Such Great Heights by Enigmaticblue

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Chapter 9: Life Resumed

On the fourth day after Christmas, Spike began to get just a little bit worried. Buffy hadn't indicated that she was staying past the New Year, and he still hadn't heard from her. Spike was beginning to think that perhaps she'd changed her mind, and had decided to stay away from Sunnydale after all.

There was a part of him that wanted to let it go, to allow Buffy to come to him, but Spike needed to know what was going on. Plus, he missed her. Even if she'd decided to stay in Portland for longer, Spike wanted to talk to her.

He knew something was up as soon as Dawn answered. "Hey, Spike."

She had the same tone of voice she'd had when a teenager and wanted to hide something from him. "What's goin' on, Bit?"

"What are you talking about?" Dawn asked innocently. "There's nothing going on."

Spike sighed. "Fine. Can I talk to Buffy? I need to find out what her travel plans are."

"She's not here."

Spike closed his eyes. As he'd thought, Willow and Xander had somehow managed to get to her. "Who'd she go home with, then?" he asked. "Willow or Xander?"

"Neither," Dawn replied. "She didn't go with anybody; Buffy decided to spend some time alone."

Spike frowned, straightening. "What are you talkin' about?"

"Buffy went out to breakfast with them the day after Christmas," Dawn explained. "She wouldn't tell me what they said, but I got the impression that they were pressuring her not to go back to Sunnydale, among other things. Buffy decided that she wanted some time alone to decide what she should do next."

"Where is she?"

"I don't know," Dawn said. "She wouldn't tell anybody. Giles helped set her up with a credit card and checking account, and Buffy left the next day."

"He can track her then," Spike said.

"He won't." Dawn sighed. "Buffy and I talked about this, Spike. She felt like the only way she'd be able to make her own decision was if she got away from everybody. Something about not ever having a vacation and thinking she was due one, too."

Spike ran a hand through his hair distractedly, thinking fast. He had no idea what he was going to do now, but he couldn't help but wonder if some of this wasn't his own fault. If he hadn't distanced himself from the Slayer, she might have felt more comfortable coming back to Sunnydale.

And wasn't that ironic? Spike was probably one of the few who was most willing to allow Buffy to make her own decisions.

"Has she called you yet?" Spike asked finally.

He could sense her suspicion over the phone. "Yeah, but why? Spike—"

"I just want to be sure she's okay," he assured her. "Don't want to pressure her into doin' anythin' she wouldn't want to do."

Dawn huffed. "I promised I wouldn't try to find her."

"You aren't tryin' to find her," Spike pointed out. "I'm not even tryin' to find her. I just want to talk to her. Think I might have dropped the ball back there."

"What happened between the two of you?" Dawn asked. "Tyler said you were kind of cold when Buffy went to say goodbye."

Spike muttered darkly about traitors under his breath. He'd hoped that Tyler wouldn't pass along news of that interchange, but he and Dawn were still thick as thieves. In truth, he'd often envied their relationship and the closeness they shared. Shortly after Dawn had begun dating him, it became obvious that it would soon be Tyler—and not Spike—who had the role of her best friend.

In truth, Spike might have taken it harder if Tara hadn't been around, gently nudging him in the right direction. When it came down to it, however, Spike hadn't found it too difficult to let Dawn go. She had been happy, and that was all he'd ever wanted for her.

Spike wanted Buffy to be happy as well, and he didn't want to pressure her, but at the same time, he wanted to plead his case. He wanted her to look him in the eyes and tell him that she didn't need him.

"We kissed," he finally admitted. "It was nice."

"And?" Dawn pressed. "Buffy didn't say anything."

"That's probably because I was an idiot," he said candidly. "Didn't know what she wanted, and Willow suggested she was usin' me for a security blanket."

Dawn laughed. "You actually listened to Willow?"

"I might not like her, but she's not always wrong," Spike admitted grudgingly.

He could hear Dawn rolling her eyes. "Right. Okay, I'm going to give you the last number Buffy called from, but if you tell her I was the one to give it to you, I will hunt you down."

"I won't breathe a word," Spike promised.

Dawn rattled off the number, then hesitated. "Spike—take care of her, okay? I think you guys could be really good for each other if you'd both take a minute to get over yourselves."

Spike snorted. "I have no idea what you're talkin' about."

