Summary: Life can be difficult when you are fifteen years old with a baby and few options. Fortunately Buffy Summers is a resourceful girl. Spuffy. All human AU in Four Parts. It's a high school fic with actual high school coming up in Parts Two thru Four. This is a very long saga and will be completed. NOTE : The ratings and warnings I am giving for this story do not represent the entire story - they allow for occasional forays into difficult subjects, but most chapters do not dwell there. It's not a fluffy story, but it is not unrelentingly grim. Like life, it flows among the highs and lows. IMPORTANT: Although Parts One and Two are rated R, beginning in Part Three the story will move into some NC-17 territory. ‘The Song Remains the Same’ consists of Parts One and Two. When we move into Part Three it will start a new posted ‘story’ so that I can reflect the new rating. Also, Parts One and Two are quite long enough on their own. / Winner of 'Judge's Pick' in Round 11 of Spuffy Awards and Winner of Best Fantasy Angst and Best Fantasy Author in Round 12 of the Spuffy Awards
The toddler sat in her high chair, pounding the tray happily at all the attention she was attracting. She was a beautiful little thing, golden hair in little ponytails either side of her head - just barely enough hairs to fit the pink barrettes holding them in place - round rosy cheeks and the bluest eyes Buffy had ever seen. She wore her brand new pink dress with the lacy cap sleeves and white ruffled pinafore, and looked for all the world like a little princess. She laughed and shouted for joy when a piece of the chocolate cake was placed before her, and then with all the abandon of a happy baby, smashed it all over her face, her hands, and her new dress. There may have been some that actually made it to her mouth.
This was Buffy's happy day. It was more than a birthday, it was exactly one year since that awful time when she had given birth to a child she could never see and never hold, a year since her mother scowled at her and told her she would sign away her baby forever and never see her again or else.
And Buffy had done it. She'd managed to outwit them all and prove them wrong. She had her baby still with her, and the little girl was healthy and beautiful and more importantly happy. Katie was a happy little girl, and Buffy couldn't have been prouder of her daughter, or more grateful for her life together with her. She loved that little girl with her whole heart.
Faith was taking a ton of pictures to memorialize the occasion, and Lorne also snapped a lot of photos with his own camera. He made sure there were plenty of Faith and Robin together, as well as more of Faith and Buffy. The candid shots were always the most interesting.
The 'party' had been a success even though it was quite intimate. Buffy had done balloons and streamers and a big banner proclaiming the day, and Faith had assisted Robin in preparing a meal that was actually quite good. Who knew Robin was such a good cook?
Afterwards, the men left together to get back to the club for the evening, but Faith stayed to talk and clean up and just enjoy the evening with Buffy and Katie. They hadn't really just relaxed and talked in quite a while, and both girls missed that easy camaraderie. With Katie tucked safely in her playpen just outside the kitchen entryway, the girls began the task of cleaning up the mess left in the kitchen.
"How does it feel?"
"How does what feel?" Buffy quirked an eyebrow at Faith as she wiped the mess off the table and high chair.
"To be the mother of a year old kid," Faith chuckled. "Old hagdom can't be far behind."
"Funny." Buffy mock-scowled and threw an ice-cream covered sponge at her cousin's chest. Faith caught it and laughed.
"Okay, maybe not old hagdom. Middle-aged hagdom." She threw the sponge back at Buffy.
"Don't make me come over there." Buffy warned as she started gathering the trash into a new plastic bag.
"Ooooh! Scary! You've got that whole mother-vibe thing going on already," Faith taunted. "Next you'll be threatening to ground me."
"Well, you were the one who resorted to threats of spanking as I recall..."
Faith guffawed. "Yeah. Well it turns out you were right. It is a turn on."
Buffy dropped the trash bag and stood stock still, wide eyed and speechless. Faith thought the look was hysterical and erupted into gales of laughter that finally caused her to plop down in one of the kitchen chairs. "Your face!" she cried. Suddenly she went very still and asked with some fear, "What am I sitting on?"
Buffy came round and took at look at the seat. "Um, that's where I put the plate of leftover cake when I started wiping off the table."
"Ickth..." With disgust and great care, Faith peeled her pants off right there in the kitchen and wiped the worst of the mess into the trash bag while Buffy cleaned up the chair.
"Well, we didn't need the calories anyway," Buffy consoled her.
Faith just rolled her eyes. "Shower. Now." With that she left the kitchen and Buffy finished the clean up by herself.
When Faith came out all clean and pajama-clad, she found that Buffy had finished up and gotten Katie both washed up and down in her crib for the night. *Quick work.* she noted appreciatively. *Buffy's got this whole 'housewife' thing down. It's a little spooky.*
Buffy was curled up in a corner of the sofa, looking through some of the books Lorne had given her daughter for her birthday. Some were the baby non-tear nylon variety, but one was an obviously expensive volume of Fairy Tales and Nursery Rhymes clearly meant to be read to the little girl while supervised, and that was the one that caught Buffy's attention. It was a beautiful book, with thick paper and beautiful illustrations for each page. It was the kind of book that should become an heirloom some day. Inside the front cover, Lorne had written a lovely birthday greeting for Katie. Buffy was touched that Lorne, who really didn't know them all that well, would spend such money and attention on her little girl's birthday present. He seemed like a wonderful man. A very special man.
