Summary: Sequel to Bring Me To Life. What if Spike had a chance to go back to the beginning? Could he change the outcome of their fate, or has it already been pre-determined? Follow them on this new and somewhat mystical journey, as they rediscover what it means to live and love.
Rating: NC-17
Buffy tossed her purse onto the floor and briskly walked into the living room, her friends trailing behind her. Cordelia insisted that they go back to Buffy's house for some quality time spendage, and Buffy reluctantly agreed, having no believable reason not to. She had vehemently denied being sick before Cordy brought up the idea, so that excuse wouldn't have worked. So now she was stuck playing host, when all she really wanted to do was crawl under her bed covers and go to sleep.
"Hey, honey," Joyce said, sitting on the couch, sipping a cup of tea. "Are you all right? You don't look so good."
"I had a falling out with my pepperoni."
Joyce just looked at her.
"She puked," Cordy supplied, helping Spike into the living room.
Angel followed. "Hey, Mrs. Summers."
Joyce smiled at him, then returned her attention to her daughter. "Are you sure you're not coming down with something?"
"Mom, I'm positive. Like I said, I just had some bad pizza. I'll be fine."
She sighed. "If you insist. Now, I suppose you'd like me to leave you alone with your friends?"
"No, it's --"
"How nice of you to offer, Mrs. Summers!" Cordelia said cheerfully.
Joyce laughed lightly and stood up. "Eleven o'clock curfew. You have school in the morning, Buffy."
Buffy nodded and gave her mother a hug goodnight. When Joyce disappeared up the stairs, Buffy headed into the kitchen to make some coffee. She had just taken some mugs down, when Spike appeared behind her.
"Want some help?" he offered.
She glanced at him, then switched on one of the stove burners. "I can handle it. Besides, your help is a little limited."
Spike raised an eyebrow. "Ouch. Did I do somethin' to piss you off, love?" He studied her, and could tell that she was angry at him. He didn't know why, exactly, but it seemed to have started at the restaurant.
"Of course not. Do I look pissed to you?" She slammed down a mug.
"Uhh..."
"Forget it," she said. "Go keep Cordy company. I'm sure she misses you by now."
Bingo . Spike sighed and shook his head. "You're pissed because I was bein' nice to your friend?"
"No, that would be lame. I'm pissed because you were totally hitting on her. She's underage, you know."
Spike frowned. "I wasn't hitting on her. I was just makin' conversation is all."
"Right," she snorted.
"Even if I had been interested in her, why does that bother you so much?"
"Because --" Buffy paused. Why did it bother her? She, herself, had told both Cordelia and Spike that she didn't care if they hooked up or not. But for some odd reason, tonight, she did care. Seeing them so cozy together made her blood boil. Part of her felt like Spike was her friend. There was something unique about him, and Buffy didn't want Cordelia to infect him with her vain and tactless ways.
Yeah, that was it. Swallowing, she finally faced him. "Because Cordelia's all wrong for you. You're so... different from her. I like that about you."
"Buffy, I'm not looking to date Cordelia," he said. And that was the truth. He did like the girl, but she was too superficial. Amusing, yes, but in the end, not his type. Although he had to say, Buffy's little admission was quite touching.
He gave her a small smile. "It's, uh... kinda nice that you care, though."
Buffy smiled back.
"Jeez! What in the world is taking so long?" Cordelia demanded, hands on her hips.
The two blondes looked at her, and Buffy quickly returned to making the coffee. "We were just talking," she said. "I'll be out in a minute."
"Let's hope," Cordy replied. "Angel and I are out there watching infomercials. How low can I go?" She turned and left the room with an exasperated huff.
Buffy laughed to herself. And to think I was worried...
~~~
Cordelia and Angel finally left around 11:30. The evening had gone considerably well -- much better than the dinner portion of the night, anyway. Angel and Spike seemed to have gotten along pretty well, which surprised Buffy. She remembered how resistant Angel had been to the idea of Spike living with her in the beginning. But that must have changed, because tonight they laughed, shared stories, and had a good time, overall.
Cordelia seemed to have taken the hint that Spike wasn't really interested in her, and she eventually backed off. It didn't look like there were going to be any hard feelings, though, so that was a relief. The last thing Buffy wanted was to cause friction in the group.
