Summary: All her life Elizabeth has done exactly what everyone expects of her. Now in her first year of college, she discovers the vast possibilities in life. But can she escape the ghosts of her past and find the courage to explore the new paths before her...including the affections of an infuriating young sophomore named William 'Spike' Giles?
Rating: NC-17
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“G’way.” Spike had been in a somewhat sour mood all day, and the last thing he needed right now was to have to deal with whoever was banging on his door. Chances are he would do something to make a complete git of himself, and he’d have to deal with the implications for weeks to come.
The door opened, nonetheless, and Spike let out a weary sigh. Unfortunately, the list of people stubborn enough not to listen to him started up one side of Westing Hall and went right back down the other, with only the exception of Jonathan’s room.
“Spike?” He cringed. OK, worst possible scenario. His life was difficult enough right now without having to play any more of her confusing mind games.
“G’way,” he repeated.
Elizabeth sighed and approached where he was lying on his bed, his back turned towards her. “Would you like to scream and rant at me?” she offered hopefully.
“Want you to go away,” he sulked, shutting his eyes tight and hoping that would close her out.
She wasn’t one to be put out that easily, though. He felt the bedspring creak slightly as she sat on the edge. He waited for a long time for her to say something. If it weren’t for the dip in the mattress, he would almost have sworn she wasn’t there. He’d never known her to just be silent like this before.
Eventually, it wore him down. “What d’you want?” he asked wearily.
He heard the sounds of her shoes thumping onto the ground as she kicked them off, and then she slid up the bed so that she sat behind him.
“’S my bed,” he felt obliged to point out. “Don’t recall invitin’ you back in it.”
“You’re mad at me,” she commented softly.
“Took you that long to figure that out, did it?” he retorted snidely.
She sighed and leaned back against the wall at the head of the bed. Despite his token protest, he really didn’t seem to mind her presence here. “Do you ever wonder?” she began.
He frowned, still facing the wall, refusing to look at her. “’Bout what?” His curiosity finally got the better of him.
“Sometimes everything just seems so doomed,” she answered indirectly. “I think about getting through college, and that seems so impossible. I mean, Faith lost it completely. And then I think that could have been me. Why wasn’t it me? Is it going to be me next?”
“In a morbid mood, are we?” he countered sarcastically.
“Maybe a bit,” she conceded before going on. “And then there’s Oz. He was fine with the whole school thing. He had a job, and all this stuff he was really into. He always seemed really cool and in control, like he knew who he was and where he was going in life. And then this ridiculous, random thing comes out of nowhere and just completely screws everything up for him. It’s like even if you make it in school, there’s always this element of chance that can just take everything from you.”
“Yeah?” He was sounding seriously impatient now.
“And that’s just in the daily stuff,” she began to explain. “It’s even worse when you get involved in a relationship. I mean, both of us circled through a series of spectacular failures before we got together. And I think the jury’s kinda still out on whether we worked, too. Faith and Devon drifted apart frighteningly fast. Xander and Anya had all those issues with Cordy, and, yeah, they’re together now, but who knows how long it will be before it’s something else? And I just found out today that Willow and Tara are going to graduate schools on opposite coasts. I’d, y’know, wondered why Tara hadn’t been around so much recently, and it turns out she and Willow are sort of adjusting to the idea of distance between them and realizing that maybe their lives aren’t going to let them be together, after all.”
“Din’t know about that,” he commented, his mind turning to sympathetic thoughts for the pair that had seemed so happy.
“And they didn’t even really have any real problems,” Elizabeth agreed. “They just… I mean, college life is great, but eventually we all go somewhere after it, and that can completely change who we are and it splits people up. It’s just this step in life. Which is probably why so few college relationships really last, y’know? I mean, I guess the chances get better the older you get that the people you meet will fit into your life in a more permanent way.”
He sighed. “Get to the point, Summers.”
