Fix You by Enigmaticblue

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Chapter 43: A Pressing Matter

Joyce tightened her grip on Giles’ hand. “That soon?”

“I believe it would be for the best,” Dr. Pollock replied. “Your tumor is growing quickly, and as it does so, your neurological symptoms will increase.”

“What sort of symptoms?” Giles asked.

“Dementia, hallucinations, mood swings, and so forth,” the doctor replied. “It’s different for every patient, but that’s what you’re likely to see.” He gave her a sympathetic smile. “I realize that it must feel as though you’re being rushed into a decision, but you are very lucky. The tumor is small, and surgery is likely to succeed.”

“What about complications?” Joyce asked. “What are the risks of an aneurysm or stroke, or something similar?”

Dr. Pollock nodded. “Any time you operate on the brain, side effects are a possibility, of course. I have every confidence that we can avoid that by doing the surgery soon.”

Joyce closed her eyes, feeling as though she was being hurtled down a road that she couldn’t see the end of, with no control over her own life. “How long will I have to stay here?” she asked. “I have two daughters in California.”

“The recovery period for the surgery changes from patient to patient,” he replied. “It could be as little as a week, or much longer. I’d like you to stay here in Rochester until the staples come out, though, and that’s usually a week to 10 days.”

Joyce knew that she had little choice in the matter. She’d chosen this doctor because he was the best in the field; she would do whatever it took to stay alive. “Okay.”

There was paperwork to fill out, and Joyce sent Giles out to call Buffy and let her know. “I want to see her and Dawn before the surgery.”

“I’ll let her know,” he promised.

Joyce signed the consent forms, knowing that she was making the only possible choice under the circumstances.

~~~~~

“Come on, Spike. Just on half. You won’t be able to taste them.”

“No. You put those things on half, an’ the whole bloody pizza tastes like anchovies.”

“You don’t even have to eat the pizza!” Dawn protested. “I think I should get to pick what goes on it.” She turned to Buffy. “Tell him, Buffy.”

Buffy shrugged. “Sorry, Dawnie, but I have to agree with Spike. No anchovies.”

Dawn pouted. “It’s not fair. I never get anchovies.”

Spike smirked. “When you’re the one payin’ for the pizza, you can have whatever you like on it. ‘Til then, I get veto power.”

Dawn opened her mouth to launch into another argument, but was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. The whole room fell silent, and Buffy’s stomach clenched; she knew her mom was supposed to call to let them know what had been decided after a day of tests.

She picked up on the second ring. “Hello?”

“Buffy.” Giles’ voice on the other end was serious, the tone he normally saved for apocalypses, and other world-ending events. “The doctor has scheduled the surgery for the day after tomorrow.”

“The day after tomorrow?” Buffy squeaked. “Why that soon?”

“The doctor believes that the tumor is growing quickly enough to warrant immediate action,” Giles responded. “Joyce wants to see both of you before the surgery.”

Buffy took a deep breath. “Okay. Okay, I’ll let Dawn and Spike know. We can pack tonight and leave tomorrow. How long is Mom going to be in the hospital?”

“The doctor wasn’t able to tell us,” Giles said. “It depends on how well the surgery goes.”

Buffy nodded, although she knew he couldn’t see it. “I’ll talk to Spike and maybe call Graham. They can look after things here while we’re gone. Dawn probably shouldn’t miss that much school, but I can always send her home while I stay.”

“Whatever you decide to do,” Giles replied. “Call and let us know when you’ll be arriving.”

Buffy agreed and said farewell. She half-expected Spike to argue with her about staying in Sunnydale. “Spike—”

“Here,” he said, holding his hand out for the phone. “I’ll call for the pizza an’ arrange the flight. You two talk.”

She gave him a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

“What else am I here for?” he asked, kissing her briefly.

Dawn was staring at her with wide eyes. “Mom’s having surgery?”

“Yeah. I guess the doctor wants to do it as soon as possible,” Buffy replied. “I’ll call the school tomorrow and let them know.”

Dawn’s chin took on a stubborn set. “I want to stay with Mom.”

“We’ll see,” Buffy replied noncommittally. “It’s going to depend on how long she’s staying.”

She frowned. “No fair. You get to stay as long as you want, and you have school, too.”

“And I’ll have to make it up,” Buffy said. “I’m an adult, though, and so I get to decide how much I can miss. You don’t.”

“But—”

“Dawn, you really want to make your mum worry about how much school you’re missin’?”

She subsided immediately. “No.”

“Good. Pizza’s on the way. I got a small with anchovies for you.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He looked at Buffy. “I’ll get the flights arranged.”

Buffy turned to Dawn. “Are you going to be okay?”

Dawn just nodded, slumping back on the couch.

Buffy sighed. She had no idea how to talk to her sister, then or now. Spike always seemed to know how to handle Dawn, and how to get her to do exactly what he wanted her to do. Spike and her mom. Buffy had no idea how she’d managed before, without either of them.

