Summary: When Buffy falls through the portal in The Gift, she doesn't die. Instead, she turns up in Sunnydale—twenty years in the future. What happens when the one person she thought she'd never be happy to see is the one person who's stayed the same?
Rating: PG-13
Buffy kept a smile fixed on her face as she listened to Willow talk about her life in New York. She was happy for her friend; Willow had obviously been very successful as a professor of psychology, with a casual girlfriend who sounded amazing. In short, Willow seemed to have everything she wanted.
That wasn't the problem. The problem was how Willow spoke to her—Buffy couldn't help but get the feeling that Willow viewed her as one of her students, and she sounded just a little patronizing. Maybe her students didn't mind, since she was the brilliant professor, but Buffy still remembered Willow as she'd been in high school.
It was hard to see this Willow and not remember the girl in the "softer side of Sears" dress that Cordelia had ridiculed.
"Aunt Buffy!" Kyle said, showing up at her side. "I hafta show you something! Come on!"
Buffy gave Willow an apologetic smile and took Kyle's hand. "What's that, big guy?"
He gave her a gap-toothed grin. Kyle had excitedly explained the tooth fairy to a patient Spike as soon as he'd woken up that morning. The little boy's disposition was as sunny and out-going as anyone could wish. Joy was shy, however, and had hidden her face in her father's shoulder. The presence of strangers had meant that not even Spike could coax her away.
"Look!" Kyle insisted, pressing his nose to the glass. "It's snowing."
It was snowing, the fat, white flakes drifting down softly. The last time Buffy had seen snow, it had been just after Angel had tried to kill himself under the influence of the First Evil. The freak storm had saved him—which reminded her. Buffy hadn't even thought of Angel; she wondered what had happened to him.
"Do you think your mom would let us go outside?" Buffy asked.
Kyle beamed at her. "You'll play with me? Mom won't let me go outside unless someone's with me, an' all the grownups are busy."
"I'd love to play with you," Buffy said sincerely. "Go ask your mom if it's okay."
She watched as he ran off, shouting for Dawn, and swallowed hard. They were such beautiful children.
"You're really good with him."
Buffy turned to see Tyler standing in the doorway. "Hey. I'm sorry. If I'd known you were there, we could have asked you."
Tyler shrugged. "I usually tell them to ask their mom anyway."
Buffy didn't believe that for a minute; Dawn had told her how good he was with the kids, and she'd seen for herself how attached they both were to him. "Thanks. For letting Dawn come down the other week."
He shook his head. "Of course Dawn had to go. It's not every day that a long lost sister shows up out of the blue."
"Yeah, well..." Buffy trailed off, looking back out the window at the falling snow. "Do you know where Spike is?"
"He took Joy for a nap," Tyler replied. "It's something of a ritual for them, since Spike likes sleeping in the middle of the afternoon, and she doesn't. Ever since we moved up here, it's been a lot harder to get her to lay down."
Buffy smiled. "He's really good with them, isn't he?"
"He takes his promises seriously," Tyler responded. "They know that they can trust him." He paused. "Buffy, I know this is probably hard for you, but having you here has made Dawn really happy."
"Thank you." Buffy wasn't sure what else to say to that. Tyler was a great guy, but Buffy didn't know him. She was glad to know that Dawn was happy, but the pain of knowing that she hadn't been there for her sister over the years was even more acute around Dawn's family.
"Were you and Spike an item before?" he asked innocently.
Buffy raised an eyebrow and just about burst out laughing, but then she checked herself. First, because Tyler could have no way of knowing what her relationship with Spike had been like back then. And also because they were probably acting more like a couple than Buffy liked to admit. "Not really," Buffy said. "We used to fight a lot, but not so much anymore."
"Do you think you will be an item?" Tyler asked.
Buffy frowned, although she was more amused than annoyed. "Why?"
"Because Spike hasn't dated anyone since I've known him," Tyler replied. "Dawn has tried to set him up once or twice, but he always figured out what she was trying to do and got out of it."
Buffy felt an unexpected bolt of jealousy at the thought of Spike dating, and then she realized what Tyler was saying. She'd told Spike that twenty years was a long time to carry a torch; it turned out she might have been right on the money.
"I don't know," she admitted quietly. "I wouldn't rule out the possibility."
Kyle came running into the room. "Mom says I can, but I hafta wear my hat and mittens. Can you help me, Aunt Buffy?"
"Absolutely," she replied with a smile. "I'd love to."
"You can borrow some of Dawn's winter things if you need to," Tyler said. "We just bought a bunch of stuff, since neither of us had cold weather gear."
"Thanks, Tyler." Buffy took Kyle's hand, feeling just as excited about going out in the snow. For the first time since she'd returned, she was truly looking forward to something.