"Forget what Willow said," Dawn replied sharply. "Forget everything. Just think about the fact that now might be your chance to get what you've been wanting for so long. If Buffy sees what I've seen, you'll get it."

Spike didn't know what to say to that. "I'll give you a call when things are settled, one way or another," he promised.

"You do that," she ordered. "I'll talk to you soon, Spike."

Spike hoped he would have good news for her.

~~~~~

Buffy sipped her cocktail and thought that this might have been the best thing she'd ever done for herself. Three days by herself, just her and the ocean, and the occasional drink, and Buffy was more relaxed than she'd been in years.

For the first time since she'd been Chosen, Buffy had the opportunity to just be, the weight of the world no longer resting on her shoulders. She had recaptured some of the same peace she'd found in falling from the tower, letting it all go.

She had felt a little guilty leaving Dawn as she had. Once she'd set things up with Giles, Buffy had gone back to Dawn's and told her what she had planned. It had been obvious that Dawn was disappointed that Buffy was leaving, and even more upset that Buffy wouldn't tell her where she was going.

"It's not that I don't trust you, Dawn," Buffy had assured her. "It's just that I know that people are going to wonder where I'm at, and this way you don't have to be put in the middle. You can honestly tell them that you don't know where I am."

"I don't like it," Dawn had said. "Why aren't you going back to Sunnydale? Is it something that Willow said? Because if it was about Spike—"

Buffy shook her head. "No, Dawn. Willow didn't say anything negative about Spike; it was about me, and she might be right."

Dawn frowned. "Might be?"

"I don't want to use him," Buffy said softly. "I need some time to figure out how I feel."

"That makes sense," Dawn had replied. "But don't hesitate to call if you need anything, okay?"

Buffy had promised, and then had bid a fond farewell to Tyler and the kids. Kyle had even cried a little bit when she'd gone, which caused Buffy to feel both horrible and wonderful all at once.

She had wanted to go somewhere she'd never been before, and so Buffy had decided on the Florida Keys, knowing that it would be warm there, even in late December. She wanted to sit on the beach and not-think for a few days before she had to make a decision.

"Miss Summers?"

She glanced up at the maître d'. "Yes?"

"There's a phone call for you."

Buffy frowned. She had ended up telling Giles where she was, just in case there was an emergency. She'd had the feeling that he would be able to find her if he really wanted to, but if something happened, Buffy wanted to know right away.

Of course, she'd told him that nothing short of an apocalypse or impending death constituted an emergency.

She took the phone that the man held out for her. "Hello?"

"Thought we had a date, Slayer."

Buffy knew who it was immediately. "How did you get this number, Spike?" she asked in a low voice.

"I have my ways," he drawled. "Were you ever gonna tell me you weren't comin' back to Sunnyhell?"

Buffy sighed. "I never said that I wasn't coming back. I just needed time to figure things out. I thought I told Dawn not to give out this number."

"She didn't give it to me."

"You suck at lying, Spike, even over the phone."

He started laughing. "Yeah, s'pose I do. Never could lie to you, anyway."

Buffy realized that she'd missed the sound of his voice. "Why are you calling?"

"Wanted to be sure you were okay, is all," he assured her. "Not goin' to ask you to do anythin' you don't want to do, Slayer."

Buffy was quiet for a moment. "I need to know that I'm making the right decision for everyone involved," she finally said. "I don't want anybody to get hurt, but I want to do what I want for a change."

"And do I fit into that plan anywhere?" Spike asked.

Buffy frowned. "I didn't think you seemed all that interested."

"I told you I missed you, didn't I?" he asked.

"Not in so many words," Buffy shot back.

There was a pause. "An' if I'd said it differently?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "I need—I need to be sure of things, Spike."

"You can't do that here?"

"It's nice here, too," Buffy replied, then stopped, knowing that she might have said too much. "I want to make my own choice, Spike."

"Do I fit into that decision anywhere, Buffy?" Spike asked again, and this time Buffy caught a hint of yearning in his voice.

Buffy smiled, but she was unwilling to admit to anything quite yet. "Maybe. I'll see you around, Spike." She hung up, and her smile grew broader as she realized that Spike must have missed her; he would have had to call either Dawn or Giles and convince them to reveal her phone number. Buffy had to admit that she had always appreciated being pursued by a man.

And given her gut-level reaction to Spike's voice, her feelings for him had very little do to with using him as a security blanket. There was more to it than that.

Buffy smiled. Whatever she decided to do with her future, she had a feeling that she'd be including Spike in some capacity.

