Fix You by Enigmaticblue

Summary: Desperate times call for desperate measures where the First is involved. In order to prevent the end of the world, Buffy asks Willow to do a spell that's supposed to fix everything, and Spike goes along for the ride.

Chapter 10: A Step in the Right Direction

Buffy stood in the doorway, watching Oz pack a bag. She'd somehow known that this was coming as soon as Willow had told her that he'd had lunch with Veruca. Oz's choice raised the specter of failure; what if her trip to the past had no effect on the future?

"You're leaving."

He didn't turn around. "I have to get this thing under control."

"I know," Buffy said. "But I think you should know something." She waited until he turned to face her. "If you leave, and you don't keep in touch with Willow, she will move on. Maybe you want that; I don't know."

Oz swallowed. "Thanks."

"Willow's going to be here any minute," she said. "I should go."

"This wasn't your fault," Oz called after her. "What happened."

Buffy nodded. "I know."

It wasn't so much about "fault" as it was about being powerless to stop what she knew was coming.

She couldn't go back to the dorm room right away. Buffy knew that Willow would need time to cry, and then to compose herself. She hoped that this time, at least, Oz would write, or send a postcard, or something to let Willow know that he hadn't forgotten her.

Although even if he didn't, Buffy knew that it was likely that Tara would still come along.

"Hey! Buffy!"

She turned to see Riley jogging up the path towards her. Buffy had been deliberately avoiding him over the last couple of weeks. She hated the idea of having to turn him down, and she thought that the best way to avoid it was to ensure that she showed no interest in him. She hoped that he would get the picture and not even bother to ask her out.

Managing a smile for him, Buffy asked, "What's up, Riley?"

"I, uh, just wanted to be sure you were okay with leading a discussion next week," Riley said. "You did really well on that paper."

Buffy shrugged. She remembered that she'd been nervous about it the last time, but it was a different story now. "I'm not too worried about it." At his surprised expression, she quickly added, "I feel like I'm prepared."

"Oh, well, that's great," Riley said. "If you need any help—"

"I'll be sure to let you know," Buffy said. "That's what a TA is there for, right?"

Riley nodded, his hopeful expression changing to mild disappointment as he got her message. "Right. You know when my office hours are."

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. Knowing Riley, he wouldn't try flirting again, now that she'd effectively shut him down. In a way, she felt bad. Riley hadn't been a bad boyfriend, at least not up until the end. He'd been sweet and mostly normal, and he really had tried to be supportive. In the end, though, they hadn't been right for each other.

A theory that was confirmed when he'd returned to Sunnydale less than a year after he'd left with a new wife in tow.

"What did the enormous hall monitor want?"

Buffy was somehow not surprised to find Spike strolling next to her. "He just wanted to check to see if I was okay with a class assignment," she replied. "No big deal." When the vampire didn't appear convinced, Buffy rolled her eyes. "What Riley and I had is definitely over, Spike. Please don't get all insecure about this. He's my TA; I'm going to be seeing him around."

Spike shrugged. "Sorry, luv. I have a hard time bein' comfortable around somebody who staked me."

"When was that?" Buffy asked. "You never told me."

"Why would I?" Spike snorted. "You blamed me for him leavin', an' it was a plastic stake made to look like a wooden one. Hurt like the devil, but it wasn't fatal. Obviously."

Buffy frowned. "Why would Riley be carrying something like that around?" she asked. "It wouldn't—" She swallowed as she realized that the sole purpose of a weapon like that was to cause a lot of pain and damage, without causing death. "Never mind."

"People change, luv." Spike's voice was gentle as he sensed her upset.

"Or I bring out the worst in men," Buffy said glumly.

Spike shook his head. "Love brings out the best an' the worst in us, Buffy. Makes us gods, an' it makes us monsters at times. That's just the way it works."

Buffy knew that Spike was thinking of the attack in her bathroom, but his words brought to mind his bruised and swollen face in the alley behind the police station. "Oz is leaving today."

"Did you talk to him?" Spike asked.

Buffy nodded. "I don't know if I got through, though."

Spike put an arm around her shoulders. "We'll just have to see, won't we?"

"Just to let you know, I'm going to the Bronze with Xander and Willow tomorrow night. Would you mind meeting me at mom's house for patrol a little later than usual?" Buffy said.

