The Song Remains the Same by SMac

Chapter 18: Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

"Xander! Over here!"

Willow literally bounced with gleeful energy on this first day of school. Junior year! They were upperclassmen now, and halfway toward that magical day when graduation released them and university awaited. She could hardly wait for that to happen.

Xander's impression of the first day of school was slightly different. Yes, being an upperclassman had it's perks and advantages, but it was just one more boring year to slog through until that magical day when graduation released him and a full-time job doing something even more boring awaited. He could wait forever for that to happen.

"Hey."

"Let me see your schedule! Do we have anything together this year?" Willow plucked the printout from Xander's fingers and scanned it eagerly. "Ooo! American History for home room, Life and Health, and Biology! That's three!" Her eyes fairly glittered with the joy of it all. "Where's your locker? Number 275?! I'm in 278! We're next to each other! This is soooo great!"

Xander stared hard at his excitable friend. "Who gave you coffee this morning?"

"Coffee?" Willow tried for innocence but her dolphin squeak spoke volumes of guilt. She was much too excitable to be adding coffee to the mix. But she loved the taste and sometimes sneaked it anyway, much to her friends chagrin. Willow on coffee was irrepressible. And sometimes a little scary.

The duo picked up their assigned class books at the library and started walking toward their locker assignment in the main wing of the school. When they reached their lockers they noticed another friend had beat them to it. Spike was slamming his own locker shut as they came up behind him; his locker was directly across the hall, so the three friends were close together. The odds on that happening had to be huge, and Willow declared that it was a sign that this year was going to be a great one. Clearly, the fates had lined things up thus far, and she knew that junior year was going to rock.

"Spike!! What's your schedule?!" Willow squealed loudly across the crowded corridor.

Spike scowled and looked at Xander suspiciously.

"Yeah, she got into the coffee this morning," Xander shook his head sadly. "With any luck it'll wear off by lunchtime."

Spike shook his head and smiled a sigh. "We can live in hope. Well, let's see your schedule then, pet." He scanned theirs a moment. "Looks like -- American History, Life and Health, and English III. That looks about it." He glanced up. "Where's Oz?"

Willow opened her mouth to reply but Xander beat her to it.

"He's got a meeting with the counselor right now. They wanna make sure he actually graduates since it's his senior year and he's not so much dependable when it comes to the whole actually coming to class thing."

Spike nodded absently as something interesting down the hall caught his attention.

Willow turned to organizing her locker with an intense jittery concentration, while Xander tossed all of his books in haphazardly and slammed his locker shut. When he turned his attention to Spike again, he saw that his friend had drifted off a little ways down the hall and was doing some very serious flirting with one of the new freshmen girls. So what else was new?

"There he goes again." Willow pronounced with disapproval as she joined Xander in watching Spike at work. "He's just becoming a big ol man ho."

Xander's eyebrows rose as he turned, shocked at her declaration. "A man ho?"

"Yeah," she defended. "All summer long it was the same with all the tourist girls and girls from other towns. He picks one out of the crowd, gets all flirty with her and culls her from whatever herd she's hanging with, and convinces her to go out with him." Willow warmed to her subject. "And as soon as he gets what he wants he dumps her and finds some other poor girl to seduce. A big ol man ho."

Xander nodded thoughtfully. "Fair enough. But you've gotta admire his skill. He does it so well."

"Eww! No! It's wrong and it's mean and it's not honest either. Those girls don't know he's messing with them, they think he's serious. Well, I mean I haven't talked to them or anything, but I'll bet they think he's serious. Don't you think the little brunette he's chatting up right now looks like she thinks he's serious?"

"I don't know. What I do know is that Spike is getting more action than most guys in this school could ever hope to have. And as a guy, I gotta admire the technique. Even if the morals are a little shaky."

Willow shook her head with deep disapproval as another freshman girl joined the first one and both were now the object of Spike's power-flirting. "Come on, let's get to home room. He'll have to leave the girls alone and come with eventually."

"Sure thing," Xander agreed distractedly. But as Willow turned to walk to American History/home room, Xander paused to observe Spike's conversation a moment longer.

