Fix You by Enigmaticblue

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Chapter 3: Settling In

It had been easier than expected to explain the situation to her mom. Joyce hadn't inquired into the details after Buffy had given her the broad outline. She'd briefly debated the wisdom of telling her mom about Dawn, or her own death—or Buffy's death, for that matter—but had decided that honesty was the best policy.

After all, Buffy was going to have to find some way to convince her mom to see the doctor as soon as she started having headaches.

Spike wandered into the kitchen about the time Buffy was explaining that she'd been resurrected and torn out of heaven. "Things got really bad after that," she said vaguely, glancing at Spike.

Joyce seemed to think it best not to ask her about that cryptic statement and looked at Spike. "So a few months from now, I'm going to have a daughter I don't know now, but will have memories of?"

"That's the best way I know how to explain it," Spike replied.

"And you took care of her after Buffy was killed?" Joyce pressed.

Spike shrugged. "Wasn't a big deal. Made Buffy a promise, an' I kept it."

Joyce made a sound that Buffy knew well. It was her, "I don't believe you, but I'm not going to argue" noise. At least her mom seemed to be firmly in the pro-Spike camp.

"I told the gang they could come over here later, if that's okay," Buffy said. "I still haven't explained everything to them, but I had to see you."

Joyce reached across the counter to touch Buffy's cheek. "This is hard to believe, but I know you've been through a lot. You're not the same girl you were a few weeks ago."

"I hope I've grown up some," Buffy said. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, sweetie," Joyce replied. "Why don't you stay here tonight? You and Spike both? Your room is open, and I can clear out the guest room a bit."

"You don't have to do that," Spike protested.

Joyce shook her head. "I insist."

"I can take the couch," Spike said. "'s not like I have to worry about the sun."

Buffy watched as his eyes were involuntarily drawn outside. The sun was beginning to make its descent, and there was an expression of awe on his face that warmed her heart. It had been so long since either one of them had been happy, or had had a chance for a moment's respite.

"I think I'm going to make dinner," Joyce announced. "Buffy, why don't you take Spike outside? I'll bet he'd enjoy watching the sun set."

"Come on," Buffy said, deciding to take her mom up on the offer. Joyce wasn't going anywhere, but this was Spike's first sunset in over a century. She took his arm and led him out to the back porch. "Not that we can really see the sunset from this angle."

"Doesn't matter," Spike replied, taking a seat on the stairs. He looked up at her. "Been a long time, pet."

"It really has." Buffy sat down next to him. "Am I dreaming, Spike? Because I feel..."

"Disoriented?" Spike rifled through his pockets, finally coming up with a pack of cigarettes and his lighter. "We both thought we were walkin' into a fight, an' we get this."

Buffy realized that he was right. She'd been fighting a losing battle for months now, without a moment's peace. Now, she was sitting on her back porch with Spike, the person who understood her and knew her best. "I hadn't thought of it like that," she admitted.

"Knew there was a reason you kept me around," Spike joked. "To think of things you don't."

"Isn't that what a right-hand man is for?" Buffy asked.

His startled eyes met hers. "That what I am?"

"That's one of the things that you are." Buffy had no idea how to explain what she felt for him. Before the First had sent its Harbingers to snatch him, she'd honestly thought that all she felt was pity; Spike had been hurting and crazy, and it was at least partially her fault. Later, when it had become clear that the First was toying with him, when he had asked her to stake him, she had known that it wasn't simple pity.

If it had been no more than pity, Buffy would have had no trouble putting Spike out of his misery.

And now? It was too complex to explain in words. Spike was the person she trusted the most, the one who knew her best. Buffy didn't think it was too far from the truth to say that she loved him, although it wasn't the overwhelming passion she'd felt for Angel.

The lust was still there full-force, but it was different. Tempered, maybe, by time and the knowledge of how deeply they were capable of hurting one another.

"I never did apologize for what I said," Spike commented out of the blue.

"What you said?" Buffy asked.

Spike shrugged. "About that wanker earlier today. Made some pretty raw comments."

Buffy hadn't thought about Parker in years. As much as his rejection had hurt at the time, it was a petty sort of wound compared to others she'd received more recently. "He was a jerk," she said dismissively.

"Still," Spike said. "Can't quite believe you didn't stake me as soon as I showed up on the Watcher's doorstep back then."

"I can't quite believe it either," Buffy admitted. "I don't know why I didn't."

Spike smirked. "Because you had a secret yen for me?"