Faith got them each a soda and settled down on the other end of the sofa and watched Buffy silently a moment.
"What's Lorne's story, anyway?" Buffy looked expectantly at her cousin.
"Single. Lives alone. Not gay, in spite of the fact that he clearly chooses his clothes at the big and tall gay men's store," Faith offered. "Don't know much else about him. I've never seen him with anyone ever. Not a girlfriend, not a wife, not a friend even. He just comes to the club and goes home as far as I know. Why? Interested?" She smiled gently.
"In Lorne?!" Buffy sputtered. "No! I just think he's a nice guy is all, and wondered about his life. He seems so solid and nice to be working... at... a..." Buffy trailed off, clearly uncomfortable at the direction this sentence was going in.
Faith's expression fell. "Too nice and solid to be working at a strip club, you mean?" she retorted edgily.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way," Buffy tried to spin her answer. "It's just that it's not something I know much about and I guess I always imagined the men who'd work in a club would be, I don't know, kinda sleazy and grabby. You know, pimp-like. And he isn't."
Faith was silent and still looked annoyed.
"Neither is Robin!" Buffy added quickly. "But he's the bartender, and he's just one guy, you know? One normal good guy could wind up working in a club. But now there's Lorne too, and that makes two guys who seem really nice and normal working in the club and it just wasn't what I was expecting, you know?" She smiled hopefully at Faith.
"I should be totally offended. But I know what you mean," Faith capitulated with a small smile. "Lorne was a surprise to me, too. He really is a great guy." She grinned evilly. "You could do a lot worse."
"Stop that! Eww," Buffy grimaced. "Sooo not my type. And way too old. I mean, he's like, what? Thirty?" She sipped her soda and shook her head, frowning. "At least!"
"Yeah, over the hill. Way too old for...wait a minute! I thought we agreed you were practically a middle-aged hag. Maybe you're too old for him!"
"You really want me to ground you, don't you?" Buffy threatened dryly. "Or...we could try out that spanking theory of yours." She waggled her eyebrows at Faith.
"Only if you get Robin over here to do it. Otherwise, I'd just have to kick your ass instead." Faith grinned.
"Oooooh. Scary." Buffy threw her words back at her, and Faith just laughed.
They stayed up late that night, talking and joking and just sharing their thoughts and plans with each other. They agreed to accept Lorne's invitation to Thanksgiving this year. It was really nice, and seemed like old times again, a time before there were babies and strip clubs and the daily grind of life they had grown into.
That evening, for the first time since Fred had left, Buffy felt utterly content.
~~~~~~
The following morning, Buffy was playing with Katie and some of her new toys. The baby doll Robin had given her was a big hit, although she was in for some rough handling at the hands of her small caretaker from what Buffy could see so far. As she played with her daughter Buffy couldn't help but let her thoughts turn to her own mother and family, and she wondered what they were doing right now. Did they realize that Katie's birthday had come around? Did they think of her? Did they think about Buffy at all any longer? Did they miss her as much as she sometimes missed them?
She wished her life had gone differently, that she could return home with her daughter and take her place in her own family again. Then she'd be able to go to high school again, see her friends again, perhaps even be a cheerleader again. That was the fantasy dream anyway. Mostly, she just wanted to know she was loved and cared for by her parents once more; that, just like when she was little, anything bad or scary would be chased away by her mother and father, and that they loved her and wanted to protect Buffy as much as she loved Katie and wanted to protect her.
Was that even possible? Did they love her that way? She couldn't imagine treating Katie the way her parents had treated her, especially towards the end. Could her parents have loved her as much as she loved Katie and still have behaved so coldly toward her at a time when she had needed them so badly? And were they still searching for her? If they found her, would they really do all the terrible things her mom threatened her with even now that she had proven that she was capable and strong and could raise her daughter?
Buffy turned these questions around and around in her mind, and came up with no answers. If she called them, let them know she and Katie were okay, what would they say? Would they be happy to hear from her? Would they welcome her home?
In the end, the risk was too great. Buffy let it all go. She would rather not know, than confirm her real fear - that they really didn't care. She curled up with Katie and read her a story from the new book Lorne had given her. For now, she would content herself with her little family of three. Perhaps later, much later, she'd be able to see her parents and Dawn again, and they could share their lives once more.
But not today.
~~~~~~~~
Spike sauntered out to his car after lunch, hoping to avoid any more uncomfortable confrontations with Harmony today. The girl had a healthy self-esteem, and apparently had convinced herself that Spike's rejection was simply a state of what she called 'badmoodiness' and not to be taken seriously at all. So she continued to pop up at inopportune moments, and was currently spreading a rumor that they were now 'a couple'. Harmony and Spike. Together.