*Yep. It's sleazy, it's wrong, and it's unfair. But the boy's got game. And I gotta admire that.*

Xander turned and headed toward class. Spike saw him leave and broke away from the girls to walk alongside Xander to home room.

"Got both numbers," he noted matter-of-factly.

Xander gave him a small sidewise glance and a little smile. Yep, the boy had game.


~~~~~~


"Okay ladies, listen up! Here's tonight's rotation...." Lorne looked around the dressing room suddenly, and noted that one of the dancers was not present. "Where's Faith?"

Silence.

"Candy," he clarified.

"Bathroom." Roxanne offered.

Another girl rolled her eyes and added, "Again."

Lorne noticed that Roxanne glared at the second girl, who simply glared right back. Drama in the dressing room was not that unusual, but he sensed that there was more to this than simple jealousy and vowed he'd find out what the deal was tonight. Whatever it was, he strongly suspected Roxanne had something to do with it. He called out the rotation, and then made his way to the women's bathroom to wait on Faith. He didn't have to wait long.

"Hey," Faith greeted him as she came out, surprised that he seemed to be standing there, arms crossed over his chest, waiting on her in particular. "What's up?"

Lorne looked at Faith closely, then frowned and grabbed her arm, leading her to his office and shutting the door firmly behind them. He sat her down and then turned a steely gaze upon her as he leaned against his desk.

"Let's skip the whole 'who-me-I'm-as-innocent-as-a-baby' game and get right down to the 'oops-you-caught-me-I-am-getting-loaded-before-every-set' admission and move right along to the part where I give you one more chance to clean up completely before I go to Robin with this bit of news and he cans your ass," he explained angrily. "How does that sound to you?"

Astonished, Faith attempted to rise and march indignantly out of the office, but Lorne moved quickly to shove her back in the chair, standing over her so she could not rise again.

"Let me go NOW," she demanded angrily.

"No."

She attempted to rise again, and once again Lorne shoved her back down.

"Dammit Lorne, I'm not doing drugs and I am leaving this office now."

"Dammit Faith, you are loaded right NOW, and you are not leaving this office until I get your word that it stops tonight." He was furious with the girl, and if she had been anyone else he would have simply escorted her out of the building and told her to never return. But she was Robin's girlfriend, and he did actually like the girl, so he had decided to give her a chance to turn this around before going to Robin with it. He knew Robin would be angry if he discovered what she was doing. He just didn't know if Robin would be able to actually fire her since he was so in love with her. It was better to handle this outside their relationship if at all possible, and keep Robin out of it completely. He didn't know how tightly Faith had Robin tied around her little finger, and didn't want to find out when the subject was drugs.

Meanwhile, Faith seemed suddenly to wilt under his stony stare, and looked down at her hands in her lap. Lorne was startled to see that there were actual tears in her eyes.

"Okay, you're right," she sniffed. "I've gotten loaded a few times before starting work, just a little while though." She looked tearfully up at him, begging him to understand how she felt. "I hate this job, and it just makes me feel better when I'm up there, or doing those private dances, you know? Like it doesn't matter so much that these disgusting sweaty men are leering at me, pawing me over, jerking off while I grind against them....How would you feel if you had to do that for a living? It's horrible." She looked at her hands again. "I hate it," she whispered miserably.

Lorne was surprised by the quick turnaround in attitude, and only half-trusted that it was real. However, he had decided to give her a chance to stop the behavior before going any further with it, so he would do so.

"Look, babycakes, I understand more than you think about how demeaning this kind of work can be for some girls. I really do," he softened his tone and knelt in front of her. "But if you can't do this without chemical assistance, then you shouldn't be doing it at all. This work isn't for everyone, Faith. If you feel so bad while you're working that you need to get loaded to do it, then take it as a sign that perhaps you need to change jobs." He smiled and lifted her chin up to look her in the eyes. "There's no shame in admitting that this work isn't for you. Robin will understand."

Alarmed, Faith cried, "No! Please don't tell Robin that I don't want to dance! He got me this job, and...and I need this job! Please! I'll stop the drugs, anything. But please don't get me fired."

Lorne was taken aback by the sheer panic in Faith's voice, and her wild-eyed demeanor at just the thought of losing her job. *Good. I can work with that.* he thought to himself.

"Alright, sweetheart. I will keep this between you and me as long as you stop the drugs right now. No more. Period. Can you do that?"

"Yes! Yes, absolutely. No more drugs. Just me and the dance," she nodded emphatically.

"Okay. Well then, get out there and make some money, and when this wears off tonight, no more for you. Capiche?"

"Absolutely." she nodded fiercely.

"Go get 'em!" Lorne rose up and stood back from the chair, permitting Faith to rise and leave the office. He stayed still, watching as she hurried down the hall toward the dressing room.

*I'm watching you sweetcheeks. Don't let me down.*