She couldn't quite read the expression that flitted across his face, but he acquiesced graciously enough. "Sure. I can do that."

"Do you want to have dinner with Mom and me tonight?" Buffy asked. "She's still planning on going to Aunt Darlene's this year."

"Why don't you go with her?" Spike suggested. "Spend some time with family."

Buffy shook her head. "I think Mom wants some time alone with her. Aunt Darlene just went through a messy divorce, and she doesn't have anybody nearby."

Spike winced. "Must be rough."

Buffy nodded. "Of course, that means I won't have classes for a few days, and no one will know or care if I'm not sleeping in the dorms."

"Red?" Spike asked.

Buffy shook her head. "She's going to stay at her parents' house. I think she wants to get away from campus for a while, with the whole Oz missage. Last time, she at least had a single friend to lean on."

"If you need to spend time with her—" Spike began.

"I'll let you know," Buffy promised. "But until then, I just want to walk in the sun with my boyfriend."

~~~~~

Spike knew what they said about gift horses and beggars. He knew that he should simply take what Buffy offered him and not question her motives, nor should he be waiting for the other shoe to drop. After all, their relationship was better now than it had ever been. She told him that she enjoyed his company, in addition to seeking him out. Buffy had told her friends and family that they were dating.

So he should just be grateful.

Right?

The problem was that every time Buffy had been nice to him in the past, she'd followed it up with a kick in the teeth. Just when Spike believed that he was winning her over, Buffy pulled back. That was why he was waiting for her to do the same now.

He couldn't help but think that Buffy needed him because he was the only one who knew where she was coming from, who shared the same memories. Spike was the only one who knew who Dawn was at the moment, who had lived through Joyce's death, and through Buffy's.

The problem was that those were all the shared experiences of comrades in arms, and not necessarily lovers. In truth, Spike was waiting for the "let's just be friends" speech, and he was certain that it would kill him.

When Buffy had told him that she was meeting Xander and Willow at the Bronze, and that she would be going alone, it felt just like old times. She was shutting him out again, only this time he wouldn't be begging for her attention, or trying to seduce her on the catwalk.

Spike would be going to the one woman who had always listened to him, although he had no plans to tell her what was bothering him.

After all, how could you complain about your girlfriend to her mother?

~~~~~

Giles was just a little surprised at how quickly he'd grown used to Spike's presence. Of course, Buffy seemed more interested in her training, and in utilizing his services as her Watcher than before the spell, and that eased his mind.

Although it wasn't precisely clear what Spike had to do with her change in attitude, Giles knew that Buffy had invested in being the Slayer in a way she never had been previously.

So, when Buffy showed up alone, Giles was a little surprised. "Where's Spike?" he asked.

Buffy shrugged. "Xander and I are taking Willow to the Bronze tonight to try to get her mind off of Oz leaving, and Spike is meeting my mom for hot chocolate."

"Spike and your mother?" Giles asked in surprise.

"They've got something," Buffy explained. "They always have. It's not romantic or anything, but it's something, and he didn't get to spend a lot of time with her the last time around."

Giles frowned. "Why is that?"

"Because I ran him off," she admitted candidly.

"Have you thought any more about what's coming, Buffy?" Giles asked. He'd taken notes, but there still appeared to be quite a few gaps in her story.

Buffy frowned, leaning back into her chair. "Um, I think we've got Native American spirits for Thanksgiving next. Spike got captured and chipped last time around, but that's not going to be an issue."

"What are you going to do about the spirits?" Giles asked. "Can they be killed?"

Buffy nodded. "Preferably without them killing Professor Gerhardt and Father Gabriel first. We're also having Thanksgiving dinner here, by the way, since Mom's going to Aunt Darlene's. And when Angel shows up, you can tell him that I know he's here, and I will kick his ass if he doesn't go back to Los Angeles immediately."

Giles' eyebrows went up at her vehement tone. "I see. Angel's coming here?"

"His friend is going to get a vision of me in trouble, and Angel's going to come to the rescue without telling me that he's in town." Buffy's eyes glittered angrily. "It pissed me off the first time, but I've had enough of people doing things 'for my own good.'" Her tone of voice indicated that she was quoting from someone.

Giles wondered if some of her anger was directed at him, regarding actions that he had yet to perform. He'd had the feeling on occasion that their relationship had become strained, although he hadn't the nerve to ask why.

