Brace Yourself by Enigmaticblue

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Chapter 2: Discoveries

"She feels lost in her life/Treading water just to keep from slipping under/And she wonders if she's where she's supposed to be/Tired for trying to do it right/Her dreams are just too far away to see how steps she's taking/Might be taking her to who she'll be/And suddenly it isn't what it used to be/And after all this time it worked out just fine/And suddenly I am where I'm supposed to be/And after all the tears I was supposed to be here." ~Superchic[k], "Suddenly"

Tara sat down at her tiny table with a sigh of relief. It was a pleasure to not feel as though she had a million and one things to do right this minute. Although she had needed the few extra credits that taking a summer class offered, there had been a lot of information crammed into just a few weeks.

In a way, it had been nice to have the class to focus on; it helped her to forget about Willow. Tara hadn't quite realized how there had always been just a little part of her that had hung onto the hope that she and Willow would get back together again. After what the other woman had done, Tara knew that it would never happen.

Tara would never be able to completely trust Willow again.

The knock on the door surprised her, and Tara rose, checking the peephole first. Spike stood there, looking purposefully nonchalant, and she hurried to open it. "Spike? What's up?"

He held out a brown box. "Brought you somethin'."

She frowned, taking the box and moving aside to let him enter. It was light-weight, but it felt as though something was moving inside. "What is it?"

"Open it an' find out," he suggested.

Tara pulled open the lid, her eyes widening when she saw the gray striped kitten. "Mew?" it said, sounding curious.

"Oh," she exclaimed, reaching in to pull the kitten out, noting that it was a male. He butted her under the chin imperiously when she cuddled him to her chest. "Spike..."

"Thought you might need a friend," he said lightly. "Clem had an extra."

"Oh, Spike." Tara found herself blinking back tears as the kitten began purring furiously. "He's wonderful."

"'Course he is," Spike replied, sounding so smug she had to laugh. "I picked him out, didn't I?" The kitten mewed again piteously. "I think he might be hungry."

Tara nodded, setting the kitten down and heading into the kitchen. "Do you want anything?"

"I'm good," Spike replied. "Ate before I came."

"Hot chocolate?" Tara asked. "I've got the milk out already."

"Sure." Spike sat down at the table, reaching down to scratch the kitten behind the ears when he began playing with his shoelaces. "How've you been, pet?"

"I'm fine," Tara said. "It gets easier."

"Can't help but get easier," Spike agreed. "Just takes time is all."

Tara hesitated. "Has—has Buffy heard from her?"

Spike shook his head. "No. Giles gives us regular updates. Sounds like she's comin' along alright, but I don't know that she's writing home. Maybe to Xander, but he and I don't talk much."

Tara gave him a sympathetic look, setting the saucer of milk on the floor for the kitten, who immediately dropped Spike's shoelace to saunter over. "Is he still making nasty remarks?"

"Not after Buffy told him to shut his gob last time," Spike said. "Think he got the picture. No, we just don't have anythin' in common."

"You have the same group of friends," Tara pointed out.

Spike snorted. "Right."

Tara turned from the stove, hands on her hips. "Are we not friends?"

"Yeah, of course," Spike said, quickly backpedaling.

"And you and Anya are friends?" Tara pressed.

Spike smirked. "Yeah. Set her up on her date tonight, didn't I?"

"Anya has a date?" Tara smiled. "How do you know him?"

"Nice half-demon I play poker with on occasion," Spike replied. "He knows she used to be a vengeance demon, so I figured they'd have plenty to talk about."

Tara nodded thoughtfully, then went back to her original point. "And you and Dawn are thicker than thieves. So, just because you don't get along with one or two of Buffy's friends, that doesn't mean anything at all. You get along with more of us than you don't."

He frowned, obviously not having thought of it in quite that way before. "S'pose that's true," he allowed. "Dawn is actually why I'm here, other than to see your lovely face."

"Flattery will get you nowhere," Tara warned, setting his mug of hot chocolate and a bag of little marshmallows down in front of him. "What about Dawn?"

"Caught her doing a spell the other night," Spike said. "She was trying to find out if she was still the Key. It was somethin' about having true sight. It didn't really work like she wanted it to, and I gave her the choice of me telling Buffy, or me telling you. With the way Buffy's been lately, it's probably not a shock that she chose you."

Tara winced. "Is she still snapping?"

"It's getting worse," Spike admitted. "The crazy part is that you know it's not something you've done, and as soon as she cools off, she apologizes. In fact, when she's not pissed at me, she's really—" He cleared his throat. "Affectionate."

