Chapter 40: Well Met By Moonlight
Author's Notes: The title of the chapter refers to Shakespeare's 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' and the movie they saw was -- surprise! -- 'Million Dollar Baby'. If you haven't seen that movie, there are some SPOILERS for it in the narrative and dialogue, but I need them there so I'm just warning you now. It's been two years though, so I think spoilers are okay for this movie at this point. And...I'm leavin' em in there. Second, I used the Japanese poetry quote in the last chapter completely from memory because I was lazy and didn't want to get the book off the shelf. Which is why I wrote 'ninth' century instead of 'eleventh' century. I went back and corrected it so it reads accurately now. Sorry 'bout that.
They filed silently out of the theater and made their way back a couple of blocks to where Spike's car was parked. He had no idea what Buffy was thinking at the moment, but her complete silence and wrinkled brow had him a tad concerned. He'd warned her that it wasn't exactly a 'date night' movie, but she'd insisted this was the movie she wanted to see tonight, said she hadn't seen any of the movies of 2004 yet and was happy for the opportunity to see this one. It had just been re-released into theaters in December, and was said to be Oscar-bound. Spike pointed out that it was also said to be grim and depressing, and did she know it was about
boxing. But she wouldn't be dissuaded, so they had spent more than two hours watching a heartbreaking, almost unrelentingly grim movie with not a minute of romance or sex in it anywhere. Spike was a seventeen year old boy, and even he wasn't in the mood after watching this for two hours.
He didn't hold out much hope for the rest of their date. He had known that she'd probably cry during certain parts, especially the end, and he wasn't sorry that he'd been given the chance to put his arm around her and pull her a bit closer to him in an attempt to offer some comfort during those scenes. But the movie had ended fifteen minutes ago and she'd been lost in thought, and completely silent, since the credits had rolled. He didn't know what to do. So far he had respected her obvious need to silently process what they had just seen, but he didn't want the date to end this way, all sad and contemplative and quiet. He wanted their easy banter back, the way they were at the restaurant and before the curtain rose in the theater. He just didn't know how to get that back without coming off as an insensitive lunk.
He wished she'd agreed to see that romantic comedy instead. Romantic comedies were what usually put girls in a good mood, opened them up and made them more receptive to some physical intimacy afterwards. Horror movies had the same result for some reason he never did quite understand. But this, this was new for him. He had no idea how to salvage the rest of the date after watching a movie that was so devastatingly sad.
It was fortunate for him, then, that she broke the silence first.
"Wow. That was just ... wow," she finally sighed as they approached his car. She stopped and turned toward him, huge green eyes seeking his out in the dark.
He turned toward her and brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "Yeah, it was. You okay, luv?"
She broke out into a glorious smile in response to his question. "Okay? Yeah, I'm okay. I feel fantastic. That movie was so ... inspiring, you know? I mean it was
exactly what I needed to hear right now, exactly what I needed to
remember." She said this with such intensity that he was left with the impression that she was trying to
will him into understanding the meaning this film had for her.
"Not followin' you 'round that bend, luv. What did you see in that movie that you needed to hear, now?" He was confused. What part of that heartwrenching story was 'exactly' what Buffy needed to hear? "It didn't exactly turn out well for either of 'em, pet."
Buffy shook her head excitedly as she mounted her argument. "No, no, no ..." she disagreed. "Don't you see? They were a family. They
made a family together, as friends, as trainer and boxer, even more a father and daughter than most people have, and this
family meant more to each of them than their blood family could ever hope to do. His own daughter wouldn't speak to him or read his letters, and her real family were selfish and stupid. They were both truly
alone in the world, but they made a family together, with each other, that was more solid, more real than the ones they were related to by blood, and that was amazingly beautiful. This movie was about hope, it was about love, it was about having the guts to stick around even when things are their very worst, and just to dare to love and to care about another human being. He wasn't her father, and she wasn't his daughter. And it didn't matter even a little bit. They were each other's family. And in the end, when it counted, he took care of her. Even to the end."
She started walking slowly toward the car again. "I've been feeling kinda overwhelmed, you know, and upset cuz my family isn't what I hoped they would be." He fell into step beside her and she turned her face to look hard at him. "I forgot for a while there, that just because the people who are supposed to love you and care for you are dicks, doesn't mean you can't find
other people who'll love you and who you can love back, too. You know? Family isn't about the blood. It's about the love. I guess I just forgot that for awhile."