Buffy snickered and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right, Spike."

Some of the light in his eyes dimmed. "I know, I know. Pipe dream. Can't blame a man for tryin', though."

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "The secret yen didn't start until after Willow did that spell," she said, enjoying her opportunity to shock him. "That's when I found out what you had under that duster."

Before he could pick his jaw up off the porch, Buffy rose and walked back into the house, putting a little extra swing into her hips for his benefit. It was so much fun to tease Spike, Buffy couldn't help herself.

Besides, they had a chance to do things differently this time around.

~~~~~

Giles might have had a harder time believing Buffy's story if it hadn't been for her eyes. Hers and Spike's, when you got right down to it. Although she was physically the same as the girl he'd seen just a few days before, her bearing was full of a confidence that came only with age and experience. And Spike—well, Giles was almost certain that he had caught a glimpse of the vampire's soul.

There was also the fact that Spike and Buffy weren't trying to kill one another, and in fact, seemed to be rather close.

He'd been reluctant to allow both of them to leave before he got a few more answers, but he'd understood Buffy's desire to see her mother. Her reluctance to let Spike out of her sight was a little more puzzling, but Giles had been willing to put his questions on hold, at least for the time being.

Of course, Giles hadn't considered the fact that he would be seeing Joyce again; things were still a little awkward between the two of them.

"Hey, Giles," Buffy said, answering the door. "Come on in. The others should be on their way."

"Are you feeling better?" he asked, having witnessed how shaken she had been earlier.

Buffy nodded. "Much."

"Where's Spike?"

"With Mom in the kitchen, helping her clean up." Buffy smiled. "I never thought I'd see it, but Mom can get him to do anything."

Giles stopped her by placing a hand on her arm. "What is your relationship with him,  Buffy? I know you said that he sought his soul for you, but—"

She sighed. "It's complicated, Giles. There's a lot that happened between the two of us that I don't want to talk about."

"I see." Giles thought that he might. Spike might be well known for his brutality, particularly where it concerned Slayers, but he'd also been amazingly devoted to Drusilla for well over a century. The fact that Spike had accompanied Buffy back in time told Giles quite a bit about the changes that had occurred. "How long has he had his soul?"

"I don't know," Buffy replied. "Six months, maybe? He's still struggling, but I think being here will make it easier. At least the First won't be able to mess with him." She gave him a pleading look. "Please, Giles, don't make a big deal out of this, okay? Spike's definitely on our side now, he's not evil, and he's not going to hurt me or anyone else."

"I think that much is obvious," Giles replied. "I have no intention of harming him, Buffy, but do you really think that allowing him to keep the Gem of Amara is a good idea?"

"Yes," Buffy said firmly. "He's earned it. If Spike decides that it's too dangerous, then he'll give it up, but it's his decision."

Giles decided that now wasn't the time to argue, although he had every intention of talking to Spike about it later. If word got out that Spike had the Gem, he'd be fighting off every vampire who thought himself—or herself—strong enough to take it.

There was another knock at the front door, and Buffy waved him into the kitchen as she went to answer it. "I think Mom said something about hot chocolate and popcorn, if you want to help her."

When Giles entered the kitchen, he found Spike finishing up the dishes as Joyce prepared hot chocolate on the stovetop. "Oh, Mr. Giles," Joyce said, blushing a bit. "How have you been?"

Giles cleared his throat. "Quite well, thank you." His attention was caught by Spike, who moved about the kitchen as though he'd been living there for years. "Spike."

"Rupert." Spike's voice was even, although Giles could hear a defensive note there. It made him wonder what he was going to do in the future to cause the two to be so wary. Surely he hadn't been that much of an ass, not when Spike had sought his soul.

He cleared his throat. "Can I help with anything?"

"I think Spike and I have it under control," Joyce responded with a smile.

"Spike!" Willow squeaked from the doorway. "You're still here."

"It's okay, Will," Buffy said in a low voice, putting a reassuring hand on her friend's arm. "Really."

Giles could see from the expression on Spike's face that he was ready to leave, which said quite a bit about both the changes he'd gone through and his treatment at their hands. "I can go," Spike said in a low voice, backing up towards the door. "Should stop by the butcher's, an' maybe swing by the crypt. I could—"

"It's okay," Willow said quickly. "I just didn't know you were here, a-and the last time I saw you, you were shoving a broken bottle in my face. Well, other than earlier today."

Spike winced. "Yeah. Sorry 'bout that."

"Stay, Spike," Buffy said.

"Stay," Willow agreed. "If Buffy says you're okay, then that's good enough for me."

Spike nodded shortly, although he didn't reply.

"Where's Oz, Willow?" Giles asked.

"He had band practice tonight," she explained. "I told him I'd fill him in later."

Buffy frowned. "Have you guys heard from Xander and Anya yet?"

Willow stared at her friend. "Anya?" she asked incredulously.

Giles saw the look that Spike threw at Buffy. "That was probably too much information," Buffy said.

"Xander and Anya?" Willow asked in disbelief.

"There might be a few things you'll want to keep under your hat, pet," Spike murmured.

Buffy grimaced. "Yeah. Just forget I said anything."

"But Xander and Anya?" Willow repeated.

"It was a little unexpected," Buffy admitted. "Don't say anything to Xander, though. I'm not sure Anya's made her move yet."

Willow made a face. "But—"

"If you think that's the strangest thing that's happened—or is going to happen—" Buffy stopped and shrugged. "That's nothing."

"Help me with the drinks, Spike," Joyce said.

Spike grabbed the tray without an argument, and Giles watched as he carried it into the next room. "Buffy—"

She shook her head. "Later, Giles. We're both staying here tonight." Buffy gave Willow an apologetic look. "I'll be back in the dorms soon, but—"

"Say no more." Willow smiled. Then, lowering her voice, she said, "I didn't hurt Spike's feelings, did I? I mean, I know you said that he's good now, and he has a soul, so I really wouldn't want to make him feel bad. It was just a surprise."

Buffy shook her head. "It's a different situation for us. We—we both have had experiences with..." She sighed. "It's going to take us some time to settle in. That's all."

Giles wondered if that was all, or if they would be able to "settle in," as Buffy said. From the little she'd told them so far, it was clear that quite a bit had changed in three years. It would be a lot to cope with.

He couldn't help but wonder how he would interact differently with Buffy and the others, knowing what he knew, if he went back three years in time. There would be so many things he would change, things he would choose not to do, if given the chance. Other things that he would make certain that he did accomplish.

Giles had a feeling that the next few months were going to be interesting indeed.