~~~~~~~~


It had been a quiet morning for Buffy, and she felt very peaceful today, very grounded and motherly. Right now, Katie was sleeping sweetly in her playpen, and Buffy was hand-sewing some finishing work on a new dress she had altered from a thrift store buy the prior week. The months she had spent with Fred, learning how to design and sew the clothes she wanted to wear, had really paid off in the end. Buffy's skills were approaching Fred's level, at least in some areas. Her wardrobe was actually quite impressive now, and no one would be able to tell that she'd made the clothes herself.

She did feel a little guilty for using so much of her earnings on herself and Katie, and not contributing more to the household upkeep, but then she reminded herself that she was doing the cooking and cleaning after all, so that was something. She contributed that way. And Faith seemed to be earning good money at her job, so they weren't hurting in that department. No, all seemed to be peaceful and good in her world right now, and she was very grateful for it.

She did miss school though. And boy was that a shock to realize. She'd never cared much for school in the past, and had taken it all for granted at the time. But now, as she saw the seasons change and high school start up again in Sunnydale, she thought fondly of her school days and the opportunities and friends that went with it. She loved Faith and Fred, but they were older and living adult lives. Buffy didn't have any friends her own age, and it felt like a lifetime ago that she was simply a carefree teenage girl hanging out and partying with her friends. She had her whole life to be an adult. She just wished she could be a kid a little while longer, and have real friends her own age again. She wondered idly what Amy and Tara were doing right now. Probably at the mall, she thought, buying new fall clothes for school and talking about what boys they liked, perhaps they had boyfriends too now. Buffy had never had a real boyfriend before. She daydreamed about who it might be, and what they might do....in that other life. In this one, she wasn't exactly a 'catch', with a baby and no education and all.

*Gah! You're depressing yourself now, and it was such a nice peaceful morning before you had to start up with the 'what ifs'. Get over it! You can't go back again.* She chided herself sternly. She had Katie and that was enough for now. It had to be enough for now.

Suddenly the front door burst open and the apartment was filled with laughter. Faith came traipsing in with Robin and some other man Buffy had never met before trailing behind her, all laughing at something the strange man had just said. Buffy rose to her feet and faced them questioningly as they all three stopped dead in their tracks and stared back at her.

"Buffy!" Faith cried out cheerily. "You're here!"

"Uh, yeah. Kinda live here." she said slowly, looking uneasily a the newcomer.

Faith noticed her discomfort and made the introductions. "Buffy, this is my boss, Lorne, and you know Robin of course." Buffy smiled and nodded in their direction. "Lorne, this is my cousin Buffy. She lives here with me." She stumbled over to the playpen and put her finger over her mouth. "Shh....this is Katie, and she's taking a nap so quiet, shhh..." She smiled at Buffy. "Katie belongs to Buffy. They live with me now. One big happy family!"

Faith stumbled over to the sofa and plopped down clumsily. "Oops!" then she started to laugh again.

Lorne smiled at Buffy. "Wonderful to meet you, Buffy. Two gorgeous girls, and baby makes three. I guess beauty runs in the family."

Buffy smiled back at him and thanked him for the compliment, then turned again toward Faith with a question in her eyes. Faith just laughed again.

"We may have had a little too much to drink this morning," Robin explained. "I'm sorry about that. We had a morning meeting and it was someone's great idea to order iced tea." he frowned at Lorne, "but the restaurant mixed up the order and gave us Long Island Iced Tea instead."

Lorne smiled, "It was delish, though. Never sat through a more pleasant business meeting."

