Summary: All her life Elizabeth has done exactly what everyone expects of her. Now in her first year of college, she discovers the vast possibilities in life. But can she escape the ghosts of her past and find the courage to explore the new paths before her...including the affections of an infuriating young sophomore named William 'Spike' Giles?
Rating: NC-17
1 :: 2 :: 3 :: 4 :: 5 :: 6 :: 7 :: 8 :: 9 :: 10 :: 11 :: 12 :: 13 :: 14 :: 15 :: 16 :: 17 :: 18 :: 19 :: 20 :: 21 :: 22 :: 23 :: 24 :: 25 :: 26 :: 27 :: 28 :: 29 :: 30 :: 31 :: 32 :: 33 :: 34 :: 35 :: 36 :: 37 :: 38 :: 39 :: 40 :: 41 :: 42 :: 43 :: 44 :: 45 :: 46 :: 47 :: 48 :: 49 :: 50 :: 51 ::
“I mean, I’m still kind of in the ‘ooh! Draw pretty plants!’ stage,” Elizabeth said with a nervous little laugh, “but I just didn’t feel like using green. I mean, it does kind of get boring after a while…”
The two guys that had also been drawing houseplants with her for the past week cheered in agreement, and Professor Devereux couldn’t help but smile in amusement as well.
“So, anyway,” Elizabeth leaned back into the comfy couch in the critiquing room and gestured to the five pieces she’d hung up on the wall for the midterm discussion, “I started playing with color…and then I decided to go with texture and depth, too. And then all these weird perspectives started popping into my head and, well…” She shrugged, still slightly nervous.
“I like the one you did from above,” a shy girl in the back of the room commented. “It has a nice…symmetry to it?” Her face flushed a bit red, and she immediately ducked her head.
“Yeah, I fiddled with that one a bit,” Elizabeth nodded. “You know that five-sided Celtic knot painting that’s on the second floor right outside the bathroom? Well, I kinda tried to do that…but with a plant.”
“It’s cool,” the jock-guy who’d also gotten kicked out of Steinberg’s class commented.
“So, yeah,” Elizabeth said. “That’s it.”
She was greeted with brief applause, and she moved to take her pieces down.
“That’s everyone then,” Professor Devereux said. “We don’t have anything else for this class, so feel free to take a freebie on this next hour… And don’t be too enthusiastic now,” she teased lightly when everyone ran for the door simultaneously.
She got a couple of sheepish grins before the class vanished. Fortunately, the one student she wanted to talk to was still busy taking down her work. “Elizabeth,” she began with a little smile.
Elizabeth gulped. “Yeah?” she winced inwardly.
“Your work is…truly unique, for lack of a better word,” Devereux said, taking in the painting Elizabeth was taking down at the moment.
“Yeah, I kinda got a little bored and wandered from the assignments, but I swear it won’t happen again, and—” Elizabeth was quickly entering a panic attack fit to rival any of Willow’s.
“I like it,” Devereux hastily corrected her. “Actually,” she said, leaning in conspiratorially, “you’re one of the most promising students I’ve had in years.”
Elizabeth’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Me?” she repeated incredulously.
“You have such an original way of looking at things,” Devereux nodded, “of exploring new possibilities…and even when they don’t turn out right, you still seem to learn from them and work them into your later pieces.”
“I just draw whatever I feel like,” Elizabeth insisted.
“And that’s art,” Devereux said with a catlike little smile. “Anyway, I was wondering if you would be interested in starting your own project? Like you said, you’ve been wandering from the assignments more and more, and…well, if there’s something you would like to do…”
Elizabeth looked down to the floor and bit her lip. “Well, I kind of had this idea for a painting…a landscape thing but also, y’know, something about my life? But, I mean, it’s not really…”
“Maybe it won’t be good,” Devereux conceded, “but maybe it will. Why don’t you just try it? See where it takes you…”
“Yeah, I guess so,” Elizabeth shrugged, a little excited about the prospect. “I mean, if you think it’s a good idea…”
“I do,” Devereux insisted confidently.