~~~~~

Spike stared at the phone after she'd hung up on him, trying to decide what to do next. She'd asked him to allow her to make her own decision. He was beginning to think that it didn't matter what Buffy wanted, or where she wanted to go, just as long as he fit in there somewhere.

Bloody hell. He really was still Love's Bitch.

"Sod it," he snarled. "She wants space to make her choice, that's what I'll give her."

Spike didn't much like that decision, though, not in his gut. It felt wrong, and it left a bad taste in his mouth. It felt like giving up.

He went through the rest of the day in a funk, and went over to Tara's that night because he'd promised Sophia that he'd be there. Spike managed to keep up a cheerful front until the girl went to bed, and then Tara gave him one of her patented looks. "What's up, Spike?"

"Nothin'," he said. "I should be goin'."

"There's plenty of time to kill vampires and demons still," Yvonne said. "You've been jumpy all evening."

Spike shook his head. "Told you. It's nothin'."

"Is it Buffy?" Tara asked.

Spike cursed his inability to keep anything from the woman; after all these years, she could read him like a book. "She's not comin' back to Sunnydale, least not right now." He hadn't told them what Willow had said, not all of it, but he did now, as well as explaining what had occurred between them at the cemetery, and his choice to put a little distance between them.

"Should have said somethin'," he finished. "I dunno. Buffy has to know how I feel about her, but..."

Tara and Yvonne looked at one another, and Yvonne said, "Go to her."

"Don't want to push her," Spike protested. "She was talkin' about how she never had any choices, an' I won't take that from her. Not like some people," he added, muttering.

"It's an entirely different thing to tell a woman that you want to be with her, wherever that might be, than it would be to tell her what she should do with the rest of her life," Tara said. "I think you should go."

"Really?" Spike said, hating how hopeful he sounded.

"Really," Tara said firmly. "There's something there, Spike. You'd be stupid not to take your chances."

"Besides," Yvonne added. "If Buffy's on vacation, what better chance to catch her? She's going to be relaxed, and probably will start to get bored right around the time you arrive." A sly smile curved her lips. "You could probably find a few ways to keep her busy."

Spike could think of more than a few ways, and as he considered the possibilities, he began to think that this might be perfect. Just the two of them, no distractions, no duties. Buffy had wanted a fresh start, maybe this could be it.