And thankfully, Spike didn't seem to be angry either. Buffy knew she'd acted out of line earlier. She wasn't in charge of who Spike liked, or who Spike was allowed to date. Maybe Spike and Cordelia wouldn't have made a good couple, but that still didn't give Buffy the right to decide that for them. Now she was afraid that she'd ruined the small bond they had been forming over the past few days. Spike didn't show any signs of anger towards her, but that didn't mean he didn't feel it.
Maybe I should apologize , Buffy thought to herself, just as she finished up brushing her teeth.
Taking a deep breath, she double-checked her appearance in the mirror. She had already changed into her pajamas, and was currently wearing her usual white tank with sweat pants.
"See through tank top? Bordering on inappropriate," she muttered. With a sigh, Buffy quickly ran into her room and threw on her favorite pink hoodie. When she considered herself presentable, she walked back into the connecting bathroom and knocked on Spike's door.
"Come in," she heard him say.
Buffy opened the door and gave him a sheepish smile. "Um, hi, Spike. Do you have a minute?"
He nodded. "Of course. I was just watchin' the telly."
"I-I won't be long. I just... well, I thought I should apologize. You know, for the way I acted earlier," she said. She was about to continue, when she suddenly noticed that he was shirtless. "And umm..."
Spike glanced at her. She looked flustered. Just as he was about to ask her what was wrong, he noticed her gazing at his chest. Oh... whoops . "Sorry, I wasn't expectin' any company," he said, unable to hide his grin.
Buffy's head shot up. "W-What?"
"Mind passin' that over?"
"Over who?"
Spike laughed. "My shirt, love. Could you fetch it for me?"
"Oh! Oh... god, I'm sorry. Here," Buffy said, turning twenty shades of red. "I didn't mean to... I-I mean, I wasn't trying to --"
"Hey, no worries." Spike pulled the black t-shirt over his head and gave her a reassuring smile. "You were saying?"
"I was? I mean, I was! Right... the apology thing." Can I die now? Buffy idly wondered. "Look, I'm really sorry about earlier. I was out of line."
"You mean about Cordelia? Don't worry about it, pet. I appreciate you lookin' out for me."
"It wasn't my place."
"It's not a big deal. Really," he insisted.
Buffy nodded. "Right. Well, I just thought you should know." She smiled and then turned to leave.
Spike was tempted to stop her. He wanted to spend time with her, to hear her voice, her laugh -- everything felt right when she was around. He'd wanted to spend more time with her earlier in the evening, but there wasn't much of an opportunity. Cordelia was demanding most of the attention during the first half of the night, and Buffy seemed distanced and removed during the second half.
He quickly made up his mind, before Buffy reached the door. "Wait a minute," he said.
She stopped and faced him. "Yeah?"
"Well, uh... do you fancy stickin' around? I can't really get to sleep."
Buffy swallowed. "Oh. I-I have school in the morning... I should really get to bed..."
Spike clenched his jaw, feeling like a git for even asking her. "No, you're right. You should --"
"... but I can't seem to fall asleep either," she finished.
He looked up, hopefully. "Yeah?"
Buffy smiled. "Yeah," she said, and approached him. For some strange reason, plopping down next to Spike on his bed seemed perfectly natural -- even though it was late, and God only knew what he was wearing under those covers. But Buffy found herself comfortable around him. She felt as if she'd known him her whole life.
And the weird thing was, sometimes she wondered if she really did . More than once she'd been struck by an odd sense of déjà vu around him. But she could never put her finger on it...
"Fascinating infomercials, yeah?" Spike said, breaking into Buffy's train of thought.
Richard Simmons was currently on the television, wearing skin tight, electric blue shorts. She cringed. "Sorry. I was spacing... and can I just say 'ewww'?"
Spike turned the channel. "Yeah, I was havin' a hard time stomaching that myself." He flipped on The X-Files. It was the inbreed episode. He turned the channel again, and soft-core porn on Cinemax lit up the room. "Bloody hell. I give up."
The TV flickered off and a flustered Buffy cleared her throat. "Er, yeah. Good idea."
They sat in awkward silence.