~~~~~

The only reason Spike hadn’t protested about sending Buffy and Dawn off without him was because he knew there wasn’t another choice. The only reason Buffy could leave without worrying about Glory or what she was planning was because he was there. He didn’t even mind the thought of working with Graham; the soldier was alright in his book.

“Thank you,” Buffy whispered, her breath tickling his ear.

He gripped the hand resting on his stomach. “For what?”

“For taking care of the flights, for not arguing with me about it, for everything. I know how hard this is for you, letting me go without you.”

Spike turned to face her. “It’s harder for you than for me, luv. I know that.”

“It’s just that it feels like you keep doing stuff like this for me, and I’m never doing anything for you.”

He chuckled, a rueful sound. As much as she loved him—and he believed that she did—Buffy didn’t yet fully understand just what he was willing to do for her. “All I wanted was you, Buffy. Your love, an’ if I couldn’t have that, your friendship. I’ve got all I need.”

She moved quickly, rolling them both so that she was straddling his waist. “I love you.”

“I know you do.”

“I don’t think I could live without you,” Buffy said.

Spike frowned. “Buffy—”

“No, I couldn’t. Don’t say that I’d be fine.”

“You’re strong, Buffy.”

“I’ve lost too many people I love.” Her hands traced his face with an urgency he couldn’t deny. “It’s one of the reasons I wanted to come back.”

His eyes traced her face. “What are you talkin’ about?”

“I knew if we tried to take the First Evil head on, I’d lose you.”

Spike couldn’t deny that their choice to come back in time seemed to have worked out better than they might have hoped, but he had a hard time understanding what she meant. “I don’t—”

“If there was a choice, between you or me, what would you have done?”

“It would have been me,” he said without hesitation.

Buffy nodded. “That’s what I thought.”

“You would have been fine, Buffy. You’d have managed without me.”

“That was before I knew how good it could be.”

Spike swallowed. “What’s brought this on, Buffy? You know I’d do anythin’ for you. You’ve known for a while now.”

“I know, it’s just—”

She didn’t finish her sentence, but Spike could see the naked fear in her eyes, and he knew that she was afraid of losing her mother, of losing Dawn—of any number of possibilities. Anything could happen, and while that might be a good thing in some ways, the future held more unknowns than they could possibly guard against.

He answered her in the only way he knew how—with hands and tongue and lips. They joined with the painful knowledge that it was likely to be the last time for a while. There was a desperation in their lovemaking that couldn’t be ignored, a sense that they were both living on borrowed time.

The worst of it was that Spike knew that they would both sacrifice themselves—or the other—if it came down to that. If they had to choose between saving the world and staying alive, or saving each other, they would each do the right thing. He knew that they were both capable of making the hard decision as never before.

It should have been a comfort, but it wasn’t.