“Great, then,” Elizabeth managed a little smile. “So, I’ll see you Monday then?”
“You’ll probably be the only student on time,” Devereux agreed with a grin.
Elizabeth rolled her eyes at this as well. “Bye, then!” she said before dashing off down the hall, a little skip in her step.
Professor Devereux shook her head and jotted a few more notes down in her grade book. Paradoxically, it was the students with the most talent that always seemed the most uncertain of their abilities. But she had a feeling that if she just kept encouraging Elizabeth, that young woman could do great things…
* * *
“Hey, Jonathan!” Elizabeth said perkily as she caught their elusive housemate right as he was leaving his room.
“H-Hi,” he said back nervously before practically fleeing down the stairs.
Elizabeth shrugged. She frowned slightly when she popped her head in Spike, Anya, and Xander’s open doors in quick succession and found that all three rooms were vacant. Surprisingly, however, the door to the house lounge was closed. She raised an eyebrow at that before she slowly opened the door and…
“What. The. Hell?!” Those were the only words Elizabeth could come up with to describe the scene before her.
Spike and Xander were in the center of the room, stripped down to nothing but a pair of boxers each – yellow smiley-faced and pink hearted boxers, respectively. Spike was kneeling down on the floor right in front of Xander, and Elizabeth sudden felt irrationally jealous of the dark-haired man.
“Did you two come out of the closet and me not hear about it?” Elizabeth couldn’t help but laugh, giggling slightly at the sight before her.
Spike rolled his eyes and rose to his feet.
“Hey!” Xander exclaimed. “I’m not gay! I only agreed to this under the provision that everyone realized that I’m not gay!”
Elizabeth abruptly realized that the spectacle of the two, nearly-naked young men had monopolized her attention and that they were far from the only ones present.
“Xander’s not gay,” Devon provided from where he was holding a small video camera and leaning back against the TV stand.
Next to him, Oz – in a similar state of undress as Xander and Spike – nodded.
Anya, who was wearing an illegally short miniskirt, high-heeled shoes, and a bra, rolled her eyes. “Can we hurry it up already?” she complained. “I want to be the sandwich meat already!”
“Huh?” Elizabeth blinked several times. “OK,” she shook her head, completely baffled, “what the hell is going on here?”
“It’s a movie for Devon’s media studies class,” Willow hastily explained.
Elizabeth turned to her and couldn’t do anything but stare stunned at the fact that both Willow and Tara were wearing skimpy little nightgowns and cuddling up on the couch together.
“Of what?” Elizabeth couldn’t stop the sarcasm from seeping in. “A bordello?”
Devon rolled his eyes heavenwards. “It’s a discussion of heterosexual stereotypes of homosexual relationships,” he explained patiently.
“Uh-huh,” Elizabeth didn’t sound convinced.
“It’s actually really funny,” Tara giggled slightly. “See, me and Tara and Spike and Xander get to be the gay couples—”
“Falsely gay couples,” Xander corrected.
“—Falsely gay couples,” Tara amended.
“Gay couples,” Willow corrected, giving Tara a cheeky grin.
Tara mock-pouted. “Now you’re just being difficult on purpose,” she accused, swatting at Willow’s shoulder playfully.
“So, Xander’s gay,” Elizabeth couldn’t help but tease. “And?”
“I’m not—!” Xander began before throwing his hands up in the air.
“Acceptance is the first step to coming out of the closet,” Spike said mock-solemnly, patting the other man’s shoulder.
“Oh, you are so dead!” Xander announced before tackling Spike to the ground. Elizabeth watched the two wrestle around on the ground, bemusedly.
“See?” Anya said with an evil little smile. “You can’t fake like kind of UST…”
Xander flopped down onto his back in surrender. “Everyone’s going to think I’m gay for all eternity for this, aren’t they?” he said with a resigned sigh.
