Swimfan by squawks

Chapter 12

The indoor swimming centre was humid and stuffy, filled with hundreds of people, like most indoor pools were in that situation. It really wasn’t helping with Buffy’s mood. She hadn’t had a chance to speak to Spike alone this morning yet; either a teammate or Harmony was always hanging around. Buffy knew she was doing it on purpose to watch over them.

Spike was clearly in a fantastic mood; laughing with everyone while a permanent grin sat on his face. He constantly flashed loving smiles at her, something Buffy knew Harmony was picking up and becoming annoyed at. Spike seemed to get a little confused when Buffy never smiled back at him, but there obviously wasn’t much he could do about it amongst the crowd.

The Sunnydale team were lead by a swimming marshal over to their own individual site in the stands where they could place their bags and stretch before their races. Buffy knew she had a little while to wait for hers – she had three but the first one wasn’t for at least an hour. Great. Lots of time to sit and think miserable thoughts about the man she loved going to jail. Spike was too busy trying to organise everyone in the first little while to notice her glum expression, but when he finally picked up on it he managed to get her away from the team area without too much fuss. Buffy was glad to notice that Harmony was down on the deck waiting for her race to begin.

Spike knew he couldn’t physically touch her because they could still be seen, if not heard.

“Pet, are you alright? You look miserable.”

“Yeah, I’m…okay. Guess its just worry about the races.” That old excuse seemed to be a keeper.

Spike started to look kind of…uncomfortable? “Um, are you feeling okay? I mean, not too…sore? I can’t believe I didn’t think of it last night with your races happening today.”

Buffy swooned slightly at his concern. “No, nothing like that, I swear. I think you were right about the bath, you know, the warm water and all. I think it helped.”

“Good, good.” He looked sincerely at her. “Sweetheart, this standing here, not being able to touch you…God, its almost killing me.”

Buffy smiled sadly at the thought that they might never be allowed to touch again. “I know how you feel. It…hurts.”

“Um, so listen. We still have another night here, yeah? Did you want to come back to my suite again after dinner? Just tell Harmony you’re going out with new friends from today or something? Got another couple of surprises for you, baby. You’ll love them.”

Buffy panicked. There was no way she could tell Harmony that, the crazy girl would be on her like a leech. And she didn’t want to upset her anymore by clearly going back to Spike’s room. Who knew what Harmony would do? Or who she’d tell? And now was really not the time to tell Spike what had happened this morning, not while he had so much on his plate with today’s events.

“Well, I think I might be kinda beat. Maybe need to get some sleep, you know? I think I’ll just stay in my room tonight.”

“Oh sweetheart, I’m sorry, I didn’t think. Please, still come to my room and you can sleep in the big, comfortable bed. I just want to hold you in my arms.”

“No, that’s okay, I’d rather sleep in my own bed. Ah, I get rest better alone, you know?”

She wanted to kick herself when she saw the hurt look flash across his face seconds before he glanced at the ground. When he looked up again, his face was blank.

“Sure, sure. If that’s what you want Buffy.” Crap. He called her Buffy. Which, although it was obviously her name, he rarely called her. Usually it was kitten, pet, love, darling – God, there were so many. And she loved it. But right now, he was obviously hurt. However, there was nothing she could do.

“Yeah, uh, that’s what I want.”

His eyes lost that intense look he always fixed her with, became distant and glazed over. He looked away.

“Better get back then.”

And he strode back to their area, not giving her a second glance.

Buffy suddenly understood how crimes could be committed in the heat of the moment, ’cos if she had a baseball bat and Harmony right now, well, there’d be some plastic bashing going on.

***


Stroke. Stroke. Breathe. Stroke. Stroke. Breathe.

This wasn’t working. Sure, she was swimming. Her arms were moving. Her legs were kicking. Her lungs were expanding in and out. But her mind was not in the swimming pool. It was thinking about the fact that Spike hadn’t even been watching her on the starting block. It was considering whether it was possible to dump a body where it’d never be found. It was wondering just how much one heart could take in so short a time.

Funny how a simple swimming race suddenly seemed so unimportant when the most important thing in your life was being taken away. It was lucky that Buffy was so naturally talented. It was fortunate that she’d had years of practice at swimming when her emotions were in a turmoil because of something Spike-related. So she forged on, not noticing when she came in a close second. At that moment, she really couldn’t have cared less.

The same thing happened twice more. She swam, but didn’t seem to be aware that she was swimming. At the end of the day Buffy couldn’t have told anyone who asked where she placed, even though she won both her next races. Had she known that Spike’s eyes had been glued to her as soon as she’d touched the water every time, cheering louder than anybody, a little bit of her inner turmoil might have disappeared. Instead it just grew when she saw Harmony hanging around him like a bad smell the whole day.

***

Dinner at the hotel that night was a rowdy affair. The Sunnydale swim team had swum the best they had in years, gaining many firsts and seconds. Several records were even broken. Everyone laughed and shouted, clapped and whistled.

Buffy sat at the table, pushing the food away and smiling half-heartedly whenever anyone congratulated her, feigning a headache in the face of any extended conversation. She could feel Spike staring at her but couldn’t tell why – confusion? Contempt? She wasn’t sure she even wanted to know. Dinner seemed to be taking hours, so Buffy excused herself and went up to her room. Alone. Just like she’d be for the rest of her life.

Spike stared at her retreating back, knowing there was someone he needed to call.

Submit a Review!

Name:

Email (req. but not shown):

Comments: