The Song Remains the Same by SMac

Chapter 19: Change Up

Silent.

Empty.

Lonely.

More than anything else, lonely.

Buffy walked slowly through the barren apartment, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, lost in dark thoughts. Suddenly alone. It had happened so quickly, she had barely enough time to process the changes.

Gary had been fired for throwing the first punch in a knock down, drag out fight on the boat out to the oil platform just three weeks ago, and it was the beginning of the end for their simple life in Sunnydale. He had put the other man in the hospital, so the company fired him on the spot, threatening to have him arrested if he didn't leave immediately. With no job and the threat of legal action over their heads, the little family had packed up and gone back to Texas in the blink of an eye. In Texas were their roots, their family, their support in bad times. So off to Texas they returned.

And just that quickly, Buffy lost her best friend and confidant. There were tears and promises to keep in touch despite the distance, but gone were the happy camaraderie and laughter, the easy mornings sipping tea and shopping and laundry and laughing at their children's latest antics, holding each other up during the good times and the bad. All gone. Letters and telephone calls could never replace the simple comfort of knowing you had a friend nearby to share your day, a friend who understood you and had your back. All Buffy had now was a promise from Fred to let her know where she settled so they could call and write and keep in touch.

A radio started blaring from above, and Buffy cursed silently at the sound. Faith was finally awake, from the sound of it, and the noise was almost certain to wake Katie from her afternoon nap if Buffy didn't run up and turn it down.

With one last look around the empty room, Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes and left the apartment. With a solid click, both the door and a beloved part of her life closed forever behind her.





Buffy rushed into her apartment and lunged for the stereo volume control, turning it down just as Katie began to stir in her playpen. With the sound lowered, the baby settled herself back down into sleep again and Buffy let out the breath she'd been holding. Katie had an hour to go on that nap, and Buffy really cherished the time to herself that the sleeping baby afforded her each day. Motherhood was great, but Buffy-time was good too.

It was a wonder that Faith was home at all today. She'd been spending more and more time at Robin's home as their relationship deepened and grew, leaving Buffy on her own most of the time. While Fred was still there, Faith's absence was not as noticeable, but now Buffy found herself alone with her daughter most of the time. She had decided to talk to Faith about it, ask her to come home a little more so she'd have some company during the day. But the whole situation sounded so pathetic to her own ears that she changed her mind. She couldn't rely on Faith to be her only company now that Fred was gone. It was October; eleven months since she'd moved to Sunnydale. Surely she should be going out more, trying to meet people and make friends in her new town. Having Fred so close by had been wonderful, but she realized now that her relationship with the older woman had filled that hole in her life so well that she had made no effort to make other friends too. That was going to have to change.

"Mornin'" Faith grumped sleepily.

"Um, good afternoon," Buffy turned and greeted her cousin quietly.

Faith frowned as she passed her on her way into the kitchen. "I work at night. I'm not gonna feel guilty for sleepin' through the mornin'."

Buffy followed Faith and sat down at the kitchen table with a sigh.

"I know. I wasn't criticizing you, I was just making an observation."

Faith grabbed some cereal, milk, and a bowl and sat down opposite Buffy. "Yeah, well your 'observation' sounded a lot like 'finally-the-bitch-is-up' to me."

"No," Buffy was so tired of Faith's moodiness lately. "Really not. Don't read into it any more than 'good afternoon'. I'm happy to see you is all. We don't see each other as often any more. I miss you."

"Yeah, I guess. Been busy." Faith talked around a mouthful of Cocoa Puffs.

"Yeah." Buffy glanced out the window at the grey world outside. Indian Summer seemed to be over at last; the sky was overcast and there was a definite chill in the air. "You gonna be home for awhile?"

"Nah, It's our night off, so Robin's picking me up in an hour and we're gonna go for a drive up the coast. He has this friend up in Monterey that's rebuilding this car and he invited Robin and I up to take a look at it and have dinner with his family." Faith finished the cereal and put the bowl in the sink. "We're probably gonna spend the night up there, too."

"Oh." Buffy tried to infuse the word with friendly acceptance, but it really sounded more like disappointment. Faith didn't seem to notice, however, as she padded into the living room, leaving Buffy sitting by herself in the kitchen.