~~~~~

Spike couldn't sleep; the house seemed abnormally silent with only two heartbeats and no voices whispering secrets in the darkness. He had often wondered if the potentials had realized how much he'd been able to overhear from his spot in the basement. If they had, he wouldn't have learned nearly as much.

The conversation with the Scoobies had gone about as well as he'd expected. Giles was cautious, but had been nice enough. Willow had been almost kind, once she got over her initial shock, but then she'd been the one who hadn't wanted him to commit suicide, even before he had his soul. Xander, of course, had been both skeptical and hostile, wanting to know how Buffy could trust him.

Buffy's response had been gratifying, however. "Have you not heard a word I've been saying? Spike's saved my life and yours. You just haven't experienced it yet."

That had shut him up quick enough, but Spike had to wonder how they were going to navigate the next year until the moment of reckoning came. There were a hundred things they had to consider between now and then; it was possible that they might prevent Glory from taking Dawn altogether. Perhaps it would be better to ensure that Dawn wasn't around for the Hellgod to find.

The possibilities had his mind spinning, and the unusual silence surrounding him wasn't helping. Spike finally rose, pulling his t-shirt on and slipping out of the spare room. He would have to see about collecting his belongings later. He frowned, realizing that Harmony wouldn't have burned his CDs and other things at this point, which meant that he would be able to save them.

"Bloody hell," Spike muttered. He'd forgotten all about Harmony. He didn't think she'd be thrilled to see him again, not after the way he'd treated her.

"Spike?"

He stopped at the top of the stairs, looking over his shoulder at Buffy, who was just emerging from her room. "Go back to sleep, Summers," Spike said softly, not wanting to wake Joyce. "I'm just goin' out for a smoke."

"Wait up," she said, her tone making it a request and not a command. She disappeared inside her room, and then came out with a jacket on. "I'll join you."

They made their way out to the back porch in silence. Spike hadn't really thought about the fact that their decision to go back together would isolate them. In a way, that process had been started a long time before, from the moment that Buffy had told him that she'd been in heaven.

From that moment, they had been locked in a dance, just the two of them, and the rest of the world had faded away.

Not that Spike had any intention of allowing that to happen again; looking back, he could understand how destructive it had been. He had tried to be what he had thought that Buffy needed, but he now understood that he had to be his own man first, and her champion second.

