Gardens of Oblivion by Addie Logan

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Chapter 22

She opened her eyes to a dark room, though she could still see, her vision acute even without light. She stretched, scanning the room as she sat up.

Her eyes settled on a figure at the end of the bed, and she smiled. “Hey there, handsome.”

Spike turned, startled to hear her voice. “Buffy… You’re…you’re awake.”

“Yeah, I’m awake.” She lifted her arms over her head, stretching more. “How long was I out?”

“Two…” Spike stopped and swallowed. “Two days. The longest two days of my life. I kept… I kept bein’ afraid you wouldn’t wake up.”

“Oh, honey,” Buffy said before crawling down the bed to him, wrapping her arms around him, and pulling his head down to rest on her shoulder. “I’m awake. And I’m fine. As a matter of fact, I feel good. Really good.” She nuzzled against his hair. “And I still love you.”

Spike lifted his head, needing to look into her eyes. “Do you, Buffy?”

She smoothed her hands over his face, smiling at him. “Yes. I told you I would, silly man.”

Spike had spent the past two days playing through different scenarios in his mind of how this could go, and never had it been this good. He’d feared the worst, imagined her panicking, full of fear or anger. Maybe both.

There had been some times when he’d thought she might not wake up at all…

Buffy straddled his waist, draping her arms over his shoulders. “It’s okay now, Spike. You don’t have to worry anymore. I’m awake, and we’re together.” She kissed the tip of his nose. “You could try to be a little happier. It is my birthday, you know.” Spike looked up sharply at her and she winked. “Can I get even a little smile?”

“Are you really still you, kitten?” he asked, looking into her eyes.

“Yes. I’m all Buffy here.” An almost-wicked grin spread across her face. “I mean, yeah, I feel a bit stronger, but I’m still me. I’m just… I’m free.”

“Buffy…”

She silenced him with a kiss, tangling her tongue with his, showing him without words that she was still her…that she was still his. “Make love to me, Spike,” she whispered as she broke away. “You’ll know then.”

“Buffy…” Spike said again, no more than a whisper this time.

“Shh…” Buffy said as she pressed her finger against his lips, then led him back onto the bed, covering her body with his. She ran her hands along his skin, feeling his muscles tense. With a soft purr, she leaned in, licking and sucking at the side of his neck.

“God, I love you,” she said, the words coming out with a moan.

“Oh, sweetheart. Love you, too. Love you so much…”

“I know, baby. And we’re together now. We’re always going to be together. Forever, Spike.”

He gripped her hips, needing to feel her against his fingertips. She felt good. She felt real. He felt hope starting to bloom inside him, started to believe that maybe this could work out for them. “Are you really here with me, kitten?” he asked.

“I am,” Buffy promised, nipping against his neck one more time before she moved over and kissed his lips. This time, she felt his hunger in the kiss, felt him warming to her again. She smiled against him, knowing she’d made the right decision. She felt happier than she had in years, the weight life had placed on her shoulders finally lifted.

She didn’t have to worry about her failing marriage or a job that made her miserable. She didn’t have to worry about being alone, with no one to love her. All she had now was Spike, and she couldn’t seem to find a downside to that.

“I love you so much, Buffy,” he whispered against her, his mouth traveling from her lips to her neck, where he pressed soft kisses against the mark he’d left when he’d last bitten her. She moaned, then ground her hips against his as he began to suck the mark.

It had always felt good in the past when he’d given attention to his bite marks, but now… Buffy felt pleasure radiating through her body from his touch, but also a deep sense of being connected to the man under her. He’d changed her, created who she was now through a piece of himself, and through that act forged a bond with her deeper than she’d ever shared with anyone before.

And still, she needed more. She’d felt pulled towards him before, but now… She was desperate for the feel of him inside her body, to assure him with her touch that she was here, that nothing had changed for the worse – only the better.

She lifted her upper body, giving him a wink before reaching for his jeans, quickly unbuttoning his fly and pulling his cock out into her hands.

Spike braced himself for the first touch of her hands on his cock, wondering how different it would be now that she’d lost her natural human warmth. But fuck, her small hands felt as good as ever as they stroked him, only now he could feel her newfound strength as she held him tightly. He moaned loudly, thrusting up into her fist as the fear and hopelessness he’d felt since she’d first asked him to turn her slid away.

He knew now he hadn’t lost her. The way she kissed him, touched him. Everything was still there, just as it had been before. The need, the desire – the love.