Buffy chuckled. "S'okay." she turned to Faith, "Faith, you okay there?" Faith nodded happily. "Well, it's pretty much lunchtime. How do sandwiches sound to everyone?"


"Sure!" Faith cried happily. "I'll help!" She tried to get up, but fell back down on the sofa dizzily. "Uh-oh."

Robin hurried forward and helped Faith up and to the bathroom, where she started to retch. Buffy frowned at the sounds coming from the bathroom, and looked to where Lorne was still standing awkwardly in the living room.

"Come on, lets hit the kitchen and see what we can rustle up for lunch today," she offered.

Lorne followed gratefully, away from the bathroom and it's unappetizing sounds. Once in the kitchen he and Buffy fell into partnership while preparing the simple meal.

"So, you're Buffy."

"Yep. Buffy is me." she smiled at him as she started on the bread. "Lorne, huh?"

"Yep."

Awkward silence followed. "You're younger than Faith." he stated simply. "I'm surprised you're out here living with Faith instead of at home with your parents."

Buffy moved around him, getting ingredients from the refrigerator. "Yeah, my parents weren't too happy with some of my decisions, so Faith let me live with her here, and she's helping me raise Katie. Faith has been really great, to both of us."

"I see." Lorne was touched by how sweet and young Buffy seemed to be, and how very different from her cousin's more streetwise and wild ways. "You seem so different, I'd never think you were cousins at all. Such different auras."

"Well, yeah we're different, but we love each other and support each other, so what does it matter if we're not the same, right? We're family, and we care, right? Isn't that what really matters in the end?"

Lorne gazed upon Buffy as she put the sandwiches together, adding little touches here and there. He decided he liked her, and that she was probably good for Faith. "Right. That's what really matters in the end. It's all about the love."

"Exactly." Buffy smiled brightly up at him, and handed him the sandwich plate. "Take these in to the coffee table while I get the drinks."

"Sure thing, babycakes." He turned and left for the living room, leaving Buffy startled in the kitchen. *Babycakes?*

When Buffy brought the soft drinks out, Faith was curled up next to Robin on the sofa and Lorne was in the recliner, speaking softly to the other two about some business thing or other, she couldn't quite hear. She stopped and just watched them for a minute, and wondered that her life was filled with these many different adults with all their adult concerns and problems and things she found it hard to relate to sometimes.

She loved Faith, she liked Robin, and she thought she might like Lorne too. But she really needed to meet some fellow teenagers before she shriveled up and died of old age before she turned eighteen.

Lorne watched Buffy as he ate, and wondered what the real story was with her. She was so completely out of place here. He'd keep an eye out for her, see if he could find out what the real story was on her, and whether or not the little one was safe living with her and Faith.

