Brace Yourself by Enigmaticblue

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Chapter 4: Coming Home

"Swept away/By the wonder of it all/So amazed/Never saw it coming/Left me dazed/And I don't know where to turn/Here and now/Seems I'm standing on the edge/Looking down/I can clearly see your face in the crowd/Makes me feel I'm not alone/If I fall...will you catch me?" ~Aqualung, "If I Fall"

Xander wondered if he was the only person who was excited about Willow coming back to Sunnydale, because no one else had appeared terribly enthusiastic at the news. Well, Anya was too caught up in her new boyfriend to care much one way or another, but Buffy was definitely not thrilled.

"You know she's changed, Buffy," Xander said, raising his voice so that she could hear him over the noise in the Bronze. "We've all done stupid stuff."

Buffy shook her head. "I don't know that she's changed, Xander. I haven't talked to her in months, and she nearly got both Spike and Dawn killed the last time she was in town."

Xander couldn't argue with her there. "We've talked a few times," he said. "I think Willow knows what she did was wrong, and there's no way she'd hurt Spike or Dawn again."

"That isn't the point, Xan." Buffy sighed. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

Xander sensed that there might be another problem brewing. "Where's Spike tonight? I thought he was meeting us here."

"He is," Buffy replied. "He said he was going to pick Tara and Dawn up on his way, since Dawn spent the night with Tara last night. She's been over there all day."

Xander frowned. "What's at Tara's?"

"She got a new kitten," Buffy replied wryly. "I have a feeling that Dawn will be over there a lot."

He nodded. "You could always get a pet. I know Dawn keeps asking you for one."

"I think the word you're looking for is 'begging,'" Buffy replied. "And I think we're going to have our hands full enough pretty soon."

Xander frowned, not liking the sound of that. The tone of Buffy's voice indicated that there was something big on the way—something apocalypse-sized. When Willow had told him she was coming home, she'd said that the coven was worried about the Key, among other things. "What's up, Buffy?"

"I'll tell you when the others get here," she replied vaguely. "I don't want to tell the story more than once."

There was something in her eyes that worried him, and Xander laid a hand on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "You know you can count on me for anything, right? If you're having trouble with Spike, you can tell me. I promise that I won't even say anything bad about him, unless you want me to."

To his consternation, Buffy looked as though she was about to cry. "Oh, Xander."

Tara showed up with Dawn at her heels just then, causing Buffy to hurriedly blink back the tears. "Hey, guys," Xander said, trying to give her some time to compose herself. "What's this I hear about a new kitten?"

"He's so cute!" Dawn gushed. "Tara named him Merlin."

"I'll bring him over to Buffy's house next time we have a Scooby meeting," Tara offered. "If Buffy doesn't mind."

"I don't mind." Buffy managed a smile. "Where's Spike?"

"He went to get drinks," Dawn replied, glancing at Xander. "He said that he'd get you a beer, too."

It was that sort of thing that prevented Xander from hating the guy. Not that he liked Spike, but Buffy was happier with Spike around—most of the time—and for that alone, Xander had decided that he would deal with his presence in their lives.

A few moments later, Spike appeared with a tray full of drinks, and he set about distributing them without any of his usual commentary. Xander was getting the feeling that something was seriously off.

"So what's the big news, Buffy?" Xander asked, wanting to break the tension.

There was a long pause as Buffy stared down into her drink before she said, "I'm pregnant." Glancing up at Spike and meeting his eyes, she added, "Or, I guess we're pregnant. Spike and I."

Xander could see Dawn's wide eyes and Tara's shock as well. He knew he probably looked like a stranded fish. "You guys are what?" Dawn asked in a loud squeak as the first to find her voice.

"We're pregnant," Buffy repeated. "And keep your voice down."

Tara cleared her throat. "Congratulations."

"Ta," Spike said, not sounding very enthusiastic.

Xander was looking at Buffy, noting the tension between her and Spike, and he asked quietly, "Are you guys okay with this?"

Spike gave him a startled look, obviously taken aback by his inclusion in the question, and he shrugged. "It gives us a lot to talk about."