Alone.


~~~~~~~


"What?"

"The child is too old. She walks. She distracts from the job. She must stay home. If she cannot, then you must leave as well." Illyria spoke the words with cold indifference, permitting no discussion. She got in the car and pulled away from the curb, leaving Buffy standing on the sidewalk with Katie balanced on her hip, a folded playpen, car seat and diaper bag at her side.

Her heart sank. She'd been afraid this day would come, but the timing just sucked. This job was perfect for her right now; she had no back up plan in place. And now there was no Fred to help with babysitting in a pinch. She could ask Faith, but doubted that her cousin would be willing to assist any further than she already had.

As Buffy struggled to get both the baby and her gear up the stairs to her apartment, she thought frantically about what she would do now. There had to be something she could do to earn money without leaving Katie in the hands of some third person. Even if she knew someone she trusted enough to baby-sit, she had no way of paying for it that didn't use up all of her earnings to do so. And her underground status meant she could not apply for any official assistance. Her prospects seemed grim.





With lunch finished and Katie down for her nap, Buffy collapsed on the sofa and slipped into a morose funk. She had looked at the problem from every angle and come up with nothing. This was the kind of problem she would take to Fred. Fred would know what to do. Fred always seemed to know the answer to every--

Fred. Fred. When she met Fred, the woman had told her she did work for 'egg money'. She took in work from dry cleaners.

*Fred left so suddenly, I'll bet those cleaners haven't had a chance to find anyone else yet. And now, thanks to Fred, I know how to alter and hem just like she did.*

With a new plan in place, Buffy felt much better. First thing tomorrow morning, she was going to go to every dry cleaners she could find and offer her services. She thought that kind of work might not require more ID than she already had. The worst that could happen is they'd say no.


~~~~~~~


It was a dead night at the Paradise Club and none of the dancers was making much in tips this evening. Robin tended the quiet bar as he watched Faith perform her set for the eight guys lined up at the rail. Even with a short crowd his girl was giving it her all. He had to admire her determination. And talent. Yes, especially the talent. His girl had it going on.

Lorne had been watching Faith also, but he did not notice talent or determination or any of the lofty attributes that Robin saw in his girlfriend. What Lorne noticed was that Faith was clearly on something. She wasn't impaired in any way that he could tell, but she was definitely under the influence. Lorne knew that Robin had to be able to see this, but for some reason the man was completely blinded where Faith was concerned. If it had been any other dancer Robin would have picked up on it as fast as Lorne had. Robin had it bad this time.

Once Faith was started on her second song, Lorne took the opportunity to slip away and speak to Robin quietly. He wanted Robin to be able to actually observe Faith as they talked about it, so he wouldn't be able to minimize what they were seeing. Since it was such a slow night he knew he could have the conversation discreetly even if they were at the bar.

"Hey." Robin nodded Lorne's way without taking his eyes off the bar he was wiping down.

"Hey big guy." Lorne sat down at one of the stools.

Robin was startled by Lorne's behavior, as the Host rarely came over to the bar during work, and never sat down as though he were a customer.

"Something wrong?" he lifted an eyebrow and stared questioningly at his friend.

"Yeah, I'm afraid so, big guy." Lorne was very uncomfortable, but he ploughed on. "It's Faith."

"Faith?"

"Yeah. Notice anything unusual about her tonight?"

Robin looked intently to where Faith was in the middle of her second song; she was really playing it up to the two guys at the end there, who were tipping quite generously from what he could see.

"What about her?"

Lorne decided to just lay it out there without further sugarcoating. "She's loaded, man."

Robin turned a ferocious stare Lorne's way. "No. She's not."

Lorne thought this would be the reaction. "'Fraid so, my friend. And not the first time either."

Angry now, Robin wouldn't consider the possibility. If anyone knew Faith, and knew loaded, he did, and this wasn't possible. "You're wrong."

"Robin, babe, please - just take a good look at her dancing her sets, listen as she talks up the guys for dances. I know you don't want to see this, but it's true. Trust your eyes and ears on this - Faith is lit." Robin remained silent, but did as Lorne asked and watched Faith dance. Lorne decided to share the rest of his news. "I did some discreet inquiry and it's Roxanne selling the stuff. I was going to let her go myself, but I thought you might want in on that since she's apparently selling to Faith. That makes it kinda personal, you know?"

Robin continued to stare hard and silently at Faith as she completed her set.

*My god, he's right. How did I not see this sooner?* Robin was both shocked and completely pissed off that he had missed this. *Oh yeah, there's gonna be hell to pay.*

"Tell Roxanne to meet me out back in five minutes. Then come and take over the bar while I handle this." he bit out with steel in his voice.