Perhaps it was better to know, however. If he understood his own motivations, he might be less inclined to make the same mistakes again. "And do I figure into that statement somewhere, Buffy?" he asked gently.

She started guiltily. "I'm sorry, Giles. That's not fair, since it's not about anything you've done yet."

"But I did," he prompted, hoping that she would explain.

"You left." She rose from her seat and walked over to the window. "Mom died, and then I died to save Dawn, and you left Sunnydale. Which I get, I do. It's just that after I came back, I needed you, and you left, because you thought I needed to take responsibility for things.

"Maybe I did, but it still felt like..." Buffy trailed off.

"Like I'd abandoned you?" Giles asked, knowing his Slayer well enough by now to know what that would have looked like to her. Of course, he was equally certain that he would not have left Sunnydale if he didn't have a good reason for doing so.

But he knew what was said about good intentions.

"I'm sorry, Buffy." Giles offered his apology for acts he hadn't yet committed, wondering if it would help her come to terms with what had happened.

She shook her head. "It's okay. It was a rough time for all of us, so it's not like I can exactly blame you for leaving."

"What do we need to be concerned about after the Native American spirits?" Giles asked, hoping to get Buffy's mind off of more depressing matters.

She shrugged. "There's the Gentlemen, but Spike and I can take care of them without too much trouble. We'll know where they're holed up, and we can break the box and kill them before they hurt anybody."

"That sounds like a workable plan," Giles agreed.

"And hopefully the Gentlemen won't have a chance to scare off Olivia this time," Buffy added with a smile.

Giles winced. "I see."

"Not that I know why she left for sure," Buffy hastened to add. "It's just that we didn't see her anymore after that."

Giles nodded. "Olivia doesn't know very much about what I do. I don't believe that she thinks I'm serious."

"The Hellmouth is a lot to deal with, even if you've been raised here," Buffy agreed. She glanced at the clock. "I'd better get going if I don't want to be late. Spike and I are going to patrol after I get done at the Bronze, and we'll fill you in tomorrow."

Giles nodded. "Very well."

"Oh, and one more thing," Buffy added, glancing at him over her shoulder. "We have some time, but whatever you do—don't go out drinking with Ethan Rayne."

Giles frowned as the door closed behind her. He had a hard time believing that he'd do anything with Ethan, other than beat him to a bloody pulp.

~~~~~

"Thanks for doing this tonight, guys," Willow said, knowing that both Xander and Buffy had given up an evening with their respective significant others.

Xander shrugged. "Anything for you, Will. You know that. Have you heard anything from Oz yet?"

Willow shook her head, trying to appear hopeful. "No, but it hasn't been that long. He probably just hasn't had a chance to send a postcard yet."

"I'm sure that's it," Buffy said reassuringly.

Xander patted Willow on the shoulder. "Give Oz a chance to get to where he's going," he counseled.

"He didn't know where he was going." That was one of the things that worried Willow. How long was she supposed to wait? Buffy had indicated that Oz would come back, but she had no idea how long it would take, or even if he would return now.

Had enough changed that Buffy's knowledge of the future was no longer good?

"Let's dance," Buffy suggested.

Willow allowed herself to be pulled out onto the dance floor. Xander followed them, beginning to move in that goofy way that he had. Buffy laughed, teasing him about being smooth and asking if Anya had seen him dance yet.

"She doesn't have to see me dance," Xander retorted. "I've got smooth moves other places."

Buffy made a face. "Too much information!" she protested.

"What?" Xander asked, pasting a hurt expression on his face. "Does it surprise you to learn that the Xan-man is a regular Casanova?"

"A Casanova?" Willow asked skeptically, joining in the teasing. She was reminded of high school, when she and Buffy had given Xander such a hard time about dating Cordelia.

At least Cordelia had only been a man-eater metaphorically speaking.

"Hey, just because Anya's the only one who can appreciate my many charms doesn't mean they don't exist," he said.

Buffy shrugged. "I guess beauty really is in the eye of the beholder."

Xander clapped a hand over his chest to pantomime being wounded, and Willow smiled, focusing on the banter between friends. For a moment, it was just like old times, before she had fallen in love with Oz, when it was just the three of them.

For a moment, Willow was just a girl dancing with her friends, and she could forget her heartache.