“You could always, um, make some manly grunting sounds and guzzle a whole case of beer w-while screaming out ‘Delta Phi rocks!’,” Tara’s speech stuttered progressively more as she tried not to laugh as she said it.
“Delta Phi sucks,” Spike announced, sitting up from where he’d ended after his and Xander’s little play tussle. “And prob’ly not well, either,” he added with a little smirk.
Elizabeth couldn’t help but giggle at that. “So what?” she asked curiously, hopping up to sit on the TV stand beside Devon. “They just make out?”
“At first,” Devon was chuckling slightly, “but then Oz jumps in the middle of Willow and Tara and Anya jumps in the middle of Spike and Xander, and it turns into a goofy orgy.”
“I helped write the dialogue,” Anya added proudly.
“Anyanka’s got a secret callin’,” Spike agreed, flopping back down on the carpet again. “Humorous porn…’s a whole new genre…”
Anya stuck her tongue out at him. “You’ll be crawling all over me in a few minutes,” she retorted.
“Yeah,” Spike said sarcastically, “for a movie.”
“And Spike’s a movie whore!” Anya announced perkily.
“So, yeah,” Devon looked mildly annoyed, “can we start again now?”
“I get to watch, right?” Elizabeth said with a little smile, intentionally raking her eyes up and down Spike’s body and loving the way it made him squirm.
“Sure, just try not to laugh too hard,” Devon spared her a little smile. “OK, places, people!” He turned back to the ‘set’ before them.
Xander rose to his feet, and Spike kneeled before him once more so that, to the camera angle, it looked like he was doing something very naughty.
“Action!” Devon announced.
Elizabeth was quickly biting her hand, trying not to giggle at the ridiculous lines Anya had concocted for them. “Only another cunt can satisfy me!” and “Xander, fill me with your throbbing man-meat!” were the only ones that had her in serious danger of cracking up, though – like, she was convinced she was about to split her side, cracking up.
The plot fizzled out abruptly after that when no one had any idea what to do, and they all shrugged at the camera in unison before Devon stopped the video.
“The ‘not being able to come up with any more lines’ part was intentional, right?” Elizabeth was still giggling.
“Straight people usually don’t bother to think much beyond the ‘jumping into the sandwich’ part,” Devon agreed, laughing slightly himself.
“Are you sure you’re actually getting credit for this?” she demanded. “Or is this just blackmail for later?”
“It’s an actual class,” Devon insisted. “This is my midterm.”
“Lucky bastard…” Elizabeth grumbled under her breath. Why couldn’t ogling half-naked Spike be part of one of her midterms?
“That it then?” Oz asked, extricating himself from between the giggling Willow and Tara.
Devon watched the replay of the tape. “Looks good,” he agreed.
“Are you sure?” Anya sounded disappointed. “Because I’d be happy to grab Spike’s ass again…”
Elizabeth bit her lip. No, that was absolutely not another little twang of jealousy…
Spike rubbed the firm posterior in question. “Can I vote against that one?” he requested. “’Cause Anyanka’s a bit more voracious than—”
“You can handle?” Elizabeth suggested, one eyebrow raised.
“Spike can’t take it rough!” Anya squealed in delight when she came up with yet another way to torture Spike.
“Oi, now!” he complained. “Dated Dru, din’t I?”
Anya’s face fell slightly. “Oh yeah,” she conceded. “But you could easily have gone soft since then!” she perked right back up.
“Thanks a lot, luv,” he cast a mock-annoyed look Elizabeth’s way, “now ‘ll have to hear about this for the next three months…”
She flashed him a bright, unrepentant smile. “If you ever need anyone to assist with the Spike torture…” she offered to Anya.
Spike groaned and knew he was beat.
“So, Elizabeth,” Tara settled into a more comfortable position on the couch, “midterms are done?”
