Fix You by Enigmaticblue

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Chapter 4: Going Backwards

"Hey!" Willow said excitedly when Buffy knocked. "You're here!"

"I'm here," Buffy replied, trying to summon up some enthusiasm. "Thanks for meeting me. I must have dropped my keys somewhere, or—" She stopped as Willow held them up. "Or left them here," she finished.

She still wasn't sure how she felt about being in the dorms. Two years ago, when her mom had been sick, and she'd been responsible for Dawn, Buffy would have given her right arm to play the carefree co-ed again. It had been a long time, though, and she'd done some growing since then. In a sense, Buffy had been a homeowner, and now she seemed to be moving backwards.

Well, she had moved backwards—literally. Buffy just had to deal with the more uncomfortable aspects of that fact.

"I don't blame you for not remembering," Willow assured her. "I mean, I know it's been a lot longer for you than for me, and—" She stopped. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, Will," Buffy replied, although not without some trepidation.

"Are we still friends?" Willow's guileless green eyes searched Buffy's face for the truth. "You said we took you out of heaven, but you weren't real clear on what happened later. Did we—are we—"

"We're still friends," Buffy replied gently. "Remember what I said about you being the one to do the time spell? You're the only reason we had a chance to make things right."

Buffy could see the relief settle over her friend's face. "Good. It's just that you and Spike seem so close, I wasn't sure if we were friends. And then—I just got the feeling that maybe things weren't okay."

"We had our rough patches, but it was pretty much okay by the time I left," Buffy assured her. "I don't hold that against you, Willow, but—" Buffy wondered if it was too soon to say something, and then decided that it was best to be upfront about matters. "If something does happen to me, you have to swear that you won't resurrect me."

Willow nodded, her eyes huge. "I swear."

"Good." Buffy took a deep breath. "Do you know when I have class? I mean, I vaguely remember, but..."

Willow grinned and produced a neatly-written schedule. "I thought you might have some trouble. Luckily, you didn't miss anything yesterday that's going to hurt you. Like Professor Walsh's class." At the expression that flitted across Buffy's face, Willow frowned. "I thought you liked that class."

"The class? Yeah. The professor? Remember what I said about the Initiative hunting demons and keeping them in special cages?" Buffy prompted. "Walsh is the head."

Willow shook her head, apparently trying to recall that fact from the information-dump that Buffy and Spike had done the previous day. "Oh! It's the same Walsh?"

Buffy laughed. "Yeah, I couldn't believe it at first, either. We really are going to have to find a way to disable or destroy Adam before he gets loose."

Willow shrugged. "I'll start researching it now. You said we had some time, though, right?"

"A few months at least." Buffy looked around the room, feeling stifled. It had felt like home once upon a time, at least as much as a dorm room could feel like home, with her mother just a few miles away.

It struck her that she missed Spike. She hadn't seen him that morning, although she'd left a note for him, knowing that she needed to get back to campus. Buffy had seen him every day for the last couple of months, though, and she'd grown used to his presence.

"Buffy?" She turned to face her friend, seeing the concern on Willow's face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Buffy replied. "Just—it's weird."

"Yeah." Willow sat down on her bed, smoothing the blanket with her hand. "Um, what are you going to do about Parker? I'm assuming you guys didn't stay together or anything."

The one thing that Buffy had not gotten into was her love life. She hadn't seen the need, partly because her previous experiences wouldn't matter this time around, and partly because she hadn't wanted to share every mistake she'd made with her friends. Buffy had glossed over her relationship with Spike for the same reason, although she had at least admitted that they'd had a relationship. Willow might not be expecting news about Riley, because he hadn't even shown an interest in her yet, but Parker was something she would have to explain.

"It was a one night stand," Buffy admitted.

Willow frowned. "What?"

She sighed. "When I woke up the next morning, after I slept with him, Parker was gone. When I caught up to him, he said that he'd had a good time. He thought that he'd made it clear that's all he was looking for." Buffy didn't bother to hide her sarcasm.

Willow was properly incensed. "That—that—"

"Poop head?" Buffy suggested, remembering Willow's term for him.

Willow's brows drew together in a fierce frown. "That's not strong enough of a word, but it'll do for now. When was that?"

"It was—" Buffy frowned, remembering. "Technically, it was yesterday morning, because right after Parker walked away, Spike showed up with the ring. In the past, he made fun of me, and I kicked his ass."

"And this time?" Willow asked.

Buffy smiled. The look on Spike's face when he'd realized that he was wearing the ring, that he was in the sun without burning—Buffy didn't think she'd ever seen him quite that happy before.

Although she wouldn't mind seeing the look on him more often. Spike was hot when he was happy.

"This time, that's when we came back, so I let Spike keep the ring, and Xander tried to stake him. You know the rest."