~~~~~

"How is Willow?" Joyce asked.

Spike shrugged. "Holdin' up. Buffy keeps tellin' her that everything is gonna be fine, an' Willow just about believes it. I think it helps for her to know that somebody's seen what's comin'."

"Buffy's worried," Joyce observed. "I could see it when you two had dinner with me last night."

Spike took a sip of his hot chocolate. "Think she's beginnin' to realize that there might be things we can't change is all."

Joyce was quiet for a long moment. "It's possible that there are some things that shouldn't be changed," she pointed out. "What would have happened if Oz had never left?"

Spike was quiet for a long moment, considering her question. "Dunno. I s'pose Willow never would have been with—with someone else, but I don't know how that would have affected things."

"I think you need to focus on the events that have to be stopped," Joyce pointed out. "You and Buffy wanted to return for a particular reason, at a particular point in time. Nothing that has happened or not happened so far is going to change that."

Spike was silent for a long moment, and then he spoke in a low tone, so quietly that Joyce had to strain to catch his words. "I don't think she could handle losin' you again. And if I can't stop it—if I fail again—"

"You won't." She spoke with complete conviction. Joyce's understanding of Spike's character had led her to the conclusion that he would sooner die than see Buffy come to harm. "Whatever needs to be done to prevent that from happening, I'm sure you two will manage."

She smiled, reaching across the counter to pat his hand. "As for me, I've already promised Buffy to be more proactive when the headaches start, and we all know what to look for now."

Spike nodded reluctantly. "S'pose so."

"Now, how are you and Buffy doing?" Joyce asked.

Spike frowned, obviously not understanding the question. "What do you mean?"

"This kind of situation can put a lot of pressure on a relationship," Joyce pointed out. "And I have a vested interest in making sure my daughter is happy."

Spike stared down into his hot chocolate, as though trying to scry into the future. "We're takin' things slow," he admitted finally. "But it's good. Better than it's ever been."

Joyce sensed that there was something he wasn't saying. "But?"

He shook his head. "Nothin'."

"Spike," she prompted. "I realize that things were difficult."

Spike rose abruptly. "I should go."

Joyce sighed, knowing that she couldn't push him anymore. "Sit down, Spike. Isn't Buffy supposed to be meeting you here?"

He sat back down. "Yeah."

"So, why don't you tell me about this new apartment of yours?" she suggested. "Have you thought about working?"

Spike waved a hand. "The apartment's alright. Nothing special. An' what would I do for work? 'm a soddin' vampire." He ducked his head. "Sorry."

Joyce gathered that he was apologizing for swearing, which was rather endearing, although unnecessary. She didn't think of it as swearing. "I imagine that you could do whatever you wanted," she replied. "It would depend on what you want."

"Right now, I'm just tryin' to make sure that Buffy survives," Spike said. "Once I know she's goin' to be okay, maybe I'll find somethin' else to do with my time."

Wisely, Joyce didn't press him further. She had a feeling that Spike's devotion to her daughter would likely prevent him from considering other options for quite some time to come.

She heard the front door open, and Buffy's voice call, "Mom?"

"We're in the kitchen, sweetheart!" Joyce responded.

Buffy entered the kitchen with a bright smile. "Ready to patrol, Spike?"

"If you are," he replied, standing. He took his mug to the sink and rinsed it out without Joyce having to prompt him.

"I'll see you both soon," Joyce said. "You'll come by before I leave for Darlene's?"

Buffy nodded. "Sure thing, Mom."

"Thanks for the cocoa, Joyce," Spike said.

Joyce watched them leave, feeling a bittersweet pang as she watched Buffy say something to Spike, and his quick grin in response. It was clear that her daughter was happier than she'd been in a long time, and that Spike was responsible for at least part of that.