If Buffy enjoyed nothing else about this new world, she knew she was going to love being an aunt.
~~~~~
Spike listened to Joy's even breathing, hearing Buffy and Tyler's voices in the background. His ears perked up when Tyler asked Buffy whether they were a couple; he'd expected Buffy to laugh at the very idea, but she didn't. And when she said that she wouldn't rule out the possibility, he grew very still.
He must have misheard. Surely he just hadn't heard her right, because Buffy would never feel that way.
Would she?
Joy turned over in her sleep, the movement behind her eyelids telling him that she would soon be waking up. Since it was so early in the morning when they'd flown in, Spike hadn't immediately gone to the hotel, although he'd called to make a reservation.
Dawn had driven them back to her house, where Tyler had made an early breakfast for everyone, then they had waited for the children to wake up. So far, Willow hadn't been too obnoxious. She'd ignored him for the most part, speaking to him only when she had to. Since that left Spike free to chat with Tyler or Dawn—since Willow's attention was largely focused on Buffy—he was quite alright with that.
He realized that he couldn't hear Buffy's voice anymore, and Spike wondered if she'd gone outside with Kyle. He'd been a little surprised at how good Buffy was with the kids, but she'd taken to being an aunt like a duck to water.
Next to him, Joy's eyes fluttered open, and she stuffed a thumb into her mouth. Spike smiled, watching as she shifted closer to him. "Hey there, little love." She smiled at him sleepily around her thumb. "Ready to get up?"
Joy nodded, and Spike swung her up into his arms. It generally took her a little while to awaken fully, and she liked to be held until then. Spike wandered out into the kitchen, where Tyler and Dawn were talking with Willow.
"Hey, Spike," Dawn said. "Are you hungry?"
"I can wait a bit," he replied. "I think Joy might want some juice, though."
Willow held out her arms to the little girl. "Do you want to come see your Aunt Willow?"
In response, Joy turned her head away, burying her face in Spike's shoulder and clutching at him. Spike couldn't help the smirk that formed at her obvious preference. Dawn shot him a look, and he shrugged. "She's a bit shy after a nap," Spike explained.
Willow nodded, her smile growing a little strained. "You know, I should probably get some grading done. I'm still behind."
"Okay," Dawn said. "Let me know if you need anything."
Spike took the bottle of juice that Tyler held out, and Joy willingly exchanged that for her thumb. "Where's Buffy?"
"Outside, with Kyle," Tyler replied. "He was pretty excited about the snow."
Spike looked down at the little girl. "Want to go see what your brother and Aunt Buffy are up to?"
She nodded, and he carried her over to the kitchen window, which looked out on the backyard. He watched as Buffy lobbed a snowball gently at Kyle, who easily ducked it, and threw one of his own. Buffy let it hit her, and then chased the boy as he laughed.
Joy pointed insistently outside, pulling her bottle out of her mouth just long enough to say, "Out."
"We'd better put your coat on first, sweet," Spike replied, amused at her imperious tone of voice.
She frowned and pointed at him. "You go."
"Can't right now," Spike said, honestly regretful. "I can't be outside during the day, luv."
Joy sighed, and stuck her bottle in her mouth again, apparently taking his explanation at face value. Spike thought it rather refreshing to be taken at his word after years of having Buffy and the Scoobies not listening to what he said.
Although, the same couldn't really be said of Buffy anymore. He looked back out the window, watching as she swung Kyle around and up as the boy shrieked with glee. Spike had a feeling that Buffy was soon going to reach favorite aunt status.
She looked up and her eyes caught his; Buffy paused in her play, and Spike could see the sparkle in her eyes that hadn't been there for so very long. In Dawn's coat and hat, with her cheeks reddened from the cold, Buffy looked like a girl. She smiled at him, then looked down as Kyle said something to her. She pointed, and Kyle waved wildly at Spike and then went back to making snowballs.
Spike swallowed hard and turned away from the sight, his chest aching with some unnamed emotion. He hadn't thought it possible, but his love for Buffy burned brighter with every passing day.
~~~~~
Buffy half-wished that she'd been able to get a hotel room, too—or that she could share Spike's. Not that she was ready for that kind of relationship with him, but Tyler's earlier question had her thinking seriously about the possibility.
Who could blame her? Spike had kept a promise to a dead woman; not even her friends had done that much.
The vampire had excused himself immediately after dinner, saying that he wanted to check into his hotel. Spike was borrowing Dawn's car while he was in town, which gave him mobility that Buffy envied. If it had been just her and Spike at Dawn's like they had planned, it wouldn't have been so bad, but Buffy was already beginning to feel overwhelmed.
