Disclaimer: We all know the truth. None of these characters are mine, and if I were making money off of them, I could quit my job and go write on a beach somewhere.
Chapter 5: Searching
Author's Notes: Wherein Spike and Buffy face the dangers of Quortoth, and Xander finds himself between a rock and a hard place.
“I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout/All the times you told me/You’re so full of doubt/You just can’t let it be/But I know/If you keep comin’ back for more/Then I’ll keep on tryin’/Keep on tryin’/And I feel so satisfied when/I can see you smile/I want to confide in/All that is true, so I’ll/Keep on tryin’.” ~Poco, “Keep on Tryin’”
Buffy hadn’t known what to expect when they went through the portal; she hadn’t been sure what to expect from Tara’s spell. The only time she’d seen a portal to a hell dimension was when Angelus had opened Acathla.
This had been different. Other than providing a smear of her blood on the large quartz that Tara had used as the focus for the spell, Dawn hadn’t even needed to be involved. The air had swirled, and the wind had whipped her hair, but there didn’t appear to be any other disturbances.
When they were dumped in Quortoth, however, Buffy’s hand immediately went to her weapon. “You know, I could think of better places to take a vacation.”
“You’re tellin’ me,” Spike agreed, moving to stand back to back with her as they got their bearings.
Buffy could sense that they were being watched, and she had the sneaking suspicion that the gazes were not friendly. The light had a reddish tinge, and she could smell sulfur in the air; it seemed a bit cliché, but all clichés came from somewhere.
The tree-like plants and undergrowth were thick, and almost evil looking. Everything seemed threatening, as though survival depended on killing first.
“Can you sense them?”
“You talkin’ humans or beasts?”
“Either.”
“Yes to both,” he said tersely. “Think we’re goin’ to have a few problems getting to where they are, though.”
Buffy knew immediately that he was talking about Holtz and Connor. “What kind of obstacles are we facing?”
“I don’t know, but we may have our hands full just survivin’ long enough for Tara to open the portal again, let alone getting our hands on that kid.”
Spike’s terse words and grim tone told Buffy that they were in a lot of trouble. “Okay.” She adjusted the straps of the backpack she wore. “Let’s just focus on finding him and staying alive. We’ll have to play the rest of it by ear.”
“You got it, luv.”
Buffy heard something large crashing through the underbrush, and she saw the waving of branches. “Spike!”
“I hear it.”
They both turned to face the source of the sound, and Buffy saw a large animal come barreling out. Its tusks were long and cruel looking, and it reminded her of a pig—an enormous, hairy, demonic pig.
Buffy was ready to stand her ground, but Spike shoved her out of the way, then leapt over it, letting the animal rush past. “Spike!”
“Stay out of the way,” he ordered. “This isn’t somethin’ you take care of with a stake.”
Before she could yell at him, the pig had turned and was running straight for Spike again. This time, he stepped aside at the last possible second, swinging the ax up and around to sever its spinal cord in one, swift blow.
Buffy thought that should have taken care of it, but instead the animal merely swayed on its feet and tried to turn to face Spike a third time. He wrenched the ax free and swung again, this time decapitating the beast.
Spike met her eyes. “You might not want to watch this.”
“Watch what?” Buffy asked, still a little in shock. She was used to facing vampires and demons, but demonic animals were new.
“Dunno when I’ll be able to eat next, an’ it’s bleedin’ out fast.”
“Oh.” Buffy realized that he didn’t
want her to watch. “Okay. I can keep watch.” She turned her back, gripping her stake tightly. The sound of eating behind her was a little disturbing; she knew that Spike drank blood, but she was used to him drinking out of a mug or a bag.
This was different.
She felt him standing next to her. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Buffy turned to face him. “It’s what you are.”
He swallowed. “Yeah. We’d better get goin’.”
“You lead the way,” she replied, then followed him into the woods.
~~~~~
Dawn sighed. She kept watching the clock to see how much time had passed. The second hand seemed to be moving at a crawl, and she couldn’t help but be worried. She’d overheard Wesley tell Tara that Quortoth was one of the worst hell dimensions—of the known dimensions, anyway.
If she lost Buffy and Spike—
Well, it wasn’t something she wanted to think about.
“Here.” Wesley held out a paper sack.
She took it and looked inside, wanting to be sure that she got the right sandwich, and that her fries were intact. Xander had a tendency to steal them. “Thanks.”
“Are you alright?”
“A little worried,” Dawn admitted.
He sat down on the couch next to her. “I’m sorry I had to ask your sister for help. I would have gone myself, but—”
She shook her head. “It makes sense. Spike and Buffy have a better chance of surviving.”
They sat in companionable silence, eating their sandwiches, until Tara came over to join them. “Mind if I sit down?”
They both moved over so that Tara could sit between them. “Do you want to open the next portal, Wesley?” she asked.
He hesitated, then nodded. “I think I can handle it.”