Her daughter was never going to have a normal life; that much was becoming clear. Joyce was beginning to realize that the best she could hope for her daughter was a long life, and not a conventional one.

~~~~~

"How was your time with Mom?" Buffy asked. Although she didn't understand the bond between Spike and her mother, she could accept it now as she hadn't been able to before.

In fact, Buffy was grateful for it. Spike would be one more person standing between her mother and Dawn and anything that might come after them.

Spike shrugged. "Fine. I like your mum."

"I know you do," Buffy replied, wondering why he felt the need to assert that fact yet again.

"How was Willow?"

"Okay." Buffy turned, leading the way towards Spike's old cemetery. "Oz still hasn't contacted her. I think she's worried that he won't."

"He might not."

"Yeah." Buffy tucked her hand through his arm. "I'll need your backup in a few days."

"You've got it," Spike said.

"And I'll be staying at your place over Thanksgiving weekend."

There was a long pause. "Yeah?"

The wariness in his tone surprised her. Buffy had thought they'd moved past that. "If you're okay with that," she added.

"You can stay wherever you want," Spike replied evenly.

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "If you're not ready to move to the next level, just let me know, Spike."

"Didn't say that."

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you're callin' the shots."

Buffy stopped in her tracks. "Okay. Would you like to tell me what's bothering you, or should we call it a night?"

"Didn't say that," Spike said, refusing to meet her eyes as he began to hunt for a cigarette.

Buffy didn't think that he could be any more frustrated than she was, however. "What the hell are you saying, Spike?" she demanded.

He glared at her. "You're the one who's getting shirty."

"I am not getting 'shirty,' whatever that means. You're the one who's acting uptight. I just want to know what it's all about." Buffy wanted to shake him, to shake the words loose.

Spike was acting as skittishly as he had before Willow had done the spell. Buffy had thought that they'd moved past this.

"I don't know what the bloody hell you want!" Spike burst out. "You—you're bein' nice! You told your mum about us, an' your friends, an' I don't know what the hell you want from me, Buffy!"

Buffy blinked. She'd thought she was doing the right thing, that she was healing old wounds, but it appeared that Spike was less able to handle kindness than her anger and abuse.

She took a deep breath. "Okay."

"Okay what?" he asked suspiciously.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Let me put this in small words so it'll penetrate your thick skull. I am glad you came with me. We are in a relationship. If we've got a problem, I hope that we'll talk about it, although I'm not going to hold my breath since you insist on acting like an idiot."

Spike's expression was sulky. "Well, you'll excuse me if I don't quite know what to do. I'm tryin' to change for you, Buffy, but I don't know if I'm givin' you what you need."

"I don't know what to tell you, Spike," Buffy said, exasperated. "I don't know what you want to hear me say."

"Just forget it," Spike muttered.

"No," Buffy insisted. "What do you need me to say, Spike?"

"Tell me I'm doin' the right thing. Tell me I've changed enough, or that I need to change more, or that you want me to do somethin' I'm not doin' already." Spike's expression was almost desperate.

Buffy knew that it was her own mixed signals that had brought this conversation on. How many times had she told Spike no, when she'd meant yes? And how many times had she been kind to him, only to pull the rug out from under his feet? She met his eyes forthrightly. "Do you remember what I said to you in my basement?"

Spike shrugged, looking away. "Dunno. You said a lot of things to me in your basement."

"I told you that I believed in you," Buffy reminded him.

His face softened. "I remember."

"When I said that, I meant it. You have changed, Spike. We both have. I'm not asking you to make more changes unless that's what you want, too." Buffy still wanted to shake him. She wanted to convince him of her sincerity. Buffy knew that she needed him.

And not just to combat the loneliness that came from feeling like a stranger in her own life at times, but because he was important to her.

Buffy had finally come to terms with that fact.

Spike ducked his head sheepishly. "Yeah, okay. Sorry for bein' such a prat."

"Yeah, well, I figure that we've probably got a few of these conversations to get through before we get through all our baggage," Buffy replied pragmatically.

Spike raised an eyebrow. "Maybe." He changed the subject. "So, Thanksgiving. You want to stay at my place?"

"If you're okay with that," Buffy said, feeling a little insecure herself. Although there had been some hot and heavy make-out sessions, and she didn't doubt that Spike still wanted her, she had to wonder. He hadn't made any moves on her, not like he had in the past.

"Think I can deal with it," Spike replied, feigning indifference. "Have to stock up on somethin' other than blood."

Buffy smiled, catching the sparkle in his eyes. "Well, we're cooking at Giles' place, but that doesn't mean I can't take leftovers to yours."

"Looks like we've got a deal," he said, returning her smile.

She felt a sense of relief. Buffy didn't doubt that they would have other fights, other disagreements, but they had cleared the air for tonight at least.

Maybe that was all she could ask for, was just one night at a time.