The Song Remains the Same by SMac

Chapter 44: Christmas Tales, Part Two

Author's Note: Okay, this author's note is longer than some people's posted chapters, and I apologize.

First, as gratifying as it is to me to be able to completely freak you out, and as much as I NEVER tell readers what is going to happen in advance, I am going to put aside that policy in order to put some of you out of your misery. I want to just state for the record that Katie's current foster family is a good home and they are not going to hurt her. I don't want any of you becoming upset or reading into anything I write with the result that you are afraid for her current situation. Aside from the fact that being away from her mom is upsetting, she is okay.

Second, there have been a lot of comments in the reviews about Pat placing Katie in her foster home, with parents who want to adopt her, and how terrible that is, and how Pat is deluded if she thinks Katie is going to be given to these other people, and how dare they, etc. Now, Pat has shown that her sympathies pretty much lie entirely with the baby and the foster / adoptive parents, to the possible detriment of the birth mother. That is true; I wrote her that way. But she is not making up the things she is doing, she is doing her job. I agree that Pat is being too optimistic in her assurances to the foster parents (or they are, in their need to believe, interpreting her words too optimistically) but legally, placing Katie in a dual track plan like this is pretty much the way it's done. The way it has to be done.

The reason is exactly what the foster mother said -- children need to get in good stable homes sooner rather than later, and if the child is already in a home that is set to adopt him/her, then that is the least psychologically damaging thing that can be done under the circumstances. This is more true of children under age three than any others, because of certain developmental growth steps they make during those years that, if handled poorly, can never be fixed again. That's it, door is pretty much closed. So it's horribly important to create as little upheaval during the baby's first years as possible, and that means there should be a stable, consistent parent / caretaker. Moving the baby back and forth between parents and multiple foster and adoptive families is dangerous psychologically. Babies need to form a bond, and if they fail to do so successfully between certain early ages, they will never be able to do so again. It affects them forever.

In recent years laws have been put in place that say that children should be left in stable foster care homes when such homes exist, and that if parents cannot be brought to a condition where they are fit to have their children back within a year, eighteen months tops, then they don't get to keep on trying any longer, they've had their chance, failed, and the state can give the children to people who are immediately able to care for them and love them. They will often let relatives keep children longer under kinship foster care, but stranger foster care operates under tight deadlines, especially where babies are concerned. The whole process has been dramatically speeded up.

So that's what is happening to Katie and Buffy, they are on a dual track. People in their situation are almost always placed on a dual track, that's the law. Pat is working on one track, on getting Katie established in a loving adoptive home as a foster child, so that if Buffy's parental rights are terminated by the judge, the baby won't be any further traumatized by being given away to even more people than have already been her caretakers. And Buffy herself is on the other track, working with Tanya on a reunification plan that must be completed timely and they are working to get her daughter released back into her custody. In the context of this story we know she belongs with Buffy. In real life these things are not so easily discerned by all parties. I'm sure you can see that. When you read in the news that some parent has been accused of hurting a child or exposing a child to harm, how many of you immediately assume it is true, or that there's not any smoke without a fire, that kind of thing? And how many, if you heard that the charges were lessened to more minor infractions, would still think the parent guilty but had cut a deal for a lesser charge? The difference here in this story is that you can see all the sides and parts and are on Buffy's side. In real life, you don't have all this information or a bias toward the parent that comes from seeing them so intimately like in a work of fiction.

As far as the 'guns and drugs' reference that keeps getting play when Buffy's situation is discussed, that is pretty much the fault of the original charges Buffy faced, and which were dismissed. As happens in real life, the world hears about the thing you are charged with and either fails to notice the correction or doesn't believe in the correction. And that happens to people in criminal law all the time. Sometimes it's because they are innocent, and sometimes it's because they plea bargained a lesser charge even though they were guilty of the original worse crime. So, it's easy to see why people would think Buffy was actually doing the drugs and guns thing, because that was the initial charge against her. And I differentiate this assumption from the one Snyder was given, which went further and completely melded Faith's case with Buffy's resulting in her being portrayed as the actual drug dealer, as the stripper, and as having hidden drugs and weapons in the toy, etc. That is a mistake/purposeful deception made by someone up the chain and passed down to people like Snyder, who passed it on to Giles, who is also not evil or stupid, but acting on assumptions that he has been told are facts.

Anyway, I hope that explains this properly and gives you some context to read within the story. And now on to part two of 'Christmas Tales'.


Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.