And Spike could ensure that he'd be along for the ride.

~~~~~

Buffy stood in front of her mirror and checked the lines of her new dress. It was a classic black dress, stopping mid-calf, that showed off her newly tanned shoulders and arms to perfection. The hotel she was staying at was having a New Year's Eve party, and Buffy had decided to go.

She would go, maybe have something to drink, maybe dance if anyone asked her, and then she would face the rest of her life. It seemed appropriate.

Sometime during the night, after Spike had called, Buffy had made her decision. She would go to England and work with the Council. She was still the Slayer, and she always would be. Having a destiny wasn't even that bad when you could choose how to meet it.

Traveling, seeing the world, killing demons—it wouldn't be a bad gig, and it was a lot more appealing than the idea of going back to school. Who knew how well her high school and college classes from twenty years ago would translate into the current academic regimen? Buffy didn't want to find out either, not when she could find a job doing what she was born to do.

The one thing she was still uncertain of was what she was going to do about Spike. Buffy knew that Giles had asked him to go along with her, but she didn't feel comfortable making the request herself. Mostly because it would mean admitting that she needed someone—and Buffy wasn't very good at that at the best of times.

Checking her reflection one last time, Buffy headed downstairs, wishing that she had someone to go to the party with. She supposed it hadn't been very long since she'd broken up with Riley—or maybe he'd been the one to break up with her, what with running off to Belize—but it felt like a lifetime had passed.

Buffy accepted a champagne flute from one of the passing waiters and gave silent thanks to Giles for making her over 21. He'd only fudged a little bit on her age, but it had been enough to ensure she was a legal adult.

She sipped at her drink, moving among the host of people. There was quite the crowd, and Buffy didn't see anyone else who looked like they were by themselves. Feeling oddly alone, she drifted out to the balcony, watching the ocean in the light from the waning moon.

For some reason, Buffy was reminded of the night in Portland, when she hadn't been able to sleep. The same desperate sense of loneliness was rising up once again; while she was happy with her decision to accept Giles' offer, and not too disappointed in still being alive, Buffy couldn't help but wonder if she would always feel this way. If she would always feel adrift in a life that wasn't her own.

She felt alone. So very, very alone.

"What's a beautiful girl like you doin' out here all by herself?"

Buffy froze, blinking back the tears that had begun to well up. It couldn't be. It couldn't possibly be; that would be too perfect. She turned slowly to see Spike standing there, hands in his pockets. He'd dressed up, although he was wearing all black, and he wasn't wearing a tie. Somehow, he managed to make it look elegant and casual all at once. She felt her heart beating just a little bit faster.

"What are you doing here?" she finally managed.

He shrugged. "I wasn't doing anything for New Year's, an' I heard it was nice here."

Buffy took a tentative step closer, then stopped. "I don't understand."

"It's simple enough," Spike replied, holding out a hand. "I never wanted to stop dancin' with you, Slayer."

There was music inside, and Buffy had looked at the couples out on the dance floor with longing. Now she had a partner, if she chose to take his offer.

With great deliberation, Buffy set her drink down on the railing and put her hand in Spike's. "How did you find me?" she asked.

He smirked at her. "Luv, when I called the other day, the man at the front desk answered with the name of the hotel. Wasn't that hard."

Buffy sighed. She'd thought she was being sneaky. "When did you get here?"

"A little earlier this evening," Spike replied, pulling her into his arms. "Was hoping you'd be here."

Their bodies seemed to fit perfectly together as Spike led her through the steps of the waltz. He was a much better dancer than Buffy would have expected, but then she had a feeling that there was a lot she didn't know about him.

"You make a decision, Buffy?" Spike asked after they'd moved through one song in silence, and then shifted easily into the next.

"I'm going to England, to work with the Council," Buffy replied. "I think it's my best choice."

"Could be," Spike said. "Give you a chance to see the world."

"That's what I thought."

"Rupert asked me to go along with you. You knew that?"

Buffy tensed slightly. "He said he would. I didn't realize..." She trailed off. "I don't want you to feel obligated to go, Spike."

"Do you want me to go with you?" he asked, pulling back so he could meet her eyes.

Buffy swallowed when she saw the expression on his face, the hunger there. "Do you want to go with me?"

Spike raised an eyebrow. "I asked you first."

Buffy pouted. "No fair."

"Life isn't fair." The glint in his eyes was gently mocking.

"No, it isn't." Buffy was entirely serious. She knew all about how unfair life could be. "I missed you," she finally said.

"Same here."

Buffy laid her head on his shoulder. "I don't want you to think it's just because you're the only one who's stayed the same, or anything like that."

"Then what's it about?" Spike asked.

"I have no idea," she admitted. "But I think I'd really like your company, for however long you want to be there."

"Better watch it, Buffy," Spike warned her. "You might not be able to get rid of me."

She just smiled. "Maybe I don't want to get rid of you."

~~~~~

Finding Buffy had been just as easy as Spike had explained. That one phone call had told him exactly where she was; once he'd decided to go, he'd simply had to make flight and hotel reservations.

Of course, what Spike hadn't told Buffy was that her hotel was booked solid; he was hoping that she didn't mind him staying in her room.

After their second dance, Spike suggested going for a walk on the beach; it was too crowded indoors for his liking, particularly when he wanted to discuss what exactly it was that they were doing. Buffy apparently wanted him along for the ride, wherever this new life of hers might take her, and she'd told him it wasn't just about him being a security blanket.

Spike needed more than that. It might have been two decades since she'd said the words, but he still remembered. She'd said he was beneath her, and that what he felt for her couldn't be real. She had called him a serial killer in prison.

He had to know that she'd really changed her mind; Spike didn't think he'd survive it if he gained her, only to lose her again.

Buffy went willingly, removing her black sandals and leaving them on the sand, then favoring Spike with an amused look. "What? You're not going to take off your shoes?"

Spike hadn't gone barefoot in ages, but there was something appealing about the idea. He left his shoes and socks next to hers and offered his hand. "Have you been havin' a nice vacation, pet?"

"Yeah," she said softly, ambling along next to him. "It's been a long time, you know?"

He glanced over at her. "You didn't get lonely?"