Thankfully, the two roles seemed to be overlapping a great deal these days.

"So, you couldn't sleep either?" Buffy said once they'd stepped outside.

Spike shook his head ruefully. "This ring doesn't change the fact that I'm a vampire. Seems odd to be tryin' to sleep now."

"You haven't slept in a while, though," Buffy pointed out reasonably. "Aren't you tired?"

"Aren't you?" Spike countered.

"Touché." Buffy shifted closer to him. "The house was too quiet."

Spike nodded, lighting his cigarette and taking a deep drag.

"What's it like?" Buffy asked.

"What's what like?"

"Smoking." She looked at the lit fag in his hand. "I've never tried."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "You want to?"

Buffy hesitated and then shook her head. "Probably better not to start now."

"Probably better," he agreed. "Besides, these don't have an effect on my health. You've got to be able to outrun the nasties."

"I think I'll go back to the dorms tomorrow night," Buffy announced. "Mom told me earlier that she didn't mind if you stayed a while longer, though."

Spike shook his head. "Better not. Might as well start getting the crypt habitable." He hesitated, then said quietly, "We may have to deal with Harmony."

Buffy frowned and then sighed. "I guess. I don't really want her kidnapping Dawn in another year. Do you think we can scare her off?"

"Don't know why not," Spike replied. "She was always scared to death of you, thought of herself as your nemesis, an' all."

Buffy snickered. "Yeah."

Since he'd managed to bring up the subject of their exes without starting a fight, Spike asked, "What about Riley?"

Buffy shook her head. "Riley won't be a problem."

"You sure about that?" he asked. "Look, Buffy—"

"I liked Riley a lot, Spike. Maybe I even loved him at some point, but I've been down that road, and I don't see anything changing. I'm not going to put either one of us through that again."

There was a certain sadness in Buffy's voice, and Spike wondered what her sorrow was for: regret over loss and lost opportunities, or the fact that she hadn't nipped the relationship in the bud earlier. He stayed silent, not wanting to ask and not trusting his own voice. He'd accepted the fact that she'd never be his; he'd told her as much when she went out with the principal.

"How could I be with Riley now, after what we—" Buffy broke off, and Spike risked looking over at her, seeing the muscle jump in her jaw. "—have?"

That wasn't how Spike had been expecting her to finish the statement; he would almost rather she hadn't, that she'd told him it was over and done, in the past. Hope was a dangerous siren for someone like him.

"You could say something," she prodded.

Spike looked at her, his eyes burning. "What the hell am I s'posed to say?" he demanded. "I thought—"

He couldn't tell her what he'd thought; Spike had believed that if he went back, if he saved Dawn, it would be at the expense of his own life. He was supposed to have been the one to buy it that night on the tower, not Buffy.

She must have read the emotion in his eyes, because she stared at him in disbelief. "You thought you were going to die?" Buffy demanded incredulously. "You wanted it?"

"I wanted to make things right," Spike said evenly. "Didn't care how it got done, but I wasn't lettin' you die again."

"Damn it, Spike," Buffy swore. "You don't get out that easily."

He raised an eyebrow, deliberately baiting her. "You sayin' that dyin' is easy?"

She glared at him. "You know that's not what I meant. You've had a death wish ever since you came back with that soul."

"No, I haven't," Spike said. "I've just been a little more realistic about my chances."

Buffy's eyes darkened. "Well, stop it," she snapped. "I told you that I'm not ready for you not to be here. What part of that didn't you understand?"

"All of it?" he suggested.

Her eyes narrowed, and Spike braced himself for a punch in the nose. What he actually got shocked the hell out of him, because Buffy's lips met his in a brief, almost chaste kiss. He closed his eyes, savoring her touch and breathing in her scent.

When she pulled back, his eyes fluttered open, and he stared at her in disbelief. "What—"

"We are in this together," Buffy said firmly.

Spike swallowed. "Right."

"I think I'm going up to bed," she announced. "Are you coming?"

Spike thought of half a dozen responses to that question and settled on the most neutral. "Yeah, sure."

He held the door open for her, grateful that she was able to accept the little courtesies from him these days, rather than throwing them back in his face as she used to. It hadn't been that long ago when simply holding the door open had gotten him a scornful look and an upturned nose.

Tonight, Buffy merely murmured a thank you and a good night, and hope flared unbidden in his chest.

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