Spike remained silent as he unlocked the doors and helped Buffy into the car, walking slowly to the driver's side, thinking hard about what she was trying to say to him. After all, wasn't that his life too, that she could be talking about? His parents abandoned him, and it hurt like a devil to think about it if he was honest with himself. The world tells you that your parents are supposed to care more for you than anyone else out there. And if they don't? What then? He still had blood that cared, in the shape of his mother's brother and his wife. They'd taken him in and he'd been grateful for it, but he'd also felt very sorry for himself nonetheless. Felt as though he were alone in the world sometimes.
What Buffy was suggesting took more courage than he'd had yet. To put away the hurt and the anger he was holding onto, born from the rejection of his parents and the betrayal of Drusilla, and have the guts to create a new family, a better family, in its place. A family that actually did love you and would stick by you to the death when that time came, a family for which he could do the same. He was gonna have to think about that one for a bit. In the mean while, they had a date to finish, and he hoped they could finish it on a lighter note.
He settled into the driver's seat and turned toward Buffy. "Well, it's ten o'clock, pet. Should I take you home now, or would you like to do something else?"
Buffy didn't give it a second's thought. "I'm too keyed up to go home now. Can we go somewhere, talk some more?"
"Sure. I know a place we can park and watch the moon reflect on the ocean and the cliffs. It's beautiful and peaceful, usually deserted this time on a weeknight. We could go there and talk."
"Sounds perfect," she smiled at him and settled back in her seat. She wasn't ready at all for this night to end.
~~~~~~
It was as lovely as he'd said it would be, and as deserted. He pulled the car near the low rock wall that served as a safety barrier, where they had an unobstructed view of the ocean bathed in moonlight, and of the cliffs immediately below. To the right they could see more of the craggy cliffs as the land curved around the shore, and Buffy thought the gnarled Monterey pines holding stubbornly to their precarious positions upon the rocky cliff sides were quite beautiful. The waves crashed below, beating a steady rhythm that was very soothing. They cracked their windows a bit to let in more cool air and so that they could listen to the water crashing upon the rocks below. Although it was a crisp night, it was not uncomfortably chill. The sea air felt good, clean and refreshing.
"It's beautiful." She breathed as she turned toward him.
He slid sideways toward her on the bench seat, moving his right arm around her back to bring her closer to him in a half-embrace.
"Yeah. So beautiful, luv."
He gazed deeply into her eyes as she watched him, and he leaned down to give her a soft kiss. She closed her eyes and lost herself to the sensation of the kiss. His lips were soft yet completely masculine, gently and chastely moving over her own, stopping for a second to pull on her lower lip, then continuing back to the soft caressing movement. They then slowly drew apart for a much needed breath.
As he pulled back, she heard him whisper softly in her ear, "Not as beautiful as you are, luv."
Buffy's heart melted at his words, and although she knew that this whole set-up on the cliffs and the romantic words he breathed to her were exactly the sort of thing a man would do in order to get what he wanted from his date, she really didn't think he was playing a game with her tonight. She knew she should probably be wary and cynical about this, and could easily wind up hurt if she wasn't careful, but she really felt such a strong connection with Spike that she decided to give him more trust than he'd really earned from her so far. She wanted so much for his words and his actions to be honest and real, and not the game he'd played on others before her. Her need to believe him was overwhelming.
She let him pull her closer to him, and settled comfortably into his arms. *Another plus in the whole nineteen-fifties date column - cars with bench seats.*
He embraced her with one arm and wound his other hand into her hair, pulling her closer to him for some more gentle kisses. They didn't remain gentle, though. After a short time, his kisses became more passionate, deeper and more demanding. When he slipped his tongue between her parted lips and explored her mouth, she felt as though a flame had lit deep inside her womb, and she gave herself over to the passion of the kisses. She wound her arms around his neck and played with the hair which slightly curled behind his head. He drew her closer to him still, and with one arm holding her to him his other hand ran along her back and side, under her coat, over her sweater.
Buffy felt herself falling into him as their passion increased. The sheer intensity of this embrace was overpowering and like nothing she had ever experienced before. She was conscious of nothing but his lips, his tongue, and his hands. Those wonderful hands. He brought his hand up from her back to her neck, into her hair, and then she felt it brushing down her collarbone, down to the soft swell of her breast.