“The point is that it’s all terrifying. I think about us and where we’ll be three years down the road, and… I mean, honestly, what are the chances that we’re meant to be? You’re the first real serious boyfriend I’ve had, and I’m what? Number two for you? And we’ve been apart for a whole month now. How many successful relationships can you think of where there was a break-up this serious in the middle?”
“You’re dumping me again, aren’t you?” he grumbled sullenly.
“No,” she hastily amended, her hand coming to rest on his back.
Subconsciously, his body relaxed at her touch, even though his mind was screaming at him to just make the pain stop now. His heart had been particularly uncooperative in the matter, however.
Slowly, her index finger began to trace the line of his spine through the fabric of his black tee. She felt all the little bumps of his vertebrae with something akin to awe, remembering what it had felt like to be able to touch this man whenever she wanted.
“This OK?” she inquired softly of her caress.
He didn’t respond.
She took that as a sign that he was about as conflicted as she was and halted her motions, although she continued to rest her hand on his back. “I’m not dumping you again,” she continued seriously. “I just… I’m so frightened, Spike. I want us to be the real thing, but then I think about the overwhelming odds against us, and… Well, it’s daunting to say the least.”
“We’re not a statistic,” he insisted, showing more animation than he had since she’d come in.
She let out a short bark of laughter at that. “It took me forever to figure that out,” she responded to the increased tension in his back. “This little voice in the back of my mind was yelling at me all along to talk to you about this because it’d be just like you to solve the problem in ten seconds, but I ignored it. And, now, lookee! Spike solves the problem in ten seconds.”
He relaxed and leaned a bit into her touch.
“So, yeah,” she went on, “I eventually kinda figured out that what happens to other people doesn’t really matter. After all, it all comes down to just us in the end. What can we do so that we don’t turn into one of the statistics? I mean, we can’t just start over at the beginning. We’re way beyond that. Too much has happened – both of the good and of the bad – to just go back to the blissfully innocent stage. And sometimes I wonder about what would happen if we just fell back into each other’s arms. Would it feel false and bitter? If so, there’s got to be something we can do to avert that. Because I don’t want you to feel like I’m just returning to you as an apology, and I don’t want it to feel to me like I’m taking advantage of the fact that you love me to slip back into your arms.”
He turned to look at her for the first time, then, rolling over onto his back. “You’ve gotten better at this,” he commented in a neutral tone. “Seems only yesterday I was the one that had to reassure you ‘bout everything.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes it takes time to figure things out,” she agreed softly. “It’s part of the whole change thing that had me so deathly afraid that we were going to fall apart.”
“We haven’t?” he countered skeptically.
“You know, that actually occurred to me,” she agreed. “When I called things off between us, I had this notion that I was juggling too many balls.”
A snicker escaped his lips reflexively.
She scowled at him. “Yes, I do know that I’ve picked another unfortunate sexual metaphor. Just try to ignore my comments about handling your balls and listen to the point, OK?”
He managed to nod solemnly, but there was still a light of amusement dancing it his eyes.
“So, yeah, there were the school balls, and then the dad balls – don’t you dare say something nasty!”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he assured her with mock-innocence.
“And then all the disasters in my friends’ lives balls, and the money one, and the major one, and now I’ve got scholarship balls and loan balls and even a job ball. Hopefully.”
He raised an eyebrow at that.
“An interview I hope went right,” she informed him. “So, anyway, there were just all these balls, and I thought it would be easier if I just dropped the boyfriend one for a little while and then I maybe I would be able to pick it up later. But then I realized that I hadn’t dropped the Spike ball at all, because even though I decided I had to think about all this other stuff, in every spare moment I had you would be there – or not there, and I…” She sighed. “Everything feels so complicated,” she said wearily.
“’S usually because it is,” he pointed out.
The hand that had been on his back reached out to brush his arm. “This doesn’t feel complicated,” she commented softly. “It feels like what I’ve been waiting for…”
He covered her hand with his own, and the two of them watched their united hands with something akin to fascination for a while, both thumbs brushing over the other’s flesh.