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Christmas Tales, Part Two



Christmas Morning


"Oh, for the love of --" Giles threw down the oven mitt he was using to pull a tray of sweet rolls from the oven. "William!!!" he shouted over the din in the living room.

"I don't think he can hear you, Rupert," his wife teased him with a smile.

"I asked him to put on some Christmas music. A little background music while we ate our breakfast. And he's ... he's ... put on that awful record!"

"That is Christmas music, dear," she laughed as she sashayed away to stir the eggs on the stovetop.

"Oh really!?" he mocked her sarcastically. "And what pray tell would that 'Christmas' song be exactly?" He stood there, hands on hips, righteous in his rightness.

She thought he was adorable when he did that. "That, my dear husband, is Santa's Creepy Secret by Orgy. See? Santa's even in the title." she smiled sweetly at him and turned back to the eggs once more. She sang along with the ending verse,

so be careful whose lap you sit upon
you just might turn kris kringle on

And then laughed when she saw the expression on her husband's face. The music was bad enough, but it was the lyrics that did him in. *Awww*

As he carefully placed the hot sweet rolls into the serving basket, Giles began sputtering and mumbling about that not being the kind of music he had in mind for Christmas breakfast and you'd think some people would at least pretend to civilized behavior on one bleeding holiday in the year ... and on and on, with 'wankers' this and 'buggerin'' that.

Jenny thought it was cute how both Rupert and William thought nothing of using the crudest British expressions while in the US, under the presumption that if the Americans didn't understand the meaning of the crude terms then they couldn't really be offended by them, now could they?

Giles marched off to fight with Spike regarding his choice of music, and Jenny finished setting the food out on the dining room table. Breakfast on high holidays was always a special affair, and served on the best china with the good silver in the formal dining room. That was the way her family had always done it and she insisted that traditions like these were very important to the overall tone of family life. Giles and Spike, both being men and also having lived with traditions more time-encrusted than any Jenny knew, were not as doctrinaire on the matter, but respected Jenny's wishes on these days, and cooperated with her as much as two manly men could be expected to do.

She loved her two boys. There were none like them in the world.





The three of them opened their gifts after breakfast, and were well pleased with the thoughtfulness behind each one. Jenny noticed that Spike had an extra gift, one wrapped in the funny pages, with a little snowflake name card on top. It was very pretty in a creative way, and she wondered which one of his friends had thought of it. He had already opened presents from the friends with whom she was familiar, so who ... Oh.

She took a look at Giles' face, and realized it must be from 'that girl' as Giles had taken to referring to the child. Really, he was so old-fashioned, she could almost see the crust growing on his ears as he said those words. He pronounced them -- that girl -- as though this poor girl were just waiting for an opportunity to use and corrupt his innocent nephew. Knowing Spike's reputation the way she did, and having spent a year watching the 'Spike and Drusilla' show every day, she rather thought they should be worrying about Spike corrupting the 'virtue' of the new girl, not the other way around.

The entire thing worried her a bit, because Giles wasn't usually that closed minded. Perhaps, she thought, there was something about the girl that he knew and wasn't telling them? He had, after all, given begrudging acceptance to Drusilla for a year, and that was a monumental feat if ever there was one.

*How much worse than Drusillacould this new girl be?* she chuckled inwardly at the ridiculous thought.



Spike smiled at the card on top, liking the intricacy of the snowflake and how she'd managed to make it 3D so that it served as both namecard and decoration on top.

*That's my girl,* he thought to himself. *So clever.*

He carefully peeled back the wrapping, wanting to see which cartoon he was fortunate enough to have received along with his gift. He read it over and laughed. There were no words, just a picture of two parents looking with dismay upon their car, covered in snow in the driveway. The three sections of a snowman had been placed upon the hood and on the ground in front of the vehicle, as though the car had hit a pedestrian, and three other snowmen stood in a semicircle around the grisly tableau, looking down at the 'dead' snowman with expressions of shock and horror upon their snowman faces. It was brilliant, and Spike was so completely captivated by her choice he almost forgot to open the gift itself. He was finally prompted to do so by Jenny, who took and read the cartoon, laughing, then handed it off to Giles who tried hard to remain sober but finally let loose a silly giggle in spite of himself.

A girl who could make his uncle giggle like a little boy was a good girl to have, Spike thought as he opened the small box. Inside was a genuine Antique Silver Plate Zippo Lighter, still sealed in its packaging, complete with papers to document its lifetime guarantee. It was not one of the more expensive lighters, but it was an excellent one, and exactly fit the style he'd noted she displayed on Tuesday. Simple. Elegant. Fine quality. He was delighted.