When Buffy realized that he was now cupping and gently massaging her breast, reality hit her square between the eyes with the fact that they were moving way too fast and she forced herself to pull away from him.
"Wait..." she gasped as she started to pull away. She wanted nothing more than for that sensation to continue forever, but she had to do this, she had to stop him now, she couldn't do this now. It was too soon for this. Her eyes flicked down to his lap where she could see that he was becoming rather obviously aroused as well. Her breath caught as she tore her gaze away and forced herself to look into his eyes instead.
"Sorry, luv, I'm movin' too fast. Just a little overcome havin' you so near like this..."
She could see that he too was having difficulty breathing and was forcing himself to calm and pull back in spite of his almost overwhelming desire to continue.
She forced down a groan at the loss of contact, already missing those wonderful hands that had been moving over her body in such delightful ways. This was so much harder than she'd thought it would be.
"Yeah, we are. I'm sorry. I just need to take things slow, okay? I really don't have very much experience at this whole dating thing ..."
"You've never ...?"
She shook her head slowly and lowered her eyes in embarrassment. Spike put his hand under her chin and raised her head up to look into her eyes.
"We don't have to do anythin' you don't want to, pet. However you want to do this, that's what we'll do."
"Really?"
"Really. You let me know what you're comfortable with, and we'll stick to that until you say otherwise, yeah?"
"Well," she gazed shyly up at him through long dark lashes, and he thought she never looked so adorable and sexy as when she did that. "Kissing is very nice."
Spike chuckled huskily, and hugged her close. "Yeah, it is."
He leaned down again and brought his lips down on hers, kissing her breathless for a minute, but this time keeping his hands from roving into dangerous areas. "Think we could manage that and not get carried away again?" He asked her with a smirk.
"I don't know," she smiled sweetly. "We'll just have to try it and find out."
Spike chuckled. "Let's do that, then, yeah?"
In the end, they both declared the experiment a very pleasant success.
~~~~~~~
Eventually, they had to stop again, to prevent going too far once more. Spike was more sexually frustrated than he could remember being in a very long time. He'd been with Drusilla for a year and then did a lot of indiscriminate sleeping around these last six months. Dating and working hard at developing an honest and real relationship with a girl who was a virgin was something he had no practice with and he thought he might spontaneously combust at more than one point that night.
But he didn't burst into flames, and he was able to drive them back down the road toward home once again. But first, there was a stop he thought would be a good ending to their evening.
And that was how they wound up back in the old diner, this time sharing a piece of genuine 'homemade' lemon meringue pie and continuing that talk they never quite got to having when they were parked in the moonlight. Spike found that he really liked talking to Buffy about all kinds of things and that she was a very good listener. And he loved listening to her as well, as she got caught up excitedly in some thought or idea or other. He found himself enchanted by her beauty, which he already knew, and by her mind, which surprised him. He hadn't really thought he'd find someone he wanted to talk to as much as sleep with since he'd parted ways with Dru.
This was only his third time seeing her, and their first date, but he felt himself falling hard. And he never wanted to stop.
~~~~~~~
"Well, here we are," she said softly as she turned to watch him pull the car in front of her house.
"Yeah, we are." He gazed softly at her and tilted his head in that adorable way that he had.
"I had a wonderful time tonight." She was all gooey once more.
"Me too, pet." He squeezed her hand, and got out of the car and escorted her to her front door.
Once on her porch, he leaned in and took her in his arms for a final kiss of the evening.
Just as their lips met, the front door suddenly opened to reveal John, who was standing there with his hands in his pockets, smiling and waiting for an introduction.
Spike and Buffy pulled apart quickly. Buffy was completely flustered by the unexpected appearance of her foster father, and Spike stepped back a little bit, trying to avoid the awkwardness of the situation.
"Um, John Smith, I'd like to introduce you to William Rayne, my ... um ... my date," she stumbled uncomfortably, falling back on her strict etiquette training to get her through this very surreal moment.
*Spike, let me introduce you to John Smith, the older guy who wanted in my pants this summer and now here I am with you, a boy my own age, instead ... God my life is way creepy.*
"Um, William, this is John Smith, my foster father," she finished with a small embarrassed smile.
"Nice to meet you, son." John reached forward to shake Spike's hand.
"Yeah, good to meet you too, Mr Smith," Spike nodded uncomfortably.
"Call me John."