"Yeah, but it's different. In some ways, it's worse when I'm around the others, because I feel even more alone." Buffy was quiet for a long moment. "The last few days, I've felt free, even though it's been kind of lonely."

Spike could understand why Buffy might feel that way. She had left the Hellmouth, her friends, her obligations to Dawn, because they didn't need her anymore. It was likely both a blessing and a curse, since Spike knew how good being needed felt. "An' takin' this gig that Rupert offered is what you want?"

"Maybe. I don't know," Buffy admitted. "But what else am I going to do? I'm still the Slayer; I already know that I can't run from what I am, no matter how much I might want to. And I don't think I can stay in Sunnydale, or with anyone I know. It—it hurts too much."

"And seein' me doesn't hurt?" he asked in a low voice.

Buffy shook her head, refusing to meet his eyes. "Seeing you is sort of like being at home."

Spike stopped, tugging on her hand to bring her to a halt. "So, what you're sayin' is you want me along so you don't get homesick?"

Buffy shook her head. "That came out wrong." She tried to free her hand, but Spike maintained his grip. "Spike—"

"Buffy, you told me once that I'd never feel anythin' real for you, that I didn't have a shot with you unless you were unconscious." Spike tried to meet her eyes, but she kept her gaze stubbornly on the ocean. "I don't know what you want, luv, but I still feel the same way I did before." He swallowed, hating to risk her rejection once again. "I still love you."

"I know." Her lip was trembling. "How could I not know that? Spike, you looked after my sister all that time, even though I was as good as dead. You did more for Dawn than any of my friends did. You—" She stopped, choking up. "What do I say to that?" she asked, finally looking at him. "I—you make me feel things that..." She trailed off, but Spike could see the words in her eyes.

Spike bent his head, capturing her lips with his. She'd told him everything that he needed to know. Buffy knew that what he felt was real, and she felt something for him. Give her a little time, and Spike was pretty sure those feelings would turn into something more than simple friendship—particularly given the way she was kissing him back.

Knowing that, knowing what kind of prize might await him, Spike had no qualms about following her to the ends of the earth and back.

He finally broke off the kiss to allow her to breathe, resting his forehead against hers. "That's all I needed to know, luv."

"You'll go with me?"

"All you had to do was ask," he replied. She clung to him, and Spike noticed the chill in the air as she shivered slightly. "Here." He stripped off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

"Thanks." Buffy laughed a little bit. "I feel like I've been saying that a lot."

"You've got a lot to be thankful for," Spike said, hoping that she felt the same way, wanting to know that the horrible despair he'd seen in her had been banished for good.

Buffy smiled at him, and although Spike could still see the shadow of pain in her eyes, there was hope there as well. "I really do."

He smiled. "Hope you don't mind me bunkin' with you, pet. I'm afraid there wasn't any room at the inn when I arrived today."

"Well, I do have that big bed," she mused. "So there's still room at the inn, as far as I'm concerned."

Spike stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Yeah?"

Buffy covered his hand with her own. "Yeah. Stay with me tonight, Spike."

"I'll stay as long as you want me around," he promised, kissing her again.

~~~~~

Buffy didn't regret her decision, not one bit. Not when—for the first time since she'd fallen into the future—she didn't feel completely and horribly alone.

How could she, with Spike's arms around her?

"You still awake, luv?" he whispered into the darkness of the room.

"Yeah," she replied. "I'm not tired."

"I could probably take care of that," he said, his tone teasing.

Buffy shook her head. "Not right now. But—soon."

"'s okay, Buffy. Take your time," Spike said. "I might be a bit uncomfortable for a while, but I think I'll live."

"You're really okay with leaving Sunnydale?" she asked, suddenly anxious. Buffy didn't know what it said about her, but she needed Spike, and she didn't think it was a passing phase. It wasn't about needing the comfort of the familiar—because her relationship with Spike had never been comfortable—nor was it about using Spike because he was the only one available to be used.

The fact was that in those twenty years—when Spike was changing bit by bit and she wasn't changing at all—they had grown to fit one another. He was the one person who made her feel just a little bit less alone.

And given the fact that she was "the one girl in all the world," that was quite something.

"I told you, Buffy, I never wanted to stop dancing with you. Twenty years didn't change that." Spike's lips found hers, and Buffy returned the kiss, deciding that she didn't care what it said about her that she needed Spike. Not when it felt as though she'd come home.

It looked to be a good year.

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