Tara hid her smile behind her mug. Spike got embarrassed about the strangest things around her; she supposed it had something to do with his upbringing. When she'd finally managed to coax him to tell her what year he'd been turned, a lot had been explained. Spike had grown up during the Victorian era, and he still bore some of that influence at times.

"She keeps telling you it's hormones?" Tara asked thoughtfully.

Spike shrugged. "That's what she says, but... Bloody hell, Tara, I can smell blood, and—" He stopped.

Tara frowned. "What?"

"How long has it been since that spell? The one that you did on Willow?"

"And that Buffy did on you?" Tara asked, trying to remember. "Two and a half months, but why?"

"I have to go," Spike announced abruptly. "I just—I have to go. Thanks for the hot chocolate."

He was gone the next second, and Tara couldn't even say for sure that she'd seen him cross the room. "Huh."

She glanced down, feeling a furry head brushing along her bare ankle. "What am I going to name you?" Tara asked rhetorically, reaching down to pick the kitten up. She scratched behind one over-large ear and listened as he began to purr almost frantically. "I guess you're going to be a cuddler."

Tara smiled warmly, thinking of Spike and the kitten. It had been a long time since someone had given her a gift. Then, frowning, she thought of what he'd said about Dawn. It appeared as though she needed to have a talk with the girl.

~~~~~

"So, Anya had a date, huh?" Buffy asked sympathetically.

Xander nodded glumly. "She said that she needed to get back on the horse."

"She has a point." Buffy took another bite of her sandwich. Xander had come over ostensibly to work on her basement, but she had a feeling that he wanted the sympathetic ear more than anything else. "Why don't you try dating again, Xander? Maybe that would help."

"Who am I supposed to date?" He gave her one of his crooked grins. "All the nice girls I know are taken."

Buffy resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She felt sorry for him, but at the same time, Xander was wallowing. It had been over two months since he and Anya had broken up, and he could have been out meeting other girls if he'd wanted to.

If Buffy remembered correctly, Xander had been the same way in high school, though—so sure that he'd be rejected that he hadn't tried very hard.

"There are other women out there who would be happy to have a guy like you," Buffy pointed out, knowing that it was true. Over the past months, working long hours on the construction site, Xander had taken off the pounds he'd put on, and he'd grown tan and fit. Even though she wasn't attracted to him, Buffy could see how someone else might be.

He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

The front door opened, and Buffy heard Spike's voice. "Hey, luv?"

"In the kitchen," she called, giving Xander a look guaranteed to make him behave himself around her boyfriend. Other than that one time, when he'd started making snide comments that had gone over the line of friendly snark, he'd done fairly well.

Xander raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I should go anyway. You're probably going to want to patrol."

"Would you stay with Dawn?" Buffy asked. "Both Spike and I are still a little worried about Rack."

Xander frowned. "Rack is dead."

"Yeah, but not all of his friends are, an' Dawn's still not comfortable stayin' by herself," Spike said, having heard the tail-end of their conversation.

Xander shrugged. "I can stay then."

"Thanks, Xan," Buffy replied, giving him a warm smile. She looked at Spike. "Ready?"

"As ever."

Buffy followed him out the door. "Where do you want to start tonight?"

"Doesn't much matter to me," Spike said easily. "Restfield's close."

"Okay," Buffy replied. "Maybe we could swing by your place later?" she suggested. "It might be nice to not have to worry about waking Dawn up."

"I'll second that," Spike replied with a grin, but the expression didn't quite reach his eyes.

Buffy frowned. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Spike replied. "It's just—do you want to talk to me about anythin', luv?"

"Talk to you about what?" Buffy asked cautiously; it sounded like a loaded question to her.

"If you haven't been feelin' well, or anything like that," Spike said vaguely.

Buffy shook her head. "No, I'm fine. What's going on, Spike?"

At the alarm in his eyes, Buffy knew that her voice had taken on a dangerous pitch. "Nothing. It's just—nothing."

She stopped in her tracks. "What is it?" she asked, trying to gentle her tone. "You're worried about something. You wouldn't have said anything otherwise."

"You, uh, haven't been—" Spike stopped, ducking his head. Buffy realized with a start that he was embarrassed, and she hadn't thought that there was anything that could embarrass him. "You've missed a couple of periods."

Her eyes widened. "What? How do you—" Buffy realized how he'd know. "Eww! Spike!"

"'m a vampire!" he protested. "It's not like I can just turn that off!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Buffy asked. "I've always been irregular. And I cannot believe I'm even talking about this with you."

"You haven't—since that spell you did, to lift the curse. And you've been really..." Spike trailed off, obviously sensing the dangerous waters that lay ahead of him. "You said it the other night."

Buffy knew exactly what he meant, and while she would have liked to get pissed off, she had been the one to label her mood swings as "hormonal." It took her a moment to realize what Spike was insinuating, however. "You think—" Buffy started laughing. "Come on, Spike, it's impossible. Vampires can't, you know, father children."

"Yeah, I know," he said gruffly. "It's just that Tara made some comment and—you know what? Forget I said anything. It was stupid."

Buffy felt a twinge. "It wasn't stupid. You aren't stupid. How was Tara?" she asked, taking the opportunity to change the subject.

Spike shrugged. "Good. Took her a little something. Hope you don't mind."

"What did you take?" Buffy asked.

"Clem had a spare kitten," Spike explained. "Thought she might be able to use the company."

It was in moments like that when Buffy realized exactly what a prize Spike was, weird vampire-related knowledge about her period aside. "That was very sweet."

He rolled his eyes, although Buffy could see that he was pleased with the compliment. "I'm not sweet."

"Of course not," Buffy agreed, knowing that it wouldn't do her much good to argue. She glanced around, realizing that Spike was the only vampire she could sense in the immediate vicinity, and suddenly wanting him with a ferocity that stunned her. "Let's go back to your place."

Spike glanced at her in surprise. "What about patrol?"

"It's dead tonight," Buffy replied, throwing caution to the wind. "I can think of a lot of better things to do."

One of the things she loved about Spike was that he didn't take much persuading when it came to things like that.