Xander winced. He knew how those kinds of talks tended to go, and he had seen how prickly Buffy was these days. The source of the tension was now fairly obvious.

"Isn't this a good thing?" Dawn asked, sounding bewildered. "I mean, you guys are together, and this baby is like a miracle, right?"

"Right," Spike said firmly, shooting Buffy a look. "It's a good thing, Dawn. Think your sister's just worried about what it means."

Xander suddenly understood. This was the other reason that Willow was coming back to Sunnydale, and now Buffy not only had her kid sister to worry about, but a baby that was going to spell trouble.

And Xander knew exactly how cranky Buffy could get when she started to feel the pressure.

"We'll all help," Xander said. "You know that, Buffy. We'll work it out."

She shot him a grateful look. "Thanks, Xander."

"I think I'm going to shoot some pool," he said. "Spike? You want to join me?"

Spike stood with alacrity. "Yeah, that sounds good. You okay with that, luv?" he asked Buffy.

"Go ahead," she replied, mustering up a smile for him.

Xander watched as they seemed to communicate with only their eyes, and then Spike bent to giver her a swift kiss on the lips.

Xander had often thought that if he and Anya had been able to master the art of silent communication, they might have stood a chance. Although, seeing Spike and Buffy struggle made him think that it wasn't quite so easy.

~~~~~

"We wanted to talk to you," Tara said, once Xander and Spike had gone off to play pool.

Buffy didn't like the way that sounded. "About what?"

"Dawn?" Tara said, nudging the girl.

Dawn slumped down a little farther in her seat. "I did a spell."

Buffy took a deep breath and counted to ten; she'd been trying not to fly off the handle quite so much over the last day or two. Knowing why she was so hormonal had helped her self-control a bit. "Okay. When was this?"

"A few days ago, when you were on patrol with Spike," Dawn replied. "Spike caught me."

Buffy frowned. "He didn't say anything to me."

"He said I could talk to Tara first because you've been acting like..." Dawn trailed off. "Never mind."

Buffy glared at her. "I haven't been that bad. You could have talked to me about this, Dawn."

"I didn't want you to overreact," Dawn protested. "Besides, I needed to know, and Tara's the one who does the magic stuff."

Taking another deep breath, Buffy asked, "Okay, so what did you find out?"

"Not much," Dawn admitted. "Just that I'm still the Key. Tara has an idea for another spell, though, to see if I can still, you know, open doors."

At Buffy's sharp look, Tara quickly spoke up. "It's safe, Buffy. I wouldn't have suggested it otherwise, but I do think that it's a good idea to find out exactly what Dawn's capable of."

Buffy sighed. "Okay, but I don't want you doing any more spells without supervision, Dawn. I mean it."

"Okay," Dawn agreed. "Some of my friends are here tonight. Can I go talk to them?"

"Go," Buffy said, watching as she darted off into the crowd.

Tara reached over to touch her hand. "What's going on, Buffy?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. I just—this isn't what I wanted, Tara. I did not want to be pregnant. I wasn't supposed to get pregnant, not with Spike. Things were going so well, and now—" Buffy broke off. "Spike's talking about moving in, and getting married, and I don't even know if I want this baby."

Tara looked sympathetic. "Are you going to keep it?"

"Yeah," Buffy replied. "I know Spike wants it, and this is probably his only chance. It might be my only chance. It doesn't seem fair to just terminate the pregnancy and act like it never happened."

"It's still your decision," Tara said gently. "Even if Spike wants it, you—"

"No," Buffy said firmly. "I will deal with this, but I'm probably going to be cranky for a while."

Tara smiled. "You're allowed."

"How are you? With Willow coming back?"

"I don't know," Tara admitted. "It's hard. I still love her, but after what happened, I can't trust her." She hesitated, then added, "I know that she's going to be around more than she was after we broke up, and that's going to make it harder."

Buffy understood. It had been a relief to have Angel and Riley leave town after those relationships had ended, but with Parker, she'd had to see him in classes, in the cafeteria, and a dozen other places around campus. If something ever happened between her and Spike, she wouldn't have a choice about seeing him. Buffy knew that he'd stick around for Dawn, and there would be no getting rid of him now that she was having their child, but it would make things harder.

Nothing was going to happen between them, though. Buffy refused to lose the best thing that had ever happened to her. Even when they were fighting, she knew what a good thing she had.

"I think you know that we're on your side in this, Tara," Buffy said. "We need you."

"I appreciate that," Tara responded. "And you know I'll help any way I can with the baby."

"I know." Buffy sighed. "I just hope that Giles doesn't tell me that this is part of some prophecy. I can't help waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know?"

They did live on the Hellmouth, after all.