"Wonderful. She's given you a gift guaranteed to last longer than you will, if you continue to smoke." Giles noted dryly.

Jenny swatted his leg and Spike gave his uncle a 'look'. Giles seemed suitably chastened. "It's lovely, William," he added. "She has excellent taste."

"That she does." Spike smiled as he placed his gift with the other opened gifts. "And now I have to see a bird about a baby."

Giles and Jenny looked at each other, he with resignation, and she with confusion. Spike ignored them both, and bounded up the stairs to make a phone call.

"A baby?" Jenny asked.

Giles just shook his head and sighed.


~~~~~~~


Buffy slipped out of the house after dinner, around two-thirty. She had about an hour and a half before her absence would become an issue, so she wanted to make the most of her time away. The foster family -- and their extended loved ones -- were driving her to drink. Or they would be if she actually drank. But still. Perhaps, she considered, she could share that with the group on Monday. She thought that was the kind of thing they were pushing for, and now she had something to say that she thought might show her 'cooperation'. "Horrible relatives, they were, and I was sorely tried. But I resisted the lure of evil alcohol." Yeah, that was just the thing. Maybe she'd use a brogue.

Anyway, she was happy to hear Spike's voice on the line and was pleased that he had taken the initiative to call first. He was very contrite on the telephone, and begged to see her that afternoon, if she could find it in her heart to hear him out. She made him grovel a little bit, while secretly squeeing over the fact that he realized he'd done wrong in the first place. This was more than she could have hoped for yesterday, and she left the house with high spirits, headed for a nearby cemetery where they could talk together undisturbed. There was a chance for a relationship after all. A chance.




Spike was nervously pacing in front of an engraved stone bench set back in a clearing in the trees, toward the center of Restfield Cemetery. He had to tell her what he was thinking yesterday, explain to her why he reacted the way he did, and somehow get her to forgive him for being an arse. He had to convince her that in spite of her past traumatic experiences, there was no reason they could not form a good relationship like any other couple did in school. They were, ultimately, no different than anyone else in that regard. Everyone had something in the history, some error or wrong done to them, he thought. It was a matter of overcoming the negatives and supporting each other through good times and bad. Yes, that was it. Stress the normality of it all, the surmountable aspect of these problems she carried like so many chains about her neck. That was what he needed to get her to see.

"Hey."

He spun round to see her standing in the clearing before him. She looked beautiful, in her black dress and leather coat, her golden hair gathered in a ponytail that swung down her back. Almost looked like an angel, come to stand watch over a funeral.

"Beautiful as ever, luv," he breathed.

"Thank you. You look pretty good yourself." She smiled when he blushed. She loved that she could make him blush. *Awww*

"Come, sit down, luv," he took her arm in his hand and guided her to the stone bench, seating himself next to her, holding his leather duster close around him.

"Spike," she started, but he turned quickly to face her and held up a hand so she would stop. He needed to get out his apology, and he needed to do it properly, the way he'd practiced it. He needed to do this now.

"Please, luv, let me start." He tilted his head and came over all pleading-face, and Buffy realized that she was no match for that bit of adorableness. She nodded to him to go on.

"First, I am so so sorry I acted like an arse yesterday when you told me your story. I just wasn't prepared to hear it, and hadn't any experience with that sort of thing, and I just ... well ... I was an arse. I'm sorry, luv," he gazed at her with deadly seriousness, his face a picture of misery, and Buffy's heart melted a little bit. She nodded then waited for him to continue.

"Yesterday you'd asked me to let you finish before I spoke, and I thought that was what I was doin', but I was so shocked about what you were tellin' me, about those guys, and the party ... I didn't know what to say then. But I do now." He took her hands in his and looked her squarely in the eyes. "What happened to you was wrong and if I had any idea who those wankers were I'd beat 'em to death my own self. If I let you think that I wasn't carin' about that, then I'm sorry. I don't blame you for what happened to you, the bloody fucks who did this are to blame, not you. And you were right, pet. You were ... raped ... and unconscious at the time, then you'd no way to know anything at all, and that's just the same as bein' a virgin, innit? It's you knowin' the score, not what some shite faced fuck forced on you after you were drugged, that's the thing innit? And that's the way I see it, luv. You need to go slow, you don't have experience. And if you'd still have me, then that's what we'll do. You were right, sayin' that."

She felt some tears well up behind her eyes, and tried to force them back. She knew what he was saying was true, and she'd had basically the same conversation with Faith a year ago, but hearing the words come out of his mouth meant so much to her right now. Somehow it gave substance and authority to something she'd felt silly saying previously. Saying you're a virgin while you suckle a baby to your breast somehow doesn't carry the same ring, not like it did here, with Spike, now. She knew deep down it was true, but Spike's confirmation meant everything to her today.