Lorne was satisfied that the situation was being handled, although Robin's grimly calm tone worried him a little.

"You sure you want to do this right now? I don't want to see you doing anything you'll regret later."

"No, I'm fine. Just tell her to be out back in five. I'll handle it."

Lorne nodded and went back to the dressing room as Faith started into a third song. Robin watched for a bit, then exchanged places with Lorne when he returned.

"Be careful."

Robin nodded and left to take care of the Roxanne situation, while Lorne stood unhappily behind the bar.

Faith noticed the switch and frowned a question at Lorne, who just shook his head and turned away from her. She gave a mental shrug and threw herself back into her last dance of the evening. Whatever was up, she was sure Robin would let her know later. For now, she was feeling good and the tips were rolling in. Nothing could touch her tonight.





After closing, Robin and Faith returned to his apartment to sleep. Robin was very quiet and angry, it seemed to Faith, and she didn't understand it. Once they got inside though, she'd had enough and decided to call him on it.

"What the hell is your problem?!" she yelled as she threw her bag down on the sofa.

Robin remained silent and started to pace the living room angrily.

"Is that it? You just gonna shut me out, act all pissy but don't tell me what the hell is wrong now?" Faith plopped down on the sofa and started to take off her boots.

Robin spun around and grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her hard once, then let her fall to the sofa again. Faith was stunned and a little afraid. She had no idea why Robin was so angry and it scared her.

"Wha-"

"Were you gonna tell me?! Did you think I wouldn't notice?!" he shouted. "Do you think I'm stupid?!"

Faith was at a loss and just stared back at him clearly afraid and confused. Robin stared hard at her, his love, and realized that she really had no idea why he was so angry, so he calmed himself and sat down on the coffee table facing her.

He took her hands in his. "Faith, I know Roxanne's been selling to you. I know that you're loaded right now."

Faith gasped and pulled away from him a bit while she processed what kind of trouble she was in right now. "Yeah, okay. Maybe a little."

Robin exploded as he rose up and began to pace again. He picked up a glass from a counter and threw it against the fireplace, then turned in fury toward Faith.

Faith jumped up, very frightened now, and dove for the door. Robin beat her there, blocking her exit, and struggled to hold onto her. "Not gonna hurt you, baby, not gonna hurt you...please Faith, not gonna hurt you baby..." he repeated as he struggled with her, to hold her to his body and calm her fears. He hadn't meant to frighten her so badly that she misunderstood and thought he was going to hurt her. That wasn't his intention at all. "It's okay, I'm sorry, I'd never hurt you baby, not gonna hurt you ever..."

Finally his words penetrated and Faith relaxed against him with a sob. He led her over to the sofa where they both sat down and let the situation chill for a minute while he thought of what to say to her.

"I can't have you getting loaded, Faith. I can't let that happen. I'm sorry if I scared you just now, but I'm pretty angry about this, you have no idea...."

Faith nodded unhappily in his arms and tried to wipe the tears that had started falling down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry...I was just so tired and when Roxanne offered it to me it sounded so simple, just a little bit, you know, to get me through the sets..."

Robin was confused. "Get you through the sets?"

Faith nodded. "I hate dancing there, baby. I just feel... so dirty... and on... display and I... just..." she was crying in earnest now, great heaving sobs.

Realization dawned on him, and he could have kicked himself. Faith hated dancing... "Oh God, baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were having such a hard time with it." He held her closer. "I guess I'm so used to it that it just seems normal to me, no big deal. But you don't feel that way do you?"

Faith shook her head miserably. "I want to make you happy, I really do. And I need the money... but I hate this so much. I don't wanna be a stripper. I hate this..."

"God Faith, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry..." Robin just held her while she sobbed and petted her and tried to calm her down. "The drugs, though, that has to stop. You can't be doing drugs, no matter what else is going on in your life. It's a loser's game, and using the merchandise, that is a sure way to get yourself strung out or even killed. I don't wanna lose you baby, never lose you..."

Faith was half-listening to Robin's words as he tried to soothe her, and she frowned.

*Merchandise?*

"What?"

"What 'what'?" Robin was confused again.

"What did you mean, merchandise?"

Robin stilled, and thought quickly. "I'll tell you all about that tomorrow. Tonight, let's just deal with one thing at a time, okay?" He turned to Faith and smiled gently. "Let's get some sleep, okay? Talk tomorrow."