~~~~~

"Things okay with you two?" Xander asked casually.

Spike was a little suspicious; Xander was rarely this nice to him, which led him to believe that the other man had something up his sleeve. "It's fine. You know how Buffy gets when she's scared, though."

Xander winced. "Yeah, I remember several memorable occasions."

Spike grunted his agreement. "Take that an' add in the hormones, and you've got some idea of what's goin' on."

"Do you want this kid, Spike?"

It was only the sincerity in Xander's voice that had Spike replying, otherwise he'd have brushed off the question. "Yeah. This is the only chance I've got, right?"

"I guess so."

There was a long silence while they took turns shooting pool, Spike deliberately missing on a couple of occasions to make the game last a little longer.

"You know anything about this guy Anya's seeing?" Xander asked.

Spike had been afraid that Xander might bring that up. Although he thought it was only what Xander deserved for letting her go, Spike wasn't sure that he wanted to mention the fact that he'd introduced Anya to her date. "I've met him," he said cautiously.

"He's nice, though?" Xander pressed. "I mean, it's good that she's dating again, right? I want her to be happy. I just—I want to be sure that he's a nice guy."

"He's nice," Spike said, feeling a little more sympathetic in the face of Xander's concern for Anya. Spike could only imagine what he'd be feeling if their positions were reversed, and it was Buffy who was beginning to date other people. "Don't think you have to worry about that."

Xander nodded. "Good. As long as he's okay."

Spike didn't bother mentioning the fact that Anya's date was half-demon; he figured he'd let her be the one to spill that news. The lack of animosity between him and Xander was a refreshing change, and there was enough drama going on with Buffy at the moment.

Spike preferred having peace on the domestic front; they had enough enemies without fighting among themselves.