"Now, I have a confession to make to you." He sat forward a bit and braced his elbows on his knees. "I told you before that my mum and dad both left me, didn't want to raise a kid, yeah?" He looked at her then, and she nodded. "Well, when you first said you had a baby -- or when I knew that's what you were sayin', anyway, -- the very first thought I had was anger, anger at a baby bein' abandoned."

She gasped and felt cold. Spike noticed the change in her but misunderstood. "Oh, luv, please, I'm sorry, I'm just tryin' to tell you what my mind said to me first thing. But it wasn't but a few moments later that I came to my senses, and realized that you weren't doin' like my parents, you weren't abandonin' your baby, you were just too young and the baby's start was bad, and you couldn't be expected to keep the sprog 'round under the circumstances, yeah? And so I saw that right away, and wanted to talk to you, explain why I acted so angry so suddenly, and that it passed quick, and that I understand what you did ... what you had to do." He looked at her with such passionate intensity, willing her to understand his thoughts, to accept his words and his apology so they could move on.

When he saw her face ashen, he was flummoxed. She looked more uncomfortable now than at any time since they'd started talking today. He worried about what he'd said wrong now. This girl was thick with hidden traps, he was beginning to understand.

"Luv, did you understand then?" he tried to clarify for her. "I got upset because of my own situation, without any thinkin', but right away saw how different yours was than my mum's, and that I understand why you had to let your baby go, and --"

"Spike, please stop." Buffy was miserable. He didn't understand, and now there was another revelation she would have to suffer through and she was so tired of putting herself out there like this. There should be rules about there being only so many hard truths you'd have to admit to in a week. Some quota or something. A limit, for God's sake.

"Pet?" he looked lost now. He had no idea.

She'd have to just get it all out at once and let whatever happened, happen. She was just too tired of it all to be upset any more.

"I guess there's more to this than you got from it yesterday. I didn't realize ... well, anyway, please let me just tell you the whole horrible story and then you'll have it all and can decide what you want to do. I'm just so tired, Spike. I can't do this a third time, so please let me just say it all, and then you just decide what you think and what you want." She turned to him with tired, hopeless, pleading eyes. "Okay?"

He nodded uneasily.

"Okay, you got the part where I had a baby, but we never really went past that point," she started to explain in a tone that was discouraged and flat, staring at the ground as she spoke.

"My mom was pissed that I got pregnant -- both my parents were, and before you wonder, no I never told anybody I was ... raped ... when I was back there. I just was too ashamed, and I just tried to pretend it never happened." She glanced quickly at him. "By the way, that doesn't work too good, just so you know." Her eyes went back to the ground. "Anyway, she didn't want me to have the baby, but I waited too long to tell them I was pregnant so it was kinda late and I didn't really believe I could bear to get rid of it anyway, so pretty much I was gonna have this baby. My mom and dad were pissed about that, and sent me to a maternity home in the city and arranged for an adoption and everything. But when she was born -- her name is Katie, by the way -- I fell in love with her right away and wanted to keep her. My mom said no, so I ran away to Sunnydale, to live with my cousin Faith who is a couple years older than me and had already come to live here. No one but Faith knew where I was. And we lived together and I raised Katie and we were pretty happy, I had made a good friend, we had our own apartment, everything. I had a job where I could watch Katie, it was good.

"Then one day Faith gets this boyfriend who manages this strip club, and he talks her into making more money stripping than working a regular job, and she does it. Then he gets her out of stripping and starts her working on other business at the club, which turned out to be this whole huge drug distribution and identity theft thing. It was in all the papers a couple weeks ago."

Spike nodded absently, staring at a stone angel on a monument across the footpath, listening intently to her convoluted tale.

"So anyway, the police do the big drug bust, and Faith and her boyfriend get away. Meanwhile, Katie and I are home minding our own business -- and know zero about any drugs and stuff -- when the police raid our apartment and in their search they find a big stash of hard drugs and a loaded gun and a clip in Katie's rocking horse seat. Robin gave her that horse, and I had no idea, but there they were, right inside. They arrested me, and took Katie to a foster home. Then they had a big trial / hearing thingy a coupla days later, and the judge decided -- with the help of the detectives on the case who were on my side, and my social worker and my lawyer -- that I wasn't involved in the drugs or identity theft or anything, but I was a runaway and had false ID from the identity theft business, and my baby was exposed to danger while I was taking care of her. How I was supposed to know that they were dangerous people I don't know, they never really explained that to me so I could understand -- but anyway they took her away and gave me all these things I have to do to get her back, and I have to be in a separate foster home than she is and visit her for only four hours a week, and go back to high school, and then, if I'm really good, the judge might let me have her again, in April."