~~~~~

Tara brought Merlin with her to the Magic Box; she was oddly reluctant to leave him at her apartment by himself, and she knew that Dawn would love to see him. Dawn was already there, flipping through a large book under Anya's watchful eyes.

The ex-demon glanced up as the bell over the door rang. "Hello, Tara," Anya said cheerfully. Her eyes lit on Merlin. "What's that?"

"It's my new kitten," Tara said, feeling about as proud as a new mother might. "Merlin."

"Oh!" Dawn was out of her seat in a moment. "He's so cute!" She held out her arms, and Tara handed her the cat. Dawn cuddled him to her chest, stroking him as he began to purr furiously. "When did you get him?"

"Yesterday," Tara replied. "Spike brought him by."

Dawn pouted. "No fair. I want a cat."

"Maybe you should ask your sister," Tara suggested.

Dawn looked alarmed. "I don't think so," she said emphatically. "You don't want to ask Buffy for anything these days. She gets pissed off about everything."

"Surely it's not that bad," Tara said.

"Only if you have to live with her all the time," Dawn replied. "Anya, do you have a string?"

Anya was still eyeing the kitten dubiously, as if he was going to single-handedly destroy her store. "I have string, but you have to promise that it's not going to break anything."

"He won't break anything," Dawn promised, taking the string Anya cut for her from the packing supplies. "He's too little for that."

Anya still didn't look appeased, but she didn't say anything more about the kitten. "How are you?" she asked Tara.

Tara smiled, watching as Merlin chased the string that Dawn dragged along the ground. "I'm good. Spike came along just in time."

"It's hard to forget, isn't it?" Anya asked, showing a flash of insight, as she did occasionally. "How it used to be?"

"Something like that," Tara agreed. "How was the date last night?"

Anya smiled. "It was good. I mean, it was different, but we had a nice time. He didn't mind it when I talked about how I used to be a demon, not like Xander used to."

"That's good," Tara encouraged. "It's important to be able to be yourself."

"It really is," Anya replied. There was a long pause. "Would you mind watching the shop?" she asked. "I haven't had lunch yet."

"Oh, go ahead," Tara said. "I don't mind."

"Thanks!" Anya said, dashing out the door.

Tara turned to look at Dawn. "So, you want to tell me about it?"

Dawn paused, the string stopping on the floor. Merlin didn't seem to notice; he kept batting at it. "About what?"

"Dawn."

The younger girl sighed. "Spike told you, huh?"

"He said that you were doing a spell," Tara replied. "We didn't get into the details."

"I just wanted to know if I was still the Key," Dawn said. "Spike said I could tell you or Buffy. You know how Buffy's been lately."

Tara gave her a look. "You know your sister loves you."