Elizabeth let out an exhausted sigh and collapsed on the free couch. “Thank god!” she exclaimed. “I don’t think I’ve slept in…ever…”
“Wait till finals,” Anya commented matter-of-factly. “They’re even worse.” She bounced into the available seat beside Elizabeth.
“I’m not even close to done yet,” Devon complained, removing the tape from his camera and putting it in its case. “I’ve got a paper due Monday, and then I have to present this video on Tuesday…” He groaned and shook his head.
Elizabeth smiled up at him sympathetically. She’d rarely seen him this not-under-the-influence, and it was actually kind of interesting…
“I still say it would’ve been better if you could’ve gotten Faith to fight with me over the men,” Anya commented.
Devon seemed almost to flinch, and Elizabeth’s brow furrowed for a second, trying to decipher the reaction.
“Faith’s a bit wasted right now,” he shrugged it off, intentionally turning to his bag and routing around in it.
“Yeah,” Elizabeth agreed. “I mean, she missed the bio midterm and everything…”
Elizabeth noticed that Willow and Tara exchanged a frown at that as well, but shook it off quickly. After all, it really wasn’t her business…
“Her loss,” Xander joked, sitting down next to Willow. “Ah, sharing a couch with two lesbians… What guy hasn’t dreamed of that?”
“Humph.” Anya crossed her arms over her chest in mock-offense. “A real man would’ve sat with the straight women…”
“Don’ mind ‘f I do,” Spike said with a cheeky grin, landing between Anya and Elizabeth and slinging one arm over each of their shoulders. “Mmm…’s nice, mate,” he teased Xander. “Shoulda taken the opportunity while you ‘ad it.”
Elizabeth’s skin tingled where his arm was wrapped around her, and she had to fight the instinct to close her eyes and breathe in his heady scent when he squeezed her lightly to him.
Fortunately, the confusion that had previously accompanied all their physical contact was gone. She’d decided after their little Halloween party that Spike was one of those guys that was a good friend and you flirted with all the time, but would never get involved with. Because…
Well, because she already had a boyfriend… Who you’ve been avoiding for almost two weeks! And she and Spike could never work out… Because you won’t just DUMP Riley already! And…yeah.
OK, so maybe the confusion needed to be worked through just a little bit more… Like the whole conflict of having a flirty-guy-friend and a boyfriend at the same time, since you kind of didn’t need the first if you had the second.
Maybe if you were halfway attracted to Riley in the first place, it wouldn’t be a problem! The little voice at the back of her mind had been getting persistently louder lately, and it was starting to drive her crazy.
“We love you, Xander!” Tara giggled, moving to the other side of him and giving him a quick hug.
Elizabeth snapped her attention back to the conversation at hand at the absolutely hysterical goofy grin Xander had on his face as Willow hugged him, too.
“Don’t we, Willow?” Tara prodded.
“Of course,” Willow agreed. “We love you…we just don’t love your penis…”
Everyone cracked up at that. “That’s a house quote,” Oz announced, pulling the little notebook out of his bag that he used to write down the more hilarious things that were said.
“Anya an’ ‘Lizabeth love my penis, too,” Spike countered. “Innit that right?”
“The shorts kinda detract from its appeal,” she pointed out, gesturing to the yellow smiley faces that covered his boxers.
“They were a joke gift,” Spike huffed lightly. “Don’ wear ‘em normally.” He leaned in close and whispered huskily into her ear. “Don’ normally wear anythin’…”
Elizabeth blushed horribly and used her full willpower not to look at that region of his anatomy.
Anya gave his hair a playful little tousle, however. “I love your penis,” she agreed, “as long as it’s in someone else.”
Everyone in the room blinked.
“I’m not sure if that’s a quote…” Oz began uncertainly.
“Oh, c’mon,” Elizabeth said with a little giggle. “It’s about ten times more outrageous than the things she normally says.”
Anya gave Elizabeth a grateful smile for that comment. “It thought it was quite a gem myself,” she agreed.