Although the making up wasn't too bad.

~~~~~

Dawn swallowed nervously, watching as Tara made the spell preparations, explaining as she went. She talked about focusing energy, about working with the natural forces, and not against them. Dawn didn't know that there was this much to magic; she'd thought that you lit candles, maybe chanted, and then things happened.

This was a lot more complicated.

"Do you understand what you're going to do?" Tara asked when she'd finished setting up the circle in the center of the training room in the back of the Magic Box.

Dawn nodded. "I think so."

"It's going to be fine, Dawnie," Tara assured her. "You're only creating one portal, not a hundred of them."

"What if I can't close it?" Dawn asked. "And what if something comes out?"

"That's what we're here for," Buffy said from a corner of the room. She was standing next to Spike, and Dawn noticed that their shoulders were brushing, so they must be getting along today; it had been hit or miss in the last week. Of course, it wasn't like Spike and Buffy fighting was anything new. They fought all the time, and then they made up. That was just them.

Dawn stepped into the circle, keeping Tara's advice in mind. She needed to focus and remember that this was supposed to come naturally, if it came at all. Closing her eyes, she focused on her breathing, concentrating on the beat of her heart, on her own energy. Dawn knew she couldn't see magic like Tara did, but she could sense it when she really focused. She was energy, and therefore Tara thought it would be natural for her to have a knack for it.

When Dawn finally opened her eyes, it was as though everything was far away, and she took the needle that Tara had sterilized and pricked her thumb.

The drop of blood seemed to hang suspended in the air before it fell, then disappeared about two feet above the floor of the training room. There was a gust of wind that blew Dawn's hair back from her face, and then she was looking out into a green pasture with strange looking animals placidly chewing on foliage.

It had been the safest dimension that Anya knew of, and Dawn had been concentrating very hard on getting this right. Swallowing her squeal of excitement, Dawn squeezed out another drop of blood from the pinprick on her thumb and watched as the portal closed.

Dawn whirled to look at Tara, squealing with excitement. "I did it!"

"Good job, Dawnie," Tara said immediately. "That was perfect."

She looked at Buffy and Spike. Her sister was smiling, but she also appeared worried. "That was great, Dawn."

Spike was a little more enthusiastic. "Right the first time out, Bit! Well done. I suppose this means you'll be getting yourself out of trouble from now on."

Dawn glowed with her accomplishment. "I'll need more practice, and I have to get more information from Anya about all the different dimensions, but I could go anywhere."

"Not so fast," Buffy replied severely. "No going to other dimensions unless you check with someone first, unless it's an emergency. And by that I mean a life-threatening, world-ending sort of emergency, not a chemistry test sort of emergency."

"I wouldn't use it to skip class," Dawn said quickly, although the thought had crossed her mind. There were people that she would much rather avoid, that was for sure. Seeing the look on Buffy's face, she quickly promised. "I won't open any portals without letting someone know, unless it's an emergency."

Buffy seemed to relax a little at that. "Good. I'm glad you have a way to get out of trouble quickly, Dawnie."

"Let's get out of here," Spike suggested. "We should celebrate."

"Are you buying?" Buffy asked with a smile.

Spike scowled, but the humor in his eyes was apparent. "You've got your own money, an' you're goin' to make the bloke pay?"

Buffy smirked. "Of course. That's the way it's supposed to work."

Dawn heard Spike mutter something about "sexism," and he offered her his arm. "Since you're the woman of the hour," he said. "We should see if Anya wants to close up early. Might as well enjoy ourselves while we've got the chance."

Dawn knew exactly what Spike was referring to; they only had a couple of weeks until Willow came back, and then everything would be awkward until they all got used to one another again.

She wasn't looking forward to Willow coming back; the memories of what Rack had done to her—and what Spike had gone through—were too recent. Dawn knew that Willow probably wouldn't try to hurt her or Spike again, but that didn't mean she wouldn't try to make things better, or do a spell to hurry their acceptance along.

Dawn was just grateful that Willow wasn't going to be staying at their house. Xander had already said that she could stay with him, which meant that Dawn had a little more time to get used to Willow's return.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe Giles was right, and Willow really had changed.

But Dawn wasn't holding her breath.

~~~~~

Willow stepped off the plane, feeling more anxious than she had in a long time. She hitched her backpack a little more securely over one shoulder and gave Giles an anxious glance. "It's going to be fine," he assured her.

She nodded, looking for familiar faces in the crowd. A path cleared, and she could see Xander waving at her. He was there in the next moment, and his enthusiastic embrace caused Willow to bury her face in his shoulder, relishing the feeling of his strong arms.

Willow had missed this—so much.

When Xander finally took a step back, she smiled at him. "How are you?"

"I'm good," he replied with a crooked grin. "Hey, G-Man."

"I do wish you wouldn't call me that," Giles replied, but he met Xander's handshake. "Where's Buffy?"

"The morning sickness finally caught up with her," Xander replied. "When I went over there to pick her up, Buffy was puking her guts up."

Willow frowned. "Wait. Morning sickness?"

Xander winced. "You didn't know?"

"Know what?" Willow asked. "Buffy's pregnant? What happened to Spike? I thought they were still together."

Giles sighed. "I had hoped that Buffy would have told you already. Now that the cat's out of the bag, I don't see the need to hide anything. She's pregnant with Spike's child as a result of the spell she did to lift the curse."

Willow felt a sinking feeling. "How's she dealing with it?" she asked in a small voice. Buffy wouldn't have had to do that spell if she hadn't put the curse on Spike, which meant it was her fault that Buffy was pregnant. And if the Slayer wasn't happy about it, Willow had a feeling that things could get even more uncomfortable than they were already.

Xander shrugged. "She's dealing. They're working things out, anyway. You'll have to ask her about it, since we're supposed to head back to her place." Xander gave her a reassuring smile. "Buffy does want to see you, Will."

Willow managed a smile, but she couldn't quite bring herself to believe him. More likely than not, Buffy was putting on a happy face, or was trying to.

The next few months could get very, very interesting.

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