The fact that twenty years had gone by was becoming too obvious to ignore. Buffy had told Dawn that she'd likely freak out when the reality hit her—and it was hitting her hard at the moment.
"Do you think you'll move to Portland?" Willow asked brightly that evening, after the kids had gone to bed.
Buffy glanced at Dawn, then shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't made any decisions yet."
Willow frowned. "You aren't going to stay in Sunnydale, are you?"
Buffy swallowed the sharp retort that came to mind and shrugged. "I really don't know, Willow. Giles offered me a chance to go to England for a while, too, so I might do that."
She nodded, seemingly satisfied with that answer. "Good. You should get out of Sunnydale and see the world. There's more to life than the Hellmouth."
Buffy wondered if that's what Willow had told herself all these years. She looked at her old friend with the eyes of a stranger, seeing a trim, redhead in her early forties; Buffy suddenly realized that Willow looked a lot like Sheila Rosenberg, with the same brittleness. She'd become strangely inflexible over the years.
Of course, Buffy wouldn't know that there was more to life than the Hellmouth; she'd been the Slayer for five years when she'd fought Glory. Fighting evil and saving the world had been her life. Willow had had the opportunity to walk away; Buffy had had a destiny.
Buffy didn't think that had gone away with the passage of time, no matter how much she might have wished it.
Dawn seemed to sense her growing unease, because she changed the subject, asking Willow about her current research. Buffy only half-listened to her response, and after a few minutes, she stood. "You know, I'm really tired. I think I'm going to go to bed."
"Let me get your towels out," Dawn said, showing her back to the guest room. "Are you okay?"
Buffy sighed. "I will be."
"She means well, Buffy," Dawn said. "Willow and Xander both."
"I know." Buffy did know, but that didn't ease the burden, unfortunately. She took the towels that Dawn offered. "I'll see you in the morning."
Dawn smiled. "Sleep well, Buffy."
Buffy hadn't lied about being tired; they'd taken the redeye to Portland in order to avoid the sun, and neither of them had slept on the way, or since they'd arrived that morning. Despite her exhaustion, however, Buffy lay sleepless, staring at the ceiling, her thoughts running circles in her mind.
She wanted to run; Buffy wanted to just disappear. Nothing made sense; nothing felt familiar. It was so tempting to take her new stipend from the Council and leave town, leave everything and everyone behind. Everyone could go back to their regularly scheduled lives, go back to believing that she was dead. It would be easier.
It would be so much easier.
Buffy finally got up, walking over to the window and looking out at the moonlit night; the ground was white with snow, although the weatherman had predicted that it would be mostly gone by mid-afternoon. She wondered what would happen if she left; Buffy could leave a note for Dawn, and disappear.
Somehow she knew it wouldn't be that easy. Buffy wondered what she would have done if she'd known how difficult this would be. Would she have allowed Spike to call Dawn? Or asked them not to tell her friends?
Probably the latter, Buffy admitted to herself. She knew how happy Dawn was to have her back, and Buffy liked Tyler a lot. Plus, the kids were great. And she hadn't minded seeing Giles again; he was still her Watcher. But the others...
The others except for Spike, of course. Part of what was freaking Buffy out so badly was the realization that she was closer to the vampire than to any of her friends. Worse, Buffy didn't think that would change any time soon.
Buffy swiped at her wet cheeks. She had lost everything—her home, her friends, even Dawn, in a way. What was there left for her?
~~~~~
Spike was beyond grateful that he was only in Portland for another day. Much as he'd expected, Willow had monopolized Buffy's time as much as possible, and when the Slayer wasn't with her, she was with Dawn or the kids. He suspected that Willow was trying to compete with Buffy for the kids' affection, since she'd done quite a bit of Christmas shopping for the little ones. In his more charitable moments, Spike acknowledged that Willow had probably waited to do her shopping until she got into town, to avoid the hassle of transporting or shipping presents.
Of course, he was still an evil vampire, so Spike was rarely charitable.
At least Rupert was someone to talk to, and he and Tyler could retreat to the garage to drink beer and get away from the women. To Spike's eyes, at least, it appeared that Buffy was becoming more comfortable around Willow, and he wondered if she wasn't avoiding him.
Buffy barely spoke to him when they were in the same room, and she certainly wasn't seeking him out. Spike hated himself for getting his hopes up; after that first day, when he'd overheard Buffy's conversation with Tyler, he'd hoped that things might be different. She might ignore Willow's stories of his screw-ups—the night he'd let Dawn go out with Janice, when she'd nearly been turned was one memorable occasion.
"Hey."
He turned to see Buffy standing behind him, her arms wrapped around herself. "Where's your jacket, Slayer?"