Willow watched her for a long moment. "You really like him, don't you?"

Buffy wasn't sure how to answer that. Her feelings for Spike went far beyond simple "like," but she didn't know what she'd call it. "I guess. It's hard to explain. We've done so many things to each other, and for each other, that it's not that simple."

"He hurt you," Willow stated.

"I hurt him," Buffy countered, seeing that her best friend was ready to take sides, when there weren't any sides to take. "We hurt each other. We all did..." She trailed off.

Willow looked down at her hands. "And Oz? You told him to stay away from Veruca this time."

Buffy waited until Willow met her eyes. "Do you want to know the whole story?"

There was a moment's hesitation, and then Willow firmly shook her head. "No. I don't think so. But if I see Veruca, I might scratch her eyes out."

Buffy laughed. "If you see her, I'll hold her down for you."

~~~~~

Spike read Buffy's note for the fifth time since he'd awoken, then re-read the note from Joyce, certain that he was still sleeping, and simply hadn't woken up yet.

Or maybe he was still with the First, and it was playing with his head. He was dreaming, because things like this just didn't happen to the likes of him.

Joyce's read simply, "Spike, stay as long as you like. I think Buffy said she was coming home for dinner tonight." Although he had every intention of going out and getting his own place set up, he appreciated the invitation and the implied welcome.

But Buffy's note—

"Spike, I had to go back to campus. I can't miss classes today. I'll be back home tonight for dinner, or you can meet me on campus if you want."

It wasn't a love letter, but Spike knew that she hadn't needed to say anything at all; in the past, she would have left without a word, so the note itself said that she was looking at him like a real person, like a friend would.

And then there was the invitation to meet her on campus. Spike had learned all about how precious an invitation could be in the not-too-distant past.

As much as he wanted to go to her now, he knew that he had a few things to accomplish first. Spike needed to make certain that the crypt had been cleared out, collect his things from the place he'd shared with Harmony, maybe pick up a few essentials. It had taken him years to make the place into the comfy hideaway that he and Buffy had shared on occasion—at least until Riley blew it up.

Didn't look like that would be happening again, though.

Spike went about his errands with a lightness to his step that he hadn't experienced for a very long time. Not even the guilt from the soul was enough to keep him down.

Harmony was nowhere to be seen when he went to collect his things, and Spike felt a pang of guilt mixed with relief. Looking back, he'd treated her shabbily, used her much as Buffy had used him, and while Spike had never loved her, he now could feel a sense of pity for her.

If he did run into the vampire when he was alone, it might be best if he sent Harmony on her way, rather than letting the Slayer deal with her. Although the second option would be easier, he thought he might owe it to Harmony to keep her alive, if possible.

Spike gathered his things quickly, shoving clothing, books, and CDs haphazardly into a worn duffel bag and slinging it over his shoulder. He then retrieved his car and drove to his usual parking space near the crypt.

"S'pose I could clean off the windows," he murmured, looking down at the ring on his finger. For a moment, Spike actually considered getting a better place, somewhere other than a hole in the ground, but he would basically be pretending to be human at that point.

And Spike wasn't quite ready to go that far.

But how far did he want to go? What other changes was he willing to make?

Spike looked around the crypt as he entered, assailed by memories, and seeing the potential as he had the first time. When he'd finally fixed it up, the summer that Buffy had been gone, it had been a cozy sort of place. More importantly, it had been his in a way that a cot in Buffy's basement had never been.

He dumped his duffel and wandered over to the trap door that led to the lower level. It had taken him a bit longer to discover it the first time around, but he knew how it was supposed to look. Spike knew where he could scavenge a bed and candles, a television and fridge.

This time, he knew that he would need money, and Spike knew where to get it, too. After all, the Gem of Amara had been one piece among many in that treasure trove. Spike knew that it wouldn't do to remove it all at once, since he had no way to convert it to real cash at the moment, and it would only draw trouble. A little judicious pilfering would do no harm, however, and he'd have the rest of it for a rainy day if necessary.

~~~~~

It had been decidedly weird to sit in class with Professor Walsh teaching again, and Riley standing in the front of the room like some faithful dog. That analogy was probably a little closer to the truth than Riley would want to believe, although Buffy knew how accurate it was.

Weirder still was the fact that Buffy remembered a heck of a lot more than she'd forgotten.

"How was the first day back?" Willow asked they walked out of class. She was holding Oz's hand, and Buffy watched them wistfully. She'd forgotten how good they were together.

"It was good," Buffy replied. "Weird, but good. What are you guys doing tonight?"

Willow grinned. "We've got a date."

"There's a film playing at the student theater," Oz said. "If you want to join us."