Spike nodded once, to acknowledge John's gesture of friendliness. He forced himself to refrain from asking John to call him 'Spike', seeing that Buffy didn't seem to want to call him that right now, and guessing that the name 'William' was less threatening to nervous parents than the handle 'Spike' probably was. He could respect that.
And then John stood there, right there, going nowhere -- right there. He wasn't going back inside to let them part in privacy. Spike finally turned to Buffy and took her hands in his.
"I had a wonderful time with you tonight, pet. I'll call you tomorrow, yeah?"
"Me too," Buffy smiled up at him, trying to ignore John standing there in her peripheral vision. "I - I had a wonderful time, too. And I'll look forward to your call then."
"Right," Spike nodded with a smile, then turned to John, "Take care, mate." And he bounded down the steps back to his car, and drove off.
Buffy entered the door first and hurried to the stairs hoping to avoid any more awkwardness tonight. About half a dozen steps up she heard John shut the door and call out to her, "Buffy."
She stopped on the stair and without turning around, waited for whatever he was going to say. Never in a million years, however, did she expect what he said next.
"The box is unopened."
*What? ...
What?* She slowly turned around and looked at John in astonishment.
"Excuse me?"
"I was walking by your room this evening, and I noticed the box was unopened."
"Walking
by my room? I'm at the end of the hall to
nowhere." Buffy was becoming angry, but trying to remain calm and quiet in spite of her spiraling fury.
"We have guests arriving tomorrow for Christmas, and I was seeing to it that the guest room across from yours was ready for them. So don't take an attitude with me about where I choose to go in my own home." John bit out with some asperity, then continued more calmly, "I have a responsibility to make sure you're safe while you're in my care." He continued as he slowly walked forward, closing in on her on the stairs. "And that safety includes making sure you don't come home with another baby on the way. You need to be careful, Buffy. If you're going to live in my home, I have to be certain that you're being careful."
He stared hard at her as she turned three shades of red. She was angry at his presumption, weirded out by this whole discussion on general terms, and outraged that he had felt free to wander about her room while she was out. She knew the box was not just sitting out in plain view of someone walking by the door. She'd put it out of the way where she wouldn't have to keep looking at it and also where Willow wouldn't see it when she came over tomorrow.
But mostly she was mortified that she was having a conversation about sex with this man she barely knew, a man who flirted openly with her a few months ago but who now was acting like the 'creepy dad' from some weird afterschool tv special about 'bad touches'. This faux father wasn't acting fatherly, he was acting like a spurned lover who was using the 'father' card to intrude into things she felt he had no business discussing with her. If she didn't need to make this placement work, she'd probably slap him for his 'concern'. But she did need to make this work, and she knew that even if they moved her there was no guarantee the next home wouldn't be as bad or worse. She couldn't even be sure there was a 'next home'. They could dump her in juvenile hall, where she wouldn't get to see Spike at all. No, she needed to calm down and get through this completely infuriating and embarrassing moment. She had to keep her eyes on the big picture.
So she sucked all the furious words she wanted to spit out at him back down and smiled in apology.
"I'm sorry. I know you can go anywhere you want, it's your house. I guess I was just surprised is all. I've lived on my own for a long time now and I guess I'm still getting used to living with adults like this. I'm really sorry," she said quickly so as to not choke on the words as she spoke them. "And it was just a first date, nothing was going to happen, nothing did happen. I didn't even think about ... those things ... but from now on I'll be sure to keep some in my purse," she almost did choke now, "... just in case."
John stood before her and placed a hand on her arm and squeezed. "Good girl," he smiled. "I just want what's best for you."
Buffy pushed down the urge to hit him as it rose up again, and instead nodded her understanding.
"It's late, and I'm pretty tired. I'm gonna go to bed now, okay?"
"Sure," John smiled back.
Buffy marched up the stairs to her room and closed and locked her door with quiet deliberation. Then she found the damn box, opened it and took ten of them out and put them in her purse.
*Ha! Ten! Let him wonder about
that next time he comes in here to snoop. Son of a bitch!*
But as she showered and dressed for bed, she put John out of her mind and focused instead on her date with Spike. And as she drifted off to sleep, she was thinking only of Spike's arms, Spike's hands, and Spike's kisses. And of the day in the future that she hoped would turn those horrid condoms into a delightful necessity.
~~~~~~~
Spike strode purposefully into his own front door, and meant to head for the stairs to go to bed. He was stopped by the man sitting in his living room, waiting for the end of this 'first date'.