“I can do it, if you can’t,” Willow said from the doorway of the training room.
Dawn exchanged a look with Tara. “Let’s let Wes try,” Tara said as diplomatically as possible. “It makes sense to find out whether or not he can do it.”
Willow shrugged. “Fine.” She turned to go back into the shop.
Dawn leaned over to whisper to Tara, “Why did she stay?”
“We might need her help,” Tara said with a stern look. “So be nice.”
Dawn glowered. “She almost killed my sister and Spike. I don’t want to be nice.”
There was a long pause, probably because neither Wesley nor Tara knew how to reply to that. “She’s still Buffy’s friend,” the blonde witch finally said.
“I know. I just can’t forgive her that easily.” Dawn was grateful that the other two didn’t offer platitudes, like “it takes time” or “forgiving someone is hard.” She knew all of that, and she’d had that talk with Buffy. Forgiving Willow was important because she was a friend, and everybody made mistakes.
In all honesty, Dawn could have forgiven Willow for what happened with Buffy. The nerds had almost killed Tara, and Dawn would have wanted revenge, too. It was after that, when everybody said that she needed to ease off on the magic, and be more careful, when she’d tried to kill Spike—well, Dawn was pretty sure that had been deliberate.
Spike and Buffy were getting closer, and Willow and Xander were both pissed off about it. Dawn could see that much for herself.
Maybe, after this trip to the hell dimension, things would be different. Dawn knew that Buffy liked Spike; she just didn’t want to admit it. Without anybody else around, though, she might finally be able to.
~~~~~
“I don’t know why they won’t let me help.”
Xander understood exactly why no one wanted Willow to work magic these days. She’d become just a little scary when she wanted something bad enough. The fact that she’d been perfectly willing to take not one life but three just made her scarier.
Not that he would have shed a tear if she’d dusted Spike, but even Xander could admit that the vampire had been a lot of help. He had a feeling that it wasn’t a good idea to go around killing allies.
On the other hand, if the chip ever stopped working, he’d be first in line with a stake.
“You agreed to ease off the magic, Will,” Xander finally said, realizing that she was still waiting for a response. “If it was an emergency, that’s one thing, but it isn’t.”
Willow snorted. “Like Wesley’s any good with the magic. You know how worthless he was the last time he was in Sunnydale.”
“He’s changed,” Xander replied in a low voice, knowing that the other man was just in the next room, and that the training room door was open. He didn’t know how he felt about the ex-Watcher, but he did know that Wesley hadn’t done anything in recent memory to deserve getting picked on.
“So have I,” Willow said.
Xander sighed. “Give it time, Will. You’ve to admit that they’ve got a good reason to be worried.”
“I didn’t actually hurt anybody,” Willow grumbled.
Xander frowned. “I saw Spike’s burns. That wasn’t pretty.”
“But that was Spike.”
“So what?”
Anya’s voice came from behind them, and Xander had a feeling that the whole demons versus humans topic was going to come up again.
And there was no way he could win, stuck in between his wife and his best friend—although the whole marriage thing pretty much set his priorities.
“What do you mean?” Willow asked, sounding honestly bewildered.
Anya glared at her. “So what if it’s Spike? He still got hurt. Does that mean you wouldn’t feel bad if one of your spells backfired and hurt me?”
“You’re human,” Willow replied.
Anya crossed her arms in front of her chest, a sign that she meant business. “Oh? I was a demon for a lot longer, and I can guarantee that I killed a lot more people than Spike did. In addition, I made them suffer, sometimes for quite a long time, and I liked my job. Spike just ate people because that’s what vampires do.”
“He’d kill all of us if he didn’t have that chip in his head,” Willow fired back. “He’s
evil.”
Anya raised an eyebrow. “If you think Spike’s evil, you probably should check your dictionary. I could show you real evil.”
Xander could smell an argument brewing, and he remembered what had happened when Anya and Willow fought—they’d ended up with a troll, and he’d bonded with Spike.
Well, there was one good reason for Wesley to stick around. It would be nice to have another guy in the general vicinity.
“Spike isn’t evil?” Willow asked incredulously. “He’s a vampire; they’re the epitome of evil.”
Anya raised an eyebrow. “Is that right? Then explain to me why he hasn’t killed any of us yet.”
“He’s got the chip in his head.” Willow spoke as though to a very slow child.
“So why hasn’t he hired someone to kill us? Or burned down Buffy’s house while she’s sleeping? Or just not helped out when we were about to get eaten?”
Anya’s defense of the vampire was going a little overboard now, in Xander’s opinion. “What is this, An? Are you part of Spike’s fan club?”
“It’s called demon solidarity,” Anya said. “And I’m tired of you talking about how demons are all evil when you know I was a demon. It hurts my feelings.”
That was a clear sign that Xander could easily wind up sleeping on the couch for the next week; Anya wasn’t above doing that just to prove a point. The last time he’d made a comment about disgusting demons, she had, saying that if hated demons that much, he probably didn’t want to have sex with an ex-demon.
