing as the memory of getting it done hit him hard - James persuading him to have one, laughing together as they decided what to put on the card to Buffy. William closed his eyes.

“James? Are you all right? Are you hurting? You missed last night’s pills,” said Rupert anxiously.

“I’m…..er….I’m okay, it’s just we both got one done and they never saw them. We managed to hide them until….until…..now they won’t ever see them, will they?” He looked Rupert in the eye for the first time that morning, his face etched with such grief that it pained Rupert to see it.

“You’ve remembered? That’s good,” said Rupert, thinking how could it be good when it obviously hurt him so much.

“Yeah, I’ve remembered,” said William, “Wish I hadn’t.”

Rupert got up and went round to hug him, not noticing how initially William flinched as he took hold of him, as if expecting a blow. He remained rigid in Rupert’s arms as more tears fell; this time his were joined by Rupert’s; both acutely feeling their loss.

“Oh, James, we’ll get through this, it’ll get better. I promise,” said Rupert.

“Don’t call me that!” cried William, shrugging off Rupert’s arms.

“What?” said Rupert, stepping back astonished at his outburst.

“James is dead! He’s gone. He died with all the others,” shouted William. He stood up and looked around the room in a panic, “I can’t… this is too hard….”

“Hey, I know it’s hard, it is for me, too,” said Rupert.

“No! Yer don’t understand….”

You’re right; I can’t understand what you’re going through. I can’t begin to understand it, but we’ve only got each other. We’ve just got to try to muddle through as best we can,” interrupted Rupert, “Don’t push me away, please.”

William sat back down with a thud, all the anger going out of him; he rubbed his hand over his face.

“It’s just…” he started then stopped as in his mind he could hear Angel’s threatening words. He couldn’t tell Rupert the truth. He just couldn’t face Angel having a field day with his bullying. He’d tasted life without constantly feeling anxious or afraid and he couldn’t bear going back to how it was before.

If his ‘death’ hadn’t been announced he could have coped, but now it’d be impossible. Every student in the school would be aware of it and of him. He quailed at the thought of all the attention.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, hating himself for being so weak. His apology directed more to James than Rupert.

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