"Yeah, but sometimes the way she says it..." Dawn said with a smirk that let Tara know she had probably been spending too much time with Spike. "Okay, okay, I know. It's just that Buffy solves problems by ignoring them, or she beats something up. I need to know why Rack wanted me, and if I'm still really the Key. I didn't think she could help me with that."

"I don't think that matters, Dawnie. You're going to have to talk to Buffy about this, but I'll go with you if you want, and I'll help you do research." Tara gave her a stern look. "Listen to me, though. Magic is not something you can play around with. It's serious stuff, and I want you to promise me you won't do another spell without supervision."

Dawn nodded, her eyes wide. "I promise."

Tara smiled. "Good. Let me grab a couple of books from the loft, and then we can get started."

"Now?" Dawn asked.

"There's no time like the present," Tara responded, grateful that Dawn had been so receptive. The last thing they needed right now was another Willow—someone who misused magic for their own ends. Tara didn't think that Dawn was in danger of going down that path, but an ounce of prevention was worth a pound of cure.

Tara planned on keeping a very close watch on things.

~~~~~

Buffy stood in the aisle of the drug store, amazed at her choices. There were a half a dozen alternatives, all of them promising accurate results and simple instructions.

Buffy honestly couldn't believe she was even thinking about this. It was ridiculous. There was no way that she could be pregnant, no matter what kinds of weird things that ritual might have done.

Still, once Spike had made the suggestion, she hadn't been able to get it out of her head. It was true that she had never been regular, but Buffy didn't think she'd ever skipped two months in a row. There was no way she was going to rest easy until she took one of these tests and got a negative reading; then, she could laugh at Spike's fears and move on.

"Can I help you?" The middle aged clerk was smiling at her uncertainly.

"No," Buffy replied quickly. "No, that's okay. I was just, uh, looking."

The woman gave her a sympathetic look. "First time?"

"Huh? Oh, no, I mean, it's not possible. We weren't—we can't have kids."

In response, the lady pulled a box from the shelf and pressed it into Buffy's hands. Buffy noticed her name tag for the first time; it read "Sheila." "The first time is always a surprise," she replied. "Even when you think you're prepared. I've never had anybody complain about that test."

Buffy stared at the box and sighed. "Thanks."

She made her purchase, thankful when the cashier didn't meet her eyes and put the box in a paper sack, rather than a plastic one. Of course, the paper sack probably just advertised to everyone in the world that she was buying something for sex. Or something related to sex. As long as she didn't run into anybody she knew, she'd be fine.

"Hi, Buffy!"

Oh, no.

"Hey, Anya," Buffy replied, pasting a smile on her face. "How are you?" Then, remembering Xander's complaints from the day before, she asked, "How was your date?"

Anya looked pleased to have been asked. "It was nice. I think we might have dinner again."

"That's great," Buffy said, meaning it. Although she felt for Xander, she fully supported Anya getting back in the game.

Besides, maybe once Xander fully realized that he didn't stand a chance with her, he'd get start to move on, and Buffy wouldn't have to listen to him moan for hours.

"How have you been?" Anya gave the bag a significant glance. "Are there problems between you and Spike?"

"What? No!" Buffy said quickly. "We're great. Why?"

"That's usually the kind of bag they put condoms in," Anya said in her usual blunt manner. "You don't need condoms if you're sleeping with a vampire."

"It's for something else," Buffy replied. "You know, medicine-type stuff."

"Oh," Anya said wisely. "Yes, I had a few instances of that myself. If you go to the doctor, they can give you a pill for that. It's much better than the creams."

Buffy really, really didn't want to know. "Thanks, Anya. I appreciate the advice. I think I'm just going to get this home."

"Okay." The ex-demon didn't ask any more questions, for which Buffy was infinitely grateful.

All she wanted to do was to get home and get this over with.

An hour later, Buffy was still staring at the unopened box.

She didn't have to know, right? If she was pregnant, which she wasn't, but if she was, it would become obvious eventually. Maybe it would be better to be in denial until then. Denial was good.

Except then she wouldn't know, and it would keep her up at night; the possibility had woken her up long before sunrise the previous night. She'd dreamed of holding a baby, and that it was hers and Spike's.

And she'd been happy about it, not freaked out.

"I can do this," Buffy muttered, tearing open the box and reading the instructions carefully. There was no way she was going to screw this up and get a false positive.

Fifteen minutes later, Buffy had her results. She had no idea how she was going to tell Spike.

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