Buffy shook her head. "I'm going to have dinner with my mom. I think it's going to take a while for it to sink in, you know—that she's really alive still."

The others looked a little uncomfortable at that, but Buffy understood. It would wig her out if she was in their shoes, too. "Well, it's good, that you can spend time with her," Willow said. "And you should. Family is important."

Buffy's lips curved up, remembering a scene in the Magic Box, where "family" had taken on a definition other than blood. "Yeah, it is," was all she said.

"What about Spike?" Willow asked. "Is he going to be there?"

"I don't know," Buffy admitted. "We didn't really talk about it. I mean, he's free to go wherever he wants."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, luv."

Spike was slouched against her door, in his usual black on black ensemble, although Buffy couldn't say she'd minded the variety she'd seen in recent weeks. The duster was missing, however, and Buffy wondered at the significance. "Hey," she greeted him. "What's up?"

"Thought I'd offer you a ride home," Spike replied. "Now that I have my car again."

Buffy wrinkled her nose. "Your car?"

"I cleaned it out," he replied mildly.

"You've been busy."

"You have no idea."

Willow cleared her throat, breaking up the comfortable intimacy they'd easily fallen back into. "Hi, Spike," she greeted him, unlocking the door.

The vampire smirked. "'lo, Red. Oz."

Buffy was a little surprised to hear him use Oz's actual name, but maybe that was because he just hadn't thought of anything else yet. Of course, he'd had several rather uncomplimentary names for Xander, but then again, they'd never liked one another. "Hi," Oz replied briefly. "You coming to the Bronze tomorrow, Buffy?"

"Are you guys playing?" she asked, watching as Willow put her books inside the room. Buffy wanted to invite Spike inside, but she didn't know if her roommate would be okay with it.

"Yeah. Willow said she'd show, but Xander has to work." Oz looked over at Spike. "You could come if you want."

Buffy saw the shock in Spike's blue eyes, and then he shrugged, as though Oz's invitation hadn't meant a thing. "Might do that."

"You guys don't have to stand in the hallway, you know," Willow called, sounding amused. "And Spike? You can come in."

A real smile lit his features, and Spike stepped into the room, looking around. "Looks 'bout like I remember."

"You were in here?" Buffy asked, wracking her brain for when she might have invited him inside, and coming up dry.

Spike looked pointedly at Willow and then raised a scarred eyebrow. "Men in black ring a bell, pet?"

Buffy's eyes widened. "Oh. Oh! That—I always forget that was you."

"Wait. What did I have to do with this?" Willow asked.

Spike smirked. "You invited me."

"After you were good?" Willow asked hopefully.

Spike shook his head, saying cheerfully, "Oh, I was still evil."

"And completely incapable of harming a living thing," Buffy quickly followed up. "So all's well that ends well, right?"

Spike shrugged. "We've yet to see how it ends, Slayer."

"It's going to end just fine if I have anything to say about it," she shot back, and grabbed her purse. "Let's go, Spike. I'll see you guys later!"

Buffy had no trouble with Spike being around her friends, but she wanted some time with him alone, mostly to find out what he had been doing all day, and to talk. Buffy just wanted to interact with someone who understood her references, who would get it when she said she missed Dawn.

Once again, Spike was the only one who could understand.

~~~~~

"Is it just me, or did being with Spike and Buffy together make the room seem a lot smaller?" Willow asked her boyfriend as they left the dorm.

He smiled briefly. "It wasn't just you."

Willow sighed with relief. "Don't get me wrong, I love Buffy, but she's different now."

"Different how?" Oz asked.

Willow tried to put it into words. When she saw Buffy, Willow saw her best friend, but when she talked to Buffy, it was like talking to someone else. Someone who was still Buffy, but not. "I don't know."

"I think she's older." Oz reached for her hand. "There was a lot she didn't say yesterday."

Willow knew what he meant; Oz was good at reading in between the lines, and she had sensed that Buffy was holding back, too. Of course, given the glimpses of the future as seen through Buffy and Spike's eyes, maybe not knowing was better. "I guess. What do you think of Spike?"

Oz considered that for a long moment. "He seems like an okay guy. He kidnapped you last year, so I'm probably not going to be starting a fan club, but he's changed."

That was for sure, Willow thought. If Buffy had been altered, Spike's transformation was miraculous. She'd realized what a huge change it was when he'd actually looked hurt at her dismay at seeing him standing in Buffy's kitchen. The old Spike would have sneered at her.

"I think Buffy's in love with him," Willow said, knowing that she could tell Oz these things without worrying that he was going to go off the deep end like Xander would.

Oz smiled. "Will, he put his life on the line for her. A man doesn't do that unless he's in love."

Willow leaned into him. "How did you get so smart?"

"Just came that way, I guess," Oz replied, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

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