“Is this why you came after me?” he finally asked, breaking the silence.
“I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” she answered indirectly. “By Monday, I’ll – hopefully – be working. After that, I’ve got to give my dad the unpleasant call. I’ve got some scholarship application forms to turn in. If those don’t come through, then I’ve got work-study applications.”
“Sounds like a lot,” he commented with a sigh.
“Yeah,” she agreed. “I mean, it will take up a lot of time. I don’t think I’ll be able to do the happy get-out-of-class-and-snuggle-all-day-‘til-dinner thing anytime soon.”
“Wait, you’re snugglin’ with who now?” he asked suspiciously.
She raised an eyebrow at looked pointedly at their linked hands and where their bodies brushed lightly. “Unless my snuggle buddy’s planning on going away anytime soon…?” she suggested, somewhat nervously.
He sighed. “Yesterday was the first time I ever regretted fallin’ in love with you,” he admitted. “For just one second, I wished…”
She bit her lip. “I’m sorry,” she whispered softly. “I’m sorry I’ve done things that’ve made this so difficult for you.” She was tempted to pull him against her, cradle him against her chest and assure him that she’d never leave him again. But, somehow, she doubted things would get worked out that easily.
“I can tell you’re thinkin’ about something serious,” he commented offhandedly. “Get this cute li’l line between your brows, and your eyes go all distant and hazy.”
She smiled. “Yeah, well, your jaw goes kinda tense, and your foot starts tapping.” She gestured to the left foot and was wiggling slightly at the end of the bed. He had no socks on, which meant she could see those adorable Spike toes moving with the rest of his foot. For a second she was sidetracked by the memory of her mouth playing with those sweet morsels.
“’d swear you’ve got a foot fetish.” He rolled his eyes.
She grinned before turning serious once more. “I’ve got a lot on my plate right now,” she got around to her point. “But, if you don’t mind me being stressed and over-worked…”
“I just come running back into your arms?” he countered, raising one skeptical eyebrow.
“Actually,” she countered, “I was kinda hoping you’d let me seduce you. It sounds like fun.” Her free hand drifted into his peroxide curls. “This feels real to you, right, baby?” she inquired nervously.
He breathed deep of her scent. “More real than anythin’,” he agreed.
“Good, because I kinda was thinking that maybe, yeah, it is, and…” she babbled incoherently. “I mean…” Her face flushed bright red.
“What?” he requested softly.
“I suck with emotions,” she sighed. “I’m good at analyzing the logical stuff, but…”
“Hmm,” he sighed wearily.
She bit her lip. “Can I…?” she ventured nervously.
He frowned. “What do you…?”
She cut him off by pushing gently on the back of his neck where her hands had been toying with his hair. He frowned slightly in confusion before realization lit up his eyes. For a moment, she feared that he was still angry and would resist, but then he relaxed against her touch and let her pull him close.
“Does this mean we’re together again?” he wondered lazily from where his head was cradled on her breast.
“Actually, I think it means we kinda weren’t really apart,” she replied softly, starting to stroke his hair.
“Oh?” he asked curiously, his voice muffled slightly when he nuzzled the soft cotton of her blouse. “How the bloody hell do you figure that?”
“Well, OK, so we weren’t exactly, y’know…” she began.
“Shaggin’ each other blind?” he suggested.
She giggled at his description. “But you were still the one I always ran to when I thought I had figured something out. I still trusted you, sought comfort and reassurance in you.” The stroking of her hand stopped as her expression turned serious, and she planted a gentle kiss on his platinum curls. “I was mad to think that I could ever stay away from you. No matter what I said, I never stopped thinking about you as… I never stopped thinking about you, or wanting you.”
“All you had to do—” he began.
“Shh,” she cut him off softly. “I think this was another one of those silly things I had to find out by myself.”
He let out a mock snort and moved from her embrace to rest his head on the pillow beside her. A tentative hand slipped around her waist, however. “One ‘f these days, you’ll drive me out of my mind, luv,” he informed her softly.