So far, nothing Spike said or did put a damper on her 'new relationship' enthusiasm. Every day he came to school to find a new pink heart-shaped post-it on his locker, complete with a gooey message declaring her undying love, to 'Blondiebear', from 'H'. He tore them off and threw them in the trash can. But new ones magically appeared the next day.
Spike was beginning to think he'd been caught in a trap from which he could never escape. Aside from actually murdering the girl, he was at a loss as to how to discourage her attentions. Nothing penetrated. After today's lunchtime drama, during which Harmony attempted to sit on his lap and nibble on his ear, he had decided to make a hasty exit for the remainder of the school day. Surely tomorrow would be better. He'd get some control of his life again. Tomorrow. Today, there was a bottle of JD with his name on it just waiting at home. He needed to get to it right now.
Just as he reached his car he felt a tap on his shoulder. He froze. How had Harmony managed to follow him out here, in spite of his carefully thought out and circuitous route? Angry, he turned to face her head on and tell her exactly how he felt about her once and for all. For the third time in as many hours.
"Look--" he started, then pulled back immediately.
"Um, hi Spike." greeted not-Harmony hesitantly.
Spike was shocked. He'd been so certain it was...Well. He sighed with relief, letting the tension leave his shoulders, and began frantically searching his memory for the name that fit the pretty young blonde girl standing before him. It was...was...yes! Her name is--
"Uh, hi. Cathy," he smiled with satisfaction.
"Chelsea," she corrected with some asperity.
"Right. Chelsea. Knew that," he tried smiling again, with what he hoped was some charm. Chelsea did not smile back. "What can I do for you today?" Perhaps a sexy smirk would work on the girl. It usually did for most females.
"You've already done enough for one lifetime, I think," Chelsea threw sarcastically at him. Then she blindsided him with a bombshell.
"I just thought you ought to know that I'm two months pregnant and you're the father."
He actually stopped breathing. She could not have said what he heard. And breathing - there was no breathing. Could that happen? Could you get news so shocking that you no longer needed to breathe? He wondered how long a person could go without taking a breath....
"Well?" Chelsea snapped.
"Wha-ungh-eh?" he squeaked incoherently. He cleared his throat and tried again. "I'm what now?"
"The father...of the baby...that I'm pregnant with." she stated coolly.
"Um, well....how do you--"
"You do not even want to finish that sentence." Chelsea threatened with a glare.
Spike had to admit, that was probably good advice. Because she did seem pretty certain about this. And angry. He pulled his coat closer about him, subtly shielding his sensitive manly bits from any sudden moves on Chelsea's part.
"Uh, well, I know we used protection, Chelsea. That's supposed to prevent uncomfortable conversations like this one, yeah?" Spike tried again. Chelsea just stared at him like he'd grown another head.
"It's not one hundred percent! Nothing is one hundred percent," she threw up her hands in exasperation. "God, I haven't ...with anyone else...and the timing is exactly right. Face it, you're a father..." she trailed off. "Sort of," she finished quietly.
"Sort of?" Spike yelled, then looked quickly around to see if anyone else heard him. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "What do you mean I'm a father 'sort of'? Either it's me or it's not."
"Yeah, it's you," she stared past his shoulder, off into space. "It's just that I told my mom about it and she freaked out. Said no way was I making her a grandmother at her age," she returned her gaze to him. "And she made an appointment for me to have it...you know...taken care of." She said this last very softly. She didn't look angry any more, just very sad.
Spike didn't know what to say, but felt he'd better think of something quick. He felt bad for the girl standing before him. And also greatly relieved that he wasn't being asked to be anyone's father in spite of the situation. And extremely guilty that he felt relieved.
"Well....Chelsea...I'm sorry about this....I...I've never had this happen before, I really don't know what to do here." He reached out and tried to take her hand in a show of empathy and support, but she tugged it away.
"Right then," he stepped back a bit. "Do you want me to go with you to the..." Chelsea's head shot up with a severe scowl and Spike assumed that he shouldn't finish that sentence either. "I could pay for..." No, that wasn't getting a good response either. At this point Spike was completely out of ideas for how to make this even marginally better.
"Well, I am sorry, Chelsea. I never meant for this to happen," he said softly.
"Yeah," she stared at the pavement and shrugged. "I know. And it wasn't just you, it was me too, I know that." She sighed resignedly. "I just thought you should know. Since it's yours. And, you know..." she left that thought unfinished.
"Yeah."
"I'm gonna go now. I have class and the bell rang ten minutes ago." Chelsea gave him a last somber look, and turned to walk away.
Spike watched her go. Shocked. Relieved. Guilty. He wondered which one would win out in the end. A father. Sort of. He had just dodged a very big bullet. So why did he suddenly feel so lost?
Yeah, he wanted to climb into that bottle and not come out again until he'd figured out how he felt about everything that had happened today. He wondered how long that would take.