She shrugged. "I didn't want to advertise the fact that I was going outside."
Spike quickly stripped out of his leather coat, although not the same duster he'd worn when Buffy had been alive. He still owned it, of course, but he'd changed over the years; it didn't fit him anymore.
In truth, Spike hadn't felt like the Big Bad for a very long time, and the duster had been part of that image.
Buffy drew the jacket on, and he noted that she seemed to draw a deeper breath, as though drawing in his scent. "What are you doing out here?"
"Havin' a fag," Spike replied. "You doin' okay?"
"Sure. Why wouldn't I be?"
Her voice was bright, but Spike could see the cracks in the surface, the strain that was probably apparent only to him, and maybe to Dawn. "Buffy..."
"Do you know how many times Willow has told the story of how you almost let Dawn get turned?" Buffy asked quietly.
Spike swallowed. "Wondered when you'd hear about that. You gonna stake me for it?"
Buffy snorted. "Please, Spike. I remember what Dawn was like. Everyone seems to forget that while it might have been twenty years ago for them, it was only a month or two ago for me. Did I ever tell you that Dawn's principal warned me that the social workers would take her away if I couldn't make her go to school? She was skipping classes, and her grades were dropping."
Spike frowned. "When was this?"
"Not long before Glory got to Tara," Buffy said. "So Willow's stories aren't helping much. I know that Dawn wasn't doing so well before I disappeared."
He smiled, remembering. "She was somethin' of a handful," he agreed.
"You haven't been around much," Buffy observed.
Spike shrugged. "You've been busy getting reacquainted."
Buffy sighed. "Yeah. Xander and Anya will be here tomorrow."
"Know that," Spike said.
"You leave tomorrow, right?"
"That's right." He wondered if she'd ask him not to go; if Buffy asked it of him, Spike would probably stay. Not that he'd spend much time at Dawn's, but he would probably stay for her.
Buffy turned slightly. "Are there any vampires in Portland?"
He shrugged. "S'pose we could find some if you were so inclined." He tilted his head. "You comin' back to Sunnydale after this, Buffy?"
Buffy smiled a little wistfully. "Where else would I go?"
Spike felt a pang of disappointment at her response. "Anywhere you want, luv. From what Rupert's said, you could go anywhere in the world."
"No, Spike," Buffy replied gently. "Where else would I go? Sunnydale is the closest thing to a home that I still have." She winced. "Even though it's not really home anymore. You don't mind if I stay with you for a little longer? Until I figure things out?"
"Stay as long as you like, Buffy," Spike said, knowing that he had read her right. The strain was beginning to show, and if Spike didn't miss his guess, it wouldn't be too long before she broke down. "Told you, you can always come to me."
Spike followed her inside the house, and Buffy took off his jacket and handed it back. "I'll get my coat and let the others know where we're going."
"Sounds good." When she didn't move, Spike raised an eyebrow. "Somethin' else you wanted, Slayer?"
Buffy looked up pointedly. "This is the time of year for tradition, Spike."
For a moment, Buffy sounded like her old self—annoyed as hell with him. Of course, the fact that she was referring to the mistletoe that hung overhead told Spike that quite a bit had changed for her. "Guess it is." He leaned in, keeping the kiss light, but taking his time with it.
"Not bad," she murmured when he pulled back. Giving him a mysterious smile, she turned to head into the living room, only to nearly run into Willow. From the expression on the redhead's face, it was clear that she'd seen their kiss.
"Red." Spike raised an eyebrow, daring her to say something to his face, in front of Buffy.
She smiled tightly. "Nice to see you taking advantage of the mistletoe, Buffy."
"That's what it's there for," Buffy replied, sounding determinedly cheerful. "I'm just going to grab my jacket, Spike."
She left then, and Spike couldn't blame her. It wasn't fair in the least to put her in the middle and expect her to choose sides. Then again, life was never fair.
"You got somethin' to say to me, witch?" Spike asked, his voice low.
Willow's eyes narrowed. "You know she's using you like a security blanket, don't you?" she asked. "As soon as Buffy's more comfortable with the rest of us, she's going to drop you. You were never more than a monster to her, Spike, and you never can be. She's the Slayer; she died to save the world, and you're one of the things she's always hated."
Spike felt the sting of truth in her words, but he ignored the pang they caused. "That's what you think," he half-snarled. "Maybe Buffy's finally seein' the truth."
"What truth?" Willow asked. "You're nothing, Spike. You're beneath her. Always have been, always will be."
She whirled and walked away, and Spike clenched his fists, resisting the urge to put his fist through the wall. Dawn wouldn't appreciate the damage.
The worst part was that Spike feared that Willow was right.
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