Faith nodded and allowed herself to be taken to bed. Tonight she'd come down and make things right with Robin again. Tomorrow she'd figure out what this all meant for her, for them.


~~~~~~~~


Morning broke clear and crisp and clean, a new day and a brand new start for Faith and Robin. After a leisurely breakfast at a quiet little cafe near his apartment, Robin took Faith to the club to work beside him as he handled the administrative duties of running the club. By mid-morning those chores were complete, and Robin sat them down at a table near the bar to have some coffee and talk about what Faith was going to do next. The only thing Faith knew for certain was that she would no longer be dancing for her paycheck. What else that might mean was a mystery to her, as she couldn't really see any other job there that she would be qualified to do.

For the next hour, Robin explained the business of the club, both the stated business and the underground activity as well. Faith was floored, she had no idea what was going on behind the scenes at The Paradise Club, and she wasn't sure how she felt about it. But she was sworn to secrecy, and she loved Robin dearly, so she accepted what he told her and vowed to him that she would work beside him and keep his secrets as though her life depended upon it. Because right now, it actually did.

Her new job title was 'assistant manager', and Robin taught Faith to perform some of his administrative and bookkeeping duties that day, as he took more time with the deliveries made in the afternoon. They fell into a quiet partnership, both knowing that a line had been crossed and that they were truly linked forever now, and their fates were inextricably bound together, for better or worse.





They weren't entirely alone in the club that morning. Lorne had come in to pick up something from his office when he heard Robin's voice in the front. Approaching the bar to say hello, Lorne stopped dead in his tracks as he heard what Robin was telling Faith about the club and her new role in the operations there. He was deeply disappointed in Robin. He had hoped Robin would get Faith out of there, but instead he was drawing her further into the club's business. On the one hand he liked the girl and didn't want to see her compromised any further than she already had been, and on the other he wasn't entirely certain that she was stable enough to be given that level of trust and responsibility right now.

But it was out of his hands now, though, so he sighed and left the club with a heavy heart. Things would fall out as they must, for good or ill. And Faith was in the middle of it now.


~~~~~~~



"B!" Faith slammed into the apartment at six that evening, excited about her news.

Buffy had just sat down to eat her simple dinner when she heard Faith's cry from the living room.

*What the-?" she bolted out of the kitchen in alarm.

"Hey!"

"Faith? Why are you shouting? Actually, why are you home? Aren't you working tonight?"

"You are looking at the new assistant manager of the The Paradise Club." Faith beamed.

"What does that mean?"

Faith strode up until she was standing inches from Buffy's face. "It means, my beautiful cousin, that I am no longer an exotic dancer." she paused and continued with a slow smile. "The official burnin' of the costumes is on Saturday. Wear somethin' pretty."

"Oh!" Buffy pulled Faith into a joyous bear hug. "I'm so happy for you. You are so much better than that ol' job."

"Yeah, you were right. That wasn't the job for me." Faith unwound Buffy's arms from around her, and drew back a little. "Hey, Robin sent a present for Katie." She stepped back and grabbed a bag she'd left sitting near the front door.

Buffy returned to the kitchen to continue feeding Katie and looked back expectantly.

"Ta da!" Faith followed her and whipped a baby-sized wooden rocking horse out of the large bag.

"Oh Faith," Buffy reached up and took the horse from her hands. It was hand-made, beautifully made. It was low and had a wide seat, sturdy enough and low enough to the floor to support a one year old baby. The horse's head was carved and painted, with a soft nylon mane and tail. "It's perfect. But it must be so expensive, look at the way it's made, the carving..."

"Yeah, Robin says he saw it in a store up the coast last week and thought of Katie. He said he just had to buy it for her. He really likes her, you know." Faith sat down at the table next to Buffy and smiled softly at the obvious pleasure her cousin took in the gift.

"Please tell him thank you from me," Buffy thought a moment, "When do you think I'll see Robin again, or when would be a good time to call him? I really want to thank him myself."

"Sure. You could call the club tonight if you want. He's on bar and answers the phone."

"I'll do that." Buffy put the horse back in the bag for safe keeping and tended to Katie's dinner again. As usual, the mess was expanding upward and outward. *Blech.*

Faith watched the small domestic scene a moment, then suggested softly, "Katie turns one next month. We should have a party."