She smiled as she looked into his beautiful blue eyes. “That’s actually my crafty plan,” she informed him.
“Oh?” He raised his scarred eyebrow curiously.
“Yup,” she agreed, popping the ‘P’. “It’s all part of a massive conspiracy. I was actually sent down to drive you completely crazy with all my conflicted messages and evasive answers.”
“Which reminds me,” he said with a grin, “you never answered my question: are we together again?”
“Why? Do you want to kiss me?” she teased, noticing the short distance between them.
“You’re not answerin’ again,” he informed her.
“It’s probably one of those skills they gave me,” she agreed, “to help drive you insane.”
“’Lizabeth…” he growled.
“You know, I’ve been wondering if I should pick up a nickname,” she commented with an evil grin. “ ‘Elizabeth’ is kinda long. Maybe ‘Liz’. That’s not too bad…”
“Or there’s always ‘Bitsy’,” he teased. “Kathy would be so pleased.”
Elizabeth shuddered. “Don’t even say it,” she cringed. “It makes me get all queasy.”
“Like Buffy?”
Her eyes narrowed. “You’re getting back at me for refusing to answer your question, aren’t you?”
“Betsy-Anne.”
“All right already!” she squealed, covering her ears.
“Well?” he demanded with a scowl.
“It’s not fair,” she pouted. “I’m the girl. That means I get to do the teasing and the blackmail and—”
“Beth-Anne,” he continued unashamedly. “And, hey, weren’t you the one who was s’posed to be seducin’ me? ‘Cause ‘ve got to say, luv. Not feelin’ very seduced right now.”
“Oh, is that right?” She raised one inquiring eyebrow.
“You’d better bloody well believe—”
She cut him off by tackling him back onto the bed, her lips plundering his. “Yes,” she whispered, pulling away for a brief second before trailing down his throat.
“ ‘Yes’ already?” Spike said in amazement. “You must’ve gotten really desperate, ‘cause ‘ve barely even touched you yet…”
She swatted him lightly on the arm. “No, I mean ‘yes’ is the answer to your question. We’re together again. Unless you don’t want to be…” She gave him a nervous smile.
“Dunno, pet.” He snuggled himself down contentedly beneath her. “Might like to see you seduce me a bit more. Build up the old ego some and—”
“God, you’re impossible!” she exclaimed in annoyance, batting at his head with a pillow.
He let out an unmanly squeak and shielded himself from the onslaught…
* * *
Xander and Anya both frowned simultaneously.
“Do you hear that?” Xander asked curiously. “’Cause I would swear that I heard—”
Another feminine giggle interrupted him.
Anya’s eyes widened. “Spike’s got someone in there!” she said excitedly. “Quick, listen in!” She batted her boyfriend over to the paper-thin wall they shared with Spike’s room.
“Ahn,” Xander protested meekly.
“If Spike’s picked up some floozy, then it’s my job – nay, my right – as a gossip to know all about it,” Anya insisted, hands on hips.
Xander gave in and put the coffee cup used for just this purpose up to the wall to listen. “Definitely a girl,” he agreed. “They’re both laughing. Some sounds of tussling…”
“Are they having sex?” Anya asked eagerly, standing right beside him now.
“I don’t think so,” Xander shook his head. “The normal indicators of Spike sex are absent.”
“So, what are they doing?” Anya sounded disappointed.
Xander was relieved. He wanted his friend to be happy, yeah, but he also cared about Elizabeth, and there was no doubt in his mind that she would be devastated if Spike was with another woman. Hey, she might still be, depending on what was happening in there…
“Oh, you’re no good!” Anya exclaimed, shooing at him. She snatched the cup from his hand and listened herself. “Some definite kissing…” she commented.
“How on earth can you tell that?” Xander demanded.