“Anya manages to stun the room silent,” Devon commented with wry amusement, “a room that’s used to her usual sayings… I’d say it’s definitely a quote.”
Oz penned it in with a nod of agreement.
“So,” Elizabeth reluctantly returned to Spike, not quite sure she could face him without complete and utter embarrassment after what had just occurred, but trying anyway, “any chance I could borrow your body this afternoon?” she teased lightly.
Spike let out a little growl and sidled up closer to her. “All my…parts ‘re at your disposal whenever you need them, luv,” he replied, an amused sparkle in his eyes.
“Good,” she agreed, “because I need to beat you up early today since I have to leave practice early. Is three good for you?”
“My parts an’ I ‘ll be waitin’ in my room eagerly,” Spike retorted.
Her face flushed slightly. “I’ll pick you up on my way over to the gym then,” she agreed, getting up and lugging her bag up onto her shoulder.
“It’s a date,” he agreed with a cocky grin.
Elizabeth rolled her eyes but decided it wasn’t worth the effort to argue the point. Giving everybody a quick wave good-bye, she retreated into her room to crash from the Midterm Week From Hell.
“Do you want a pillow for your lap?” Anya asked off-handedly after Elizabeth was out of earshot.
Spike’s face flushed a deep red, but he snatched the offered pillow from Anya’s hands anyway. “Where’re my jeans?” he demanded gruffly. “Gotta get outta these poofy boxers…”
* * *
“Score!” the cry shouted out throughout the room.
Elizabeth fought the urge to yawn.
“Oh, oh! Turnover!” Riley cried out excitedly. “He’s got it…he’s got it… Yeah!” Cheers broke out once again.
Now, her evening with Riley had started out nicely enough. He’d taken her out to this nice little restaurant, and he’d pulled out her chair for her and ordered her food for her and paid the bill for her…although, in all fairness, she couldn’t quite decide whether those things were archaic and insulting or chivalrous and sweet. Given that she didn’t have to use up any of her spending money, however, she decided on the later. Feminism definitely allowed for the strategic advantage of acquiring free food…
The conversation had been all right. They’d bitched about midterms, and Elizabeth had explained her art project to Riley…who obviously didn’t get it. But, then, she didn’t really get his war stories or his basketball stories, so it kind of evened out in the end.
Unfortunately, once they’d gotten back to the frat, the first basketball game of the season had been on TV and, yeah, the evening had gone downhill from there…
“Great game, huh?” Riley said brightly, flashing her a wide smile and offering her a sip of his beer.
She politely declined. However, for once the memories didn’t assault her. Different memories were replaying in her mind at the moment…
“God, you are SUCH a baby!” Elizabeth teased, watching Spike lie on his back on the mat, faking unconsciousness.
“’m not a baby,” he retorted, opening one eye to look at her. “You jus’ killed me is all…” He let his tongue hang over the side of his mouth, made some fake gagging sounds, and clutched at his heart.
“Big faker,” she accused lightly, poking him in the side with her toe…
“Yeah!”
The room erupted into applause again, shaking Elizabeth’s thoughts back to the present. She shook her head vehemently, trying to force all thoughts of Spike and their little sparring match earlier that evening from her mind.
“So,” Riley commented when a commercial created a break in the game, “are we on for next weekend too, then?”
Elizabeth gave him an apologetic little grimace. “Regionals is that weekend,” she explained.
Riley’s face fell. “Do you have to go?” he asked, disappointed.
“I’m part of the school team,” she insisted. “Gotta go.”
“But that’s only one day, right?” he said cheerful again. “We could go out on Friday.”
“Only one day,” she agreed. “In Boston. I’ll be on a bus all Friday evening…and all Sunday, too.”
Riley sighed. “Oh well… Weekend after that?”