Her voice had been losing energy the whole time she told her story, and she didn't know if she'd be able to get this all out before she just wound completely down. "And I'm so tired, Spike. So tired. So if you're mad again and want to yell at me, please remember that I was going to tell you this but you kinda stopped me yesterday when you started yelling at me, and I wasn't trying to hide this from you. I was trying to tell you, even if I was too scared to do it well." She glanced in his direction again.

"And you're upset again," she watched his jaw tick as he continued to stare at the stone angel, "and I can't handle any more yelling right now, so I guess I'm just gonna go now and just ... I don't know ... thank you for listening to me and taking me on my first real date, and please please don't tell anyone else what I told you cuz I'd like to start school without already being labeled the school slut or something."

She rose to go, resigned to the fact that this was her life and she was foolish for thinking it could be anything else. She had had silly little girl hopes for a life with this boy, and it was just stupid. She'd been right when she first saw him a year ago in the mall. She wasn't the kind of girl that boys like him dated and took to the prom and she never would be. She pulled her coat closer around her as a cold breeze picked up and turned to leave the clearing.

She got about two yards away when she felt herself being grabbed and spun 'round into Spike's arms.

"If you're goin' to run off every time I act an idiot I'm goin' to be spending a lot of my time chasin' you down the street, luv," he smiled into her surprised face. He leaned down and gave her a quick soft kiss, pulling her closer inside the safety of his long leather duster.

"What?" Buffy looked up at him in confusion.

"If you think I'm letting you walk away from me now, then you've another think comin'," he warned her sternly. "It's a shocker, I'll admit it, but I like you, and I haven't liked too many girls lately, not like this anyway, and I'm not gonna drop you now just because you've got some responsibilities other girls might not have yet."

"Really? You mean that?" she was practically numb with fear that he'd change his mind and decide he didn't really mean this, that he didn't know what he could be thinking.

"Yeah, I do." He hugged her close and kissed the top of her head, then guided them back to sit on the cold bench. "You said you've a plan to follow, and you visit her four hours a week. Anyway I can meet her, or help you with that plan, luv?"

"I don't know. I don't know what they allow or anything, I've just started. But I can show you the plan, I keep it with me." She pulled the folded paper from her purse, smoothed it out on her knee, and handed it to him.

He perused the many conditions set upon her, and let out a low whistle. There were a lot of things she had to do. *Drug program? Domestic Violence class? Sexuality class?*

She watched his face for any sign that he was changing his mind, and worried her lip when she saw him frowning.

"What?"

"Why'd they put you in a drug program, luv? And domestic violence? Is there more still you need to tell me?" He tried hard to appear caring and interested rather than accusatory and intrusive. From the look on her face he wasn't sure if he'd succeeded.

She looked away petulantly and grumbled, "Yeah, well. My social worker told me they make all underage girls in 'my situation' have those programs tacked onto their plan, sorta a captive audience they can preach to, you know?" She looked over at him and said with careful deliberation, "I don't do drugs, I don't have a drinking problem, and I never have. I swear. It's just the 'powers-that-be' being all parental and annoying that put me in there. Honest."

She made a little 'cross my heart' sign on her chest as she finished that statement, and he couldn't help but laugh out loud at how much of a little girl she seemed at that moment.

*She's bleedin' adorable.*

She didn't see what was so funny, and frowned at him. He just laughed again and pulled her close to him, resting his head on top of hers.

"Not laughin' at you, petal, just thinkin' you looked adorable just then, and I loved it. That's all."

She both heard and felt his words penetrate into her being, and she relaxed into his arms completely. Since she'd lost Fred, and then Faith, she had been feeling very disconnected and vulnerable, unable to assure either her well-being or Katie's. Everything was so out of control, and other people made all the decisions and she didn't entirely trust them to do so.

But now, for the first time in a very long while, she felt safe. Wrapped up in his big coat, his arms holding her close, she felt protected.

It felt wonderful.


~~~~~~~

Thanks for your reviews, I read and love each one. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Sara

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