“Good point,” he said, then looked back at the training room. “You know, I think I’m going to see how they’re doing back there. It’s been pretty quiet.”
He beat a hasty retreat, wondering if he was doing the right thing by leaving them alone, and knowing that there wasn’t anyone else to intercede. Tara was the natural peacemaker, but now that she and Willow weren’t together, that was more awkward than anything else.
Xander sighed. He just hoped that Spike and Buffy got back soon. Oddly enough, the two of them seemed to provide a buffer.
~~~~~
“We’ve got to stop.” Spike made the announcement after the third time Buffy stumbled. The light was fading fast, and they needed to get a fire going. Not only would it keep them warm, but it would also likely hold off any more beasts.
The good news was that they seemed to be gaining ground on their prey. Spike had picked up the scent, and while the trail wasn’t precisely easy to follow, he was managing.
“Do you think they’ve tried opening the portal again?” Buffy asked, slumping wearily on the ground.
He shook his head. “No idea. How are you doin’ for water?”
“I’m okay. I’ve still got a few bottles, and I filled up at the last stream. It wasn’t the best, but it hasn’t killed me yet.”
Spike shouldered his ax. “I’m goin’ to get wood. We’ve got to get a fire going.”
“I’ll help,” Buffy said, clambering to her feet.
Spike shook his head. “Sit, luv. You’re worn out.”
“I’m okay,” she insisted. “Besides, I think it’s probably a good idea to stick together.”
“That’s true enough.”
He made sure they didn’t go too far from the small clearing where they’d elected to make camp. There wasn’t any water nearby, but there was so little water in this dimension that he didn’t think they’d necessarily find a better spot.
Spike had marked their trail along the way, although he was hoping that they wouldn’t have to make the trek back. On the other hand, without knowing how much time had passed in Sunnydale, it was hard to tell how long they’d be here before the first portal would open.
They gathered the wood together, in near silence, except for a few muttered directions here and there. Once they’d collected a large enough pile, Spike went about building a bonfire, getting it lit before the light had disappeared completely.
He half expected Buffy to sit on the other side of the fire, but instead she sat down right next to him, so close he could feel the heat radiating from her body. “I can take the first watch,” he offered.
“Okay.” She looked rueful. “I must be getting old. Normally, I’d be able to go all night.”
“No point,” Spike replied. “Here.” He stripped off his coat, holding it out to her. “Might make you more comfortable.”
She stared at him, not moving to take it. “Your coat?”
“If you don’t want it—”
“No!” Buffy took it out of his hand, then did something he’d never expected: she kissed him. “Thank you.”
Spike blinked. “Yeah. No problem.” He watched as she pulled his coat on, drawing it around her. He decided that if she couldn’t fall asleep, he’d offer himself up as a pillow. That might be stepping over the line, but her kiss had emboldened him.
After a minute or two, her voice broke the silence. “Spike?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think we’re going to find him?”
“Tomorrow,” he promised. “We’re close, I can tell you that much.”
Buffy breathed out a long sigh. “Good.”
“Do you still love him?” Spike asked, needing to know, wanting to know why she was doing this. They never talked about their exes—not Drusilla, not Riley, not Angel, and he’d never told her about Cecily.
“Who?”
“You know who.”
“Do you still love Drusilla?”
He was quiet for a long time, trying to figure out how he should respond. He didn’t love her, but then again, he did. “Sometimes.” Then he added, “There are memories I love.”
“That’s pretty much how I feel,” Buffy said quietly. “He wasn’t real, though.”
“What do you mean?”
“What I imagined him to be, and what he was—they’re two totally different things.”
Spike looked into the flames and thought of the women he’d loved. “Isn’t that the way it always is?”
“Do you think that you ever really know the people you love?”
“Yeah, but it’s easy to see only what you want to. Real love, the kind that lasts, sees a person as they are, an’ doesn’t mind. Like the way I know Dawn is a brat, but I love her anyway.” Spike knew he was going out on a limb; he’d never admitted that much out loud before. This night felt unreal, though.
It was the first night they’d spent together; he wondered if Buffy had thought about that fact.
“Was Drusilla the first person you loved?”
Spike could hardly believe that Buffy was actually admitting that vampires might love out loud; it was quite the breakthrough. “Yeah. Real love.”
“Who was the first person you thought you loved?”
“Cecily.”
“Who was she?”
“Just a girl I knew before I got turned,” Spike said.
“Did she like you back?”
He hesitated, wondering if he should lie. “No.”
“What were you like back then?”
He eyed her. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”
“I can’t sleep.”
“You haven’t tried.”
“You’re changing the subject.”
“Maybe I am.”
He felt her hand slip into his. “Wake me up when it’s my turn to keep watch.”
“Sure thing, Slayer.”
Spike wasn’t sure he would—not when she fell asleep with her hand in his.