“Sure,” she agreed brightly. But then the game was back on, and Riley turned back to it, and there was nothing left to distract her from…
“Ha!” Spike exclaimed in delight when he caught her ankle and sent her tumbling down onto the mats beside him. “Gotcha!” he announced in triumph.
“You just signed your own death warrant, Spikey,” she said with a playful little smile before tackling him.
He laughed and twisted right as she landed. She let out a little squeal as she rolled onto her back and…
“Great game, huh?” Riley nudged her elbow.
“Uh-huh,” she nodded numbly, her mind elsewhere.
In an instant, Spike was on top of her, pinning her firmly down onto the mat. For a second, it was just their usual play struggle until they both simultaneously realized just how close they actually were. Their eyes widened as they realized that their bodies were pressed tight together, their lips mere inches apart, and, oh, did it feel GOOD…
“We play Penn State in two weeks,” Riley continued to give her a running commentary. “They’ve actually got a decent defense this year. But, don’t worry,” he gave her a little smile and a condescending pat of the knee, “we’re ready for them.”
“Uh-huh,” Elizabeth repeated, still not paying attention.
“’Lizabeth?” Spike’s voice sounded husky with need.
“S-Spike…” She found her lips were suddenly dry and unconsciously licked them.
Spike groaned in response, watching the pink tip of her tongue teasing her sweet lips. He moved in closer, his lips just a hairsbreadth above hers now…
“Oh yeah!” Riley shouted out, pumping his arm in the air in a way that he thought would make him look cool but really just looked incredibly lame. She turned back to Elizabeth. “I’m hoping we’ll make the playoffs this year. We’ve got a great team.”
“Uh-huh.”
Her eyelids fluttered shut at the feel of his warm breath. Instinctively, she parted her lips. She was so desperate to fill her desire for him that nothing else mattered at the moment…
Spike sighed. This was like all his dreams come true – Elizabeth finally beneath him, wanting him… He leaned in to kiss her, a million thoughts in his head, and…
“You look tired,” Riley commented. “Maybe that nap didn’t refresh you as much as you thought it did.”
Elizabeth nodded blankly in response. “Uh-huh.”
Her eyes opened again when she felt him pull away, her entire being screaming ‘NO!’ with all its might…
“Spike?” she asked confusedly, sitting up.
He refused to look at her, standing up instead. “You ‘ave a boyfriend,” he said simply enough before walking out. He paused at the door, however. “You ever decide to break it off with Major Bringdown,” he said, the slight humor belying his serious tone, “you know where I live…”
And then he was gone.
And Elizabeth was half-tempted to scream that she’d dump him now…
Hence, the major, major guilt. “No, I’m fine!” she insisted with a brightness so false that every Riley saw through it.
“You’re tired,” he insisted. “Want me to give you a ride home?”
She gave in with a weary sigh. “Yeah,” she finally agreed.
The drive back to Westing House was made in complete silence. She supposed she was overplaying the tiredness excuse, and that made her feel even more guilty.
“We’re here,” Riley said softly. Perhaps even he was realizing that something momentous was about to happen.
Elizabeth turned to look at him…and saw a good guy. The kind of guy she’d always wanted. Only she didn’t want him now… Yes, you do! The last remnants of the girl that had been Buffy snapped at her. He’s absolutely PERFECT! How can you possibly let him get away?!
She gulped and made her decision. “I had a great time,” she said with a happy smile before leaning in to give him a quick kiss. “We’ll do something after Regionals, OK?”
“OK,” Riley agreed with a smile of his own. “See you later.”
“Later!” Elizabeth agreed with a wave as she dashed over into the dorm to escape the chill autumn air.
And, as she walked past Spike’s door, she couldn’t even bring herself to look in his direction. The pain of her conflicting emotions was too great…
* * *
Riley sat in his car and frowned for a long time. He hadn’t believed Forrest and the other guys at first, but the more he was around her…
There was something up with her, something she wasn’t telling him.
Riley’s car jerked back to life with an angry start before vanishing back into the night…
Submit a Review!