So, he took what he could get now, and he would continue to do so until their time was up.

~~~~~

Willow shifted uneasily when she caught sight of Spike across the crowded room. It wasn’t that she was afraid of Spike, or that she didn’t like him. It was just that they hadn’t spent a lot of time together outside of Buffy’s presence. Now that Buffy was going to be gone for an extended period of time, Willow thought it her duty as the best friend to demonstrate her solidarity.

Well, that and Buffy had asked her to check up on him.

“Hey!” Willow knew it was more nervous squeak than greeting, but she thought she deserved points for trying. “How’s it going?”

Spike gave her a confused smile. “Alright. You said you wanted to meet here.”

The Bronze seemed like the most neutral of sites to choose from. Besides, Willow wanted to know if he wanted help patrolling. Buffy had made her promise that she would look after him. “I just wanted to know if you wanted to patrol together tonight.”

“Uh, sure.” A bemused expression crossed his face. “If you’d like.”

“Great!” Willow drew a deep breath. “Let’s go, if you’re ready.”

“Does your boy know?” he asked, rising from his seat and finishing his drink with one gulp.

“I told him where we were going,” she replied. “He’d probably have come along, but tonight’s a full moon, and he’s a little worried about going wolfie if he’s out fighting the forces of darkness. He’s been doing really well, but we both decided that it wasn’t a good idea to risk it. What if he bit me? Or you? I don’t know what would happen to a vampire who got bitten by a werewolf, but the witch-werewolf combo wouldn’t be pretty.”

Willow knew she was rambling, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself until Spike raised a hand in a clear signal to halt. “What’s wrong, Red?” His eyes narrowed. “Did the Slayer put you up to this?”

She thought about prevarication, but knew there was no point. She still sucked at lying. “Not exactly. She told me to make sure you were okay, and I thought that the best way to do that would be to go out on patrol with you.”

Spike shook his head. “I don’t need looking after,” he objected.

Willow raised her eyebrows, once again on solid ground. “Excuse me? You’ve got a gang of vampires after you because you’ve got something they want, Glory wants your hide because you managed to kick her ass and not get hurt doing it, and you’re worried about Buffy and Joyce.”

Spike blinked. “Right. Good point.”

“So are we patrolling?”

“Guess so.” He glanced over at her. “How’s Tara doin’?”

“She’s good,” Willow replied. “Really good, I think, now that her family’s been and gone.”

He nodded. “Good to hear.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You can ask.”

“Were you close to her the last time?”

“No.” Spike shrugged his shoulders, looking uncomfortable. “We weren’t anythin’ last time. Our paths crossed a few times, is all.”

She frowned. “You’ve just always seemed really interested in her.”

“She was one of the good ones,” Spike said quietly. “She—she was decent to me, is all.”

Willow had seen the future, and she knew exactly what he meant. “And we weren’t.”

“You just wanted what was best for her.”

She didn’t have to ask who he meant, although she was amazed that he could be so magnanimous after everything that had happened, both in the past only he and Buffy had lived and in the one she knew. “Maybe. Or maybe we were being stupid.”

He smirked. “Never said you weren’t bein’ stupid.”

Willow mock-glared at him and gave him a shove. “Thanks.”

“You were the one who brought it up.”

Willow shrugged good-naturedly. “Yeah, I was.”

Spike stopped, his eyes narrowing. “We got company.”

“Who?”

“H’lo, Graham.”

The soldier emerged from the shadows with a stealth Willow couldn’t help but admire. “Spike, Willow. Any success tonight?”

“We just started,” Willow replied.

“What about you?” Spike asked. “Have you seen anythin’ out of the ordinary?”

“Isn’t that a nightly occurrence?” Graham asked with a wry smile. “But, no. We haven’t seen anything to write home about.” Willow was about to ask who “we” referred to, but two more soldiers appeared. “You’ll have to come over sometime and meet the rest of the guys.”

“We’ll do that,” Spike promised. “Soon as Buffy gets back in town.”

“Did she go on vacation?” he asked innocently.

“Her mum’s sick, goin’ through treatment at a clinic out east.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He glanced over his shoulder at the others. “We’d better get going. We’ve still got some ground to cover.”

“Yeah, sure.” Spike froze. “Hang on.”

Graham held up a hand, and all three held their rifles at the ready, standing in a pose of watchful readiness. “Demon at five o’clock.”

Spike whirled, moving past the knot of soldiers to confront the demon attacking them from behind. Willow heard several muffled shots and watched two demons collapse on the ground. She turned back in time to see Spike breaking the neck of the third. “Thanks,” he said as he let the body drop. “Wouldn’t want to face three of these buggers with just the two of us.”

“All part of the service,” Graham replied. “Do you know what they are?”

“Lei-Ach demons,” Spike said. “Big with the marrow-sucking. Also, the same kind Glory sent after Buffy last time.”

Willow gave him a concerned look. “She didn’t send them after Buffy this time.”

“No, she didn’t,” he agreed. “Bloody hell.”

“What’s the problem?” Graham asked.

“Problem?” Spike repeated, still staring at the dead demon. “No problem. Other than the fact I’ve got an angry Hellgod on my tail.”

“Buffy’s not going to like this,” Willow pointed out.

Spike gave her a hard look. “Buffy’s not to know about this, not until things with her mum are settled. I won’t have her worrying about somethin’ she can’t do anythin’ about.”

“She’s not going to be happy about that.”

“She’ll live.” Spike sighed. “We’ll give you a call when Buffy’s back in town,” he promised.

Graham nodded. “Let me know if you need any help while she’s gone.”

“Will do.”

They parted ways, and Willow remained thoughtfully silent. She didn’t like the idea of keeping a secret from Buffy, but she could see where Spike was coming from. “You goin’ to tell her?”

She shook her head. “No, not unless she asks me directly.”

“I don’t want to lie to her,” Spike said. “Wouldn’t think of it, but with Joyce’s surgery tomorrow, there’s no sense in giving her one more thing to fret about.”

“I know.” Willow gave him a reassuring smile. “I think you’re right, which is why I’m not going to say anything. Just don’t blame me when she gets really angry.”

Spike grinned ruefully. “What else is new?”