"A party? With who? You, me, and Katie isn't really a party. A dinner perhaps, but not a party."

"We could invite Robin and Lorne."

"Why would they want to celebrate a baby's birthday?" Buffy scoffed as she wiped up some of the mess from the table and grabbed a couple bites of her own meal.

"What? They like you. And I know at least Robin would come. Come on, we should do something special. It'll be her first birthday."

Buffy smiled. "Okay, it's a plan. But if they even look like they think it'll be a bore, the deal's off. Okay?"

"Okay." Faith agreed. "Any of that chicken left for me?"

"Sure. Help yourself." Buffy turned back to her plate and Faith made herself one.

Deep inside, Buffy was thinking that her life was very strange now, when the only people attending her baby's first birthday would be folks who spent most of their time at a strip club. But they were nice, and there was no one else regardless.

*This should make for a very weird 'baby's first' for the baby book. So far, everything of Katie's is weird. I sure hope 'normal' shows up someday.*

"Hey! Did I tell you about the idea I had for a new job?" Buffy started excitedly.

"New job?"

"Yeah, Illyria told me I couldn't work with Katie any more. So I got this idea..."

The two girls talked happily over dinner about their new plans and jobs and hopes for the future. Surely, Buffy hoped, 'normal' was right around the corner...


~~~~~~~


Homecoming. Everywhere Spike looked, were tacky hand made posters announcing ticket sales for the Homecoming Dance last Friday night. He wondered when someone would take them down already. He really didn't need to be reminded of that night again any time soon. What a mistake that was...

"Blondiebear! There you are!"

Right. Big mistake. Too late now to make a dive for the boys restroom, she'd caught his arm. For a girl, she had quite the grip.

"Harm." Spite acknowledged the vapid blonde as he turned to face her and attempted again to shake her off. She was still so damn close.

"Where've you been hiding, silly thing?" she giggled and batted her eyelashes at him. He had no idea why that was so alluring on other girls yet so annoying in this one.

"Not hiding, just going about my business, s'all." He finally managed to pull free of her grip on his arm, but she draped herself against him, pinning him between her body and his locker.

"I waited for your call." she pouted and fluttered some more.

"It's only been three days, Harm," he reminded her.

"Three days is like forever," she whined. "I missed you." She looked up at him with those big blue eyes, trying for a little girl allure and missing entirely.

*Subtle is not going to work on this one, mate. Time for brutal honesty.*

"Harm, you were a great date for Homecoming, and we had a good time, yeah?" he started.

"Yeah." she smiled.

"And now we move on."

"Where are we going?" she asked, big eyes alight with happiness.

*What was I thinking?*

"We aren't going anywhere, Harm. Our date ended Friday night --"

"Saturday morning." Harmony corrected him with a sly grin.

"Right. Saturday morning," he sighed and continued on. "And it was fun and all, but the date is over and now we move on...about our lives..." She continued to look at him blankly. "...separately." Still no sign of understanding from the girl in front of him. "Alone. Without each other. Not together."

Harmony's happy blank stare began to transform into a puzzled frown. "Not together?"

"No."

"But --"

"No 'but', Harm. It was one date, not an engagement." Spike pushed her back away from him and started to walk toward his next class. "It's done," he threw harshly over his shoulder as strode away.

*Not my fault the stupid bint is hurt. Never promised her anything that night. It's her own fault for reading more into it than was there.* He repeated that over and over in his head, until he believed it again. *Not my fault.*





Harmony stood there in the middle of the hallway as students walked around her on their way to their classes. She looked forlorn, as though she didn't know what to do or where to go next. If she wasn't such a hateful bitch Willow would have felt more sorrow for her plight. Obviously, Harmony had thought the Homecoming invitation meant more than Spike intended. And from the conversation she'd overheard while getting her notes from her own locker, the date had progressed far past the dance that night.

She was still furious with Spike, though. The way he was working his way through the girls, it was gonna backfire on him someday, and the fallout would be severe.

*And it's wrong wrong wrong to use people like that,* she fumed. *Some day he's gonna mess with someone's sister or cousin or daughter and get the crap beat out of him. And it'll serve him right. Big ol' man ho.*

She slammed her locker shut and stalked away to her next class. She was going to talk to that boy and he was going to listen to her. Nothing good could come from the path he was on. Nothing.


~~~~~~~

Hope it was worth the wait. More coming soon. Please don't hurt me. :-)

Sara

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