“Pauses and muffles in the laughter,” Anya informed him as if it were the most obvious thing in the universe. “Ooh! Now we’ve got groping…”
“There’s no way you can hear that,” Xander insisted.
“Spike’s moaning,” Anya told him primly. “It’s a clear sign of groping.”
Xander bit his lip. “Elizabeth’s not going to like this…” he sighed.
Anya pulled her ear away from the wall abruptly and set the cup back on its shelf. “I doubt she’ll have a problem with it,” she said dismissively.
“See, that’s where I think you’re wrong,” Xander countered. “Elizabeth’s a little frazzled, yeah, but you can still tell she really cares for him. She wants to get together, just not yet.”
“No, she doesn’t.” Anya looked at him like he was a complete idiot.
“I don’t think you understand—” Xander began.
“No, you don’t understand,” Anya countered. “Your ‘not yet’ is clearly wrong, since Elizabeth is currently in there making out with Spike. And, as for Elizabeth not really liking it… Well, I can’t imagine why she’d be in there otherwise.”
Xander’s eyes widened. “That’s Elizabeth?” He stated at the wall with a mixture of suspicion and goofy giddiness on his face. “How can you tell?”
“I thought Spike moaning out the name ‘Elizabeth’ was a rather clear indication.” Anya opened the door and stood on the threshold. “The fact that she giggled in response indicated very clearly that he didn’t call out the wrong name. Now, are you coming?”
“You’re not eavesdropping on them anymore?” Xander inquired with a little surprise.
Anya batted one hand in the air dismissively. “I’ve heard them have sex lots of times. No, this is a ‘gossip to everyone that cute couple has gotten back together’ situation.”
Xander nodded and followed her out the door…
* * *
“Mmm…” Spike sighed as the hands that had been exploring his now-bare chest finally slowed down to a relaxing trace of the muscles.
“Was that a better attempt at seducing you?” she inquired innocently.
“Better show me a few more times before I answer that,” he countered with a lascivious smirk. “Just to be sure…”
She gave him a regretful smile. “Actually, I don’t have time,” she informed him apologetically.
“Huh?” He blinked.
“Java the Hut said they’d call back between noon and five about my interview,” she informed him, sitting up and straightening her hair. “I gave them the number to my room so I have to be there.”
Spike groaned and fell back on the bed. “You’re workin’ in a café?” He raised one eyebrow curiously.
“Part time, nearby, decent pay,” she agreed. “Plus, I hang out there all the time anyway.”
He nodded. “’S a good idea,” he agreed. “How’d you come into it?”
“Was freaking about the whole job search thing, walked in to grab a latte, saw the sign and said ‘hey, what the hell?’ I’m thinking I could do a lot worse.”
“Undoubtedly,” he agreed with a sigh. “You really hafta go?” It was almost a whimper.
“You can always come to my room, though,” she offered with a coy smile. “We won’t be able to…y’know with Willow there, but…”
“What kind ‘f seduction plan is that?” he mock-scoffed.
“C’mon.” She blinked at him with big, pleading eyes. “We can get some homework done and flirt horribly until Wills starts making gagging noises.”
He snickered. “Well, when you put it like that…”
She caught his hands and pulled him up to his feet. Their lips met in a quick peck before Spike returned to the outer ‘room’ of his dorm room and snatched up his backpack.
“What’re we telling the house about us?” he asked curiously as they walked down the hall together.
Elizabeth shrugged. “They’re bound to notice a lot of the tension is gone,” she pointed out.
“Yeah, but ‘s kind of nice to have it just to ourselves for a while,” he suggested with a shy smile. “Have a bit ‘f fun sneakin’ around behind—” He opened the door to Elizabeth and Willow’s room.
Willow, Anya, Xander, Cordelia, Devon, Jonathan, Andrew, and Oz – who had apparently returned from wherever – all stared back at them.
“Is it true that the two of you are back together?” Cordelia demanded bluntly.
Elizabeth snickered at the expression of Spike’s face.
“Well, bugger that idea,” he said with a sigh…
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