~~~~~

Giles was the one to pick them up from the airport; the doctors wanted Joyce to remain in the hospital until the surgery, probably because it was scheduled for really early in the morning. Buffy sat in the passenger seat of the car, grateful that Giles was the one driving, grateful that he was there.

It was still weird to think of them together—Giles and her mom. There was definitely a squick factor there, especially after having overheard Joyce’s thoughts on having sex with him. She still didn’t know what a stevedore was, mostly because she didn’t want to.

There were some things it was better not to know.

It was probably weirder for Dawn, though. Buffy knew that her sister and her Watcher had never been close. After her death, and before her resurrection, Giles had left Dawn in the care of her friends. She wondered if he would do the same this time.

If it all happened again, if her mom died, and she died, Buffy knew that the one person she could count on was Spike. She wished she could be as certain about everyone else.

“Where are we staying?” Dawn asked from the backseat.

“A hotel close to the hospital,” Giles responded. “I booked a room for the two of you.”

“What about you?” Buffy asked.

“We already had a room.”

Buffy kept her mouth shut, hearing the truth in Giles’ words. Weird or not, they were a couple, and it really wasn’t any of her business. Besides, if it made her mom happy, Buffy didn’t care. Dawn wasn’t quite as sanguine about the idea, though.

“You shared a room?”

“Dawn,” Buffy said, using her best big sister voice. “Don’t start.”

Giles gave her a grateful look. “Your mother and I are very fond of each other, Dawn,” he said carefully.

Dawn’s face screwed up in disgust. “But—”

“Dawn!” Buffy frowned. “Drop it.”

She slumped back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest, but she subsided.

Buffy had a feeling that she wasn’t all that upset about the idea of Joyce and Giles together; her sister was worried and scared, and therefore was acting like a brat.

She could relate to that, although fear tended to turn her into a bitch.

The remainder of the drive was made in silence, and Giles led the way to Joyce’s room. He allowed Dawn to enter the room immediately, but his hand on Buffy’s arm held her back. “Just a moment.”

“What’s up, Giles?”

“Are you—alright with this?”

“You and Mom?” Buffy asked. When he nodded, she shrugged. “It’s weird, but… I just want her to be happy. I think it would be easier if I hadn’t heard what she thought of you.”

If she wasn’t mistaken, Giles turned slightly red. “Yes, well, I know that Dawn isn’t pleased, and we’ve talked about it. We likely would have waited to tell both of you if I—Ripper—hadn’t—”

She waved off the explanation. “It’s better this way. If—if something does happen—” She broke off. “It’s better.”

His gaze was compassionate. “The doctors here are very, very good, Buffy.”

“I know.” She took a deep breath. “I’m sure they are.”

Entering the room, seeing her mom holding Dawn tightly, was harder than Buffy had ever thought it would be. It brought back a thousand memories of seeing her mom in the hospital, of watching her get sicker, of seeing her body—

Giles’ hand squeezed her shoulder, and Buffy glanced up at him gratefully. She had to believe that this time would be different.

It already was.

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