*Seems like a nice kid, but she's in way over her head. Does she know that yet? Is she as innocent as she seems to be?* He gave himself a mental head shake, and concentrated once again on the conversation between Faith and Robin. *Time will tell.*


~~~~~~~~

A couple of mornings later, Buffy was searching for a nice blouse to wear to go lunch with Fred, but was dismayed to see that none of hers were clean. Thinking Faith might have something in her closet, she headed to Faith's room to have a look see. After a moment's search in the closet, Buffy found what she was looking for, and something else as well. She stood there stunned by the outfit she held in her hands. She'd not seen it before, but it didn't take a genius to know that it wasn't your everyday party dress she'd found there.

Buffy sat down on the bed and felt all the color drain from her face. Fred was right. She didn't know exactly what she was holding, but she knew it wasn't any waitress' uniform.

*Oh. My. God.* she moaned miserably. *Faith's a stripper.*





When Faith came home that night, she was startled to find Buffy waiting up for her. Since Katie was sleeping through the night, Buffy had taken to a much earlier sleeping schedule and was never awake when Faith returned home.

"Hey. You're up late," Faith noted as she removed her coat.

Buffy remained silent and just stared at her cousin. Faith was becoming weirded out by Buffy's strange behavior, and walked carefully toward the sofa where she was seated. When she was directly in front of it, her heart sank. In Buffy's lap was one of her strip costumes, one of the more risqué ones at that. Buffy just stared silently at her, waiting. The look on her face was so disappointed that something in Faith just snapped. Damned if she was going to be judged by Buffy, not now not ever. Dammit!

"Oh, I see. You've found the evil costume in my closet. And now you're gonna be all judgmental and superior about this." Faith went on the attack since the alternative was defense and she was not in the mood for it. "I am NOT going to apologize for taking work that supports this home for you. You have no right to judge me on this," she bit out angrily as she grabbed the outfit from Buffy's hands.

Buffy rose and cried angrily, "I am not judging you Faith, but you lied to me, you said you were a waitress. This is not a waitress' uniform!"

"Oh well, then! If I LIED!" Faith warmed to her tirade, "I am so sick of all your superior, I'd never do this, I'd never do that, yadda yadda yadda attitude I could just smack you! You've lived the way you wanted to live, no thought to what other people have to go through to make your life possible, your little, average, goody-goody life. I am just sick of it!" Faith turned and headed to her bedroom.

Buffy was right on her heels. She had to make Faith understand that she didn't feel superior, but that she had a right to the truth here.

"That's not the problem and you know it! It's that you lied to me Faith. You lied to me! You said you were waitressing! But you're not!"

"Right, and things would have gone so much smoother if I'd just come home and told you I was going to strip for a living, to pay our rent, our food." She turned on Buffy again. "Rent Buffy! Food Buffy! Do you ever wonder where the money comes from? Not from you, you keep your money and buy things for you and Katie but food, rent, utilities - that's on me, isn't it? But you never ask where the money comes from, you just take it for granted that good ol cousin Faith will take care of everything, just like always. God, you're such a little kid!"

"I am not a little kid, dammit Faith!" Buffy was becoming desperate to make Faith understand what was at stake here. She toned down and continued, "But Faith, it's not that I'm judging you about stripping. It's that it's below you to do that. You don't have to strip to make money for us to live on."

Faith whirled angrily around and stepped menacingly toward Buffy, sticking her finger in her face. "No! YOU don't have to strip to make money. YOU don't! But I'm not you, and I do what I have to do. I'm the one who has to do this, ME. And you know why I have to do this, Buffy?" she lowered her voice and came nose to nose with Buffy. "I have to do this, so you don't have to. Just like always. That's the way it's always been. Buffy is good, Buffy must be protected and coddled at all costs. Let Faith take the brunt of it, let Faith handle the hard stuff, let Faith be disappointed and hurt and yelled at and beaten, not Buffy. No, Miss Buffy must be kept pure and clean and happy and untouched." She was close to tears but she held them back forcefully. "I have to do this. So you don't have to." She turned around and walked back through the apartment to the front door, grabbing her coat on the way.

And with a slam of the door, she left.

Buffy stood there in the lonely apartment, and noticed suddenly that her face was wet with tears. She was hurt beyond measure by the words spoken between them tonight. But it wasn't the lies, or the accusations, or the anger that was so devastating. What was so upsetting was that it was true.

It was all true.


~~~~~~~


The following days were quiet but tense, as the two girls came to terms with their situation and the angry words that had passed between them. Buffy started putting half her wages in a jar for household purchases, and Faith noted it in silence. What Faith didn't see, was that Buffy put a percentage of her wages away in her drawer, hidden against the day she might have to leave Faith's home and make it on her own, just her and Katie. She hadn't thought that day would come soon, but now she just didn't know what to think or expect. Better safe than sorry, she figured. She really had no place else to go, even if she wanted to. She hoped things would normalize and they could remain together as they had planned, but she needed to prepare in case it didn't. She came to realize with stark clarity, that in this world you could only count on your own self in the end. It was a little more of her childhood lost to her forever.

As September wound to a close, the girls easy way with each other slowly returned again, and both were relieved to see it happen. Apologies, tears, and promises were made. But the harsh words remained in the background, coloring all else around them, as hard truths tend to do.

And then it was October.


~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, here's a chapter, for better or worse. I've had pneumonia, and nothing I eat tastes right and nothing I write sounds good to me. Both are very frustrating. So I've finally given up on this chapter and am posting this one as is, let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully my taste in food and in my writing will come back soon.

Happy Easter everyone!

Sara

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