Spike nudged her back and sat up, pulling off his own T-shirt before he set to work on hers, ripping the fabric of her blouse and throwing it to the ground. He’d left her in the same outfit while he’d waited for her to awaken, and now he didn’t want to see it anymore. He ripped her skirt as well before throwing it atop the ruined shirt. A quick tug and her bra was gone as well, leaving her completely bare in his arms.

She raised herself up on her knees long enough for him to slide his jeans down her legs, and the last barrier between them was removed.

They tumbled together back down to the mattress, limbs entwined as tongues and lips clashed. Spike rolled her beneath him, hiking her leg up around his hip before sliding into her, filling her in one hard stroke.

Buffy cried out, pushing her hips up to take him fully as her face changed for the first time, revealing the demon she’d become. Spike looked down, growing still as he looked into her golden eyes.

“You’re beautiful,” he said, his voice soft and full of awe.

She smiled, the expression somehow seeming gentle, even with fangs. “Can I see you, too?” she asked, her hand reaching out to find his.

He gave into her request, and Buffy touched the ridges of her brow with her free hand, bringing Spike to nuzzle against her. He’d loved her as a human, had been addicted to her heat, the warmth of the blood surging through her. But he knew now as he looked down at her through demon eyes that she’d been right when she’d said this was the only way they could be together. She’d only known his world through movies and books, and he never would’ve been able to show her the way things were before.

He’d wished he could’ve kept her forever the way she was, but he accepted that he couldn’t. Still, he could see now that her eyes shown with love for him, be they green or golden, and he accepted what she had become – what she’d had to become for him.

“I love you,” he told her, and she knew the words held a different, deeper meaning than before. Whatever happened, whoever she was, he loved her.

“I love you, too.”

He started to move within her, wanting to keep the pace steady, to savor the moment, but the sensation of being with her now was too intense for him to remain controlled. For two days he’d been terrified he’d never feel this again, and now… She felt just as exquisite as she always had, the change doing nothing to take away the rapture he felt in her arms.

She moaned his name, clutching at his arms with bruising strength, and his thrusts grew in speed, bringing them both closer to the edge.

Moments before falling over that precipice, Buffy leaned up, and this time, it was her fangs in his throat. Pleasure crashed over Spike, the sensation more wonderful than anything he’d ever felt before, and he moaned her name before biting her as well, drinking for her as she drank from him.

Finally sated, they fell into each other’s arms, complete.

That’s the end of this story. Completely the end – no sequels.

I know some people weren’t happy with my decision to have Spike turn Buffy, but that was what I intended from the moment I started writing this story. My intention was to take it away from typical Jossverse canon and present a vampire romance in keeping with a more classical approach to vampires and their relationships. I’ve always had a lot of problems with how vampires were portrayed on the show, mainly because what was said and then what was actually shown tended to be in direct contradiction to each other. But that’s something I could write an entire essay on, and that’s not something I really want to do in end notes, so I’ll just leave it at that for now.

However, I stand by my choice to write this story the way I did. And as for Buffy being “off-canon,” the entire story was off-canon. Personally, I think it’s impossible to write an “in-canon” Buffy who is not the Slayer. Once you take that away, almost every single choice she makes is going to be different because her entire world-view is different. She doesn’t have a sacred duty. She doesn’t have Council doctrine about vampires pounding in her head. She doesn’t have the memory of a “forbidden love” with Angel. She becomes, essentially, a different character. In writing this, I attempted to create a version of Buffy that was without all these things, but was still Buffy at the core, and I feel that character would be capable of making this choice.

I hope that even with the darker place I chose to take this story that, in the end, you enjoyed it. If you felt I took it too far and didn’t enjoy it, I’m sorry, but this is the story I wished to tell. I had some people tell me I should’ve put a warning at the beginning, but seeing as she didn’t become a vampire until the very end, I feel that would’ve been unfair to those readers who didn’t want the ending spoiled for them. So for the sake of people that don’t like to read the last page first, I did not put up “character death” or “vamp Buffy” warnings, and that’s a choice that I would make again, for the same reason I’ve listed here. (However, if in the future any reader is ever unsure or worried about where I plan to go with a story, I do respond to those sorts of inquiries privately, through email.)

Thank you to everyone who stuck through this story to the end, especially those of you who took the time to tell me what you thought of it. Every single review I received was appreciated and helped keep me inspired to write this through to the end.

~Addie Logan

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