A few minutes passed and Buffy finally cleared her throat. "So!" she chirped. "You had fun tonight, right?" She had to say something ...
"Uh, of course. Your friends are an interesting bunch."
She shrugged. "I guess. Sometimes I feel a little out of place when I hang with them, though. I'm the youngest of the group."
"Yeah?"
"Yep," Buffy nodded. "Cordy, Anya, and Riley are all seniors and Angel's twenty-two. I only know him because our dads work together."
"You don't seem like you have any trouble fitting in."
"I don't. I mean, I guess I don't. And maybe it's not even the age thing that makes me feel like an outsider sometimes... maybe it's just the kind of people they are," she explained. "Don't get me wrong, I love my friends -- it's just that they're a little superficial at times. In case you hadn't noticed..."
"Angel didn't seem like that," Spike said. Which was surprisingly true. Angel had been a lot different when Spike had known him. He remembered Buffy telling him one time, that after the accident, all of her friends had abandoned her -- all except for Angel. Maybe her total reliance on him as a friend was what had changed him so drastically.
"Angel's... well, he's Angel," Buffy continued. "He isn't like Cordelia, and Anya, and Riley, I suppose. He isn't superficial like them, anyway. But there's always been a distance between us."
Spike nodded. "He does seem to care about you quite a bit, though."
"Yeah," she smiled. "I've known him since we were kids."
"So why the distance?"
"You know, I can't really explain it. I think it might stem from Angel's feelings for me... I've never been entirely comfortable with them. He's always had sort of a crush on me," Buffy said.
"I figured as much."
"You did?" she frowned.
"Yeah. The whole 'Angel just wants to get into my pants' thing was a bit of a tip off."
Buffy shuddered at her own words. "I shouldn't have said that. It was a terrible thing to say. I love Angel like a brother, and I know his feelings for me go beyond sexual. I was angry with Cordelia, and I said the wrong thing."
"It happens," Spike shrugged.
She nodded. "So, what about you? Have you been in any situations like me and Angel?"
"Uh... not exactly."
"Have you ever been in love?"
Spike closed his eyes, choking on the question. "Yeah," was all he said.
"I'm guessing it didn't end well?" she asked timidly, not wanting to pry, but so very curious at the same time. It took a moment for Spike to respond, but when he did, Buffy wished she'd never asked.
"She died."
How the hell was she supposed to respond to that ? "O-Oh... I-I'm sorry. I... god, I'm sorry, Spike." Buffy placed her hand on his forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze.
He forced a smile in her direction, her touch immediately calming him. "Hey, don't fret. It was a long time ago."
"I know, but still. I was being nosy, and I probably brought up some really hard stuff..."
"Nothing I don't think about every day."
Buffy nibbled on her bottom lip. "I can't even imagine what that must have been like. I don't know what I'd do if something like that happened to Riley..."
Spike frowned. "You're in love with him?"
"Yeah, I... I think so."
"I thought you said he was superficial," he noted.
Buffy shrugged her shoulders, and leaned back further into the pillow. "Sometimes. But mostly when his friends are around. And hey, it's better than having a guy who cheats on you and treats you like crap. I'd take superficial any day..."
"Why take any of it?" Spike tried to rationalize, for either her benefit or his own -- he wasn't sure.
"Nobody's perfect, Spike. There's always going to be something."
That had him briefly wondering what his fault had been. But then he decided that it was probably the whole kidnapping and threatening to kill scenario. That wouldn't exactly have the ladies lining up...
"I'm sleepy," Buffy said, stifling a yawn.
Spike looked at her. She was on her side, facing him, her eyes drifting close. "It's past midnight," he told her. "You should get your rest."
"Yeah," she said softly, and finally pulled the covers up over her body. Her eyes remained closed. "I'll get right on that..."
Spike smiled, completely warmed by the sight of her. He knew he should probably send her off to her own bed, but he just didn't have the heart to do so.
Instead, he reached over and brushed a strand of hair from off her sleeping face. "Goodnight, love," he whispered, then turned off the light. The room went black, and Spike rolled over onto his side.
"Goodnight, Spike."
He closed his eyes, the smile never leaving his face.
To Be Continued...
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