"How was your date?" Giles asked mildly from his seat on the sofa, where he'd been reading and waiting for Spike to return safely home.
Spike turned back and stood in the entryway to the living room, prepared to give his uncle the reassurances he seemed to need at this point in his life, reassurance that Spike was alive and well and had managed to stay out of trouble for another day. What terrible trouble Giles seemed to be expecting to encounter Spike could never quite suss out, but he humored his uncle just the same. Helped the older man sleep at night, he supposed.
"Good," Spike shoved his hands in his coat pockets and nodded affirmatively.
"Who was the young lady?" Giles hadn't caught the name before Spike left for the evening. He did hope it wasn't another of the 'seduce and shag' types his nephew had been going through these past six months or so. There was bound to be trouble on that front sooner rather than later, and Giles dreaded that more than anything. Spike had been extremely lucky so far, that he'd neither gotten any of the girls pregnant nor been roughed up by an angry brother or father. His luck couldn't hold out forever though.
"Buffy."
Giles stilled and tilted his head in question. "Buffy? Not the Buffy you met in the library last week surely?"
"You honestly think there's more than one Buffy in Sunnydale? Yes, that Buffy."
Giles rose from his seat and approached his nephew carefully. "I'm not sure that dating Buffy is a good idea, son."
Spike looked hard at Giles, wondering where that was coming from. "What's that supposed to mean? What's wrong with Buffy?"
Discomfort was coming off Giles in waves. "Oh! Nothing, nothing ... I don't think she's the right girl for you is all."
"I think she's very right for me." Spike was frowning now. *What the bloody hell -- ?*
Giles tried to deflect Spike's anger and counter the protectiveness he already seemed to be feeling toward this girl with some cool logic. "You've dated half the girls in the school. Why are you so intent on having this one?"
"What's the problem, then? I like her, she likes me. I'd thought you'd be happy that I'm thinking about settling in with one girl again, not playing the field like I've been."
Giles was alarmed. "Is that what you're doing? You actually consider Buffy to be a potential
girlfriend rather than just a quick shag and moving along to the next girl?"
"I don't know that it's any of your business, but yeah, I do." Spike was becoming very irritated with this line of questioning. He knew Giles didn't approve of his dating behavior in general, but this was the first time he opposed a particular girl.
"I realize that I cannot tell you who to date, but surely there are other nice girls you could ask out and get to know better if you are considering changing your ways now. It certainly doesn't have to be this
particular girl."
"Well, it doesn't work that way. She
is the right one, and I'm not looking for some other replacement for her. And you'll have to deal with that." Spike was angry now. "I don't recall me telling you to find someone else to marry, that there were 'other girls' you could look for to replace the one you obviously loved and wanted to have."
Giles stood in shock. Spike had never spoken to him in this way before.
"They're
women, Giles. They're not exchangeable one for the other," Spike turned around and sprinted up the stairs to his bed. "Wouldn't think I'd need to tell
you that." he bit out angrily as he slammed his door shut.
Giles stood in the living room where Spike had left him, speechless. He wasn't sure whether it was because he was dismayed at Spike's choice in love interest, or surprise at the anger with which Spike defended his choice, or the fact that he realized his nephew was actually correct.
That wasn't something anyone should have had to tell him. Damn it all.
~~~~~~~
Okay, I tried. I'm new at the whole 'sexy scene' business and have no idea if I pulled this off or not, so please review and let me know. Being married is wonderful, but it does make you forget the whole 'first date' thing after a while. So... anyway...
Now, I have some homework for you guys, if anyone wants to try it. I need some haiku. The very same haiku that Spike wrote for World Lit class last year, and of which Willow and Xander were speaking in the
Espresso Pump that long ago day. Remember? Willow liked the 'sucking quicksand' one, and Xander was fond of the 'preying mantis' one? There were fifteen total, all on the theme of 'the hopelessness of young love', with a definite leaning toward how love sucks in the end and girls are bad, etc. Using themes from the actual show (such as the quicksand and the preying mantis, for example) earns extra points. Any that I can use in the story will be accredited to their authors in the notes.
If I don't get any offers, you may get stuck with mine, which ... well... probably not so good. Please send any you want to offer to my contact address on this site. And if you guys don't want to, that's okay. You come here to read a story, not to get asked to write one, and I understand completely. You'll just have to make do with mine. You have been
warned. :-)
Thanks guys!
Sara